FROSTY: For the record. Obi-Swan... what do you think of EPISODE I? The room goes silent.

OBI-SWAN: (finally) I think PHANTOM MENACE is a great fantasy film.

FROSTY: And the rest of the room feels... differently.

FLMLVR: Actually, I’m siding with him. The more time passes, the more I watch it, the more I like it. I can do without the pod race and some of the other bullshit in there, but it’s a pretty solid film.

MR. BEAKS: I think it’s a better film than ATTACK OF THE CLONES.

FLMLVR: I agree. I used to think CLONES was better, but now it seems like he was pandering to the fans.

SARAH S: No, it didn’t seem like they were –

MR. BEAKS: I think that PHANTOM MENACE was at least George Lucas’s vision. I don’t care if the vision is bankrupt. It’s his vision. And I don’t think it’s necessarily bankrupt, but it is an honest failure. ATTACK OF THE CLONES is a failure in response to what he thought the fans wanted to see. It looks like he just got a focus group... like it’s a laundry list of fanboy grievances.

MORIARTY: Here’s a question, speaking of what fanboys want or don’t want. Two different rumors making the rounds. One: they are making Episodes VII, VIII, and IX. Two: that it’s a television series and not theatrical sequels. Which would you rather see? A television series that takes place between EPISODES III and IV that covers the rise of Vader, or Episodes VII, VIII, and IX in the theater?

MXYZLPTLK: Hands down, I want to see between III and IV on TV. Because you know if it’s all new characters it’s just not going to be done right. It’s going to disgrace the universe that already exists. I think there’s a lot of interesting material between III and IV... how Vader gets from III to IV. VII, VIII, and IX are just going to be new characters and cheesy tie-ins to the old universe. I just don’t like it.

CARL: I agree. For one, they would have to come up with a new villain. But the main thing is, if they do this idea for between III and IV, which would essentially be Vader and Stormtroopers hunting down the remaining Jedi Knights scattered across the galaxy... that’s something I’ve always wanted to see. That’s something I expected to get out of the prequels.

MR. BEAKS: Um... if he has to keep doing it… um... does he have to keep doing it?

Everyone laughs.

MR. BEAKS: I don’t want anything else. Unless EPISODE III knocks the ball out of the fuckin’ park and wins me over and gets me back into the Lucas camp, I don’t see anywhere else he can go with this series that isn’t about making more money. Then I guess a TV series. But, really, I’m ready for it to die.

SARAH S: I’d really be interested in the story between III and IV. I think they’re a lot of possibilities. And that’s not a part of the series that’s been hammered to death by the expanded universe books. I’m not into the EU, but I know that there’s ten bazillion books... that’s been done.

JED: I’m gonna go with the third trilogy. I want three directors. I’m thinking like Spike Jonze... David Fincher. I want to see Julie Taymor make a STAR WARS movie. You don’t need new characters. What’s Mark Hamill doing? What’s Carrie Fisher doing? And if you give Harrison Ford twenty million dollars, he’ll do a fucking donkey movie at this point.

MR. BEAKS: And he has.

JED: That’s what I want. I think if Lucas takes a step back and says, “You kids grew up with this... play in my universe. I’ll see you in five years. Keep the checks coming.” I think there’s an army of people out there who could turn out three more kick-ass STAR WARS movies.

SARAH S: You’re such an EU nerd, though.

MR. BEAKS: I’d be up for that if he did it like THE MISFITS. Han Solo is the Clark Gable character and he’s got a young thing who has supplanted Leia.

MORIARTY: I thought it was interesting last week... it was the first time I heard Carrie Fisher say she’d do it. When she was on the Today Show, she said she’d really enjoy it. If Carrie’s up for it... Carrie’s smart. She’d probably play it real well again.

DARTH TARDY: I’d love to see VII, VIII, and IX, but I feel there’s nowhere to go anywhere. The books have exhausted it. The EU has exhausted it. Everything that could be done about Clones and the second Emperor... he wrapped it up with RETURN OF THE JEDI. He left it, as I see it, with nowhere to go. So, because of that, as much as I would love to see VII, VIII, and IX, I really hope he doesn’t do it. And I’d much rather see what happens between III and IV. The Jedi purge. When I first saw EPISODE II and realized that EPISODE III wouldn’t leave much room for the Jedi purge, I was pretty upset.

DR HFUHRUHURR.: I’d like to see what’s going on between III and IV... or possibly remakes of I, II, and III. Just kidding. How cool would it be to do a mini-series of Splinter Of The Mind’s Eye using look-alikes?

MORIARTY: I enjoyed it as a book, but I haven’t read it in a lot of years.

CARL: It doesn’t fit in with story.

DARTH TARDY: Luke faces Vader in that for the first time. So it would make EMPIRE seem strange. It wouldn’t work.

OBI-SWAN: Well, y’know... I’ll take STAR WARS any way I can get it. But... if I could somehow have Lucas’s ear, I would not want him to do a TV show because it simply isn’t the format of STAR WARS. I like the poetry of the movies. You don’t have an enormous amount of time to develop characters. The characters need to be sketch very quickly. The movies need to leave you wanting more. For me, that’s the appeal. And I think there’s nothing more exciting than the possibility of getting Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher together again...

Half the room erupts in applause.

HERC: YES! EXACTLY!

OBI-SWAN: And, y’know what... as far as EU is concerned, I don’t give a shit. It doesn’t matter. Boba Fett was what..? A woman in the books or something like that? It doesn’t matter. All that stuff is just fun to fill the time when we’re not getting movies.

HERC: This is the smartest man in the room.

OBI-SWAN: Thank you. But also, I think if Lucas did that he would have learn his lesson from Peter Jackson and shoot all three movies at once. That way Harrison wouldn’t be 72 by the third film.

CARL: He already is.

OBI-SWAN: He’d shoot them all together then release them maybe two years apart. And Mark, Harrison and Carrie wouldn’t need to be the lead characters. I’d rather see them as part of the supporting cast. They’d pop in periodically...

MORIARTY: Like Mon Mothma?

OBI-SWAN: Yeah. I’d give them each one big scene every movie. And at some point during the trilogy, I’d love to have all three of them in peril at the same time... like the trash compactor. I think their entire relationship with each other is summed up in JEDI when Han asks how they’re doing and Luke responds, “Same as always.” “That bad, huh?” Also, I wouldn’t want Han and Leia to be a couple. I would want their initial meeting in the first movie to be the first time they’ve seen each other in years. It should have a similar vibe to their first few scenes in EMPIRE. Uneasy. Filled with regret.

SARAH S: You make it sound like you’re writing a part for Clarista Flockheart.

FLMLVR: I’m with Obi-Swan on VII, VIII, and IX. I think it would be cool to see Vader do all that stuff in a TV series, but that’s what the prequels were supposed to be for. That didn’t happen. I think we should move on. The TV series... the episodes are going to get way too expensive they’re going to do the effects cheap. It’ll dilute it more than the prequels have. And honestly, how much of an audience is gonna watch STAR WARS on TV each week aside from the hardcore fans? Maybe a mini-series could be cool, but it’s always an event. It’s always for the theater. It’s a communal experience. It’s not Thursday nights at nine o’clock. And the thing about the villain... I’ve heard that while making PHANTOM MENACE, he went back and sketched out what he wanted VII, VIII, and IX to be. And he sort of planted stuff during PHANTOM MENACE. I don’t know exactly what he could have planted in there, but I’ve read that in a couple different places.

HERC: Speaking as a TV guy, I do not want to see STAR WARS as a TV series. I definitely want to see a sequel trilogy. I want to see the continuation and I have no reason for than other than I’m appalled by the prequels, I harbor no rooting interest in the prequel characters, and I don’t want to see any more of the pre-original trilogy stuff.

MORIARTY: Here’s my take on it. I think the rumor about the TV show is bullshit and I’ll tell you why. Nobody is gonna program a television series in which our lead character, who we’re supposed to follow every week, is killing people all over the galaxy. GENOCIDE, the TV series?! Bullshit! Absolutely not. I don’t believe for a second that’s the series or that’s the plan.

HERC: (coughs violently) TheSopranos!!!

MORIARTY: And THE SOPRANOS would never play on network, and would never be made by Lucasfilm. He never would have created THE SOPRANOS. It’s the wrong narrative focus. How can Darth Vader be the lead in a television series?

MXYZLPTLK: You could see the birth of the Rebellion.

MORIARTY: Besides, I’d like to see VII, VIII, and IX. I agree with Obi-Swan on this. For me, the only thing, the only emotional resonance from further STAR WARS is – give me back my original cast. You made your prequels, you got it out of your system, you did it, you said what had to. Great. Give me back the original cast, goddamnit. I want ‘em now, and that’s pretty much all I want.

MR. BEAKS: Why do you think you’re owed that?

MORIARTY: I’m saying, if he’s going to continue, what do I as a fan want? I didn’t say “owed.” I never used that word. I’m not entitled to a fuckin’ thing. I’m not entitled to EPISODE III. I’m not entitled to anything. What do I want? I want VII, VIII, and IX with the real cast again. That’s all I really want.

MR. BEAKS: I just read that wrong...

MORIARTY: There is that sense... STAR WARS fans, I think, ruin things because of the entitlement issue. The wah-wah, do it my way or not at all. There are so many millions of “my ways” that it’s impossible. I think that’s what fandom seems to get crazy about. Everybody wants it their way. I think the thing that is the most interesting about STAR WARS is interpreting what your reaction is to what Lucas did, not to what you expected or had in your head or whatever. I want VII, VIII, and IX... if we’re going to get anything.

DARTH TARDY: I have friends who won’t watch the prequels because of how they feel about the originals. How would you feel if he did new movies with Luke, Han, and Leia and they sucked balls?

MORIARTY: I would still have the original trilogy and just not watch anything else. It wouldn’t ruin it for me. It would answer a question. “Oh, well, I guess he couldn’t do that either.”

SARAH S: If he were to bring back any original cast members... we’ve talked about the loss of dignity that happened with Jar Jar. Forget it. It would be embarrassing.

MORIARTY: You think having Mark Hamill play this character a generation after the Empire fell and seeing the affects it’s had on him would be as embarrassing as Jar Jar Binks?! You seriously believe that?

SARAH S: I do.

MORIARTY: I think Mark Hamill should be at least a little offended by that idea…

SARAH S: Going back to what you were saying, the fans are so unhappy and “I want it this way and this isn’t what I imagined...”

CARL: Fuck the fans. Print that, by the way.

SARAH S: It would take an act of I don’t know what to make it work. I’m not saying I think it’s a bad idea if it works. But I can just see it. It has disaster written all over it. I just want them to have a little bit of dignity left.

MORIARTY: We’re well past the concept of worrying about dignity. He’s going to extend the franchise. He’s going to continue to make money off of STAR WARS for another fifteen years. It’s going to happen. The question is: How?

HELLBOY: STAR WARS does belong on the big screen. There’s no doubt about it. But, I gotta tell you, I am afraid to death of all of it... VII, VIII, and IX... the TV show...

FROSTY: I would obvious love to see something on the big screen. It doesn’t belong on television. I think that EPISODE III is really going to be, not only a major film for STAR WARS fans, but a major film for the future of the STAR WARS universe. If he strikes out on this film, he’s done. It’s over. If he hits a homerun with this, it’s going to bring new life into the property. I’d love to see VII, VIII, and IX with all of them showing their age as long as there is a legitimate story arc. If he screws it up... oh, my god...