By casting two of the most popular human beings on the planet as the leads of their film, the makers of CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE at least know for sure that the film will have some form of appeal. With Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart at the center of the movie, there’s an inherent likability even when there aren’t laughs or plot or character development. “No one goes to a Kevin Hart movie for plot or character development, idiot!” you might say. That may be true, yet they still tend to make money. So imagine if someone actually put him in a film that was more than just a different background for him to stand in front of and riff until our ears are bleeding. The possibilities stagger the mind.
In truth, CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE is one of Hart’s better recent efforts. Sadly, it’s one of Johnson’s least interesting, as he plays Bob Stone, a once-bullied fat kid in high school who was befriended at a key point of extreme humiliation by Hart’s Calvin Joyner, the most popular kid in their class. Reunited years later on the eve of their high school reunion, Bob and Calvin have both changed in different ways. Calvin is now an accountant who married his high school sweetheart Maggie (Danielle Nicolet), but is unhappy with the way his life has grown stagnant. Bob lost the fat and bulked up to become, well, Dwayne Johnson, but he’s still forever grateful for Calvin’s kindness.
They go to dinner, talk about old times, and before long it becomes clear that Bob (who was known as Robbie in high school) is hiding something major about what he does for a living. It turns out he works for the CIA, and depending on who you believe, he either is involved in a case with international ramifications or he’s about to perpetrate a major weapons deal involving some very bad people. Either way, he needs Calvin’s forensic accounting skills to aide him in his mission, and Calvin wants no part of it.
Most of the humor in CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE stems from Calvin saying “No” every time Bob suggests they do something even mildly dangerous or risky, and buried somewhere deep in the DNA of this screenplay (from Ike Barinholtz, David Stassen and Rawson Marshall Thurber) are messages about not being afraid to take chances, thinking and acting outside your comfort zone, and living a life with no regrets. Director Rawson Marshall Thurber (DODGEBALL, WE'RE THE MILLERS) has a decent track record when it comes to injecting the slightest amount of heartfelt messages into his comedies, but this one falls flat more often than not thanks to tired bits (like Johnson constantly exclaiming “What! What!” after every third line of dialogue, or Hart just never shutting up.
An impressive guest list of supporting players and cameos doesn’t elevate the proceedings terribly. I felt genuine pain on behalf of the great Amy Ryan, who plays an agent in charge of bringing down Bob. Also on hand are Aaron Paul as Phil, Bob’s former partner; and Ryan Hansen as Calvin’s douchy co-worker. I won’t spoil the two best cameos, but I can tell you they both play the grown-up versions of two of Bob’s fellow classmates, whom he must face at the reunion. CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE is so close to be even moderately good, you can feel it in your bones.
Even the action sequences are sub-par, and for a movie with Johnson in it, that’s unexpected and genuinely disappointing. If just one aspect of what is on the screen was worked on with the slightest amount of effort, it might have soared. It’s as if the people making this thought “Let’s just put The Rock and Kevin Hart together in a room and let magic happen organically.” It doesn’t work that way, ever, and this film is all the proof you need.
