Father Geek here with chapter 5 of Scrubbing Bubble's quest for the Golden Fleece that is a Hollywood career. He still hasn't laid his hands on it, hell he hasn't even seen it, but in looking through the fog to the stars for guidance he caught a glimpse of a demi-god and found the muse needed to continue a Geek's epic journey...

The Crystal Ship

Episode Five

"I'M BACK" You remember when Paul Newman said that at the end of "The Color of Money"? Well that's how I feel. I'm writing on my own computer. I have my spell check. Things are great. And this week, you won't be bored.

All apologies for my spelling errors over the last two weeks. But trying to write a column in half an hour before the computer automatically shuts down is a bitch.

So how are things here in Los Angeles? Things are pretty cool. I'll tell the wild stories first.

12:30 at night. Piet and I are shooting down Wilshire to hit up a Denny's. We pass a small movie theater. A crew is out front working and the sign on the marquee.... Boys and girls...

JAMES VAN DER BEEK and JASON BIGGS IN... BLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC: THE MOVIE... WORLD PREMIERE

That's right my Kevin Smith loving friends. Smith's new movie was shooting right there at the El Rey. Of course, we stopped. And in the flesh we saw Smith himself, Jason Lee, and Jason Mewes. Thus far, definitely the coolest part of my adventures. We watched them shoot for an hour and a half.

Pretty minor scene. My guess is it's one of the opening scenes to the flick.

Jason Lee, playing Bankie from CHASING AMY comes out of the world premiere of BLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC. He's with the cool gay black guy from AMY and they're discussing the film. Suddenly, waiting outside is the guy who called Bankie a "fuckin' tracer" at the beginning of AMY at the comic convention. He yells something like- "I just saw your movie you fucking tracer". All hell breaks loose and he and Lee start having that much needed rematch. The scene is funny as hell. Even funnier is the poster of James DAWSON'S CREEK Van Der Beek and Jason Biggs dressed up like Smith and Mewes.

After that they did a quick shot of Smith and Mewes walking out of the premiere. Smith had the monkey from MALLRATS on his back. Mewes yells some funny shit and its a wrap.

So I put on my AICN hat and start playing reporter. I didn't have the balls to talk to Smith himself. I pussied out. But I talked to some other folks working on the set and they all had cool things to say about the flick.

For those of you who haven't guessed it yet, I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan. The guy has got a way with words. Bitch all you want. Sure, he's not the most visual director. Sure, he works with a lot of static shots. So does Woody Allen. Smith is a excellent writer and for the material that he writes, a fine director.

Piet doesn't agree with me and in his drunken state starts to tell me that he's going to throw a rock at Smith or at least attempt to hit him with one of those orange police cones. I talked him out of it and sat back to watch the shooting unfold. I must have looked like a complete geek. A goofy smile. Starry eyes. All because of Kevin Fucking Smith.

Everyone here should go and read Kevin's journal at www.psycomic.com. He writes a weekly column about the production of the film. Not since Bill Goldman has a man been as honest as Smith. His tirade against Reese Witherspoon and wanting to egg her house is the stuff Pulitzer's were made for.

I also found a rad comic shop called the Golden Apple. Amazing. I bought the Kevin Smith graphic novel of Daredevil. He wrote it. Really great story. I'm a huge comic book fan. I grew up on them. I remember saving my allowance every week to get new Spiderman comics. Really and truly, they are the greatest thing in the world next to movies.

So what about me? Is it true? Is my column becoming boring and stale? Who knows?

I don't expect every column to be the work of literary genius. I don't expect every single column to have something cool like my Kevin Smith story. I'm just telling you about my life. Like any writer, I've got my days when I'm on and my days when I'm off. When a column seems rushed through and stale, it probably means that things just aren't clicking or that not much is going on.

Movies. I saw STATE AND MAIN and loved it. Great movie. After working on a movie set for a few weeks, it really rang true. And how can I not love a picture where the hero of the piece is the screenwriter?

DIABLO. I think our work on the show has almost wrapped. I haven't seen them shoot anything else really cool. They shot a scene in a building by Echo Park. They dressed it up to be the police station. We also shot a scene off of Wilshire in a Spanish neighborhood where Tate's character lives. Vin Diesel goes there to ask for his help and the two have it out with each other. Lots of yelling and shit.

Script stuff. I had dinner with a very cool studio guy. No names. Can't give them. He was very intelligent and we hit it off. We had very similar movie tastes. If he likes my script, he could help me out big time. If he doesn't, fuck it, someone out there will.

I met with my producer for coffee and we chatted for a while. She went over who she was in the process of sending the script to and we came up with a list of actors and directors to send it to. We're still waiting to hear back from Fleder. He's still in NY shooting DON'T SAY A WORD with Michael Douglas. She also asked about the new script.

AGHHH! There's all this pressure for it to be great. My agent and producer have both told me the same thing. "Six Months" is a great script. But you need one more solid script.

There's other scripts written before "Six Months", nine in all. And seven of them I wouldn't even let my grandmother read. I'm very fond of two of them. One is probably the most personal thing I've ever written. It's a love story. It's also about God and the difference between religion and faith. Basically, its a love triangle between a girl, a guy, and God. My producer and agent don't really think that there's a market for that. Someday, when I'm finally getting paid to work in the biz, I'll make it. The other script is a completely unrealistic, John Hughes feeling, big hearted, sappy love story set in the film business. It is the exact script I set out to write. That doesn't happen often, so I'm protective of it. I think it works. It's big. It's commercial. I can see the trailer in my head. That's when you know you have a movie. If you can see the green screen pop up in your head telling you what the film is rated, and then see the preview roll, then you've probably done your job right. I've been told that no one wants movies about Hollywood and the film business, so that one is out the window too. It's not about the business. Its about a nobody who falls in love with a young starlet. Think NOTTING HILL for a younger audience. Like I said before, one day when I've made it, I'll make the damn thing. So a lot is expected of this new script.

I don't care though. Fuck the pressure. I'm just going to tell the story I set out to tell. I'm not going to try and be commercial. There's just this story that I have to get out of my system. I think it's a great story. I think it has great characters. I also can see it in my head. That's really important. If you can't see it in your head then you're doomed.

I can see this one. The faces, the events. I can hear my actors. You know, my dream cast who has already signed on to work with me in my head. I can hear the dialogue rolling off their tongues. I think the new script is something really special. Let's just hope everyone else does too.

In the meantime, we've moved out of the hostel and into the Econo Lodge. I think an apartment is coming soon. We're also lurking around on the internet looking for a new PA job.

I'll spend this week hunched over my laptop, pulling my hair out when the words don't come out the way I'd like them to. Enough for now.

I'll see you all soon.

Over and out.