Ok, the following is basically the same night and day you've read Tom Joad and I describe, but what is different is the fact that the eyes that beheld Robert's set, Sex Night at the Alamo and the party at my place belonged to one of the most s stunning women of the sea. She swam the English Channel, and played the Hippodrome. She has been seen in the company of boxing kangaroos named Matilda, and was an underwater mime once. She is the portrait of underwater wet dreams, she is Annette Kellerman. Ahhhhh, geeks of the world, to spend one's life with such a sea creature would be a wonderful torture of dental tools and gore films... That's right, what a dream eh? Well here's her point of view on the same events....
It is I, Annette Kellerman , here to tell my personal account of a trip to the set of the new Robert Rodriguez flick, Sex Night at the Alamo, as well as tidbits from Harry's all-night movie party.
As you may know from the rantings of my favorite sharecropper and partner in crime, Tom Joad, the plains of Oklahoma have much to be desired for those of us unexplicably addicted to everything celluloid. So , it is just for this reason the Joadster and I once again packed up our arsenal of triscuits, chocolate-covered espresso beans, and collection of soundtracks and headed for Austin, the City of Ideas. (Well that's what the billboard says!)
The trip down I-35 flew as we pondered what was in store for us, and before we knew it, we had landed in record time (bet you never pictured the Joadmobile as such a high-powered machine...hehehe)
After a frienzied feeding and another quick drive, Tom and I found ourselves knocking at the door to Mecca. "Come on in," Jay beckoned from within. Now, entering Harry's house really should require 2 things: 1) a bib of some sort to catch all the drool that instantly pools in your mouth, and 2) a magic spell that freezes time so that you can fully examine all that there is to see.
Unfortunately, I possessed neither of these, so my glee was fullly apparent as Harry surfaced from his room.
With a cheshire grin he laid out the plan fror the night and we hurriedly packed ourselves into the Joadmobile. On to the set of Rodriguez's new film!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, for my first trip to a REAL set of a REAL movie, I was trying my damndest to abstain from what Harry commonly refers to as "geekgasms," but as we neared the awesomely creepy high school, I realized containing myself was not an option. After all, I am one of the worshippers of Robert and to see him actually at work.... well, let's just say the words "multiple geekgasms" come to mind.
As we passed the big yellow buses lining the street in front of the school the words, "ACTION ACTION" could be heard. I gawked as Bebe (Lilith) Neuwirth and Piper they're-all-going-to-laugh-at-you Laurie did their thing. Robert was perched high in a crane doing his thing. The crew, assistants, etc, were all doing their thing. And I was doing my thing---- praying to the movie gods that i wouldn't spazz out any harder than I already was. IT WAS COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In between shots, we chatted with a friendly publicist named Peggy. We talked about thrift shops, our hair, and how inbelievably great Robert Patrick was in Copland. Little did I know that minutes later I would be shaking hands with the T-1000 himself as we left the set.
Yes. It was time to leave. We made our way back to the car as the line, "are you the legal guardian of John Connor?" kept playing over and over in my head when a large truck driven by a smiling Robert Rodriguez pulled up next to us. He chatted with us for a minute or so (spasm, spasm) and we told him that we didn't want to leave-- but Sex Night was starting with or without us. On to the Alamo!!!!
As you may have read from Harry or Tom Joad's review of the night, the first thing we saw on the screen as we entered was a montage of images that can best be described in 2 words: SEX and VIOLENCE. Now, being an avid fan of both (hehehe) I could barely take my eyes off the screen as Jay, Tom, myself, Harry, and Johnny Wad (he joined us there) all plopped down in a row. But after about 10 minutes of shot after shot of nudity and gunfire, I couldn't tell if I liked what was on the screen, or if I was possessed by it.
Perhays the most disturbing part of the whole a-clocklike-orange-like montage was the fact that I didn't see one penis. I probably , in 10 minutes, saw 200 tits, but not one male organ. I could go on and on about this phenomenon in film, but I'd better move on.
Sex Night began with a hilarious revival of 70's sex-ed films featuring a female director's existential interpretation of VD as well as a look at trainables in sexual education classes. The laughs were guilty and the stomach pains abundant as these once-serious informational films were made a mockery of. Summing up these pre-fearure shorts was a film-- let's just say that i hope you already heard about it from Harry or Tom because I ain't explainin' it! If you know what I'm talking about, I'll tell you, I laughed my ass off, but it sure was a harrowing experience for me to smoke a cigarette for days following.
Porky's was the feature for the night, and Tom, Harry, and I all agreed- it just lacked the mischieviousness that it had when I was 12. Not that I didn't appreciate the pranks I've seen played out on USA Up All Nite so many times before---they just got a little old. Or maybe I did....
THE NEXT DAY
Tom and I picked up Harry early in the afternoon for Eeyore's birthday celebration down at Pease Park. Adorned in crazy hats on loan from Harry, we made our way to a shady spot near a small drum circle. Hippies, yuppies, elderlies, babies were all gathered for a day in the Austin sun for the fest. The three of us happily expelled upon...well, we talked about tons of stuff as the pounding of the ever-growing drum circle gained momentum. After a few hours of fellowship in the park, we decided it was time to prepare for the movie party at Harry's that evening. Yes, I was one of the lucky few who had an invite to the gala affair, and I COULDN'T WAIT!!
We stopped by the store for the nececcities---- beer, beer, and beer, and headed back to Mecca.
Next on the agenda was a screening of the movie Harry and Tom say is "better than Evil Dead II and Dead Alive"-- Six String Samurai!! Now, as a HUGE fan of the 2 movies mentioned above, and trusting the opinions of my cohorts, I had been DYING to see SSS since SXSW! In fact, they had been torturing me for weeks with lines and inside jokes about the film. So, finally, I got to revel in the film experience that is Six String Samurai.
It rocked!!!!!!! it was everything that I was hoping it would be and more. Like Tom said in his review- this movie has to be seen. And Buddy, well Buddy just made my list of teen idols (move over Matt, Ben, and Leo--hehehehehheh!!!) Seriously though, for now on when I think of "cool", I'll think Buddy.
Near the end of the movie, the first guest (besides us) arrived. It was Elijah Wood. He made his way inside, introduced himself, and was quickly so SSS wouldn't be ruined for him later) ushered to the backyard by Harry. When Tom and I finally made it outside, 2 of the other stars of Rodriguez's flick, Laura Harris and Josh Harnett, had joined the gang.
We all gathered (crammed is more like it) in Harry's house to watch a movie thats coming out this fall and a trailer for the upcoming Pleasantville. The movie was very disturbing. Extremely interesting, but disturbing. The trailer was fantastic. I CANNOT WAIT to see Pleasantville.
After that, we headed outside to gorge ourselves on the feast that Jay had been preparing since we left for Eeyore's.
We talked with Elijah about everything from the lame Tin Drum ban in Oklahoma to the coolness of gore movies. I must say that I was very impressed with Elijah and his knowledge of movies. It was fun geeking out with a kid who got to kill off Maculey Culkin....Laura and Josh were supercool as well. They were smoking cloves non-stop and I was extremely relieved to have some fellow lung-polluters around.
After about 2 hours of food, beer, and conversation, it was finally dark enough to begin. Jay started us off with a variety of kickass trailers. Of course all of them were great, but I was completely psyched to see a double trailer to a movie I hold near and dear to my heart. TORSO!! As soon as it began, Tom and I nearly jumped out of our seats yelling, "TORSO!! TORSO!!" as the DJ-like voice on the trailer repeated our call--"TORSO!TORSO!TORSO!"
Everyone loved that trailer and I was so glad.
As more and more partiers arrived Jay started up Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I had only seen the original, so I was very excited. I absolutely adored it. Laura and I talked about what a badass Jeff Goldblum was in it-she's cool.
After Invasion , I had to take a little trip to the girl's room, and on my way out, I caught Elijah as he was leaving. What a cool guy-- he gave me a big hug and we talked about hanging out at Harry's again. Laura and Josh decided to stick around for the next flick-Coffy.
"Coffy is the color....." I had been singing it all day , and I think that Tom and I were quite possibly the only people at the party who had seen Coffy. However, we had never seen it on 16mm with a virgin audience behind us. The crowd roared and I do believe that I heard Harry say, more than once, "I can't believe I own this. This is so cool!" It was such a great movie experience and my belief that Pam Grier is a goddess was even more solidified.
After Coffy , people were leaving left and right, and we still had Born to Kill AND Meeting at Midnight to watch! (wusses) By the end of Born to Kill , the only remaining party goers where me, Tom, Harry, and Jay. So what did we do? Well, hell, Jay strung up Meeting at Midnight. I mean, what else were we going to do ? Sleep?!
At the end of Midnight ( my intro to Charlie Chan, by the way) , it was about 5:30 in the AM. Asses were numb from sitting, limbs weak from beer, and it was finally time for Tom and I to say farewell to our good friend Harry. He had shown us a cooler-than-cool time and we made tentative plans for the next. So, until then..............
