Hey folks, Harry here.... Friday morning, in the dawn hours AICN's Crusty Seaman Quint had an audience with the GUZZZZZZZMMMMMMAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! That's right.... GUZZZZZZZZZZMMMMMMAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!!!! Now, I know you are pumped like a Prison Fluff over this, and I know my loins tingle at the thought, but Damn man... The Quint has talked with the GUUZZZZZZZZZMMMMMAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!! Wow... If I had just 10 minutes to speak with the GUZZZZZZZZZMMMMMAAAAANNNNNN, I would ask just one question.... "GUUUUUZZZZZZMMMMMMAAAAANNNN, you are God's gift to women and the patron saint of mankind, but I have just one thing to ask.... How does it feel to be GOD? Oh, and what else besides biting the apple did Adam do? Tell the truth, Adam was a dork and unworthy of paradise.... right?" Alas Quint didn't ask God the question. Sigh...
Ahoy there, squirties! ‘Tis I, the ever salty and undoubtably
crusty seaman, Quint, here with a really quick scar sharin’ session I
recently did over the phone with the coolest of the cool, Luis Guzman. Luis
is that badass character actor that you remember from Boogie Nights,
Magnolia, The Limey, Traffic... Crocodile Dundee 2... just to name a few. I
got 10 minutes with Sr. Guzman to help promote the release of Traffic on DVD
next Tuesday. Have at it, squirts and I’ll see you on the other side of the
interview.
QUINT: SO, HOW’RE YOU DOING TODAY?
LUIS GUZMAN: I’m good, bro.
Q: SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE DOING A BUNCH OF THESE LITTLE INTERVIEWS TODAY.
LG: Pretty much, yeah.
Q: GOOD. I’LL TRY TO MAKE THIS AS NOT BORING FOR YOU AS POSSIBLE.
LG: No, bro. It’s never boring.
Q: SO, YOU READY TO GET THIS SUCKER GOING?
LG: Yeah, let me just switch to a better phone over here... (CLICK) Hello?
Q: HELLO.
LG: Much bettah. What’s up, bro?
Q: I GUESS WE’LL START WITH TRAFFIC, BEING THAT’S THE WHOLE REASON YOU’RE DOING THIS ANYWAY.
LG: OK.
Q: AS A FILM, TRAFFIC’S PRETTY UNCONVENTIONAL AND UNCOMMERCIAL. IT DEALT WITH ISSUES THAT ARE PRETTY TOUGH FOR THE AVERAGE FILM GOER. ARE YOU SURPRISED AT HOW SUCCESSFUL THE FILM ENDED UP BEING?
LG: Let’s say it was a pleasant surprise. You know, I can only say it was a pretty good script, it was a really good script and just knowing that Steve (Soderbergh) was directing it I said, “This is something pretty special.” I mean, you never go in saying, you know, “This is going to be the greatest movie of all time.” After seeing the result and everything, it’s knowing that it had the impact that it had and being a part of it... that to me made it very special.
Q: YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR TIME IN THE MOVIE WITH DON CHEADLE AND YOU GUYS HAVE AN AMAZING CHEMISTRY ON-SCREEN. IS THAT BECAUSE YOU GUYS CLICKED OFF SCREEN OR WAS IT JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU GUYS STEPPED IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA?
LG: Um, well I have to say Don and I click on or off, you know. We were just two guys that were loving what we were doing, what we were doing for each othah. It was never about trying to out-do someone. Like I said, we just enjoyed each other’s company, each other’s work and, you know, we had a wonderful thing going, wonderful chemistry.
Q: SO, THE DVD COMES OUT NEXT TUESDAY, RIGHT?
LG: Yeah.
Q: COOL. TRAFFIC IS YOUR 3RD FILM WITH STEVEN SODERBERGH...
LG: Yes, it is.
Q: OBVIOUSLY YOU TWO WORK WELL TOGETHER. YOU’VE PROVEN THAT WITH THE LIMEY AND OUT OF SIGHT. WHAT IS IT ABOUT STEVEN THAT KEEPS YOU COMING BACK?
LG: I just love his demeanor. He’s a real person. He’s a good guy. He’s very easy going. He’s kinda very loose and makes you feel comfortable. You trust him, you trust the fact that he trusts you as an artist, also. I love what he’s about. I love his vision. I think he’s a great artist. He certainly has the ability and he’s proven it.
Q: AND HE’S A SUPER NICE GUY!
LG: Yeah!
Q: YEAH, I’VE MET HIM ONCE OR TWICE. I TALKED WITH HIM BRIEFLY AT THE TEST SCREENING FOR TRAFFIC THAT WAS HELD HERE IN AUSTIN.
LG: Oh, really?
Q: YEAH, HE SEEMED LIKE A TOTALLY COOL GUY. BUT HE’S NOT THE ONLY DIRECTOR THAT YOU’VE SET UP A PRETTY LARGE FILMOGRAPHY WITH. YOU’VE BEEN IN MORE THAN ONE FILM BY PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON, SIDNEY LUMET, BRIAN DE PALMA...
LG: Right.
Q: THE QUESTION ITSELF IS KIND OF AN OPPOSITE TO THE LAST ONE I ASKED. WHAT DO YOU THINK THOSE DIRECTORS SEE IN YOU AS AN ACTOR OR A PERSON THAT KEEPS THEM WANTING TO BRING YOU BACK ON TO THEIR MOVIES?
LG: I’m a good person to have around, you know? I will tell that to any producer, any director, you’ll be more than happy having me on the set. I like loosening people up. I love having fun, you know. I’m not there for the ego. I’m not there because I’m making a whole slew of money. I’m there for the art, you know, for the passion of what I do. I’m a real person, I’m easy going and, like I said, I love making people around me look good and I love people making me look good. I love doing my work and going home.
Q: WITH PTA, YOU’RE WORKING ON HIS NEXT MOVIE.
LG: Yeah.
Q: WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE MOVIE AND YOUR CHARACTER IN THE FILM?
LG: He’s gonna have to tell you.
Q: “HE’S GONNA HAVE TO TELL YOU?” AWWWWW....
LG: (laughs)
Q: SO, I CAN GET NOTHING OUT OF YOU ABOUT THAT ONE?
LG: Naw, he’s gonna have to tell you. That’s my deal with him.
Q: I HAD TO ASK ANYWAY.
LG: OK. When you get a chance, you can ask him.
Q: DEFINITELY. WHAT ELSE ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW, AT THIS POINT?
LG: Well, I have a movie coming out called The Salton Sea with Val Kilmer, which was directed by DJ Caruso. I have another movie called Pluto Nash with Eddie Murphey that comes out sometime in the fall, I believe. I have another movie with Kevin Reynolds that I did called The Count of Monte Cristo and I’m just finishing up a movie called Welcome To Collinwood which is being directed by Joe and Anthony Russo out in Cleveland. It’s actually executively produced by George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh.
Q: COOL.
LG: But you knew that!
Q: (“WHAT?” I THOUGHT... BETTER PLAY IT COOL...) OF COURSE I KNEW THAT!
LG: Know what I mean? The Ain’t It Cool News Network, baby! You guys are awesome, by the way.
Q: THANKS. THANKS A LOT.
LG: You really are. You’re on my favorite list when I go on the web.
Q: TOO COOL! THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO READ THE SITE, AND WRITE FOR THE SITE FOR THAT MATTER, ARE BIG FANS OF YOURS.
LG: Oh, no shit? Well, hey man... send everybody my love because they give me a lot of love and I appreciate it.
Q: DEFINITELY. SPEAKING OF LOVE... YOU GOT TO DO A SCENE WITH HEATHER GRAHAM IN BOOGIE NIGHTS WHERE SHE WAS TOPLESS... AND I HAD TO JUST SAY, AS A REPRESENTATIVE OF GEEKS EVERYWHERE, YOU SUCK.
LG: (silence)
Q: (“OH, SHIT... I JUST TOLD MY INTERVIEW THAT HE SUCKED... HE’S NOT SAYING ANYTHING. I JUST PISSED HIM OFF!” I THINK AS I WAIT OUT THE LONG SILENCE.)
LG: Well, somebody had to do it, I volunteered, I went in there, she was like a raging bull... You know what I’m saying? I was like that little chipmunk and I did what I had to do.
Q: SO, YOU TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM, EH?
LG: Aw, man. I took a big hit on that.
Q: SO, YOU’VE GONE BACK TO PTA AND I’M SURE WE’LL BE SEEING YOU IN FUTURE SODERBERGH FILMS...
LG: Right.
Q: YOU OBVIOUSLY LIKE WORKING WITH THE GUYS THAT YOU’VE WORKED WITH BEFORE... THIS BEGS THE QUESTION, THE ONE QUESTION THAT IS ON EVERYBODY’S MIND, WHERE WAS LUIS GUZMAN... IN CROCODILE DUNDEE IN LOS ANGELES?
LG: Aw, man. You know what? It just goes to show, man, it just goes to show... It was something that I certainly would have loved to have done because I think that Paul Hogan as a human being is a wonderful human being. He’s done a lot for people, a lot of people. It’s just one of those things that didn’t pan out... then again, I could have been busy. But, I mean... no hard feelings. I mean, hey man... I’m happy. Look at Traffic. Woah-woah. (laughs)
You can’t be in everything and stuff like that. I mean, everybody was rooting for me to be in Ocean’s 11. Actually, the original title was Ocean’s 12, but from what I heard they didn’t have enough star trailers and stuff like that. So, I just kinda said, “OK, guys. Look, I’m doing Welcome to Collinwood, which is a Soderbergh/Clooney, kinda deal.” You know what I’m saying? Look at the cast in Ocean’s 11. I woulda been lost in dat. “You were who?” You know?
Naw man, you know it’s like you can’t do everything, you can’t be everything. It’s cool, bro. You know what? I’m a lover of life. Whatever comes my way, if it’s good I’ll do it. I know where I am in Steven’s heart and he knows where he is in mine. He has all my respect and I couldn’t be happier for him. From one artist to another: Right on, bro!
Q: ALRIGHT, MY LAST QUESTION FOR THIS SHORT, SHORT SESSION... AND I APOLOGIZE IF THIS FEELS RUSHED... I’M USE TO DOING HOUR LONG INTERVIEWS... THE QUESTION IS MY STANDARD QUESTION. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DIRTY JOKE?
LG: What’s my favorite dirty joke? OK! OK!... My favorite... dirty... joke...
Q: I KNOW YOU GOT A GOOD ONE. I CAN FEEL IT.
LG: OK, OK... Why was Tigger looking in the toilet bowl?
Q: I GIVE UP.
LG: He was looking for Pooh. Hey, I got 5 kids, bro. That’s the dirtiest joke I got.
Q: THAT WORKS FOR ME!
LG: (laughs) That’s a joke from my 8 year old!
Q: HEHE. WELL, THAT’S ABOUT IT.
LG: When’s this gonna be up?
Q: VERY SOON. BEFORE THE DVD COMES OUT FOR SURE.
LG: OK! I’ll check it out. Hey, I mean it man. You guys are too fucking cool, bro.
Q: WELL, WE THINK YOU’RE TOO FUCKING COOL, SO IT WORKS OUT.
LG: OK. Hopefully in the future we’ll spend a whole lot more time than this, bro.
Q: DEFINITELY... YOU SAY THAT NOW, BUT JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE... I’M GONNA BE ON YOUR ASS TO GET YOU TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON THAT.
LG: Well, you know what? It’ll be right back at you, babe!
There you have it squirties... Will there be a Quint Vs. Luis “God” Guzman rematch? Who will have the cooler scars? I’m sure Guzman will come out on top, though. That lucky bastard’s been in the same room with a nude Heather Graham, which is about 20 times cooler than anything I’ll ever do in my life. Then again, if Ms. Graham would care to even the playing field before the next time I go up against Sr. Guzman... ahem... my email address is below, baby!
Anyway, that’s it for me my fellow seaman and lovely mermaids. Keep yer eyes on the horizon, squirties, for this old salt has only begun to show off his newly found treasure chest overflowing with coolness of all shapes, sizes and forms. ‘Til the day I whip out the next solid gold deblume, that is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu.
-Quint
