Hey folks, Dave here, just so you know, if you've been trying to reach the nice fellow who wrote MORNING IN AMERICA, Christian McDonald, and instead have met only with confusion, it's because the original posting of this story listed an incorrect phone number for him. It's since been updated. Sorry about that, Christian.
Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Disturbed likes to bust my balls about my still-unfinished '90s Lists. I find it peculiar that the single slowest reader and writer in the world, as certified by the Guinness Book of World Records, would mock my productivity. I am pleased, though, because it appears that Disturbed has finally finished another installment in his very-slowly-ongoing column for AICN. Check it out!
Yeah, so, I'm finally writing another whatever this is. Remember me? It's been quite some time. Between preparation for, attendance of, and recovery from last year's Butt-Numb-A-Thon; the holiday season; the many more scripts I received this time than the last; and a staggering degree of laziness which is only compounded by Harry being such a cool, mellow cat who isn't big on deadlines or pestering about things; it's taken me a while to read all your scripts. Or, I should say, about half of them. As I said I got many more submissions this time than in the past, and I've read roughly half of them. But I figure I've kept the good people of the AICN readership waiting long enough, and I've pulled a couple good ones from the pile, so I'm writing them up now. What this means, is if your script is not up here...don't give up hope. It may not have been read yet. The influx of new material to come after this article goes up will be held seperate...I won't read it until I've finished everything that's already here. Once I finish with the stuff I've got I'll write up the good ones, and if I don't find anything I really dig I'll move on and read the new submissions. When my next article comes up I'll let you know what has been read. So, for now, here we go. A bit short for such a long wait, but I'm getting across what I need to.
THE MAN IN THE BOX by Eric LaValle
This LaValle fellow had the balls to include with the script a letter in wingdings font which, upon being decoded, proved to be a recipe for Lenuhk Tomato Soup. No word yet on if the soup's any good. The script, however, is.
Lavalle's little stunt might give you an idea of the comic voice of the script (both scripts this time have unique comic voices that made them stand out.) The Man In The Box is about a guy called Bob. Bob, like several recent film protagonists, works a miserable, boring cubicle job doing miserable, boring cubicle work. He, and his life, are both just wretchedly pathetic. Bob only has one dream: to become a professional wrestler. His boss, Don, also talks of a dream...to one day move off to a quiet little cabin in Wyoming, and write a novel. Bob becomes irrationally resolute to help Don achieve this dream, by "freeing" him of all current attachments. He also becomes obsessed with Don's daughter, a stripper named Brittany.
It's an odd little script...I'd even be tempted to pull out the overused term "quirky," but it's very well done and has a heart to it, even though Bob is sort of a prick sometimes. I mean, if we can forgive Russell Crowe for it...
Some of the humor comes from Bob's ridiculous coworkers. (For example:
JEEVAN
Oh, hey, Don. What can I do you for?
DON
You are funny as a crutch, Jeevan. You know that? "What can I do you for?" Man, that's a good one.
JEEVAN
Yeah, I just flipped the "you" and "for" around.
DON
That's a good one.
Some of it comes from bizarre occurrences. (When Brittany is first introduced she protests against cold food in a diner by reciting Green Eggs and Ham at the top of her lungs.) But most of it comes from Bob's sad, unbelievable awkwardness and his pitiful life. This is a guy who can't step outside without being shat on by a bird. He can't sit in his cubicle without the wall falling on his head. His pitiful demeanor only makes things worse, and funnier. The...attempted seduction scene is a riot. Bob's character --dull and unassuming as he is-- is quite well drawn, which is good as character development is often skimpy or ignored in comedies. Most of the jokes are pretty low-key, which is sort of the opposite of the next script...
Contact Information:
Eric LaValle
15411 Inglewood Dr. N.
Brainerd, MN 56401
(218) 829-3654
MORNING IN AMERICA by Christian McDonald
The title "Morning In America" is taken from a speech by Ronald Reagan. The script, however, set in 1995 of all years, uses it ironically as the main characters are liberal high school kids battling their right-wing, authoritarian, small-town school faculty and townspeople. Personally, I'd classify myself as Libertarian --socially liberal, economically conservative-- and the characters in the film are more focused on the social ideas of liberalism. But even if my politics differed entirely I'd still have found this script funny as hell, and the characters charming. They're combatting the repressive, opressive system. They feel it's their responsibility, their duty, not to listen to any American bands. Yeah, they're a little pretentious.
But it's all right. The whole thing is exagerrated to the point of even being tongue-in-cheek, and the tone works remarkably well. Reading the first few pages, I had the whole thing pegged wrong. I figured it for a Kevin Smithish, indie flavored thing about some regular kids...sort of funny, but nothing exceptional. As I read on I realized that the story takes place in a world where ACLU representatives are like godly rockstars and school Principals make Edward R. Rooney look like...um...John F. Kennedy. I think tone is one of the most important things in any script, and can be tough to nail in a comedy. Just because something's funny doesn't mean it's necessarily appropriate to the rest of the script. But this script has its tone down pat, and the exagerration of the whole thing allows it to get away with stuff from alien implants to spiteful and insane faculty members that would otherwise not have worked at all. At one point, a faculty member says "I never thought I'd be able to make amends for letting Abbie Hoffman out of my gunsight on that cool, Chicago evening by the convention center. It's funny how things work out." How can you not love a script with lines like that?
This exagerration is acknowledged at the very end, in one of the few missteps I felt this screenplay had, by our narrator Simon, the "leader" of this small gang of rebels. Most of their school and indeed the whole town of Stonecreek, Oklahoma is populated by a bunch of square cheerleaders, football players and Future Farmers of America. Nobody's hip to much of anything, especially not the vibe these "mad, mod, poet, gods" are trying to like, put out there, man, ya know?
The most important thing about this script, of course, is that it had me laughing out loud many, many times. The characters of Chippy, an english exchange student, and Burn, an 87 year old opium addict and the first man to publish Henry Miller novel in America are just classic. I think can say that of all the scripts I've yet read for this column, I'd like most to see this one produced. Very, very funny.
Contact Information:
Christian McDonald
345 East 12th Street, Suite #12
New York, NY 10003
(212) 477-0282
So that's it for now. Short, sweet, etc. I'll try to force myself past that big lazy character flaw of mine and become a single-minded reading machine so that you folks won't have to wait so long for the next one of these. But I make no guarantees.
Remember: I've got a pile of scripts in my room. Any scripts sent from now until that pile is gone will be placed in a seperate place and kept there until ALL scripts already here have been read. So any of you who've sent me scripts, don't fret just yet. Anyone with any questions, comments, death threats, can reach me at the email address in the link below.
Until next time,
