The Lord of the Storm reports from the world premiere of WOO, and the only question I have is dear sir, what on earth possessed you to endure the assuredly terrible film that you threw yourself at? Are you ok? What does the doctor say? My lord... folks, this spy made the ultimate sacrifice... his eyes, like Ray Milland before him, his eyes offended him, he must now surely pluck them out. You're a braver man than I am Gunga Din....
Hey harry, this is the Lord of the Storm, reporting live from the city of Lost Angels.
I picked up some cell phone transmissions using my wicked electrical powers talking about the premiere of the Jada Pinkett Smith vehicle Woo at the Cinerama Dome. I had sent my normal henchman out to be cleaned, so I rented a temp and rused towards Hollywood.
There were a _million_ people there. It was sponsored by some cretinous radio station here, so the goons asked "Hm, with the radio promotion?" So I said, "Of course, you peasant!" He asked for my pass and I said, "I won the tickets, isn't there a list, goon boy?" Abashed, he started to look confused, my temp henchman shoved him out of the way and we rushed in.
The seats were crummy but nubile young lovelies were near so we sat down to watch the film. Alas, The Critic could only sum this film up ...
"It stinks."
Tommy Davidson continues to stay on the date from hell where he is humiliated, his belongings are trashed, and he is made to suffer _because his date is cute_! She stays with a guy completely uninteresting to her due to a _psychic reading_! The movie degenerates from there on.
Pinkett is terribly photogenic. Davidson is terrifyingly skinny, lending credence to crowd rumors of drug use (in one scene he's full monty, and no dirk diggler).
The movie is one big mishmash of filth, its impossible to pick out any potential shining moments due to the overarching blahness of this. Kim Basinger's blind date movie was better than this. On a cool scale of one to ten, this is in the negative four digits. I wish I'd have stayed home and reorganized my electron collection.
'Til I find a better screening than this (although taking home young lovelies was some profit), this is the Lord of the Storm, signing off.
