Quint reviews Stallone's DRIVEN script!

Hey folks, Harry here with that sea scab Quint... WHO WAS NOT AT THE 7pm SCREENING OF CHINESE TORTURE GARDEN STORY last night as he said he would be!!!! Lying scurvy rat! So... anyways... I'm just saying, Quint is not to be trusted... hehehehe.... Up next is his look at STALLONE's first script in quite some time... and the basis for that trailer where the tire does that TWISTER thing and you go "Ewwwwww Ahhhhhhhh" when you see. That's right... DRIVEN. Now, take it away Quint....

Ahoy there, my fine, fine sea squirts! 'Tis I, the seaman excrustious here with my large treasure chest full of cinematic gold.

While sifting through this chest, I found most of the individual nuggets solid gold, which made me happy. But I also found one or two chunks of fools gold. It's still shiny and pretty, but ultimately worthless and forgettable. It might fool some people into thinking it has worth, but those of us with an eye for this sort of thing will know better.

CHAMPS (A Working Title), written by Stallone, now known as Driven is one of those. I read the script, dated 2/24/00, with some trepidation. I don't like not liking Stallone. I love Rambo (all three). I love Rocky. I have a soft spot for Cobra, Demolition Man and even Over The Top. I loved Tango & Cash more than I really should have. "Rambo was a pussy." Terrific line! But then there are the Daylights. The movies that make you wince and go, "Why Sly?!? Wh-h-h-hyyyyy?"

It's gotten to a point now that I have to force myself to go into a Slyvester Stallone film or, as in the case of this script, force my self to pick it up and read.

And you know what? I was pleasantly surprised. I thought, "Wow, this is actually not bad!" Sure, there were some nasty dialogue spots. Sure there was a fairly predictable plotline, but it read real well.

I ended the script and was very happy. I wanted to share with the world that Sly wasn't too far gone! I started thinking about the review I was going to write. I felt I had to include some of the awful dialogue, to show the bad and the good, you know. To do so, I went through and reread the script, which I do most of the time anyway.

This is the point where I looked down at the hand holding the script and realized it had turned green. This was when I found out that my small gold nugget was really a rather large chunk of fools gold.

The script just about fell completely apart on the second reading. I have never had that happen to me before. Most of the time I get more from the script after I read it a second time, pick up things I missed on the first read.

Driven is written by and starring Stallone as Joe Tanto, an over-the-hill race car driver brought back into the game by his old boss, Carl Henry (played by Burt Reynolds), to help put the new young and reckless star driver Jimmy Blye (Kip Pardue) into line. Tanto had been number 1, but had fucked and pissed his opportunities away. Carl sees the same thing starting to happen with Jimmy Blye, so he calls up the man who knows the most about that lifestyle and its concequences, Joe, to steer the kid right.

Tanto sees his inclusion into the team as a chance to come out on top again. Carl sees Joe's inclusion into the team as a teacher to his young star. Jimmy Blye sees Joe's inclusion into the team as somebody with experience to block for him on the racetrack.

Then you have the opponent racer, Beau Brandenburg (Til Schweiger) who's at the top of his game and set and determined to win the first place this year. This is one of the script's strongest points. He's basically the badguy for the movie, but he's written with heart and as a human being, not a mustache-twirling ego maniac just there to crush our young hero. I can't call him a villain or even the badguy. He's just a racer who wants to win. He wants to win fairly. He does his thing and just happens to be one of the best there is out there. He doesn't build an oil compartment on his back bumper to slip up his opponents. He doesn't tamper with Blye's car. He just drives and drives well.

Here's a conversation between Joe and Brandenburg. This comes almost halfway through the script at a party after an intense race. Just a note before you take a look at this segment, the script I read wasn't the final, shooting draft. That leaves hope for this picture, but I'm not going to hold my breath. The character of Beau Brandenburg was known as Beau Branden in this draft, so I'll give it to you as such. Here you go:

See? Despite the "Doctors and spiders" line, that was some pretty good writing. They are friends that are set against one another. The stuff with Branden(burg) is really well done. But to put everything in perspective, here's one of Sly's speeches he gives to Sophie (Estella Warren), who is a hottie that goes from Branden(burg)'s bed to Blye's and then back again, totally distracting them both.

JOE

Simple question - want him back?

SOPHIE

He made his choice. How does someone switch
off like that?

JOE

"Male pattern badness" - Let me give you
some insight into how a man's brain works -
most guys don't even grow up until they're
about 35 - up until then we have this soft
spot on top of our heads. So we do stupid
things - "male pattern badness" - but good
things are hard to find. I'm an authority
on that...

Male pattern badness? That's all I have to say about that. You have the pretty damn good (Branden(burg) and Joe conversation) and the pretty damn bad (the above). Most of the rest of the dialogue in the script rests comfortably between the two.

Branden(burg) is the main threat to the hero's victory, but the real badguy of the script is Jimmy's manager/brother DeMille (Robert Sean Leonard). He's more of a sleaze than a real villain. You know, more like Burke in Aliens. He's an asshole and a backstabber, but not consciencely vicious. Just always looking out for number 1 is all, no matter who he hurts in the process.

The character of Carl Henry is another pretty decent character. He's a hardass trapped in a wheelchair played by Burt Reynolds. He has a couple good speeches where he "explodes" at Joe. But there is one speech he has about how unfair it is that Joe had everything and pissed it away while he's crippled and looked down upon. How he would "give it all up to be able to stand for one more hour."

I have faith that Burt Reynolds will be able to act above the writing, but how fucking cliche is that? To have the wheelchair bound rich, successful guy make a speech in the last quarter of the movie about how he'd give it all up to stand again.

There's also a love interest for Sly. A reporter writing a story on how race car driving is "one of the last enclaves of male domination," looking for a human element to add to the story, which she hopes to find in Joe's story. This actually provides some interesting conflict because Joe's ex-wife, Cathy, a super hot, super bitch played by Gina Gershon, is now married to another driver and is constantly bitching out Joe throughout the entire script.

Renny Harlin is directing this picture. I like Renny a little bit more than most. I really dug The Long Kiss Goodnight and even though I acknowledge the fact that it's a bad movie, I enjoyed the hell out of Deep Blue Sea. It's perfect material for him. He gets the opportunity to shoot some kick ass racing footage without having to worry too much about the emotional depth stuff.

With Renny on board, it'll be pretty. Hopefully Sly has rewritten enough to make a film that blows me out of the water. Like I said above, I don't want ot hate Stallone's pictures. No one would be happier than me if I go into this movie and have my socks knocked off. I have a bit of hope, but after reading this script... well let's just say I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Well then my little sea squirts. That'll about finish it up for me on this one. Keep yer eye on the horizon, for the old crusty seaman has another interview coming up with the screenwriter of a big special effects flick coming to a theater near you soon. Until then, this is Quint signing off.

-Quint

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