Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I MISSED THE GODDAMN WATCHER COUNCIL EPISODE, GODDAMNIT! Sundance, while a perfectly lovely party, doesn't exactly encourage the watching of TV. I haven't missed a BUFFY (either broadcast or on tape) in three seasons. I am not a happy man. Yes, I will be tuned in this Tuesday. But I'll be stewing. Mark my words... oh, yeah, and here's HERCULES THE STRONG!!
BUFFY 5.13 FAQ
WHAT’S IT CALLED?
“Blood Ties.”
WHO’S RESPONSIBLE?
Teleplay is credited to Steven S. DeKnight, who appears to be a newcomer to Team Whedon.
WHAT DOES TV GUIDE SAY?
“Dawn’s entire world crumbles around her after she learns that she is the Key – and dealing with the truth proves even harder than anyone had anticipated when she runs away.”
SUCKOMETRIC READINGS?
Virtually suck-free! 5.13 is an agreeably plotty installment with some fairly moving Dawn material. The only downside is the complete absence of laugh-out-loud comedy-genius dialogue like “Hello! Gay now!” and “Willow’s a demon?”
THE BIG NEWS?
In the episode’s big jump-out-of-your-seat what-the-hell-was-that? scene, we learn in highly dramatic fashion the true nature of Ben the Evil Intern!
DO WE LEARN BEN’S TRUE RELATIONSHIP WITH GLORY?
At least one important aspect of it! And while Ben and Glory may in fact be brother and sister, we learn that that share a far more intimate connection! Ew!
DOES BEN LEAD THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY “KEY!”?
Uncertain. He knows who they are, but he seems to be caught off-guard by their sudden appearance in Sunnydale.
IS BEN TRULY EVIL?
Well, yeah. He did, after all, summon that queller demon to snack on Joyce a while ago.
ARE THE WATCHERS STILL LURKING ABOUT? HAVE THEY BEEN REDUCED TO RUNNING ERRANDS FOR WILLOW AND TIDYING JOYCE’S KITCHEN?
Sadly, they have not! The watchers, in fact, have no on-screen role in this episode, having been shooed back to their sad little island by Giles and the slayer.
IF DAWN LEARNS SHE’S THE KEY, DO THE SCOOBS LEARN AS WELL?
Yes. Willow, Xander, Tara and Anya all get the news minutes before Dawn.
IS SPIKE STILL PROTECTING THE SUMMERS GIRLS IN THE SPIKECRYPT?
No! Joyce, Dawn and Spike all begin the episode in their respective homes. Was Spike just an interim solution while Buffy dealt with the watchers? Or did watcher research suggest Spike would make one crappy protector?
DO WE LEARN MORE OF GLORY?
We do.
WHAT KIND OF GOD IS SHE? SUMARIAN?
Giles relates that, according to council research, “Glory and two of her fellow hell-gods ruled over one of the more seriously unpleasant demon dimensions.”
IS GLORY SEEN THIS WEEK?
Yes. And she has more dreggy minions than ever!
IS BUFFY STILL HEARTSICK?
A bit. She gets a bit pouty when her 20th birthday comes and no greeting card with a Latin American postmark appears.
TELL US HOW TO SQUANDER OUR TUESDAYS, O HERCULES!
The WB’s “Buffy” at 8:00, the WB’s “Angel” at 9:00, and MTV’s “Road Rules/Real World Challenge” at 10:00. Tape ABC’s “The Mole” at 8:00 and Fox’s “Dark Angel” at 9:00. Buy a second VCR and tape Fox Family’s 2-hour “Freaks & Geeks” block at 8:00.
HERC’S RATING FOR “BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER” 5.12?
***1/2
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
I will pillage the lands and dwellings of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association!!!! I will burn their crops and freely remind readers that the Golden Globes are voted upon by the same group of cabdrivers, waiters and respectable full-time journalists who gave Pia Zadora a Golden Globe for her work in “Butterfly!”
