Hey folks, Harry here.... Well, I'm still a doubter on AMERICAN PIE 2... Sequels to funny teen sex comedies ALWAYS suck... It's a rule on page 32 of the BOOK OF FILM written by Petrov Afederic... If the rule is broken and AMERICAN PIE 2 is as funny as Jack Daniels and The Holy Pie say... Then the world will fall into a crazed sex orgy, and I'm too far from New York at the moment to have that do any good. Hmmm... Now, personally I love this first review from Jack Daniels... It made my primative ape skull giggle with Junior High Fart Joke Glee... The screening took place in San Diego, and from the sound of it, we might be experiencing a world wide sex orgy soon... EEEEEEEeeeeek!!!!!
Hey Harry – everybody’s favorite lush, Jack Daniels reporting in once again from America’s Beautiful City, San Diego. (cough, cough - BULLSHIT!) Anyway, let me get to the point… no wait. I need to finish this cocktail...
OK... I got to see American Pie 2 tonight. Yep. Fucking American Pie 2. The chick in the front of the theater said we were the first audience to see it. And fuck did the audience go ballistic when she said that. I even came out of my alcohol-induced stupor for a moment to raise my eyebrows… and when I fell back into my comfortable state of not knowing what the fuck is going on around me, I thought back to when I first saw the original – a little movie that could. A bunch of faceless no name fuckers in a small little film about high school and sex. A Porky’s or Fast Times for the internet age… but, it pulled it off and stands now amongst the great sex comedies of the ‘80s. Moments like Jim fucking a pie, “one time at band camp” stories and god, that amazing Nadia, will forever be remembered, even after 5 Jack and Cokes, 7 Bud Lights and a coupla shots of Tequila. So when I head that a sequel was in the works, I sobered up for a sec and said FUCK THAT! And then I poured myself another drink and passed out. Another normal night in the Daniels household. So now here I am at this screening thinking to myself, this may be fun. So I snuck away to the shitter real quick and smoked a spliff, just like old times. And the film started…
Funny. Funny as shit. Just like the first one. And listening to the audience, I think much anticipated. Yea, it didn’t have that “new” like feel to it, but it was cool to know these characters from the first.
This time they’re done with their first year of college and have shacked up in a killer beach house on the lake. Jim finds out Nadia (insert jack-off sfx) is coming to visit and feels he isn’t prepared. DUH! So he decides to hunt down Flute Pussy at her band camp to assist him in this department. Kevin and Vicky have become “friends”, Oz and Heather have split due to her going to Europe, Finch is learning Tantric sex to bestow upon Stifler’s mom and Stifler, well, he’s Stifler. OK, so that’s the story.
But like Porky’s and Fast Times, the story doesn’t have to sell the audience. The “what the fuck was that!!??” stuff sells it. And like the original, there is more in this one. And there’s lesbians. And they’re naked! Well, topless and fondling each other and their g-strings show camel toe. Holy shit. Watching this scene, I was of course transfixed.
The guys are painting this house lived in by the lesbians and of course Stifler gets the idea to sneak in to see if they really are bush bangers. So he, Jim and Finch get into the house and of course get caught. Well, the ugly bumpers decide to play with them a little – a game where if the guys want to see them go at it, they have to do something similar for the girls. Stifler has to slap Finch’s bare ass so the girls will do it and so on. It doesn’t stop there… however, it does end with Stifler’s pants at his ankles waiting for a handy. And lets just say the girls aren’t being asked to do it…
Some fat chick in front of me was laughing so hard, you could see her stinky ass sweat rolling down her face. Oh yea. Then to better the cum-in-the-cup scene from the original, in the same manner and situation, Stifler receives a golden shower. Yep. He gets peed on. Fucking sick shit. And oh so needed. There’s also more of Jim’s dad’s words of wisdom in this one. Eugene Levy is the shit. Every scene with him is hilarious. He is the dad I wish I had instead of the one who ran off with the Filipino lady at the corner cigar shop. Eugene produces so much earnestness, that you just have to sit back and take it.
Oh yea. And then we get to meet Stifler’s dad. Finch kicks the shit out of him. You have to see it to understand.
I’m three sheets to the wind and I’m done. Well, the film ends and the audience catches their breath. I sneak out before having to fill out the questionnaire. What? I was fucking hornier than hell. I got myself a prosty from El Cajon Blvd. and here I am writing your fat ass.
So look forward to this movie. I give it a blunt and bottle of Jack…
Hasta.
Jack Daniels
Alright, so we have heard from one drunken stoned target audience member... now for the next one... Can this film actually be any good? I had heard that UNIVERSAL was contemplating going PG-13 at one point... Hope that turns out to be BS... Here's The Holy Pie...
Harry --
Just saw American Pie 2 and I think I was one of the first. I might be prejudiced cuz I loved the first flick, but this movie is fucking great. I hate Hollywood sequels as much as the next guy cuz recapturing the chemistry of actors that click in a sleeper hit just make more damn moneysucks -- but this one actually does what a sequel is supposed to do but rarely does...it takes the story of the characters further, it has funnier scenes, and still stays true to the formula that worked the first time around.
Pic starts with a hilarious scene in Jim's dorm room when his Dad walks in on him "trying" to have sex with a girl. The guy who plays his father thankfully has more screen time this time and his words of wisdom are classic (I think I saw most of this scene in the trailer, tho). After the first year of college the guys (and most of the girls) are back from school. Jim is still hard-up, Finch is obsessed with Tantric Sex and "Eastern Enlightenment," Michelle is off to Band Camp, Kevin and Vicki (way thinner and way hotter) broke up, Oz and his girl are still sappy and (mostly) loyal and Stifler is the same fucking asshole he was in the first. Nadia, Jessica are there too. Oh yeah, and Stifler's mom makes a surprise appearance towards the end --what would an American Pie movie be without a Finch/Stifler's mom encounter?
Story is like this -- the guys rent a house on a lake that they can't afford and have to paint a house of two hot lesbians to pay the rent. Stifler, Jim and Finch sneak in their house and get caught red handed with a dildo. The girls come home and agree to "perform" for the guys but insist the guys do some performing of their own....I won't say any more but it's for sure the hottest screen kiss and groping of the summer!
Later on Stifler turns Jim on the the joys of lube which leads to the funniest scene in the film -- 10 times funnier than anything in the first film. Let's just say Jim put the tube of superglue WAY too close to the lube before slipping a porno in VCR. What happens next is really the best physical comedy I've seen since Something About Mary. Jim ends up in the hospital with serious but temporary injuries and his Dad is there to bail him out in a scene with the doctor that is a hoot.
There is also a great scene where that fuck-face Stifler unknowingly gets into some major "water sports;" Jim visits Michelle at band camp and is mistaken for a "special needs" kid and gives the performance of his life as well as picking up some sexual tips from Michelle's wealth of experience -- one is a brief encounter with a horn ("instuments CAN be fun"); we get a surprise visit from Stifler's dad (now we know where Stifler gets it) and finally the Sherminator ends up with the hottest chick in the film.
I won't give away anymore, but get ready for this one. It was actually a totally fun night. I love experiencing a movie like this with an audience that is into it as much as I was.
That's it. I'm tired and my gut hurts from laughing. Thanks, Harry.
The Holy Pie
