Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
EINSTEIN, one of our best script sources here at AICN, told me recently that he loathed Billy Crystal's AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS script. So why is it all the test screening results are so good? So far, I haven't been sent anything negative on the film... and there were a number of small, semi-reviews that trickled in after this screening, as well. Seems like people are digging it. I'll let you see what HAGRID has to see about it all. Be forewarned... not that it would take a rocket scientist to know how this one's going to end... but there are MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW, essential since that's where Hagrid's biggest complaints seem to lie...
Hey Moriarty. If you print this, please call me Hagrid.
Did you know you can't make left turns in Pasadena? I just got a freaking traffic ticket after getting out of a test screening of the new Julia Roberts-John Cusack-Catherine Zeta-Jones-Billy Crystal comedy called America's Sweethearts. Got a frigging traffic ticket to boot - who knew you can't turn left in Pasadena? How was I supposed to know you can't make left turns in Pasadena? So now I have yet another traffic fine to pay, but in all honesty the movie was completely worth it.
"America's Sweethearts" is a comedy directed by Joe Roth, who's been a bigwig producer up till now, and the movie was co-written by Billy Crystal (and the one-liners in this movie made my night). The movie is about two movie stars, played by Cusack and Zeta-Jones, who after being America's favorite movie couple (on and offscreen) for many years, have split, a la Dennis Quaid/Meg Ryan, et cetera. They have a movie coming out that was directed by the famous director Hal Weismann, played by Christopher Walken (in a pretty good cameo). Problem is, the studio's spent 90 million dollars on this movie, and Walken refuses to show it to anyone, including the studio, until the movie's press junket. Tucci's freaking out, and he's convinced the movie's gonna fail, costing him his career. The only way America will go see the movie (he thinks) is if the press see Cusack and Zeta-Jones get back together (meaning America must be quite dumb, but it's funnier than it sounds). And that's why he gets Crystal, playing a Hollywood press agent, to try and orchestrate some good spin for the film by getting them back together.
Now, if you're wondering where Julia Roberts is in all this, at this point, I was wondering too - she didn't come into the picture until about twenty minutes into the film. Actually, since I didn't know anything going in, I thought she was going to be a supporting player, and Crystal was the star of the movie (which would've been pretty ballsy, actually, and potentially more interesting). Roberts plays Kiki, Zeta-Jones mousy-because-she-wears-glasses sister/assistant, and she puts up with ZJ's bratty bitchiness. She used to be a big girl, but after one weak moment with Cusack, loses the weight (and after two scenes, the glasses she's supposed to need to see) pines after L. Dobbler himself. Cusack, meanwhile, is still pining for ZJ, who we learn had dumped him for a Latin lover played by the always underused Hank Azaria. And hilarity ensues.
Now even though it was a test screening, it looked and sounded pretty polished, so I don't know how much will actually change between now and July, when it's supposed to be released up against JP3. But Joe Roth was in attendence, so he might be open for changes. Actually, he must be feeling pretty good, 'cause the audience was in stitches, and the movie pretty much had me rolling the whole time. Roth hadn't directed much before this, the only other flick being a movie I barely heard of called Coupe DeVille, but he must've learned something, because the performances here shined like silver.
Crystal nailed his role, and when I learned after the showing that he'd written the flick, I understood why - since he'd written the best lines for himself. I mean, hell, I cried at City Slickers when Crystal jumped in the river to save Norman the cow, so I'm kind of a sucker for his antics, but trust me when I say he was spot-on, providing the show with some of its strongest belly-laughs.
Cusack, possibly the best lead actor there is for the romantic comedy genre, was neurotic and charming at the same time. Roberts, when she gets the chance to do her thing, is completely charming. And the supporting parts by Tucci, Azaria (doing his Birdcage bit, but straight), Seth Green as an idiot industry wannabe (when asked about Holly Golightly, he replies "Oh yeah, Katharine Hepburn"), Walken, and, my favorite, Alan Arkin as a mental health guru for Cusack (his delivery for the line "Life is a cookie," was my favorite for the night) compliment the film wonderfully.
The biggest surprise for me is Catherine ZJ. Looking amazing after having a kid, she nearly steals the show as the world's biggest bitch since Kathie Lee Gifford. For me, this movie fulfills the promise she showed in The Mask of Zorro, and eliminates the bad taste she left in my mouth from The Haunting. She plays the kind of actress who throws a fit if anyone around her smokes, and is completely selfish and self-involved. When concerned about people's reactions to her breakup with Cusack, she confides to Roberts that because she broke up with Cusack, she says the line "I was in that really popular store on Melrose, and there was this baby in a stroller, and he was judging me." Ridiculously funny stuff, and it should put to rest any notion that ZJ doesn't deserve any praise just because she married Gordon Gekko (rent Wall Street if you've got no clue what I mean).
Now the criticisms. The movie had so much steam right off the bat, and for the first forty to fifty minutes, had the audience wrapped around its finger. The satirical bits about Hollywood celebrity and dealing with actors' egos had everyone rolling, and I enjoyed watching Crystal manipulate the actors to his benefit. But then the movie abandons its satirical elements, and takes a left turn into romantic comedy when Roberts and Cusack start trying to heat things up. I say "trying," because the whole thing felt forced. It's almost as if Joe Roth decided "well we have Julia in a movie, we need her to be Julia and have a romance." There were only two scenes between Cusack and Julia, and yet the audience is supposed to think that they're meant for one another. But the moments that are supposed to make the girlfriends go 'aww" don't work at all. They do their best to make things ignite on screen, but I think it falls flat.
What soured the movie for me (besides that frigging ticket) was the last twenty minutes. It didn't live up to the laughs from before. I don't want to spoil much, but suffice it to say that Walken's much sought after film makes an appearance at the press junket, and ties up the loose ends. And then nothing makes sense. ZJ gets her comeuppance, but they try to redeem her by having her show a little love towards Roberts - even though there's been no evidence of it throughout the film. I was waiting for the moment for Julia to give it to ZJ, but they go for the softer touch instead of letting Roberts sock it to her. Crystal has a change of heart, but that also seems like "it's the end of the movie, so let's wrap it up." The very last sequence is Cusack and Roberts driving off in a taxi at the end after he professes his love to her in front of the press. It's kind of funny to hear an audience collectively go "huh?" Me, I wished there was more of a romance between the two of them. You want me to care for a couple? You want me to see them go off happlily in the ever after? Give me more than two scenes with them.
Now, judging by the questions on the review cards they passed out, they seemed aware that the movie didn't have a killer ending. Which is really a shame. The movie was completely entertaining, and could most likely be the top grossing comedy of the entire year. And who knows, maybe the scenes that I'm looking for ended up on the cutting room floor, and could possibly make their way back into the film based on the comments the packed house wrote down. But the film looked like it was ninety percent completed, and felt like it was locked. Which is really a shame, because with some more tweaks and a really good romantic punch at the end, this could end up being the top grossing comedy of the year.
Thanks for reading, and by all means, check this flick out when it comes out in July.
Just check out Jurassic Park III first. :)
Later Days.
Hagrid
