Hey folks, Harry here... Seems that Stallone in the tradition of the great RHINESTONE and OSCAR and BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN and STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT and THE PARTY AT KITTY AND STUD'S... has turned out another comedy thing. Stallone has had such amazing success at this genre that it really is no doubt as to why they wouldn't fully finance another for Sly. I am told that Sly is very funny in person, but somehow... everytime he's tried to bring that across on screen in a film... It has just come across as clumsy timing and bad delivery. Well, there are spoilers below, but really... It is a Romantic Comedy starring Sylvester Stallone... Do you really mind spoilers? Here it is...
Hey Harry,
A couple weeks ago, I had the extreme pleasure of viewing a wonderful Sylvester Stallone film. A romantic comedy with the superb Stallone and a radiant Madeleine Stowe. This, in addition, to the late Anthony Quinn, made it a truly remarkable picture called Avenging Angelo.
In case you can not tell, I am being sarcastic. Except for the radiant Stowe part.
A friend of mine, who gave me the preview screening passes, mentioned that the people giving out the tickets had a difficult time getting rid of their piles.
"Would you like to see a free movie?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"It's a romantic comedy starring Sylvester Stallo--"
"Uh, sorry, uh, I am busy that day. I have to return some videotapes."
We were told that we were the first audience to view the film, if you could call it that. The screening was at Raleigh Studios. As we arrived to park we were stopped by two security guards, with a bomb-sniffing dog, who checked under the car with a mirror and asked me to open my trunk and glove compartment. The security guards, not the dog. We were then escorted to the screening room, in one of those golf carts. As I walked into the Charlie Chaplin screening room, we pasted another room with a sign that read " Iron Monkey". Oh how I wish I turned right instead of left. Okay, this is boring. I tell you all this because it was the most interesting part of the entire experience.
SPOILER WARNING!- It doesn't matter, you shouldn't go see this anyway.
The movie's romantic lead, Frankie Delano, Stallone, is a bodyguard in charge of protecting a mafia boss, the Angelo of the title, played by, the now deceased, Anthony Quinn. Angelo, now an old man, is always thinking of his daughter, played by Madeline Stowe, who he had given away years earlier to protect her from his rivals. Angelo has since kept a close eye on his daughter's life. Apparently, Stallone is a shitty bodyguard and let's Angelo get killed. His new assignment is to protect Stowe from the rival crews who are out to kill her. As he is doing his job, he begins to fall in love with, the pretty hot for an older chick, Stowe, but encounters cock blocker Marcello, an pretty boy Italian writer, who sweeps Stallone's love interest off her pretty little feet. To further complicate matters, Stowe in the attempt to stop the many hitman, that Stallone has to hilariously kill, coming after her, decides to AVENGE ANGELO's death by killing his killer, a rival mafia boss. The way she attempts to accomplish this seemingly impossible task also results in hi-larious antics. Then at the end, just when you think it is over, comes a final amazingly predictable twist- so I guess its not a twist then. I didn't give anything away, except Stallone gets the girl, but then you already knew that, didn't you?
SPOILER END
Another thing, it sucks that this was Quinn's last picture. It reminiscent of Raul Julia's last feature film. Being that it sucked as a farewell picture. If you are an older, well-known veteran actor with a fairly decent resume and decide to do a crap movie, just for the paycheck- Do not do it, because you will die soon after, leaving a blemish to punctuate your career. Go out on a high note, damn it! Showmanship.
After the movie, as I was walking out, someone asked two gentleman standing outside the door who directed this picture. One said, I don't know and walked off, the other smugly replied, " I did." It is a good thing I didn't ask, because I would have punched him in the face. Actually, I would have kissed his ass, like the guy who did ask.
"Oh, Mr. Burke, great film! I love it! A masterpiece! Make another."
Although, I really did enjoy The Pirates of the Silicon Valley.
Overall, the movie was a formulaic romantic comedy, just made with Italian's who happen to be criminals. A horrible portrayal of Italian- Americans, I might add. I am beginning to think that all Italians are in organized crime. There are a few moments that received some decent laughs, but not nearly enough to justify recommending it. Some of the jokes were pretty low brow. A dead guy farting? Although, there were only few toliet humor jokes.
I would not pay money to see this. Of course, I am a 30 year old African-American male, definitely not the picture's intended audience. I am not a marketing expert, but I do not know how many women are going to be waiting in line for a look at an Italian-American Vengeance/ Romance/ Comedy/ Action movie starring Stallone.
There were about 2 rows in the back of the theater that had signs reserving seats for the executives. I only saw about 5 people sitting in that area. They didn't even bother to show up. Lucky Bastards!
After the movie, I was talking to a couple of cool Mexican guys, one of which who made a joke that I agree with. He said that he would pay money to see another Stallone picture, if it were Rambo IX, and John Rambo was blowing away a bunch of terrorist trying to attack America. I would pay money to see that too.
I apologize for the lack of actual movie review, but there isn't much to say. I think you get the idea, though. I could of saved myself a lot of time and just stated: Stallone as a romantic lead. Enough said.
GAME OVER!
P. Kersey
