Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

I've got a lot of work to do this week. I've got a TRAFFIC review I'm working on, my first SUNDANCE report for the upcoming 2001 festival, the first review anywhere of the new novel by the writer of FIGHT CLUB, and my own BNAT coverage. Besides that, Big Bad Knowles is on a plane to New Zealand by now, leaving the way clear for that coup I've been planning. As a result of this overload, FlmLvr managed to file his BNAT report before me. Remember... if there's something you saw there and loved or saw there and hated, let us know. For now, here's the Biggest Little Man on AICN.

Flmlvr's Butt-Numb-A-Thon Of Darkness Or A Dwarf's Journey Through BNAT2 Not Unlike Apocalypse Now.

*Even though I'm an angry little Dwarf, I just want to thank a few people quick. Todd for making sure I got down there, Rebel Scum for driving my ass around, and of course to Robie, Samsa, Mongo, and Moriarty. If it wasn't for you I would've been stranded in Texas, mistaken for a rack of ribs, and eaten. Thanks all!*

The Following are excerpts from my diary to give you a sense of the craziness that was BNAT2:

Friday, December 8th

9:45PM- I just flew in. God damn I hate plane rides. Cool, there's Rebel Scum to drive me to the hotel where I'm sharing a room with Disturbed. A room with Disturbed? What the fuck did I get myself into?

Saturday - December 9th

1:15AM- Cool as fucking shit. Pretty In Pink is on cable. Nice. Poor bastard Disturbed is having to listen to me quote this gem line for line. "Blaine? That's a major appliance, not a name".

3:25AM- I can't take the snoring anymore. I can't. It's just getting louder and louder. I've yelled at Disturbed to shut up. It's not working. I finally have to resort to turning the TV on really loud to drown his obnoxious ass out.

9:30AM- I step over Disturbed making my way to the bathroom. Goddamn I don't love the smell of Disturbed in the morning.

9:36AM- The warm shower water runs over my face. It feels good.

10:38AM- I found a local Chevron close to the hotel. They have an aisle devoted to ginseng and caffeine products. Sweet.

10:41AM- I force ten packs into my pocket and hop into Rebel Scum's car.

11:17AM- There's a line of people much taller than me in front of the Alamo. This is gonna be tough. I need to find Harry to get my ticket and I can't see him over the crowd. Fuck.

11:25AM- I've finally spotted Harry surrounded by his crew. He's flanked by the wanna-be suave bastard John Robie, The Roach who's fucking taller then me Gregor Samsa, and that Evil Professor Moriarty. I push and shove through an endless row of legs until I finally reach them.

11:31AM- I've stood next to them for 6 minutes. Those fucks have yet to notice me. God damn I hate being short. I begin to shout, "Hey Guys, It's me, Flmlvr." Nothing. I shout it again. "HEY GUYS, IT'S ME FLMLVR" John Robie looks down. "Oh hey, Flm. What's up, Man? Didn't See ya down there". "Not much. I need to get my ticket from Harry. Think you can lift me up to him?"

11:32AM- I'm on John Robie's shoulders. Harry Finally notices me. I look him right in the eyes. "Harry, What's Up Man. Happy Birthday. Can I have my ticket.". He doesn't say anything. Just smiles. Next thing I know he's holding the ticket above my head where I can't reach it. Fucker.

12:01PM- It's a mad rush inside the Alamo Drafthouse. I coast in on Robie's shoulders.

12:03PM- I'm inside now. Robie got tired of carrying me and tossed me to the ground. A big stair case lies in front of me. I begin to hop up the stairs. While hopping I look to the side. Film Reel cases line the walls. I eye the titles. Holy Shit! TEEN WOLF. Please let them be showing TEEN WOLF.

12:15PM- I've finally made it up the stairs. I begin tugging at whatever pant legs I can find and shouting, "Teen Wolf is playing, Teen Wolf Is playing." Odd. No one seems to care.

12:27PM- I've found my row. I'm sitting by that bastard Disturbed. Robie, Samsa, Seagnut, and Moriarty all sit in front of me.

12:45PM- Harry just got done speaking. I'm impressed. He wasn't nervous at all. Just fucking excited.

12:47PM- I just saw this beautiful girl in a white t-shirt. She's gone now. She must have sat down or something and I lost her.

12:57PM- HAHAHAH. A short by Cartuna just played. It was hilarious. It involved Moriarty being anally violated by Smurfette. Classic.

2:45PM- The first film just ended. It was called DESTINATION MARS! Think Blair Witch For 50's SF films. It was actually pretty funny. A bit too long, but still funny. Kicked off the fest in the right way. I feel great.

3:36PM- I feel like shit. THE HOBBIT is in the middle of playing. God, you know I used to love this film as a young dwarf. I really did. Now, jeez it's just painful. And that song. Ugh.

3:58PM- Hahaha. Cartuna just spilled beer all over Robie and Samsa. That's really funny. Really Funny.

8:15PM- THE GIFT just ended. Pretty Good. Not Great. But Solid. The acting was great all around. Even "Ca-noo".

9:25PM- Insanity is starting to set in. Seriously. THE SEA WOLF is playing right now. I saw it a few years back and it's a good film, but please not now. I'm getting tired, hungry, and I have no money for food. My hands start to shake.

10:47PM- THE WONDER BAR is playing. You know, this seems like a really cool musical, but I can't get into it. I'm trying but I just can't focus. My legs are now shaking.

10:54PM- Robie just walked back in the theatre carrying two pitchers of beer to numb the pain. He turns around and asks me if I'd like one. Hell yes.

10:56PM- I tap Robie on the shoulder. "Please sir, can I have some more."

11:48PM- It's break time in the lobby. I'm trying to regain whatever piece of mind I've lost. My eyes hurt, I'm hungry, but god damn this is SO MUCH FUN.

11:51PM- I just saw that girl in white again, but now she's gone. What the fuck is this? American Graffiti? Jesus.

Sunday - December 9th

12:15AM- Harry just told us we're gonna be watching SNATCH next. Cool. Speaking of, I've noticed at least three girls have rotated sitting on Moriarty's lap. I'm impressed. Good show, old man.

"Moriarty" here. Just wanted to say that this is absolutely true.

Somewhere around 2AM-Snatch just ended. Fun film. Brad Pitt ruled. One of the guys from Snatch is up front signing posters. Nice Little Surprise.

3:15AM- I'm starting to lose it. Big time. Russ Meyer's Beneath the Valley Of The Super-Vixens is playing. I'm all for sex, big boobs, and an endless array of naked women, but it's starting to get weird inside the theatre. A weird hush has come over it. I don't know what's going on but it's weird. I start to wonder if anyone is pulling a Pee Wee.

3:17AM- Moriarty keeps shifting around in his seat as some girl with really big boobs works in a radio station.

"Moriarty" here again. Just wanted to say that this is absolutely false.

3:19AM- Moriarty is stll shifting. What's going on? I don't want to fucking know.

CURSE YOU, FLMLVR! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE!!

3:37AM- I've found salvation in the lobby. There's a bunch of us who had to come out here and cleanse ourselves.

4:15AM- I just got done having a conversation with Gregor Samsa. For a roach that's taller than me, he's pretty damn cool.

4:29AM- I sit in my seat waiting for the next film to start. I don't feel right. I haven't eaten anything for about 18 hours. I'm shaking all over. Yet, I take a ginseng pill.

6:15AM- I lost some time. I don't know what happened or where it went. Maybe Harry can tell me how they found their lost time in BW2 that way I can do the same.

7:38AM- Bad Ass! ROBOCOP is showing.

7:43AM- Robie and Samsa just knocked coke all over themselves. Hahahha. Funny.

7:47AM- Cool. ED-209 Rocks.

7:49AM- My eyes are getting heavy. I See ED-209 stomping across the screen. Hehehe...he just tore that guy up. So great.

9:36AM- Whoa. What happened to Robocop. What the hell is this that's playing? Samurai's? I want my ED-209. I look around for someone to blame. Samsa? No, he's a roach and bigger then me. Robie? Nope, bigger than me. Moriarty? Hell no. I heard that freaky bastard likes pain.

9:37AM- My eyes have landed on Disturbed. He looks scared. He can tell I'm not all there.

9:39AM- I still stare at Disturbed. I know longer see him clearly. He's begining to morph into a certain animal from Apocalypse Now.

9:43AM- I wipe the blood from my hands and turn back to the screen. I feel better. Like I'm coming out of it.

9:57AM- This Samurai film is actually pretty dang cool. Guess it's called SHOGUN SAMURAI.

10:29AM- Break Time.

10:31AM- I lean against the bathroom stall.

10:33AM- The girl in the white t-shirt just walked in the bathroom as I walked out. Son of a bitch.

10:37AM- Harry's up front announcing the last film. How is that birthday bastard still full of energy? I bet he's sleeping up in the projection booth in between films.

10:38AM- Cool. It's Ed Gein. But first we get to watch a short that Tim, owner of the drafthouse, picked out.

10:44AM- OH MY GOD. That short was weird. Did I really just see Santa telling kids that they are no different then monkeys, and little monkeys wearing human masks?

10:47AM- ED GEIN is starting to play. I can't concentrate right now. I'm pissed off because I just realized that the monkeys in that short were taller than me.

12:18PM- Ed Gein just ended. Pretty good, but I didn't think it was great. Interesting character study. The guy who played Gein was really damn good.

12:23PM- Whoa. The guy who played Gein is here. He's up front now answering questions. Very Cool.

12:44PM- Harry's up front un-wrapping gifts. Did I just see a dildo?

12:57PM- Harry's now giving away free stuff. I go up there to try and get some. The bastard made fun of me.

12:58PM- Cool. He's forgiven. I got a Crouching Tiger Poster.

1:08PM- I wait outside for my ride. No sign of the girl in the white t-shirt. Dammit. There's always next year. Please! Be there next year!

1:43PM- I'm back at the hotel wishing I was still at the Alamo. That was some crazy fun. I wish it was December 2001 already.

1:44PM- I lay down on the bed and fall asleep.

1:45PM- My eyes shoot open. Fuck. They never showed TEEN WOLF!

Contact me at the Land Of The Little People!!

FLMLVR's Butt-Numb-A-Thon Of Darkness!!

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

Flmlvr's Butt-Numb-A-Thon Of Darkness Or A Dwarf's Journey Through BNAT2 Not Unlike Apocalypse Now.

The Following are excerpts from my diary to give you a sense of the craziness that was BNAT2:

Friday, December 8th

9:45PM- I just flew in. God damn I hate plane rides. Cool, there's Rebel Scum to drive me to the hotel where I'm sharing a room with Disturbed. A room with Disturbed? What the fuck did I get myself into?

Saturday - December 9th

1:15AM- Cool as fucking shit. Pretty In Pink is on cable. Nice. Poor bastard Disturbed is having to listen to me quote this gem line for line. "Blaine? That's a major appliance, not a name".

3:25AM- I can't take the snoring anymore. I can't. It's just getting louder and louder. I've yelled at Disturbed to shut up. It's not working. I finally have to resort to turning the TV on really loud to drown his obnoxious ass out.

9:30AM- I step over Disturbed making my way to the bathroom. Goddamn I don't love the smell of Disturbed in the morning.

9:36AM- The warm shower water runs over my face. It feels good.

10:38AM- I found a local Chevron close to the hotel. They have an aisle devoted to ginseng and caffeine products. Sweet.

10:41AM- I force ten packs into my pocket and hop into Rebel Scum's car.

11:17AM- There's a line of people much taller than me in front of the Alamo. This is gonna be tough. I need to find Harry to get my ticket and I can't see him over the crowd. Fuck.

11:25AM- I've finally spotted Harry surrounded by his crew. He's flanked by the wanna-be suave bastard John Robie, The Roach who's fucking taller then me Gregor Samsa, and that Evil Professor Moriarty. I push and shove through an endless row of legs until I finally reach them.

11:32AM- I'm on John Robie's shoulders. Harry Finally notices me. I look him right in the eyes. "Harry, What's Up Man. Happy Birthday. Can I have my ticket.". He doesn't say anything. Just smiles. Next thing I know he's holding the ticket above my head where I can't reach it. Fucker.

12:01PM- It's a mad rush inside the Alamo Drafthouse. I coast in on Robie's shoulders.

12:03PM- I'm inside now. Robie got tired of carrying me and tossed me to the ground. A big stair case lies in front of me. I begin to hop up the stairs. While hopping I look to the side. Film Reel cases line the walls. I eye the titles. Holy Shit! TEEN WOLF. Please let them be showing TEEN WOLF.

12:15PM- I've finally made it up the stairs. I begin tugging at whatever pant legs I can find and shouting, "Teen Wolf is playing, Teen Wolf Is playing." Odd. No one seems to care.

12:27PM- I've found my row. I'm sitting by that bastard Disturbed. Robie, Samsa, Seagnut, and Moriarty all sit in front of me.

12:45PM- Harry just got done speaking. I'm impressed. He wasn't nervous at all. Just fucking excited.

12:47PM- I just saw this beautiful girl in a white t-shirt. She's gone now. She must have sat down or something and I lost her.

12:57PM- HAHAHAH. A short by Cartuna just played. It was hilarious. It involved Moriarty being anally violated by Smurfette. Classic.

2:45PM- The first film just ended. It was called DESTINATION MARS! Think Blair Witch For 50's SF films. It was actually pretty funny. A bit too long, but still funny. Kicked off the fest in the right way. I feel great.

3:36PM- I feel like shit. THE HOBBIT is in the middle of playing. God, you know I used to love this film as a young dwarf. I really did. Now, jeez it's just painful. And that song. Ugh.

3:58PM- Hahaha. Cartuna just spilled beer all over Robie and Samsa. That's really funny. Really Funny.

8:15PM- THE GIFT just ended. Pretty Good. Not Great. But Solid. The acting was great all around. Even "Ca-noo".

9:25PM- Insanity is starting to set in. Seriously. THE SEA WOLF is playing right now. I saw it a few years back and it's a good film, but please not now. I'm getting tired, hungry, and I have no money for food. My hands start to shake.

10:47PM- THE WONDER BAR is playing. You know, this seems like a really cool musical, but I can't get into it. I'm trying but I just can't focus. My legs are now shaking.

10:54PM- Robie just walked back in the theatre carrying two pitchers of beer to numb the pain. He turns around and asks me if I'd like one. Hell yes.

10:56PM- I tap Robie on the shoulder. "Please sir, can I have some more."

11:48PM- It's break time in the lobby. I'm trying to regain whatever piece of mind I've lost. My eyes hurt, I'm hungry, but god damn this is SO MUCH FUN.

11:51PM- I just saw that girl in white again, but now she's gone. What the fuck is this? American Graffiti? Jesus.

Sunday - December 9th

12:15AM- Harry just told us we're gonna be watching SNATCH next. Cool. Speaking of, I've noticed at least three girls have rotated sitting on Moriarty's lap. I'm impressed. Good show, old man.

"Moriarty" here. Just wanted to say that this is absolutely true.

Somewhere around 2AM-Snatch just ended. Fun film. Brad Pitt ruled. One of the guys from Snatch is up front signing posters. Nice Little Surprise.

3:17AM- Moriarty keeps shifting around in his seat as some girl with really big boobs works in a radio station.

"Moriarty" here again. Just wanted to say that this is absolutely false.

3:19AM- Moriarty is stll shifting. What's going on? I don't want to fucking know.

3:37AM- I've found salvation in the lobby. There's a bunch of us who had to come out here and cleanse ourselves.

4:15AM- I just got done having a conversation with Gregor Samsa. For a roach that's taller than me, he's pretty damn cool.

4:29AM- I sit in my seat waiting for the next film to start. I don't feel right. I haven't eaten anything for about 18 hours. I'm shaking all over. Yet, I take a ginseng pill.

6:15AM- I lost some time. I don't know what happened or where it went. Maybe Harry can tell me how they found their lost time in BW2 that way I can do the same.

7:38AM- Bad Ass! ROBOCOP is showing.

7:43AM- Robie and Samsa just knocked coke all over themselves. Hahahha. Funny.

7:47AM- Cool. ED-209 Rocks.

7:49AM- My eyes are getting heavy. I See ED-209 stomping across the screen. Hehehe...he just tore that guy up. So great.

9:36AM- Whoa. What happened to Robocop. What the hell is this that's playing? Samurai's? I want my ED-209. I look around for someone to blame. Samsa? No, he's a roach and bigger then me. Robie? Nope, bigger than me. Moriarty? Hell no. I heard that freaky bastard likes pain.

9:37AM- My eyes have landed on Disturbed. He looks scared. He can tell I'm not all there.

9:39AM- I still stare at Disturbed. I know longer see him clearly. He's begining to morph into a certain animal from Apocalypse Now.

9:43AM- I wipe the blood from my hands and turn back to the screen. I feel better. Like I'm coming out of it.

9:57AM- This Samurai film is actually pretty dang cool. Guess it's called SHOGUN SAMURAI.

10:29AM- Break Time.

10:31AM- I lean against the bathroom stall.

10:33AM- The girl in the white t-shirt just walked in the bathroom as I walked out. Son of a bitch.

10:37AM- Harry's up front announcing the last film. How is that birthday bastard still full of energy? I bet he's sleeping up in the projection booth in between films.

10:38AM- Cool. It's Ed Gein. But first we get to watch a short that Tim, owner of the drafthouse, picked out.

10:44AM- OH MY GOD. That short was weird. Did I really just see Santa telling kids that they are no different then monkeys, and little monkeys wearing human masks?

10:47AM- ED GEIN is starting to play. I can't concentrate right now. I'm pissed off because I just realized that the monkeys in that short were taller than me.

12:18PM- Ed Gein just ended. Pretty good, but I didn't think it was great. Interesting character study. The guy who played Gein was really damn good.

12:23PM- Whoa. The guy who played Gein is here. He's up front now answering questions. Very Cool.

12:44PM- Harry's up front un-wrapping gifts. Did I just see a dildo?

12:57PM- Harry's now giving away free stuff. I go up there to try and get some. The bastard made fun of me.

12:58PM- Cool. He's forgiven. I got a Crouching Tiger Poster.

1:08PM- I wait outside for my ride. No sign of the girl in the white t-shirt. Dammit. There's always next year. Please! Be there next year!

1:43PM- I'm back at the hotel wishing I was still at the Alamo. That was some crazy fun. I wish it was December 2001 already.

1:44PM- I lay down on the bed and fall asleep.

1:45PM- My eyes shoot open. Fuck. They never showed TEEN WOLF!

Contact me at the Land Of The Little People!!