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STUMPY Spies ABC's ALIAS and CBS's THE AGENCY!!

I am – Hercules!!

“The Agency” is what CBS is offering after “CSI” and against “ER” Thurday nights, beginning this fall. Herc’s excited about it because it’s from director Wolfgang Petersen (“Das Boot,” “Air Force One”) and deals with the CIA. It stars Gil Bellows (“Ally McBeal”), Rocky Carroll (“Chicago Hope”), Paige Turco (“NYPD Blue,” “Party of Five”), Andrea Roth (the “RoboCop” TV series), Will Patton (“Armageddon”) and Ronny Cox (“Murder at 1600”).

ABC’s “Alias” is one of the other two CIA dramas this fall (the third is Fox’s “24”), and will air opposite “The X-Files” Sunday nights. Herc’s excited about it because it was created by “Felicity” mastermind J.J. Abrams and stars hot young Jennifer Garner (“Dude, Where’s My Car,” “Pearl Harbor”) and boasts intriguing promos.

Here’s first-timer “Stumpy” with his look at the pilots for both shows:

Having seen Dig's take on The Agency, I thought I'd share my own thoughts on the pilot.

Although I think he was a bit harsh on the show, I agree that the premise for the pilot was a bit hackneyed. Arab terrorists - attack on Harrods - desperate last minute attempt to get the location of terrorist base by rescuing Syrian diplomat's family - over melodramatic arrival of said family in US and desperate phone call to diplomat. It's all been done before in some form or another.

However, the production values were nice, there is at least an attempt to focus on the more behind the scenes bits of a spy agency like the actual intelligence gathering and analysis and the forgery of documents. Also, most of the cast look as if they could grow into their roles and given a chance, the series could move into its own in becoming a decent action drama with plenty of 'foreign' action. I thought the dialogue was ok - nothing worse than what you'd hear on any other similar drama/action show.

What really didn't cut it for me was seeing Ally McBeal's ex-lover trying to turn himself into a hard-nosed spy/assassin. Looked all wrong. The guy is no James Bond no matter how hard he tries to play it smooth. Plus yet another sub-plot on how things may not be what they seem in the Agency and how his brother 'needn't have died'. Office politics in spy agencies seem to be a real killer. I mean with 24, the Agency and Alias all having the same sub-plots of untrustworthy elements in the agency, CIA recruitment is going to real down in the future.

Which takes me to Alias - Disney Studio's big hope for the fall season. Produced by JJ Abrams, producer of felicity

If you haven't heard of it, the premise as laid out in the pilot is dead simple:

Pretty (in a long-faced angular sort of way) grad student is a master spy at night (and weekends and college breaks) for secretive agency. Has cute doctor boyfriend and sad puppy faced 'other' male friend who's not getting any loving from her. Boyfriend proposes and in a fit of madness, she tells him of her secret identity. Boyfriend is killed by agency for 'knowing too much' when she's off on a mission in Oriental country. Story progresses further downhill from there.

The pilot was cliche ridden beyond belief. Complete with evil (and deliberately evil looking) sweaty Chinese spies torturing our poor heroine in a dank basement. Oh and what a shock ! her agency isn't really the CIA - it's a rogue agency filled with evil rogue spies from all kinds of evil rogue countries. They just happen to operate in the same town as the real CIA. Why the real CIA, who know everything about the evil agency just doesn't cross town and kill them all, nobody (including the viewers) knows.

The real screamer of course is her distant and mysterious father (whom you know is up to no good the first scene you see him in) turns out to be a senior member of the evil agency ! But no - he's actually also an agent for the real CIA and he's a double agent ! And guess what ! She becomes a double agent too - it's a father & daughter team-up. It really is as bad as it sounds. I know this is supposed to be one of ABC's hopes for their Fall line-up but unless they fix the huge improbabilities in the plot and the really cliched stories and dialogue, it's not going to cut it.

Sad fact though is that it would probably do really well in my market - our highest rated foreign programmes are "Beastmaster" and "Nightman". West Wing gets near zero ratings. So I guess I will be trying to buy this one after all.....it's got a cute chick, explosions and action - exactly what my viewers are looking for.

Stumpy

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