Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I've just arrived back in rainy, rainy LA, fresh from the Florida sun, and I find this missive from HERCULES THE STRONG waiting for me. There's a reason I love working at AICN...
BUFFY 5.14 FAQ
WHAT’S IT CALLED?
“Crush.”
WHO’S RESPONSIBLE?
Teleplay is credited to David Fury, who also authored “Real Me,” the series’ first Dawn-centric installment.
WHAT DOES TV GUIDE SAY?
“After being scolded by her big sister for having a crush on Spike (James Marsters), Dawn sheds light on the identity of the true object of the neutered vamp's affection---Buffy. With his frustrating Slayer fixation finally out of the closet, Spike swallows his pride and professes his love to her face, only to be rebuffed by the supremely creeped-out Buffster. Angry and humiliated, a sulky Spike returns home to find Drusilla (Juliet Landau) waiting...and she's ready to take him back.”
SUCKOMETRIC READINGS?
This “Buffy” must rank as one of the finest ever produced! It’s got everything: huge laughs, nonstop plot twists, major character development, suspense, the best use of Spike since he and Dru fled Sunnydale together almost three years ago, and the best use of Dru since she and Spike fled Sunnydale almost three years ago (even if one considers her recent jaw-dropping stint on “Angel”)!!
IS “CRUSH” AS GOOD AS “FOOL FOR LOVE,” LAST NOVEMBER’S SPIKE-FEST WITH ALL THE FLASHBACKS?
Better!
THE BIG NEWS?
If you’re like me, you will find yourself, against all expectations, rooting for Spike to win the slayer’s heart!
WHA?? SPIKE AND BUFFY COULD ACTUALLY COUPLE??
The Spike that inhabits this episode makes it seems almost LIKELY. And consider this piece of dialogue, spoken just outside the Spikecrypt:
BUFFY: You cannot have a crush on something that is dead and evil and a vampire!
DAWN: Right. That’s why you were never with Angel for three years.
BUFFY: Angel’s different. He has a soul.
DAWN: Spike has a chip. Same diff.
IS DRU STILL IN THE COMPANY OF DARLA?
She is not!
DOES DRU SURVIVE THIS EPISODE?
This is the major source of tonight’s suspense, keeping us guessing until the show’s final minutes! It’s particularly nerve-wracking because Dru quickly reminds us why she’s one of the most compelling and entertaining characters in the Buffyverse. Is Team Whedon REALLY perverse enough to dust her just as she’s returned to major-fun mode??
WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT SPIKE TONIGHT?
For the first time in a long time, he’s virtually back to his old pre-Initiative self: charismatic, quick-witted, directed, independent, and brimming with disdainful asides. To see him like this is to be reminded again that – as good as “Angel” has gotten – they probably gave the wrong vampire his own show.
BUT SPIKE IS STILL EVIL, RIGHT?
That’s the OTHER great thing about the new William! The combination of his brainchip and his emerging love for Buffy really seems to have transformed him! Not only is he as amusing as the season-two Spike, he finally seems to be moving in the direction of good and right. Like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day,” he’s been dealing with adversity so long he’s finally seeing the virtue in being virtuous! Even if Buffy and Spike don’t find coupledom together, we can only hope James Marsters has lots of years left on his Mutant Enemy contract.
WHAT’S SO FUNNY ABOUT PEACE, LOVE AND BUFFY 5.14?
Spike’s sex-games with Harmony (there’s a great Harm line about one of South Africa’s leading film actresses)! And Xander’s new Bronze alter-ego! And Buffy’s reaction to Spike offering her Bourbon! And the lamest, jiffy-popping vampire lair in Sunnydale! And more! This hour: guffaw-packed!
HOW IS DAWN ADAPTING TO HER NEW SELF-KNOWLEDGE?
Very well, thanks in large part to Spike! It’s really his ongoing relationship with Buffy’s sister that lets us see the good in him.
ANY SIGN OF BEN/GLORIFICUS, OR THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY “KEY!!”?
Only Ben, who shows up ever-so-briefly -- just long enough to chat up Buffy and generate a little jealousy.
IS XANDER MADE A JUNIOR WATCHER?
No!
HOW DO YOU SEE MAY’s SEASON-CLOSING 100TH EPISODE?
It will be (pardon the pun) glorious!!! Gimme a colossal, apocalyptic two-hour Crisis on Infinite Buffyverses crossover uniting Buffy, Spike, Giles, Willow, Tara, Anya and Xander with Angel, Cordy, Faith, Riley, Oz, Wesley, and the ghost of Kendra!! I might even tape it!
TELL US HOW TO SQUANDER OUR TUESDAYS, O HERCULES!
The WB’s “Buffy” at 8:00, the WB’s “Angel” at 9:00, and MTV’s “Road Rules/Real World Challenge” at 10:00. Tape ABC’s “The Mole” at 8:00 and Fox’s “Dark Angel” at 9:00. Buy a TiVo and record Fox Family’s 2-hour “Freaks & Geeks” block at 8:00.
HERC’S RATING FOR “BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER” 5.14?
****
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
I warn you not to defy me!
