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What the &#$% is ZOMBIES & SHARKS?

Welcome to the darker side of AICN! Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug here with another AICN HORROR: ZOMBIES & SHARKS column. Just a reminder, I’ll be at the Music Box of Horrors tomorrow all day selling my comics to the masses! If you’re in Chicago, stop by and check out my books and enjoy some fantastic movies! For more information about the Music Box of Horrors, click this link! I hope to see you there!

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On with the horror reviews!

(Click title to go directly to the feature)

Retro-review: CHOSEN SURVIVORS (1974)
Retro-review: SLUGS (1988)
Retro-review: A WEREWOLF IN THE AMAZON (2005)
6 PLOTS (2012)
And finally…Light’s Out; Haunted Cell!

Retro-review: New this week on BluRay from Kino Lorber!


Directed by Sutton Roley
Written by Harry Spalding, Joe Reb Moffly
Starring Jackie Cooper, Alex Cord, Richard Jaeckel, Bradford Dillman, Pedro Armendáriz Jr., Diana Muldaur, Lincoln Kilpatrick, Gwenn Mitchell, Barbara Babcock, Cristina Moreno, Nancy Rodman, Kelly Lange
Retro-reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

Feeling like a movie of the week, this all-star disaster pic shies away from the disaster and focuses on how, even if we do survive the end of the world, we still will most likely tear each other apart. CHOSEN SURVIVORS is a decent little disaster film that is more unconventional than most with bat attacks, elevator shaft climbing, and an underground bunker filled with the best amenities.

A group of the world’s most brilliant, famous, and wealthy people are hand-picked to be taken to a bunker in the middle of the desert in hopes that they are able to survive and carry on what it means to be human to another race. A mile below the surface, the group immediately deal with the idea that everything they know and love has been destroyed in a nuclear apocalypse and must try to get along with one another. The problem is that they’re all either crazy or assholes or crazy assholes.

The point of this movie is that even at the end of the world, folks are going to find something to be pissed off at each other about. Human nature is all about conflict and almost immediately, these survivors pair up and start conspiring against one another. If they’re not sleeping with each other, they are trying to kill each other and while this is a fun theme to play with, I think a lot of potential is wasted as too many of these characters are simply filler with Jackie Cooper getting all of the good bad stuff to do. He is the stereotypical rich asshole of the group and much of the movie focuses on him being as such. While the rest have their own issues, most likely, if you’re successful and powerful enough to chosen to be in the bunker in the first place, then you’ve probably got a few issues. But instead of having all kinds of jerks at each others throats, they unfortunately just toss all the bad habits one way.

Worst of all, there is a rape in this film that is truly unsettling. Cooper’s character forces a woman to have sex with him. The sequence is the most disturbing of the film as it ends with the woman simply giving in as if she would rather go with the flow than risk more violence. A sign of its time, I sure this type of thing would never happen in today’s sensitive world. I didn’t mind the rape happening, but the lack of resolution is what is the most wince-inducing. Cooper gets his in the end and his victim has an opportunity to save him, but doesn’t. But the whole complexity of the situation is glossed over and not really dealt with in a way to address the impact of the crime, which makes me ask why the hell did they put it in there if it wasn’t going to be dealt with in a proper way.

The appearance of the bats is also very weird. Looking at the poster, I was thinking that one of the survivors was a vampire and killing the group one by one. Unfortunately, it’s just not that cool a movie. Instead, there are a few decent performances and an semi-interesting premise that never fully dives into the material deep enough to resonate on the level it wants to. There’s a decent movie in this ideas that make up CHOSEN SURVIVORS, but the execution just doesn’t work as well as the promise of the premise.

Retro-review: New this week on BluRay/DVD special edition from Arrow Films/MVD Visual!

SLUGS (1988)

Directed by Juan Piquer Simón (as J.P. Simon)
Written by José Antonio Escrivá (as Jose A. Escriva), Juan Piquer Simón (as J.P. Simon), & Ron Gantman (screenplay), Shaun Hutson (novel),
Starring Michael Garfield, Kim Terry, Philip MacHale, Alicia Moro, Santiago Álvarez, Concha Cuetos, John Battaglia, Emilio Linder, Kris Mann, Kari Rose, Manuel de Blas, Andy Alsup, Frank Braña, Stan Schwartz, Juan Maján, Lucía Prado, Patty Shepard, Miguel de Grandy, Tammy Reger, Glen Greenberg, Jay R. Ingerson, Harriet L. Stark, Toby Gold, Carla M. Fox, and a shit ton of slugs!
Retro-reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

A town is overrun by flesh-eating slugs that reproduce at a rapid rate due to nasty ol’ pollution. Of course, the mayor insists nothing is wrong, but a pair of mulletted scientists won’t stop until the slimy menace is defeated. Meanwhile, many people somehow are overcome by slow moving blob creatures with teeth!

Falling in line with FROGS, SLUGS is probably one of the least scary animal amok films you’re going to find. Sure they are slithery and gross looking, but I mean, it’s a slug. While these guys are running around trying to tackle the slug infestation problem, kids around the world know that this whole problem could have been taken care of with a Morton Salt truck and a few shovels. Following the JAWS template, the officials never listen to the frantic man in the know about the killer slugs as they begin crawling up through sinks, toilets, and the ground itself, digesting people ever so slowly.

While the acting is atrocious, the effects are actually pretty great in slugs. There are more than one slug attacks that result in some pretty awesome partially devoured make-ups. There’s also a quite nasty, yet surprisingly titillating scene where a nude cutie falls into a pile of slugs and writhes around covered in blood and slugs. As usual with eighties horror, most of the effort was put into the effects and less so in everything else. Story, acting, editing, and pretty much every other filmic aspect of this movie is just plain bad.

Arriving a little late in the game with the animal amok trend that dominates the sixties and seventies, SLUGS is fun drive in fare that can’t be taken seriously. It’s not scary, but it has some decent gore. Not surprisingly, Arrow was able to dredge up some pretty amazing special features for this film such as a commentary from the director which is listed as Chris Alexander (though IMDB lists the film being directed by J.P. Simon). There’s an interview with actor Emilio Linder, and one with effects coordinator Carlo De Marchis, another special featurette called Invasion USA interviewing the art director Gonzalo Gonzalo, an interview and locations tour with production manager Larry Ann Evans, and much more. It’s way too much than this film deserves, but SLUGS fans can now rejoice at this ultimate edition of the film.

Retro-review: New this week on a special edition multi-disk BluRay from Camp Motion Pictures!


Directed by Ivan Cardoso
Written by Gastão Cruls (novel), Rubens Francisco Luchetti, Evandro Mesquita, Flávio de Souza (screenplay)
Starring Daiana Amêndola, Karina Bacchi, Tania Boscoli, Bruno de Luca, Orlando Drummond, Sidney Magal, Nuno Leal Maia, Júlio Medaglia, Joana Medeiros, Evandro Mesquita, Pedro Neschling, Charles Paraventi, Caio Ramos, Guará Rodrigues and Paul Naschy as Dr. Moreau/the Werewolf!
Retro-reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

This is one wild movie. A WEREWOLF IN THE AMAZON is one of those obscuriosities that is so weird that is must be seen.

The story is a simple and goofy one, yet there’s some kind of twisted genius to it. Dr. Moreau (played by legendary werewolf actor Paul Naschy) among his various experiments with animal/man hybrids, has also created a race of gorgeous Amazons who have developed their own culture in the middle of the jungle. Meanwhile, a group of kids are out to have a good time (like groups of kids often do in horror films) and decide to take some drugs whilst partying (also like kids often do in these films), only to find themselves stalked by some kind of monster in the jungle.

Then for no real reason at all, the story skids to a halt for a musical number set to salsa music.

Anyway, it turns out Dr. Moreau isn’t just a mad scientist, but he is also cursed with lycanthropy. While this isn’t the usual character of Waldemar Daninsky which Naschy has become infamous for playing through the years in low budget horror films, Naschy still gives his all in his later years in this performance. He really chews up the scenery as the bent scientist; even at one point, yelling at a corpse who suddenly sits up to lie back down. I think this scene is supposed to be some kind of dream image or hallucination for Moreau, but in the context of the scene, it just comes off as another weird inconsistency in a weird film. Still, Naschy gives his all and more in this one despite being up there in years.

It’s not often you see Dr. Moreau in movies. Most of his appearances can be counted on one hand. So I was surprised I hadn’t heard about this film which may have its way with the source material, but Naschy still gives the good doctor more soul than the book ever did. As the werewolf, Naschy is in his element. Attacking with gory fury, fans of Naschy in full on werewolf regalia will deem this a CANNOT MISS.

If you’re a horror fan, you can’t help but have fun watching this film. It’s random. It’s goofy. It isn’t funny when it tries to be, yet is hilarious at other moments of seriousness. It’s just a fun campy film. Paired with quite a few other films in this collection, I cannot wait to dive into the rest of the series given the amount of fun I had with A WEREWOLF IN THE AMAZON.

New on DVD this week from Lionsgate Home Entertainment!

6 PLOTS (2012)

Directed by Leigh Sheehan
Written by Tim C. Patterson
Starring Alice Darling, Ryan Corr, Penelope Mitchell, Joey Coley-Sowry, Emily Wheaton, Eliza Taylor, Damien Harrison, Matt Callan, Andrew Clarke, Peter Flaherty, Saskia Hampele, Steve Hayden, Dean Kirkright, P.J. Lane, Lulu McClatchy, Nicole Joy Tan
Reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

Despite its title, 6 PLOTS story is rather simple and at times, downright remedial.

A bunch of jerkwad kids decide to party away the weekend and take some drugs only to awake to find themselves all buried in 6 caskets somewhere scattered around the city. One of the kids is given the opportunity to rescue the others, but as she and the authorities get closer to finding the buried kids, their deaths seem more and more imminent.

The plot for this one is pretty ridiculous. It’s the type of film that is solely meant to entertain teens and the cell phone addicted culture. Phones are fetishized to the maximum here, but the writing simply isn’t smart enough to make this more than a SAW like ripoff where a killer is somehow able to set up these elaborate challenges for the heroine and for no reason at all, she is given clues in order to save their lives. It’s all an excuse to torture, cook, drown, or otherwise murder a bunch of kids. The non-resolution to the film is even more frustrating, suggesting that the filmmakers want to make more of these films. But since this one is brain-dead from the get-go, I think the filmmakers should have focused on making a good film first before hinting at a sequel.

The acting in this Australian SCREAM meets SAW is capable, but the characters are interchangeable and aside from some of them being boys and others girls, I had difficulty telling who was who once they were squished into the caskets. Not that I really cared and it’s doubtful anyone else will either. This is just a tired and uninspired film that folks should just skip.

New this week in select theaters and On Demand from Well Go USA!


Directed by David Hartman
Written by David Hartman, Don Coscarelli
Starring Reggie Bannister, A. Michael Baldwin, Kathy Lester, Bill Thornbury, Daniel Schweiger, Dawn Cody, Cesare Gagliardoni, Gloria Lynne Henry, Stephen Jutras, Cean Okada, Jay Oliva, Daniel Roebuck, Jonathan Sims, Angus Scrimm as The Tall Man!
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

I have mixed emotions about the latest PHANTASM from Don Coscarelli (who didn’t direct, but only co-wrote the rumored “last” PHANTASM film). In some ways, it is a shoddily and amateurishly made film. Then again, it kind works as a perfect counter-point to the original PHANTASM which has been re-released in theaters last week.

PHANTASM V: RAVAGER opens with Reggie (Reggie Bannister) walking out of a dusty desert. He’s beat up. He’s weary. He’s too old for this shit. And that’s what this installment is all about. Just as how the original PHANTASM is a view of how death is understood through a child’s eyes, PHANTASM V: RAVAGER switches point of views and follows Reggie, who is nearing the end of his life and understanding death from that end. After some macho stuff where Reggie coolly acquires his car and battles some silver orbs, the scenery changes and Reggie finds himself in a wheelchair in an old folks home where it is explained to him that he is stricken with dementia and nearing his final days. Reggie then finds himself in a home with a young woman (Reggie always did like them younger—not in a creepy way, she’s legal, you pervs) and toying with the idea that he might be ok settling down with her. This cuts to a post-apocalyptic landscape where Reggie pairs with the same woman (played by Dawn Cody with a different name in each incarnation) who is partnered with a little person named Chunk (Stephen Jutras) to battle the Tall Man and his evil forces. Reggie then flashes to the past where he lays in a death bed beside the Tall Man himself (Angus Scrimm). The narrative flashes back and forth between these numerous realities, all of them telling one singular story of the final battle with the Tall Man.

OK, let’s start with the good. Telling the story in separate planes of reality is a difficult thing to do. But as the Waichowski’s did with CLOUD ATLAS, Coscarelli and co-writer and director David Hartman to a good job of keeping the thruway story clear and concise. Reggie is conscious as he shifts from one reality to the next, providing a constant or touchstone needed for such a lofty story. Reggie is great here as the hero. He always was the best actor in the bunch and here he really does a great job both as the tough guy, but also as a man who is quickly approaching death and fearing it. On an emotional level, from a person who has followed most of the PHANTASM films, I was hooked and concerned for Reggie’s safety as he seemingly made his way closer and closer to the abyss.

It’s an interesting move to shift the perspective away from Mike (A. Michael Baldwin) in the first one to Reggie in this last one, but it also proves my point about the first being death through the eyes of a child. In that film, Reggie represents the elder and despite his beatnik ways, he is the wise one who consoles Mike in front of the fireplace in the final moments of the last film. In this one, the roles are completely reversed. Mike appears to Reggie in this one as a solace, a clarifier, a counsel, and a savior. Mike is the one who first informs Reggie that he is suffering from dementia. And he is there at the end of the film as Reggie is about to pass to the other side. Along the way, Reggie clings to his life; wanting to start a life with Dawn, continue fighting the Tall Man with Mike, or fighting the dementia and from drifting away into the arms of death in an old folks home. As much as this is an adventure story, at it’s core, PHANTASM V: RAVAGER is about a man in his elder years who is just not ready to die. And that, my readers, is a story that hit me like a brick to the chest. This is a powerful metaphorical tale that is the perfect bookend to the series from this storytelling standpoint.

The problem with PHANTASM V: RAVAGER is that it just isn’t scary. While there are some decent moments of good guy vs bad guy action, it just doesn’t have the nightmarish horror-feel of the first one or even the second film in this series. Mostly filmed during the daytime and away from the mortuaries and graveyards (where the other films were made), this is a film with shoddy CG and nary a scare. The late great Angus Scrimm never was the most agile of actors, but nearing the end of his days, Scrimm is practically immobile here, laying in a deathbed next to Reggie or standing at the end of the hall and yelling “BOY!!!” While it is great to see the actor again, he is not given much to do here that he didn’t do better in previous films.

There’s an ending that suggests this is only the tip of the iceberg and Reggie and the crew are off to have more adventures on the dusty road, but none of that is real and I hope a continuation never happens. This is the perfect end to the series and while it’s not scary, the emotional story and metaphorical heft is immensely powerful. Bannister is amazing here in the lead and I hope he shows up in other films soon. This fifth film in the series is not for folks who haven’t grown up with the PHANTASM movies. Instead of making it for the masses, this film was made to be a warped mirror reflection of the first, coming full circle and letting us know that no matter if you’re a child or a person in their twilight years, death is a mystery, an adventure, and something that we will always strive to understand.

New this week in select theaters and On Demand from Momentum Pictures!


Directed by Thomas Dekker
Written by Thomas Dekker
Starring Rory Culkin, Lin Shaye, Daveigh Chase, Britt Robertson, Louis Hunter, Natasha Lyonne, Nikki Reed
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

Actor Thomas Dekker (best known for playing John Connor in the TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES) directs this excellent character study of a peculiar boy going through a difficult time. Starring Rory Culkin, who is racking up some great horror cred with this film and INTRUDERS (which was released earlier this year and reviewed here), this film is a fantastic dissection of an odd character and while it doesn’t completely hold up until the very end, there is a whole lot to like and be chilled by in JACK GOES HOME.

In the opening moments, we hear a monologue by Jack (Culkin), talking to the viewer in a monotone tone and waxing philosophical-like about life, death, and if it all matters. We then cut to Jack at work, who receives a call that his parents have been in an accident. Unfazed, Jack tells his pregnant girlfriend Cleo (played by the bubbly Britt Robertson) over skype about the accident where his father was beheaded and his mother survived with nary an emotion to his voice, which concerns his fiancée. Jack’s childhood friend Chanda (Daveigh Chase who played Donnie Darko’s little sister in that movie and is now grown up to be quite the stunner) is equally concerned and follows him to his home town to help him through the adjustment and take care of his mother (Lin Shaye). But there are dark secrets to he discovered in Jack’s childhood home and the more he uncovers, the darker this story becomes.

I’m going to come right out and say, this film is going to frustrate the hell out of a lot of viewers. The way this film wraps up leaves all sorts of plot-knots for the viewer to untangle themselves. I don’t want to reveal what these knots are, but things are left in such an ambiguous manner that you don’t know how to categorize this and if there is anything that makes people tear their hair out, it’s having an ending that is so vague as to make the viewer wonder if there is something supernatural going on or if it’s all in the character’s head. None of this is answered and if you’re the type of person that is going to be pissed off at this kind of non-resolution, give this movie a pass.

That said, I kind of love this film for its ambiguity. There are some genuinely terrifying moments here. There are some genuinely effective scenes of fantastic writing here. There is some gut-wrenchingly uncomfortable subject matter at play here. This time in which Jack returns home to rediscover his roots and try to make sense of his life was utterly fascinating to me; partly because Culkin does such a fantastic job of fleshing out the character as someone so distant from his feelings, but still attempting to come to terms with such a huge loss in his life, but also partly because there are some absolutely amazing scenes of tension and terror that occur as Jack uncovers his dark past. While the film doesn’t wrap things up very well, the road to the end is a tensoin-filled emotional nightmare.

So while this may seem like a mixed review, I am just trying to recommend it to the right people. Those who prefer to engulf themselves in fascinating characters have amazingly written ones in Culkin, Shaye, and Chase to do so. But those concrete thinkers out there (and you know who you are), are going to find this descent into madness and back again to be a little too obtuse by the time the credits roll. Personally, I loved this film and recommend this to people who enjoy the dark ride it takes you on rather than the end product.

In select theaters and On Demand now!


Directed by Jim Hosking
Written by Toby Harvard, Jim Hosking
Starring Michael St. Michaels, Sky Elobar, Elizabeth De Razzo, Gil Gex, Abdoulaye NGom, Holland MacFallister, Sam Dissanayake, Joe David Walters, John Yuan, Matt Yuan, Sal Koussa, Jesse Keen, Carl Solomon, Dana Haas
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Mark L. Miller aka Ambush Bug

You’re probably going to characterize your life as; what I had going on before watching THE GREASY STRANGLER and how to put my mind back together after watching THE GREASY STRANGLER. I know I am.

There is not an easy way to describe THE GREASY STRANGLER, but I’ll try. The story revolves around a father (Big Ron played by Michael St. Michaels) and son (Big Braden played by Sky Elobar) who live together and work together on a walking disco tour that attracts gullible foreign clientele. On one of these walks, Braden meets Janet (Elizabeth De Razzo) on one of these tours and the two immediately fall for one another, which causes Big Ron to don a layer of grease from head to toe and go out strangling people. Things get complicated after that.

This is not a movie for those who live a conventional, logical life. It’s a film for folks who are willing to take a leap into the insanity pool and try to touch the bottom even though there may not be one. It’s the kind of leap of faith film that you just kind of go with, despite the fact that no one in the film seems to be from this planet and the world they live in certainly isn’t our own. If you have difficulty disconnecting from the reality we all live in, I’m sure you’re going to be one to check out of this film early.

Even if you sit with this film and wallow around in all of its grease, it still will try its damndest to annoy the shit out of you or nauseate you or both. The cast repeats lines over and over. There are long uncomfortable pauses between characters in scenes that should cut to another scene, but instead forces us to uncomfortably sit there with these people you wouldn’t want to share space in on in an elevator. And just in case those qualities don’t repel you, THE GREASY STRANGLER bathes itself in every kind of body fluid and greasy substance you can and can’t imagine. Things are tasted. Things are spat forth. Things are lathered around on all of the nethers and this film shows it all in graphic and gross detail. I winced more than once at this film and even joined in the crowd and cried out “Nooooo!” and I consider myself to have an iron constitution.

All of that said, this is probably the most memorable, most quotable, and most entertaining film I saw recently. I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t stop repeating lines to my friends I saw it with. This is a film that, like it or not, burrows into your brain and nestles its greasy buttocks in and refuses to get out. All of the gratuitous nudity (Big Ron likes to walk around naked to show the world his enormous and misshapen schlong), the cartoonish kills, the uncomfortable family relationship interactions, and just plain goofy bits and pieces are undeniably creative, unique, and hard to forget.

Michael St. Michaels (who most will not remember from THE VIDEO DEAD, I sure didn’t) is the epitome of the creepy old man as Big Ron. Blatantly flaunting his large penis around Janet, he tries his best to be the disco superstar he used to be without much regard for his son’s feelings. Both St. Michaels and Sky Elobar offer up star making performances here and I hope to see their offbeat style and humor again soon. Elizabeth De Razzo is also pretty brave in this film, baring all, despite being not your Hollywood ideal when it comes to body shape. The three of these stars are going to be seen again, I guarantee. They are just too infectious not to.

In the end, THE GREASY STRANGLER manages to be rather sweet within all of its absurdity. Big Ron is obviously lashing out as the Strangler and hitting on Janet because he is frustrated and scared that his son is leaving him with no one to make him greasy meals. It’s a story of a father and son, getting to know one anther at a late stage in their lives after simply functioning for all these years. It’s a tale of love…and grease. So despite all of the disgusting things going on, those who look through their fingers and choke down their own lunch will find some redeeming and even heart-warming qualities about it.

You’re going to want to have repeated trips to the car wash sans car after watching THE GREASY STRANGLER. It’s an unforgettable movie experience that feels like a flash forward sequel of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE at times and embraces its absurdity much like Quentin Bupieux’s RUBBER did. THE GREASY STRANGLER is the film equivalent of an inappropriately tight and uncomfortably long low hug and I love every second of this film for that very reason.

WARNING: This trailer is not safe for anyone to view anywhere at any time! You’ve been warned!

And finally…Here’s yet another tale from yesteryear’s radio. This time on LIGHT’S OUT, I’ve got a little story called HAUNTED CELL! Listen to it in the dark!

See ya next week, folks!

Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, original @$$Hole/wordslinger/writer of wrongs/reviewer/interviewer/editor of AICN COMICS for over 15 years & AICN HORROR for 5. Follow Mark on the Twitters @Mark_L_Miller and on his new website collecting posts for AICN HORROR as well as all of the most recent updates on his various comic book projects on

A quick plug for my own work. I have a new comic book coming out this December called THE JUNGLE BOOK HOLIDAY SPECIAL: BAGHEERA’S SECRET. It’s a one shot reteaming my original JUNGLE BOOK artist Carlos Granda and myself (the same team who created PIROUETTE) and it is available to order now via Previews order# OCT162113. I’m getting pages of this book by the day and this book looks absolutely amazing so far. Fans of jungle adventure are going to love it! Please support me by telling your local comic book store to order tons of issues of this comic! Much appreciated, folks.

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