Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
One of the goodies I found waiting for me when I got back to the Moriarty Labs last night was an e-mail from one of my deep, deep, deep cover spies. Lovely girl. I completely rewired her brain in a series of bold and shocking experiments, sending her out into the world to get a great job where, from time to time, fascinating things cross her desk. She doesn't know why she drops these things into a fax machine and dials a number she doesn't consciously remember. She doesn't know why she e-mails me things. She forgets doing it as soon as she does it. It's not her fault. I'm the evil one. And my wrongdoing has netted me a glance at something that's just too funny not to share.
Matt Stone and Trey Parker are guys I've talked about on this page many times. I like their work. More than that, I like their very worldview. They just bring a certain necessary something to the world of comedy and social satire at the moment, something vital and alive, and I love the way they seem to offend without hesitation.
When SOUTH PARK premiered, part of the initial kick was seeing them destroy the very notion of cartoons about kids being FOR kids. Well, it seems that they're set to do the same thing now, but with family sitcoms. This show very well may be about a family -- the First Family, to be specific -- but it's certainly not going to be FOR families. Instead, it promises to be scathing in how it paints the particular quirks and oddities of whoever ends up in the Oval Office come this January.
When I spoke to Matt Stone recently on the set of RUN RONNIE RUN, he said they were still waiting to hear some sort of official word on the outcome of the election, just like the rest of us, before beginning to cast. Looks like they gave up on waiting, though. I mean, the Supreme Court is still handing down rulings as late as this afternoon, but casting began last week on the show, and they're casting as if Bush is the winner. Which he most probably is, no matter what I or anyone else thinks of it.
Before the big treat, let me share with you a breakdown of the show that was sent in by our good friend Bosshog:
The Creators of "South Park" turn the spotlight on the home life of President of the United States and his family in their new sitcom, "Family First." The show will be a live-action off-beat political comedy series starring the soon to be President-elect. Think of George W. Bush or Al Gore as they leave the West Wing and go home to their living room to be with their families after a hard day at the office. The goal is to parody the sitcom genre and the life of the next president.
SEEKING:
[GEORGE W. BUSH] 54 years old. We are not looking for a carbon copy. We need an actor with his basic physique; hair and makeup will do the rest. This character will be the "George at home after a long day at the office." He has his wife Laura to deal with as well as the twins.
[LAURA BUSH] In her mid 40’s, sophisticated, smart and attractive. She is the 1st Lady by day, wife and mom at night. The backbone of the Bush family. She is your "typical TV sitcom Mom."
[BARBARA AND JENNA BUSH] Fraternal twins, 19 years old, one’s blonde,
one’s brunette, and just starting college. Sexy and beautiful, their
"sisterly" love would raise anyone’s eyebrows.
What's that you say? They're being painted as little sexpots who may or may not be both bisexual and into incest? Don't believe it? Well, take a gander at this, an excerpt from the audition scene:
JENNA ENTERS DRESSED IN A SKIMPY SANTA’S HELPER OUTFIT. SHE’S TRYING IN VAIN TO HOLD UP HER FUZZY TOP.
JENNA
Babs. My top won’t stay up. I need help.
BARBARA
Omigod. That is only like the cutest outfit I’ve ever seen.
JENNA FIXES THE STRAP AND INSPECTS HER WORK.
BARBARA
There. That should do it. Wow. Is that top fur?
JENNA
Uh huh. It’s rabbit. Grampsy killed and skinned it special for me. Feel how soft.
BARBARA LOVINGLY STROKES THE SILKY FUR TOP.
BARBARA
Ooooo. It’s like a bunny. I love bunnies.
BARBARA NESTLES HER FACE INTO THE FUR.
JENNA
This is gonna be the best sorority Christmas cotillion ever. What are you gonna be?
BARBARA
I’m gonna be the Candy Cane queen! Look what I got.
BARBARA PULLS OUT AN ENORMOUS CANDY CANE.
JENNA
Yummers! Can I see it?
BARBARA
(giggles) See with your eyes not your hands.
JENNA TRIES TO GRAB THE CANDY CANE THAT BARBARA HOLDS PROTRUDING FROM HER LAP. JENNA TUGS AND TUGS AND TUGS ON IT.
JENNA
It’s so big. I can hardly get it in my mouth.
BARBARA
Don’t bite it!
PAN OVER TO SEE JOHN, THEIR SECRET SERVICE GUY. A BEAD OF SWEAT IS RUNNING DOWN HIS FOREHEAD. HE STARES STRAIGHT AHEAD. WE HEAR HIS THOUGHTS.
JOHN (V.O.)
Goddamn it, John. Just don’t even look. You hearin’ me, John?
DICK CHENEY ENTERS. DOES A DOUBLE TAKE.
DICK
What in Sam hill…?
BARBARA
We’re getting into the holiday spirit.
JENNA TAKES THE CANDY CANE OUT OF HER MOUTH AND OFFERS IT TO CHENEY.
JENNA
You want a suck, Dick?
DICK’S EYES BULGE. HE GRABS HIS CHEST AND HITS THE GROUND. JENNA AND BARBARA SHRUG.
JENNA
What-ever.
JENNA GOES BACK TO WORK ON THE CANDY CANE.
Uh-huh. I see. I'm sure these guys are going to give us something that pushes the envelope in ways we'd never counted on when this show finally hits the air. I'm impatient to see how their casting comes together, and to learn what their take on the rest of the White House is. Should be fun. Until then...
"Moriarty" out.
What's that you say? They're being painted as little sexpots who may or may not be both bisexual and into incest? Don't believe it? Well, take a gander at this, an excerpt from the audition scene:
JENNA ENTERS DRESSED IN A SKIMPY SANTA’S HELPER OUTFIT. SHE’S TRYING IN VAIN TO HOLD UP HER FUZZY TOP.
JENNA
Babs. My top won’t stay up. I need help.
BARBARA
Omigod. That is only like the cutest outfit I’ve ever seen.
JENNA FIXES THE STRAP AND INSPECTS HER WORK.
BARBARA
There. That should do it. Wow. Is that top fur?
JENNA
Uh huh. It’s rabbit. Grampsy killed and skinned it special for me. Feel how soft.
BARBARA LOVINGLY STROKES THE SILKY FUR TOP.
BARBARA
Ooooo. It’s like a bunny. I love bunnies.
BARBARA NESTLES HER FACE INTO THE FUR.
JENNA
This is gonna be the best sorority Christmas cotillion ever. What are you gonna be?
BARBARA
I’m gonna be the Candy Cane queen! Look what I got.
BARBARA PULLS OUT AN ENORMOUS CANDY CANE.
JENNA
Yummers! Can I see it?
BARBARA
(giggles) See with your eyes not your hands.
JENNA TRIES TO GRAB THE CANDY CANE THAT BARBARA HOLDS PROTRUDING FROM HER LAP. JENNA TUGS AND TUGS AND TUGS ON IT.
JENNA
It’s so big. I can hardly get it in my mouth.
BARBARA
Don’t bite it!
PAN OVER TO SEE JOHN, THEIR SECRET SERVICE GUY. A BEAD OF SWEAT IS RUNNING DOWN HIS FOREHEAD. HE STARES STRAIGHT AHEAD. WE HEAR HIS THOUGHTS.
JOHN (V.O.)
Goddamn it, John. Just don’t even look. You hearin’ me, John?
DICK CHENEY ENTERS. DOES A DOUBLE TAKE.
DICK
What in Sam hill…?
BARBARA
We’re getting into the holiday spirit.
JENNA TAKES THE CANDY CANE OUT OF HER MOUTH AND OFFERS IT TO CHENEY.
JENNA
You want a suck, Dick?
DICK’S EYES BULGE. HE GRABS HIS CHEST AND HITS THE GROUND. JENNA AND BARBARA SHRUG.
JENNA
What-ever.
JENNA GOES BACK TO WORK ON THE CANDY CANE.
Uh-huh. I see. I'm sure these guys are going to give us something that pushes the envelope in ways we'd never counted on when this show finally hits the air. I'm impatient to see how their casting comes together, and to learn what their take on the rest of the White House is. Should be fun. Until then...
"Moriarty" out.
