Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Capt. Muffy has just weighed in with a script report on a film I can't believe is actually going to exist. To be fair, this is a reaction to an incomplete script, and there's no indication how early a draft it is. Still, there's some innate concept problems with this sequel, and Muffy's given you some spoilers to chew on. If nothing else, you can judge the general direction the film's headed and see if you're interested. Muffy? You were saying?
Hey Harry. This is my first time writing a script review, as well as my first time sending it in, so if it sucks, I'm sorry. I like how Miss DuPont organizes her reviews, so I'll attempt to do the same. Hope you can get through it ok. =)
I – What exactly are you reviewing?
The script to American Psycho 2, by Karen Craig and Alex Sanger. Now, I only have 52 of just over 90 pages wroth of script, but that 52 is spread out, so I was able to follow the plot pretty well. And that 52 was more than enough to judge it.
II – What is it about?
The script is about a female college student (a freshman) who survived an attack by Patrick Bateman (the killer of the first film, for the uninformed) when she was 12 years old. She is applying for a job as a teaching assistant to one of the professors at her school (West Washington University). I didn’t read exactly what the name of his class was, but it was related to serial killers and the FBI. Apparently, this teaching assistant job is very competitive, as it’s almost a sure-fire way into the FBI. The girl, Rachael, really wants the position and will do anything (hint, hint) to get it.
III – Is it any good?
Oh shit no. This script is pure unfettered shit. It seems more like a script for a direct-to-cable film, like The Substitute 2: School’s Out. The dialogue is, at times, astoundingly bad. The plot is silly and the deaths are, well, bland. It is a movie that masochists will enjoy immensely.
IV - Is there anything good about it?
No, not really.
V – What’s wrong with it?
Just about everything. Now, the idea of a sequel to American Psycho in and of itself is a bad idea. But, I could have lived with this had they decided to do some more cool stuff with Bateman, and it was funny. I wouldn’t think anyone could write a new Bateman script that wouldn’t suck though. It would be a tough script to write. But instead of at least trying something tough, they just totally abandon the character, setting, and themes of the first movie, and launch into something totally different. It’s a wonder they keep the name. Especially since the plot TOTALLY NEGATES the ending of the first movie. Now, it does try to emulate some of the cooler elements of the first one. The humour, the irony, etc. But they fail HORRIBLY. The failure is so mammoth it’s almost tangebile. Every single time I would come across a joke in the script, I would picture this really big fat guy wearing a T-shirt that said “COMEDY!” tripping and falling down stairs. Now, later I will cite some more specific problems with it, but that involves getting into spoilers. So, if you are really looking forward to this movie, you might wanna just stop reading here. In conclusion, this movie is going to suck.
VI - Now, on the the specific issues...
MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!!!!!
Now….first off, not only do they piss on the first film by totally negating it’s ending, but they also take a figurative crap in the mouth of American Psycho by having our 12 year old (at the time) “heroine” KILL Patrick Bateman in the first 4 pages. That’s right, not only does she survive an attack by him, but she KILLS him. He convienently leaves a knife lying around and she convienently drives it into his back and kills him. Nevermind the fact that a 12 year old girl would lack the upper body strength needed to drive a knife far enough into the back of a grown man far enough to kill him. So that pisses me off completely.
Secondly. I think the writers are the types of people that will accept any stupid kind of behavior in movies if the character is crazy. It’s ok for her obsession for this teaching assistant job to be totally stupid and lame, because she’s CRAAAAAAAAZY!.
Thirdly. Many of the characters who die usually are extremely annoying in one way or another. And I mean, really REALLY annoying. I’m thinking maybe the writers did this because we would understand the characters motivation behind killing them. See, we’re not smart enough to know that she wants to kill them to get her job, so if the characters are as annoying as humanly possible, we’ll know why they died, maybe we’ll even want them to die! Sadly though, this fails. I wanted to see the writers dead, not the characters.
Fourthly, All of these characters are also stupid as shit. This script follows the method used by all crappy writers of filling up screen time when they don’t have anything to say. One character says something, then another character asks them what they said, in one way or another.
Example:
GERTY (O.S.)
I'm sorry dear, but I can't let that happen. As they say, the buck stops here.
BRIAN (O.S.)
What are you talking about, "the buck stops here?" Are you saying "no" to me?
Those types of responses litter the script.
Fifthly, the end “twist” is really lame. I think they’re actually pulling a double-twist, but I don’t have the last few pages of the script to be sure. Now, late in the third act of the film, we find out that the heroine, Rachael Newman, isn’t REALLY Rachel Newman! She killed Rachael Newman and stole her identity! WOW! Neat-o! I was so un-shocked by this revelation I was almost shocked at how un-shocking it was. Then, it seems like at the end, they’re setting up for a sequal, by one of two ways. (This is just a hunch, I can’t really be certain at all).
A) Rachael Newman survives the fiery car crash that she supposedly burned to death in, and we see her at the very end, at the second twist, and we know we’re set up for a THIRD American Psycho flick.
B) The young girl in line to have the book about Rachael Newman signed becomes fascinated by her and is going to copycat her.
Personally, based on what the last few sentences on page 90 conveyed, it seems like the script is leaning towards A. Every other “surprise” in the script was set up, very obviously, and pages in advance. So I think I’m right, I just don’t have one single shred of proof on that one.
Sixthly, I’m going to show you some direct quotes from the script, they’ll do the crappiness of the script more justice than I could do. (These aren’t really in any kind of order, sorry)
GERTY(O.S)
Heed my advice. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
These stupid clichés are used fairly often throughout the script, and it gets old really quickly.
GERTY(O.S)
Go with God dear-heart.
See what I meant about expendable characters being really annoying?
BRIAN(CONT’D)
(to Rachael, but loud enough for Gerty to hear)
Do you think they give those things out for “Bitch of the Month” because that hag in there could be reigning champion. I’m out of here. She’s lucky I don’t bash her brains in.
This is what advanced screenwriters call “foreshadowing”. Oh, so subtle, isn’t it?
RACHAEL (V.O.)
Time to adjust? That’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard. Did Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart need time to adjust? Did Michael Jackson need time to adjust? How about the kids from Diff’rent Strokes? I doubt any of those prodigies needed time to adjust, so why should I?
Michael Jackson and Gary Coleman are prodigies?
Gerty enters from the living room, looking for Ricky Martin, as if Ricky Martin, the pop-singing Latin sensation was in her apartment.
What kind of person with an IQ in the triple digits would even think she was looking for the pop star Ricky Martin, instead of her pet...
BRIAN
There’s no moss growing on this stone.
Remember what I said about too many clichés?
RACHAEL
It’s a dog-eat dog world out there, and my future depends on not getting eaten by the other dogs.
Now, this was X’ed out in the script, so I think it’s cut. I hope it is. It might confuse the viewer and make them think she’s talking about hot dogs. Then they might get hungry and leave to go eat hotdogs and not finish the movie. Oh, that and it’s a terrible fucking line.
RACHAEL
A shoe-in? Is this some kind of new perverted sex for you two?
Fat guys falling down stairs……………
There are many, many more quotes I could stick in here to illustrate the awfulness of the script, but I think that was enough to put a sour taste in your mouth. It certainly put one in my mouth. And now I think I’ll go wash it out with hot dogs.
Thanks for reading this far.
CptMuffy
Review also posted at www.angryinmate.com and www.guerilla-film.com.
