READ PART ONE OF THIS ARTICLE RIGHT HERE!!
I’m going to run some more from our last Jedi Council meeting, but unfortunately, some of my favorite things don’t really work as a transcript. At one point, Obi-Swan did a great impression of John Belushi as Bluto in the nickname scene from ANIMAL HOUSE as we discussed who gives out Sith names, something McCallum says we’ll see covered in this film. “Your new secret Sith Lord name is... Darth Pinto. Your new secret Sith Lord name is... Darth Vader.” “Why Darth Vader?” “WHY NOT?!” We had a rambling conversation about the now infamous Star Wars Kid and his international humiliation. We covered a lot of ground, as always happens, and this was all after the first part of the conversation, which we printed the other day, and which I hope you got a chance to enjoy. Remember... we were sitting in Frosty Skywalker’s apartment, the Original Unretouched Trilogy playing on DVD in the background, and Herc was doing Jagermeister shots. Good times... good times...
Jed- Is it possible STAR WARS did ruin George’s life to a certain extent? It destroyed his marriage and his desire to live a quiet life…
Moriarty- Well, it did derail him as a filmmaker. It took him in a totally different direction. He wanted… he wanted to be Coppola. He wanted to be able to do experimental film stuff, and do this sort of thing, and nobody cares now.
Jed- Then maybe this is all one big multi-million dollar “fuck you” to all of us who made him what he is.
Sarah- He’s still experimental, I think. All the new camera work and all the other stuff he does is experimental. That’s his outlet now.
Moriarty- But he’s not experimental narratively.
Sarah- But that’s the problem. If you are saying he wanted to be Coppola, he doesn’t have that outlet now and he is trapped into this. And maybe that is why everything else is suffering, because he is letting himself experiment where he can, where people are not going to question him and he is setting new boundaries.
Mr.Roboto- Like Jar Jar stepping in shit?
Moriarty- The thing that drives me crazy is... and Spielberg says this too… Spielberg says that he can never go back and make a movie for a million dollars. That it’s just not possible, that he couldn’t do it, no one would let him do it, that if he tried to make a film for a million dollars, that the budget would automatically inflate to forty-five before he would do anything. And that’s bullshit of the highest magnitude. Mel Gibson paid for the PASSION out of his own pocket because he wanted to make that movie that way. And nobody is telling him anything. Mel’s making the movie he wants to make. He owns every frame of it. Spielberg could make movies for a million dollars without any effort.
Obi-Swan- All he has to do is open his checkbook.
Moriarty- Robert Rodriguez is the real experimenter shooting with this process. Robert puts his money where his mouth is. He makes little movies that look like giant movies, and he’s doing them so fast and so off the cuff that I really wish that Warner Brothers had signed Rodriguez to make the “Harry Potter” films. We’d get all seven with the same cast. He’d pass J.K. Rowling and just say, “You’re going to have to do novelizations to keep up with me.” He’s that kind of filmmaker where he is so aggressive and he loves the tools so much and he has so many of the toys, it’s like he cannot contain himself.
****
Obi-Swan- There is a Talkbacker, you don’t have to go to it, but basically he says that in the original trilogy the political stuff was all handled in the opening crawl and then they got on to just the characters. And, now it seems like Lucas can’t get past…
Moriarty- I feel like we don’t see a lot of politicians in the original. You know, and again, the universe is getting really small because I know that Mon Mothma is on set already for Episode III, and there is a young actress playing Mon Mothma. And again, for fans, it’s going to be the momentary connection of, “Holy crap, that’s Mon Mothma! She was in the third movie.” But if she has a major role in this movie, then why don’t we hear about her in I & II and why is she not a more central part, and then why does she drop out of the films and come back?
Obi-Swan- And what the hell happened to Terrance Stamp?
Moriarty- There is a lot of questions that come up from tying everything together. I’m curious. I am curious to see where he is going to go with all of these familiar characters.
Obi-Swan- I thought that Terrance Stamp would have been a great leader of the Rebellion.
Moriarty- Yeah.
Mr.Beaks- He would have been if he would have gotten along better with Lucas.
Moriarty- Yeah, he bad mouthed him in a couple of interviews and that’s that. “See ya, Valorum.”
Obi-Swan- He’s gone along with Captain Panaka. They’re in their own Star Wars universe now.
Moriarty- They can hang out with the Chong kid from the first MATRIX and talk about what went wrong.
****
Obi-Swan- Speaking of Princess Leia and her predicament, Moriarty and I were having this conversation the other day, where it’s kinda tragic for Princess Leia. Look at who she has to choose from as far as her dating options. It’s either her brother or the asshole.
Herc- Well, there is a gay robot aboard.
Moriarty- Or the family dog.
Obi-Swan- I think the safest advice is either go for the black guy or date out of the office.
(Laughter)
****
Herc- The second episode for me was kinda disappointing for me because it didn’t move along in the number of years that I wanted it to. Would have anyone else besides me preferred if Darth Vader was already up and running and wearing the costume in Episode II?
Moriarty- I would have liked if there had been some confusion... if he had been both Anakin and Vader as presences in the film. Let him be doing things for the Emperor already. Like, “Yes, I am still in my Jedi training, but it’s Palpatine who is paying the bills and keeping me afloat, and so sure, I’m doing favors for him.”
Herc- A character Moriarty can relate to.
Moriarty- Exactly.
Mr.Beaks- He’s Billy Bathgate.
Moriarty- Exactly, a character with a double life.
Obi-Swan- Also in Episode II, he even says Palpatine has a good way of doing things. You know... in the field when he is talking to Padme. Right after the cow-surfing. He believes in Palpatine.
Moriarty- We don’t see why. We don’t get enough of a sense of the two of them together.
Obi-Swan- Well, it’s off screen.
Moriarty- Yeah. He just throws one scene in to show that they talk to each other, but I would have liked to seen more of that. I would liked to have gotten a sense of what he really gets from him. How does Palpatine not make it look like he’s Gordon Jump on “Diff’rent Strokes,” taking too much an interest in this pretty kid?
Mr.Roboto- “Let’s play Tarzan.”
Moriarty- “Hey, Anakin, you like cartoons?”
Momma Frattelli- Oh my god!!!
Moriarty- Because he has the creepy last line, “I’m going to be keeping a very close eye on you,” in Episode I. Next time we see him, he’s over at the apartment…
(General laughter and everyone talking at once)
****
Sarah- But wouldn’t it make sense, if this is going to be the movie where we see Anakin become Vader, that really the true villain… they’re going to make it somehow it’s the villain within yourself.
Moriarty- Right.
Sarah- It’s the evil that is in yourself. I actually think that we are going to see bad in every character in this movie. Someone is going to do something…
Momma Frattelli- I hope Amidala gets a little bad…
Moriarty- Well she’s lying to her husband about being pregnant.
Momma Frattelli- Yeah, but she’s like a battered wife…
Moriarty- So, great. It’s SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY in outer space. That’s not what I want to see. I hope she’s stronger than that. I hope there is more to it. I hope she is very aware of what he is, and she is making decisions that may infuriate him, but which are the strongest decisions possible. I would hate to see her turn into a victim, just running and hiding.
****
Jed- Luke is the savior of the universe… and I just totally forgot where I was going to go with that. It makes me think, though… would we have been happier with sequels? He would have done it. (he motions at the screen still playing ESB and Harrison Ford) If you hand Harrison Ford enough money, he’ll do anything.
Mr.Roboto- He’s Michael Caine at this point.
Moriarty- Yeah, but Michael Caine still pulls out a QUIET AMERICAN every now and then. As much as Harrison’s always complained about the films, he’d do it. He’d come back. Lucas could always threaten him with the Indy thing. “Hey, I’m not doing another Indy movie unless you do my Star Wars movies.” “Oh, alright, let’s go.”
Sarah- And even around Episode I, Carrie Fisher had very strong feelings, wishing she was around it. She said it in a couple of articles and something I think she wrote for Time or Newsweek.
Moriarty- Well, there are a couple of screenwriters who went up to the Ranch before EPISODE I, read the script, and offered George notes. They didn’t do any writing, but they offered him reactions and feedback and things like that, and then he did what he wanted with them. And Carrie was one of them. She spent the day reading the script and giving Amidala-notes essentially, about what she thought needed to be done to make her interesting. I don’t know how much George used of it or not, but I know she had a voice early on. She was at least invited in. Not on a formal rewrite basis or anything. But y’know, sequels would have been really interesting. At this age, to see those people trying to do some of that again, would have been...
Jimmy- I would almost be more ecstatic for him to make the sequels… but I would be horrified at the same time. Could he get it right?
Mr.Roboto- I don’t want him to do it because I know he can’t get it right.
Jimmy- It’s something I want to see. I will not lie about that. That’s what I have wanted since I was a kid. Nine stories... that is what I was always told.
Frosty Skywalker- If we got George Lucas as an executive producer, but if we got a different writer and a different director, I would actually love to see them. But not with him doing it, because he will not get it right. All the best lines were not written by him and he did not direct this. Any decent line in JEDI, which there were not many of, he was not involved with. He’s made ONE GOOD MOVIE!
Moriarty- You take that back. He made three good movies. THX-1138…
Frosty Skywalker- I’m just talking about the Star Wars movies.
Moriarty- AMERICAN GRAFITTI is a great movie…
Frosty Skywalker- I am not talking about outside movies.
Momma Frattelli- Like HOWARD THE DUCK?
Jed- RADIOLAND MURDERS, baby…
Frosty Skywalker- I love AMERICAN GRAFITTI, however...
Obi-Swan- We’re going to get a Talkback that RADIOLAND MURDERS is a great movie. You just watch.
Jed- RADIOLAND MURDERS is a wonderful movie.
Mr.Beaks- Michael McKean is great in it.
Frosty Skywalker- He’s made one good Star Wars movie, and he’s been a producer on the other ones that were good.
Moriarty- I think that doing sequels would have been easier. That would have been the easy road to go.
Sarah- I agree with Moriarty. I think that doing sequels would have been a cop-out and doing prequels where we know where we’re going… it’s kinda like when you are driving somewhere with someone, and you drive this route every time you go, and you know that way. And then the other person drives one time, and you hate it because it’s not the way you always go. It makes you feel uncomfortable. And maybe this is just not how we thought we’d get to the story.
Moriarty- He’s always screwed with the idea of sequels. MORE AMERICAN GRAFITTI pissed people off because it did not play by traditional rules. And it wasn’t the sequel they thought they were going to get. They wanted a sequel that was just as much fun as AMERICAN GRAFITTI, but that second one is all about bummers. It’s the night John Milner dies, and it’s Terry the Toad going missing in Vietnam, and it’s the riot on a campus as Steve and Laurie’s marriage falls apart. It’s certainly not a fun movie.
Obi-Swan- It’s the EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.
Moriarty- But I really enjoy that. When he made a sequel to AMERICAN GRAFITTI, he did not make the same film again. Like TEMPLE OF DOOM or not, the fact that it’s set before the first film and is tone-wise 100% different… it’s not the easy way to go. He’s never made the safest versions of sequels and I think that that’s admirable in a sense, but it’s ones of the reasons audiences get so frustrated and tied in knots sometimes.
****
Moriarty- Speaking of filling in gaps, I heard the plot for the episode of the “Clone Wars” cartoon on the Cartoon Network. And the plot as I heard described, it’s all about Palpatine putting Anakin in charge of a battalion of Clone Troopers, and the Jedi Council does not want him in charge of a military force, and it’s sort of a head to head of the Jedi and Palpatine. (pause) WHY THE FUCK ISN’T THAT IN THE MOVIE???? I WANT TO SEE THAT SHIT IN A MOVIE!!! WITH REAL PEOPLE!!! WITH ACTORS!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING IN A CARTOON?!!
Obi-Swan- There is a Talkback in there that says this whole trilogy should have been the Clone Wars.
Moriarty- The first trilogy is set during a war from beginning to end.
Sarah- But Lucas said a long time ago that the Clone Wars were going to be off camera…
Obi-Swan- But it’s almost defiantly. It’s like he’s doing it just to spite us.
Sarah- … that this was going to be something happening in the background…
Moriarty- But it’s not the background!
Jimmy- Exactly!
Moriarty- It started at the end of II and it’s going to be done by the start of III. That’s not the background... that’s MISSING.
Jimmy- It breaks out in the second one and then takes place in the background of the third one…
Momma Frattelli- How much will you laugh if at the beginning of the next one Yoda just starts out with, “Over, the Clone Wars are”?
(Laughter from everyone)
Moriarty- Not at all. Not even a little bit. Like Buster Keaton... stone… at that opening line.
Jimmy- I can’t even imagine to be honest, where he can go to finish telling the story of the movie.
Herc- I feel the same way. It should have been much further along by now.
Jimmy- There is too much missing, there are too many gaps.
Sarah- Maybe it will be like KILL BILL and there will be too many hours of footage and we’ll get a secret movie that we don’t know about.
Moriarty- A trilogy with four films in it. Leave it to George.
Jimmy- You know that unanimously that everyone would be for that. Most fans I’ve talked to would be fine with that.
Moriarty- Episode III and ½!!!!
Sarah- That would be the ultimate! THAT would be the reason to buy the DVD set all over again! That would be one more reason for Frosty Skywalker over here to open his wallet!
Moriarty- Would it be Episode III ½ or MORE EPISODE III?
****
Moriarty- I think my first crush was Princess Leia.
Jed- Especially in the white dress in the first one.
Momma Frattelli- I remember getting into full-blown arguments on the playground about Han versus Luke.
Mr.Beaks- Mine was Maria Schneider… but that’s another story altogether.
(MrBeaks’ revelation is met with silence followed by nervous laughter.)
****
Mr.Roboto- Everyone is saying that it’s going to be a dark movie. There is no way Lucas makes a dark movie.
Mr.Beaks- It’s supposed to be the darkest film he has ever made.
Moriarty- I bet it’s not even going to be PG-13. I can’t see him getting the PG-13.
Jimmy- That’s amazing because all these movies that are now R… like I heard BAD BOYS II is an R….
Mr.Beaks- BAD BOYS II is a hard R. It’s SCARFACE.
Moriarty- BAD BOYS II is a hard, hard, hard R.
Obi-Swan- That is what he should do. He should make it a hard R… put necrophilia in it…
Jimmy- Smoldering people…
Mr.Beaks- Heads going everywhere…
Jimmy- That is what I want to see.
Mr.Beaks- Episode III should be called SMOLDERING PEOPLE.
Obi-Swan- I’m kidding. Lucas can make this a PG and do everything he has to do. It’s all about manipulation of tone, just suggesting things. He can do it with a PG.
Sarah- And I thought that was why the Clone Wars were supposed to be off screen, because war is bloody and violent. Not that these films are not violent…
Obi-Swan- Look at GONE WITH THE WIND. That’s G.
Jimmy- Shouldn’t he be walking around slicing people’s legs off? Then the arm, slowly extracting information out of people…
Mr.Roboto- “Answer, yes!” But you’ll never see that.
Moriarty- That is one of the weirdest things. The lightsaber is not a PG weapon, but it’s being used in PG films. The lightsaber is a fairly nasty bit of business if you look at that thing.
Obi-Swan- Four heads get lobbed off in Episode II. Am I right?
Mr.Beaks- Yeah. That’s right. I’m surprised it got a PG.
Momma Frattelli- When Jango dies like a pansy-ass bitch.
Moriarty- And what got cut from the English print? A head-butt. That makes no sense. Heads come off, but you cannot hit someone in the head with your forehead.
Jed- I think we have to watch out for the English.
Obi-Swan- Four heads, two arms.
Sarah- During the first screening at the Chinese, my friend looked at me and said, “I cannot believe this is PG.”
Obi-Swan- It’s not quite a PG-13 because there is no sexuality at all in the movie, but there is a little bit of violence, but it’s real clean. But it’s Star Wars, it’s an institution.
Frosty Skywalker- But it’s true. The MPAA has said, and “South Park” makes fun of it all the time, violence is no problem. It’s sex and language that they have problems with.
Jimmy- Which leads me to the first Star Wars movie. Vader walks up to a captain, cracks his neck with his hand, basically kills him, and throws him against the wall like a rag doll. First movie!
Mr.Roboto- He’ll change that in the Final Edition.
Moriarty- Here we go. And now we get another batch of people saying, “There will be no Final Edition. Officially speaking, there is no Final Edition. There will never be a Final Edition. You’ve made this up, it’s fiction. There is no Ultimate Edition being worked on.” Which is so funny to me, because I’ve talked to so many people that are working on it. They’re actually doing things for it. But it doesn’t exist. And it will never happen.
Jimmy- Everyone else is restoring their movies.
Mr.Beaks- Star Wars has become an AP story, constantly being refined.
(Laughter)
****
Jed- Why are the Jedi monks? What did that serve?
Jimmy- They get to have lightsabers.
Jed- It really conflicts with…
Moriarty- So you want them sexually frustrated. You want them to be pent-up.
Jimmy- And that’s why you give them lightsabers. So they can fight with them.
Sarah- They are supposed to be “keepers of the peace”. How can you do that if you have emotional attachments to anything?
Jed- Because emotional attachment is what makes you care.
Sarah- The general good of humanity should make you care.
Moriarty- They’re just reeeeeeeally frustrated monks.
Herc- Wait, Green Lantern was like cop of the universe and he got more ass than Jack Carter.
Moriarty- There you go.
Herc- That guy was doing eleven different species. There is no reason why a cop can’t have sex.
Moriarty- And they are cops in these movies. I don’t get the sense that they are a religious order per se, not in CLONES, where they walk into the bar and are like, “Jedi business, don’t even fucking look at me. I’LL CUT YOU UP! TURN AWAY!” It’s like, whoa… alright.
Jimmy- “Jedi business! Go back to your drinks!”
Herc- Han Solo in the first movie says something about magic and foolish nonsense. Are the Jedi like an urban legend?
Moriarty- I think that is something we have to see in this one. They have to be disgraced and they have to be ridiculed in this movie.
Momma Frattelli- Like the Musketeers were before they come back.
Moriarty- They have to be disgraced. They have to be made into an embarrassment. I think that is the whole thing behind the order for the Clones, the reason that they use the Jedi and the reason that was the front, was when it came out, as it inevitably would, Palpatine could say, “Well, yeah, ten years before the war, the Jedi ordered all these Clones. They knew what was going on. The Jedi set this up.” And as soon as Palpatine says that, the Jedi are done in terms of public favor.
Sarah- They’ve already talked about them losing their power. They already know that they are losing it.
Moriarty- I don’t think that suddenly means the Jedi can’t use their magic tricks, I think that they know politically they are done.
Sarah- Well, no, they said that their ability to see the Dark Side has been diminished.
Mr.Roboto- Their powers in I & II are pretty weak. They were not the awe-inspiring Jedi that I thought.
Obi-Swan- Well, Mace Windu can grab his lightsaber from across the room.
Moriarty- Because they do that a lot…
Jimmy- … that their powers are diminished that they cannot sense secrets. It’s like the clouds come and have covered everything.
Thanks to Sarah for all her hard work transcribing the madness of the last meeting. She did a kick-ass job. We’re going to try to do another Jedi Council soon. Now that there’s more and more information coming out, and now that some of the members have seen episodes of THE CLONE WARS, and now that we’ve got members of the Australian crew writing in with some tidbits, it’s going to be fun to see what we can come up with. Besides, I want to start getting some guests into the Council soon and seeing what they can bring to the table...
"Moriarty" out.
