Hey Folks, Harry here... TOMCATS has made Capone angrier than the Irish ever did... BEWARE...
Hey, Harry. Capone in Chicago here. I think the world needs to be warned about this film. After reaching such a high at my weekend screening of 2001, my world came crashing down last night at TOMCATS, quite possibly the shittiest movie of all time.
I will now summarize the plot of TOMCATS: Seven years ago, a bunch of friends make a bet that'll give the last remaining bachelor a ton of money. Today, after losing a ton of money at a Vegas casino to impress a girl, Michael Delaney (Jerry O‚Connell) has to quickly get his friend Kyle (Jake Busey) married so that he can collect the prize money to pay back his debt to Vegas casino owner Bill Maher. And I have officially spent more time and effort thinking about TOMCATS than the film‚s writer and first-time director Gregory Poirier, who also wrote the scripts for the current SEE SPOT RUN (which I refuse to see) and last year‚s awful GOSSIP (which I wish I hadn‚t seen).
TOMCATS is supposed to be a sex comedy, but it's not sexy or funny, so it's a huge failure on every level. I didn't laugh once, and the presence of the one person in this film that had even a chance of making it slightly sexy, Shannon Elizabeth (AMERICAN PIE, SCARY MOVIE), does not even come close to taking her clothes off. I'm not trying to sound like a pig here, but if you're going to work within a certain formula at least adhere to the formula. I'm sorry Shannon, but you're a shitty actress and your two biggest assets should be on screen as much as possible. I forgave you for not whipping them out in SCARY MOVIE because that film was just so damn funny. But TOMCATS needed support from your gorgeous breasts, and if you think you're too good to show them to us at this point in your career, think again honey. Jesus, her outfits aren't even that sexy. What the hell is wrong with these people?! Your time is almost done, Shannon. Get ready to start doing the peep show circuit; ! I've got my dollar bills ready for you.
And don't even get me started on the poor man's Freddie Prinze Jr. by the name of Jerry O'Connell. The guy has the subtlety of a vaudeville performer. And what about that retard Jake Busey. The only thing scarier than his big chompers is his freakish facial hair. We're treated to several scenes of him in thong underwear. Isn't that special?
Every one in this movie acts like a complete idiot and the jokes are in such bad taste that I felt like walking out. I love a good gross-out movie as much as the next guy, but this just wasn‚t funny. I'm going to give you a few examples; consider these SPOILERS. A doctor accidentally eats a recently extracted cancerous testicle from Mr. Busey after its bounced and rolled its way through an entire hospital. Busey has sex with a girl as she's leaning out a car window throwing up. Maybe in more capable hands these scenarios might have been funny, but I doubt it. Even in the worst movies, I can usually find something I like, but that is not the case with TOMCATS.
You know what? I'm through talking about TOMCATS. If you see this movie after reading this, then you're as much of an idiot as everyone in this movie.
Oh, by the way, Harry. I saw SPY KIDS over the weekend too, and I wasn't really impressed with it. I'm sure it will be a huge hit with the kiddies. I couldn't get past the fact that the little boy was so annoying, I wan't to kick his sorry ass right off the Sears Tower. I'm in an angry place now, I'm sorry. I'm seeing BLOW and BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY later this week. Hopefully those will cheer me up.
