Well its Sunday, so its safe to post the following report from our long absent spy, THE JUICE. He saw DRACULA 2000 with sadly predictible results. Why do film makers feel they have to screw with the long established storylines of longlived series like GODZILLA, FRANKENSTEIN, DRACULA, etc... I'll never understand. If it aint broke, why fix it? Father Geek received the following from our old spy and it seems another lame attempt at rewriting the Dracula legend has occurred. I haven't seen this one yet, but it looks like its got failure stamped all over it. Check out The Juice's review below...

Hello my AICN friends, it has been awhile…

Yet low and behold Juice has returned…a Christmas break from my first semester at 'spy school' has given me the opportunity to renew some of the old skills that I hadn't put into practice since, well X-men late last summer I suppose…

The review that follows wasn't my first attempt to use the abilities I have sharpened over the past months, in fact two weeks ago I infiltrated a rare screening to Dude where's my Car? But as many of you will no doubt discover this weekend it was not worth a single line of this reviewer's time, not that Dracula 2000 redeemed my faith in why I do what I do…

I suppose it is inevitable, the coming of the Dracula to the new millennium, surely all of the world has already forgotten him, heck it has been a whole eight years since Coppola's 1992 version. The name was enough for me to become skeptical of the project when I first heard of it. As if Bram Stoker's Dracula wasn't dull enough instead we are given Dracula 2000 a film worthy to be titled only with it's date of release, undoubtedly to capture on the whole millennia fad (that was soooo eleven months ago)…

Yet the film begins excellently, stylish and a new approach to the dark one. A team (with many familiar yet un-namable faces) led by Omar Epps breaks into the basement of a peculiar old man. They searching for the prizes that are hidden in his state of the art security system. They find nothing, until they reach the end of the tunnels. A room houses a coffin, elegantly finished and concealed. The treasure must be here…of course! We all keep our most prized belongings in caskets!

They cant figure out how to open it so they steal it and take it with them on a plane headed to New Orleans. When the old man realizes this he is distraught and soon reveals himself to be the one and the only Professor Van Helsing who hath sworn himself to keeping Dracula captured and kept himself alive to find a way to kill him by injecting Dracula's blood into his veins. (this isn't really spoiler as it is revealed within 10 minutes)

I will reveal no more of the plot other than Dracula heads to New Orleans to find a woman who is somehow linked with him…

I tried to like this movie and the beginning gave me no reason to think otherwise. Great camera movements and tone and original premise, but then it just stops, says fuck all this originality and becomes another 'lets get together and kill the gang of vampire' flicks. The rest of the plot becomes predictable and the climax and revelation about Dracula is damn dirty shit; unexplained and surely to be quite protested by those who are into the religious protesting scene.

What is cool in this movie? The antique vampire killing weapons wielded by Dr. Van Helsing are definitely a credit to excellent Hollywood production design, the lead female Mary (Justine Waddell) is very mesmerizing, she has an eerie aura to her that commands captivation. The flashback scene of Dracula's captivation, in fact Dracula isn't too bad himself, but I began to grow tired of him towards the end (or maybe that was just my anticipation for his death and the end of the movie).

Two gripes:

#1 Living eight years of my life in New Orleans I thought some of the in-studio shots of recreated New Orleans streets blew, it looked like a freaking studio that was built yesterday, not an old and elegant city.

And for # 2

WARNING MAJOR MAJOR SPOILER

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Get this, the "secret" behind Dracula in this film is that he is in fact Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus and hung himself, only when he went to hang himself the rope broke because God did not want him!?!? Where did they come up with changing the entire story of Dracula?!?!? In fact how did he become Dracula? This is not explained, all that is shown is Judas' rope breaking…this is the explanation as to why Dracula hates all things holy of course…sheesh so much for a good beginning.

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Ok, your safe here I suppose. Anyways as I said this movie seeps potential in the beginning until it yells FUCK OFF ORIGINALITY and in the end it decides to be original and makes matters even worse…. I wouldn't say this is an avoid at all costs, maybe a matinee but lets hope future Dracula outings in the year 2000 ignore all facets (minus the start) of this film…

Back with and attitude,

Juice