Many of you will be seeing The Mummy Returns this weekend. I'm here to join in the praises of the film. Like many of you out there, I was greatly dissapointed with Steve Sommer's original installment. I recognized it as a competent film with some great talent involved. Everything from the cinematography to the set design to the actual creature designs were in place, but weren't used to their fullest potential, I thought.

As The Mummy Returns began, I felt at least this time I knew what kind of film I was getting into. It'll be light fun, like the first one, I thought. In the first 10 minutes I was getting exactly what I expected, a big Indiana Jones rip-off. At least he was being a little smart with it, I thought. For most of the nods to Indy was to Temple of Doom, the sequel (prequel, whatever)... and this was the sequel to The Mummy... get it? It has the heroes running down corridors being chased by a flood of immense proportions. It had bad guys climbing after a kid with knife clenched firmly in teeth, but instead of Short Round we had this blonde haired kid. Then Brenden Fraiser even shows up wearing a brown fedora in the next scene!

But it was fun and there was no stupidly comic character so far. Then, about 15-20 minutes in... it takes off and doesn't stop for another 2 hours. I was really blown away. The pacing is fucking marvelous. The bad guys are perfect. The situations are hair raising. The action scenes in this film are cut together perfectly. I was so excited! I just kept thinking, "He finally got it right! He got it right." Sommers finally found that place I felt he was trying to find in the original film. In short, he was able to make his rollicking adventure.

It seems ol' Steve took the criticisms of the first film to heart and this is the result, one of the most involving adventure flicks I've seen in quite a while. The movie is 2 hours and 20 minutes long. When the credits came up, my head was still reeling. I looked at my watch and realized 2 hours and 20 minutes had flown by. I didn't have a choice, really. This film just picked me up and whisked me away with it, took me to the deserts of Egypt, showed me the past, treasures untold and magical flying instruments that I wish I could see in real life. It did what a movie of this sort should do, take me away with a smile on my face.

Sure, some of the CG is a little weak, especially in the final reel, but you know what? That doesn't matter. What matters is character developement, pacing, tone, all of which Sommers nailed perfectly. I felt a connection to the characters in this movie, a connection I did not feel in the original. Brenden Fraser makes the square-jawed leading man seem superhuman and actually has some decent motivation this time out. Rachel Wiesz, hotter than ever, has a lot more to work with as an actress and as a result you can't help but fall in love with her. John Hannah, the biggest source of comic relief in the first film, actually has depth to his character in this one. He cracks a joke or two, but is on the whole a more serious, interesting and human character.

You have Arnold Vosloo and Patricia Velazquez returning as Im-Ho-Tep and Anck-Su-Namun, respectively, and both return to their roles with great relish. Vosloo in particular seems to be enjoying himself and fills his antagonist roll with a lot more subtle character traits that sets his performance in this film (while wider in scope, his motivations are unchanged from the first... get Anck-Su-Namun back by his side) far above his last turn out as the title character.

That brings me to the focal point of the film. All the editing in the world or all the new nuances in the established characters would have been all for not if they had miswrote or miscast little Alex O'Connell, played by newcomer Freddie Boath. If we, as the audience, saw this kid as being an annoyance, we would never be able to accept the great pains Fraser and Weisz take to get him back. It would have fallen into the trap that the first film did. We would be rooting for the Mummy to kill the little bastard.

Young Mr. Boath hits all the right chords with his role. In terms of acting, he is a little boy out and out. Not a little boy actor, mind you, but a little boy. That along with the great writing Sommers did for the character make us believe in the O'Connell's untiring quest to get their boy back. We don't want the Mummy to kill him. He's not just there as the token, the treasure, the main cast has to retrieve, he doesn't lay idly by. He helps his parents out. He backtalks the Mummy. He has an amazing back and forth with the lead henchman, Lock Nah (played terrifically by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje... try saying that 3 times fast).

The Rock is... well, as expected. He literally says one phrase in Egyptian and that one phrase was kinda iffy in delivery. But he had the right physical structure for the character of The Scorpian King. Can he carry a whole movie with that character? I don't know. I hope so, but I'm gonna remain doubtful until I see something from Mr. Johnson that proves him as more than just a wrestler in a cameo.

All in all, this movie delivered in spades for me. I'm a sucker for a good adventure story and goddamnit if Mr. Sommers and crew didn't deliver with this one. I can't wait to take my little brother to see this film... I can't wait to take my Fair Spanish Maiden to see it... fuck, I can't wait to take my MOTHER to see this movie.

A KNIGHT'S TALE

I've been hearing word on this film for a while, how they were integrating modern music into a film set in the glory days of Knights in Shining Armor. While out in LA, I got an email informing me that while I was running around the City of Angels, back in Austin there was a really damn early screening of this film. I couldn't make it, of course, but I made sure the rest of the Austin crew knew of the screening.

I then heard word back from them. Harry was raving. I usually agree with most of the Big Man's views on film, but we have been known to disagree every once in a while. My chance to determine whether or not I would challenge Big Red's views on this film came a few days ago when I heard of another screening of the film. I snuck in and was treated to a damn good, if oft repeated, story.

Much like The Mummy Returns, I was sucked in to the film early on. The comradery between Heath Ledger, Mark Addy and Alan Tudyk is established in the very first scene of the film and never once becomes disinteresting, unfunny or unreal. The back and forth that goes on between these characters is some really funny and often touching stuff.

Rufus Sewell is a great and despicable brooding baddie. He has such a great gaze. I never once felt unthreatened when he was gazing menacingly at our hero or (seemingly) straight at me. I knew from the beginning that young William Thatcher (Ledger) had his work cut out for him if he expected to face this man and come out victorious.

From what I heard while in line for the film the people who have seen it either really, really like it or really, really dislike it. I guess the soundtrack is too much a leap for some to handle. That's all I can figure. The writing is smart, at times coming close to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead... close I said... and for mere moments, but still those moments are there. The film is shot well... the acting, while not best of career performances, is still very believable and well done. Especially Paul Bettany as the Chaucer. His monologues are amazing in the film. I mean, the modernization scenes, the few that there are, are the only thing I can think of that would keep people from enjoying this movie.

Heath Ledger also proves he can effortlessly carry a film with this movie. He proves he can be a leading man, which I think is fantastic. I've been a fan of his since 10 Things I Hate About You and am one of the seeming few who really enjoyed The Patriot. I'm sure we'll be seeing some great things from him in the future.

The film doesn't really take any truely unexpected turns. As I said above we've seen this story a billion times before. Peasant takes the place of a nobleman, makes friends and enemies, both of which come into play towards the end of the tale. It sticks to a pretty basic formula, but due to the rich characters and ballsy soundtrack it doesn't just seem like the same old shit in a newer package.

The audience arrupted in applause as the credits began to role to AC/DC. From what I hear, the screening I was at was 3rd screening they've had so far and each time the house was packed and the film ended to applause from the crowd. This movie seems to be a crowd pleaser the likes of which we haven't seen in a long time. I know it worked for me.

Alrighty squirts. I've spent enough time bullshitting with you fine folks about two very entertaining movies. Time to get back to the transcriptions. As always, keep yer eyes on the horizon, ladies and gentlemen, fer I got some really cool stuff for yer eyes to gander at comin' up really soon. 'Til that day, farewell and adieu.

-Quint

A mangina is not nearly the squanchable nip that yer innie is!