Ain't It Cool News (

ROSWELL: All The Gory Season 3 Details!!

I am – Hercules!!

First, some kudos. The Hollywood Reporter revealed a week ago that Adam Rodriguez (“Felicity,” “Brooklyn South,” “All Souls”) would join the "Roswell" cast as Isabel Evans’ post-Alex love interest, but talkback regular Cher and her site had the scoop more than a week before the Reporter. (And yes, Cher sent us the poop weeks ago, and I sat on it like a fool because we couldn't quite get it confirmed. Herc stupid!! Good work, Cher.

Behold now this saucerful of “Roswell” scoopage from “reliable sources” who are not Cher. Be warned: many, many spoilers lie ahead for those of you who know nothing of self-control!

Max Evans and Liz Parker

3.1.0 Liz will hold a Utah convenience store clerk at gunpoint while Max investigates the store’s secret doorway. Max and Liz subsequently find themselves in a harrowing car chase involving state police, are captured at gunpoint, bite pavement and and wind up in lockup for armed robbery.

3.1.1 We learn in flashbacks that Max went through Tess’ things following the treacherous blonde alien’s chaotic departure for the home planet. As he rifles though her belongings, Max finds literature that tells of an artifact that could allow him to communicate with – or even travel to - the homeworld. Anxious to rescue his son, Max is frustrated as he scours the Internet for clues to the artifact’s whereabouts. Liz comes to the rescue when she stumbles across a photo of the artifact in a magazine! (Originally, the artifact was going to be spotted in a magazine photo of Shirley MacLaine’s house, but producers apparently scrapped this idea.) After Liz and Max gain possession of the artifact, they come to learn that it’s actually the key to the original UFO that crashed in 1947. They celebrate this realization by making out in front of Liz’s house - and are caught by Liz’s dad. The series of flashbacks ends near the end of act two with Liz holding the convience store clerk at gunpoint while Max discovers the 1947 ship behind the store’s secret door.

3.1.2 The Evanses and the Parkers arrive in Utah and are suspicious of each other immediately; each thinks the others’ kid led theirs into this life of crime. Evidence is found linking Max and Liz to the robbery, and they are tossed into separate cells. Max’s lawyer dad, Philip, confronts Max, but Max is slow to offer details. Liz’s dad, Jeff, tells Philip he’s considering getting separate counsel for Liz. Philip talks Jeff out of this: the more we present a united front, he advises, the better our chances. But the judge decides that since Liz had the gun, she has to stay in stir while Max is let out on bail.

3.1.3 Jeff Parker is plenty mad about Max getting a better deal than Liz, and urges Liz to testify against him. Liz refuses. Max breaks into jail and offers to break Liz out. Liz demurs, suggesting that they’re already in enough trouble. Instead, Liz urges Max to do what they came to Utah to do. Max returns to the convenience store, reopens the secret door, and finds the 1947 ship is now gone. A hand falls on Max’s shoulder: it’s his dad, who wants to know what all this is about.

3.1.4 Max’s cover story is lame, and his dad knows it. But Philip Evans notices some strange powder in the corner of the secret room. Max asks to have it analyzed and they discover it’s highly toxic. While waiting to bring this new evidence to the judge, Max and Philip are confronted by an FBI guy who want them to keep quiet about what they know. Philip uses what they’ve learned to get the charges against Max and Liz dropped. With Liz out of jail, the Parkers forbid her from ever seeing Max again. Unwilling to reveal more about what happened, Max moves out of his parents’ house. Calling up to Liz’s rooftop, he is met instead by her father. Max and Liz’s dad share silent stares, and Max leaves.

3.2.1 Max finds new digs, but angers his new landlord when he uses his alien powers destructively.

3.2.2 Max begins showing up unexpectly and stealing kisses from Liz when she least expects them.

3.2.3 Sneaking up on Liz, Max tells her to meet him somewhere at 3:30 a.m., but won’t say why.

3.2.4 Max uses a hang-glider, a passing train, and a “tractor-beam”-like superpower to entertain Liz. But after Max returns Liz to her house, he discovers her dad waiting for him. The old man offers a stern ultimatum: either Max stops seeing Liz, or young Ms. Parker will be shipped off to an East Coast boarding school.

3.3.1 Max meets Liz in the Crashdown kitchen and admits her father threatened to send her away if he keeps seeing her. Liz laughs it off, and even suggests she might move out the way Max did – and they can even live together.

3.3.2 After a midnight rendezvous with Max, Liz returns to her room to overhear her parents arguing vociferously about her being sent to boarding school. The next day, a teacher discovers the Max and Liz conversing at school and threatens to tell Liz’s dad.

3.3.3 Having heard from the teacher that Max has been chatting Liz up in school hallways, Liz’s dad angrily throws Max out of the Crashdown.

3.3.4 Liz learns from her mother that Liz’s father, Jeff, is reacting so badly to Max because of secrets from Jeff’s past. A dangerous youth, Jeff saw his risk-taking lead to the death of his first, true love -- who was also the best friend of Liz’s mom. Both of Liz’s parents now fear that they will lose their daughter to the same kind of tragedy that claimed their young friend decades before. The last time we see Max, he sees Liz obediantly helping her parents at the Crashdown, and he walks off alone into the night.

Michael Guerin and Maria DeLuca

3.1.1 Michael is first glimpsed this season in the office of a guidance counselor, trying to negotiate his own graduation after three years of screwing off. Just as the counselor begins laying out what Michael will have to do, Michael is interrupted by an emergency page: it’s Isabel, who wants to tell him that Max and Liz have been arrested in Utah. When Michael accompanies Isabel to Utah, a jailed Max dispatches Michael to find the “key” Max had to ditch while the cops were chasing him.

3.1.2 As Michael searches for Max’s “key” in Utah, he must simultaneously negotiate via cell phone with a Roswell biology teacher in hopes of joining a class he needs to graduate. As he finds Max’s “key” Michael is confronted by a shady character with a message for Max: “Stop looking. The person I work for will do anything” to stop Max. Then he fires several bullets that narrowly miss Michael’s skull and takes off.

3.1.3 Michael relays the warning, gives Max the “key,” and tells Max he’s on his own. Thanks to Maria, Michael now feels more tied to Earth than to the homeworld.

3.1.4 Once Max is cleared, Michael catches a ride back to Roswell with an earthman.

3.2.0 Back in Roswell, Michael is having financial difficulties. After his water is cut off and Maria has to pick up a dinner check, Michael decides to get a second job as a nightwatchman at the new Meta-Chem plant.

3.2.1 Though Meta-Chem looks like a grim corporate hellhole at first, Michael soon learns that Meta-Chem is actually an after-hours party central, thanks to his poker-playing, professinal-wrestling-crazy fellow watchmen. But the party comes to an abupt end when some soft drinks are discovered missing, and the head of security sacks all of his underlings, including Michael.

3.2.2 As Maria rolls her eyes in disbelief, Michael decides to get his job back. His plan is to use his superpowers to sneak the soft drinks he stole back into the plant. But while he’s there, his discovers Kurt, the guy who fired him, is stealing a lot more than Snapple from Meta-Chem.

3.2.3 Michael reassembles his fellow ex-nightwatchmen, thinking they can get their jobs back if they can catch the head of security stealing. Michael’s theory is they were really fired because they weren’t screwing off enough -- making it too hard for their old boss, Kurt, to rip off the company. But as the former Meta-Chem employees engineer a “Mission: Impossible”-like sting, their former boss unexpectedly arrives at the plant in the company of Roswell’s finest.

3.2.4 Michael confronts his former boss, Karl, with a videotape he says depicts the head of security stealing. But Karl pulls a gun on Michael and reveals there’s too much money at stake to allow Michael to live. It turns out Karl is traffiking in Meta-Chem “genetic material.” Michael, of course is able to turn the tables: Karl is defeated and the boys get their nightwatchmen jobs back. (Rumor has it this “genetic material” might eventually turn out to belong to Michael’s best friend – but we learn nothing of this in 3.2)

3.3.1 At the Crashdown, Maria is happy that Michael has dedicated himself to building a life for them on Earth, but pissed that Michael is spending so much time with his new nightwatchmen pals, The Mooks. When she reminds him of their date on Friday, Michael stammers out a confirmation.

3.3.2 Michael, trying to get a little sleep between his schoolwork and his two jobs, is interrupted by: Isabel, angsty about her relationship with her new boyfriend: Max, angsty about his relationship with Liz; and Maria, angsty about her relationship with the exhausted Michael. The Evanses clear out, and Michael assures Maria he’s totally there for her. Then he starts snoring. A pissed Maria storms out.

3.3.3 Maria can’t believe that her big Friday-night date with Michael is taking place in a bowling alley diner.

3.3.4 Maria discovers that Michael has chosen this restaurant for a very specific reason that has nothing to do with Maria’s happiness.

Isabel Evans and Jesse Ramirez

3.1.1 As “Roswell’s” third season launches, we’re likely to see Jesse Ramirez, Isabel’s new love interest, before we see Isabel. Jesse, a brilliant young Harvard-trained attorney at Philip Evans’ law firm, is in Utah before anyone else to deal with Max and Liz’s predicament. When Iz arrives, the audience will notice furtive glances between Iz and and the young lawyer.

3.1.3 Iz enters Jesse’s hotel room. “Thank you so much for this meeting, Mr. Ramirez.” The two then fall to the bed and begin making out. (Hey, they’re carrying on a secret affair!!) Jesse doesn’t understand why Iz treats him like shit when his boss – her father – is around. Also, he wonders why Iz is so quick to defend her brother’s bizarre behavior. Iz, who is tall and in possession of massive breasts, poo-poos his concerns.

3.3.0 Jesse and Isabel continue seeing each other in secret. Jesse wants to take the relationship public, but Iz maintains reluctance. When Jesse seems to linger momentarily at a jewelry store, Iz is inspired to dreamwalk into Jesse’s unconscious. In his dream, Jesse proposes to Iz. She wakes, startled, and the ghost of Alex Whitman can be glimpsed in the corner of Iz’s bedroom: “This should be interesting.”

3.3.1 In the Crashdown, Iz quizzes Liz and Maria, Cosmo-style, on matters of true love, then storms out. Liz and Maria suffer confusion! Alex reminds Iz she hardly knows Jesse. Iz spots Jesse in a jewelry store, haggling over a diamond ring. Iz, reeling, is visited now by another dead ex-boyfriend, Grant. Grant, hideously mangled by his last alien encounter, helps Iz face the awful truth: any man who truly cares for her is doomed as doomed can be!!

3.3.2 Iz breaks up with Jesse but won’t tell him why. Iz’s dad, sensing Jesse’s depression, invites him to dinner at the Casa Del Evans, but Jesse understandably declines. But before the end of act two, Jesse will reconsider and arrive at Iz’s doorstep, presumably to fight for her.

3.3.3 At the family dinner, Iz confirms her resolve to end things with Jesse, and she manages to do so without alerting the elder Evanses to their secret, stalled relationship. Jesse beats a hasty exit -- but before the evening is over, Iz will learn from her dad that there’s more to Jesse than a pretty face: he’s back in town to deal with some painful family business, revealing some unexpected strength of character. This, of course, causes Iz to love him even more. She visits him at his family’s ranch, and they agree to a dinner to discuss things. While waiting to be seated, she discovers Jesse is packing a ring!

3.3.4 In the ladies’ room, Iz confronts Alex’s ghost, explains why she’s convinced Jesse is “the one,” and Alex gives his blessing. But when Iz returns to Jesse’s table, Jesse tells her her wants to break up with her immediately. Jesse also reveals the ring he is carrying is his mother’s; he was having it appraised. Jesse never intended to propose to Iz, and the episode ends without him issuing any kind of proposal whatsoever!

Jim and Kyle Valenti

3.2.1 The Valentis take center stage in a comic Freaky Fridayish 3.2 B-plot. With Jim no longer overseeing Roswell law enforcement, he whiles away his days sleeping and surfing the Internet. Kyle, meanwhile, has taken on the role of breadwinner, not quite making ends meet by working at a local body shop. (With Tess gone, they’re even reduced to taking on a strange new boarder.)

3.2.2 Concerned about the ongoing threat of insolvency, a weary Kyle takes to circling help-wanted ads for his slacker dad, but Jim keeps diffusing Kyle’s entreaties with evasions and jokes.

3.2.3 Kyle finally snaps and tells the old man to get off his hinder and start bringing in some cash. The former sheriff is a bit taken aback by his son’s anger, but assures him he’s got a plan. Kyle is gratified to hear this, and Jim is soon glimpsed mysteriously recruiting shady-looking men for some unknown purpose.

3.2.4 Kyle reacts with horror when he learns of his father’s new job.

”Roswell” makes its UPN debut Oct. 9 at 9 p.m.

I am – Hercules!!

Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus