Ok folks, you've wanted the lowdown on ARMAGEDDON, and you're gonna get it. This piece isn't very opinionated, but it does tell you the lowdown, the skinny, a lot of the whizzes and bangs... but the writer did leave off the end sequence of events. I know these events, and quite frankly, when everyone asks me why I'm so fired up over this project, the reason is... well I know. I heard from one exhibitor in the Atlanta area that after seeing this 55 minute preview, that the chain decided to sell tickets 2 weeks ahead of time as they did with Independence Day and Star Wars Special Edition. In comparison the same exhibitor told me the plan for their chain is to drop back screens showing Deep Impact after only one week. Exhibitors are excited about ARMAGEDDON, and believe me there is a reason. If you go back on my site and read my original comparison between Deep Impact and Armageddon... the one that came months before I was invited on set you would realize that I've felt strongly about Armageddon long before Michael Bay talked to me. Heck, in one posting he was even referred to as the Prince of Darkness. This isn't about me and Michael Bay, it's about quality kickass films, and the 55 minutes according to the people I've talked with... kick ass. However, it doesn't mean I won't be seeing DEEP IMPACT opening day... I will, and I'm hoping for the best. One note... there are MASSIVE SPOILERS below.... In fact I don't recommend you read it, but since there are a bunch of ya that will crucify me if I don't well, here ya go. I'm going to do my countdown as usual...
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OK HERE ARE THE SPOILERS.....
First of all, as I am writing this, I am very tired. I had very little sleep last night and I am struggling to stay awake. Second of all, I am not a very good typist so there are bound to be typos. Feel free to edit this as you deem necessary. As I stated earlier, I saw this at a meeting Buena Vista set up to let theatre managers and exhibitors see what their summer movies are going to be and how they can best be promoted. I don't know if I am not supposed to telling people about this but they did not tell us not to so here I go anyway. Please don't put my name in the just in case though. If I can pick a SecretSpy Name, I guess use BONOVOX.
The "movie" starts with the guy who sounds like Chris Tucker riding his bike down the street with his dog. They are in New York City. He gets off the bike and starts to watch television where they are announcing the shuttle Atlantis has just blown up and his dog gets away from him. The dog runs to a street corner where a guy is selling little Godzilla dolls. The dog starts attacking the dolls (the dog is a little dog, but the Godzilla's are only about a foot tall). ??Foreshadowing or just hopeful?? The vendor picks up a four foot inflatable Godzilla and starts hitting the dog with it. By this time the bike guy is trying to get the dog but he can't because the guy is swing the inflatable Godzilla so bike guy is saying he is he is going to kick his ass. Just then, an meteor land squarely on the vendor, causing a huge explosion. It then cuts to an Oriental couple in a taxi and the driver is saying it must be a terrorist attack. The couple decides it want to see a Broadway show. Back at the bike guy, he is standing at he edge of a hole holding a dog leash calling for his dog. The dog is still alive but hanging into the hole by his leash. More explosions start around the bike guy. Tens of meteors are shown heading towards downtown New York. We see meteors coming in then cutting to explosions everywhere. One hits the Empire State Building causing the top section to break off and crash to the ground like a lawn dart.
Bill Bob Thornton's character (Truman-working for NASA) is shown giving a briefing to some Presidential Advisor. He is telling them that the meteor's that hit where "the size of basketballs and Volkswagens" but they have detected another, bigger one coming in. The advisor asks how big it is and another NASA guy starts spout off numbers. Truman interjects. "It's the size of Texas." The advisor then asks how long they have. They come up with the figure of 18 days. They then begin discussing option for how they can stop it. One guy comes up with the plan the blow it up not from the outside but from the inside. He says its like putting a firecracker on your hand and lighting it. It would only burn a little. But, if you close your hand around the firecracker and it explodes, "Your wife will be opening ketchup bottles for you for the rest of your life." Truman suggests they use deep core drillers for the job. It does not let you know if he has Willis in mind or not, but as I said before, not much characterization or back ground was shown.
Pacific Ocean--Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis), is hitting golf ball off an oil rig. He hits, people duck to avoid being hit. The camera then pulls back to show him hitting balls at a Greenpeace ship protesting just off the oil rig. He is yelling at them cracking jokes, "I love whales," etc. Chick (Will Patton) comes over to tell Harry that A.J. (Ben Affleck) has not done something he was supposed to do the night before. Pissed off, Harry goes to find A.J. A.J. is in the bed when Harry knocks. He jumps out of bed and we see a woman's foot slide under the covers. Harry gets mad at what A.J. did or didn't do and yells at him for it. A.J. gives in really fast and apologizes. Now Harry knows something is up because he says A.J. has never given in so quickly in the five years he's known him. A.J. is guarding the bed so Harry pulls the sheets down where Liv Tyler is laying. "Hi, Grace" says Harry. "Hi, Harry" says Grace. Harry:"I told you to call me dad." We now realize A.J. was sleeping with Harry's daughter. Harry threatens A.J. but then tells him to hold on, he'll be back. A.J. looks puzzled for a second and then realizes what Harry is doing. A.J.starts to run. Harry goes up to Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) and asks him if he knew about all of this while he is loading a shot gun. Rockhound looks guilty. Harry is now chasing A.J. with a gun. You cannot tell if Harry is trying to hit him or not, but A.J. keeps trying to get Harry to reason with him. He finally corners A.J. and shoots. He wasn't intending to hit him but he gets knicked by a pellet. A.J. starts whining. Then a helicopter arrives at the rig. Rockhound tells Harry he swears "she didn't tell me how old she was."
It then cuts to Harry and his drilling crew pulling up to NASA. They are briefed about the situation at hand and they are asked if they are willing to do the job. The drillers are allowed to talk in private where they make up their mind to do it. Harry goes up to Truman and tells him they are in but they have a list of "demands." He starts naming off things each of his crew wants: fix speeding tickets, new cars, who shot JFK, and oh yea, they don't want to pay taxes--ever. Truman says he thinks they can work on some of those.
We then see the drillers training to be astronauts. They train underwater, go through batteries of tests, and practice their mission in simulations. This sequence is really funny and cuts back and forth to different characters to see how they react. Now it is time for the shuttle to launch since there is not much time left (23 hours, I think). Grace is waiting for the astronauts to board so she can tell them goodbye before they leave. She hugs her father, pats the others on the back until she gets to A.J. She jumps in his arms and they kiss and then A.J. starts singing to her. It is some classic rock song (I forget which one-sorry) and Rockhound and others start singing it as well. A.J. tells Grace he is going to marry her when he gets back. "You bet you sweet ass you are," she says and the men go to the shuttle.
There are two shuttles going into orbit, the Freedom and the Independence. Harry, Chick and Rockhound are on one (Independence) while A.J. is on another(Freedom.) The shuttles take off, one after another and go into orbit. They are then going to slingshot around the moon and this is a really exciting sequence. The ships are shaking like crazy and the G forces and speed are increasing. I think it gets up to about 10g's and 20,000 mph (this is what they said). Once their burn is complete, they are heading for the meteor the size of Texas. Once they reach it, they find what looks like a lattice work of rock with chunks flying everywhere.
Now Harry, I just can't tell ya what happens next. It's pretty cool stuff, but there are some surprises that need to be kept as suprises. Suffice to say, this is where everything goes nuts...
However, after the end of the film, the film then cuts to scenes of parades and the other astronauts. We then see a shuttle exploding (the Atlantis, I think) and other action scenes in the movie cut together in a trailer like sequence. Then the title Armageddon comes up and it is over.
