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Ya know, some people might say I am overreacting... They are FULL OF ROACH EXCREMENT! Matt Lillard is a talentless hack jackal faced monstrosity set loose upon the cinematic viewing experience by the ignorant cinematic heathen brought up in a talentless void of hell! That vegetable... that LEGUME.... playing SHAGGY is the worst fucking casting decision since FREDDIE PRINZE JR was cast as Fred..... OH WAIT!!! SAME FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE!!! I know... let's cast Rosie O (fucking) Donnell as BETTY in a friggin FLINTSTONE flick! I wish a plague... no.... I CURSE THIS FILM! I hurl the double whammy, I turn an evil fucking eye on this film.... I hurl blasphemies and all sorts of animal dung at its posters... I HATE YOU ALL!!! YOU FUCKING MONSTERS!!!

Breathe... Breathe... Breathe...

GRITTING TEETH SO HARD I NEED NEW CAPS!!! I will sue Warners for Pschological duress and damage.

Let's take a brief look at the history of this PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT live action abortion of a project....

First off, they got rid of the BRILLIANT Craig Titley script....

Hired Idiot Savant Mike Myers to write one of the most expensive pieces of shit scripts never to see the light of day.

Next the script was taken over by James Gunn.... writer of the (facetious) BRILLIANT.... THE SPECIALS... whew...genius move there.

Turns in a TERRIBLE script without a soul, laugh or quality story... or nuanced genius knowledge of the characters....

Next they hire the director of BIG MAMMA'S HOUSE and fucking NEVER BEEN KISSED and HOME ALONE 3 to direct this train wreck. Wow, great filmography!!!

THEN.... Oh yes.... They hire FREDDIE PRINZE JR and MATT LILLARD.... two of the most dead eyed computer generated living (barely) mannequins on the face of the planet.... born and destined for the fucking WOOD CHIPPER as fed in by PETER STORMARE.... AGGGGGHHHH, fucking ideeeeeooooootttssss.....

I'm sorry to the parents of both these actors... I'm sure you love your sons and think them human and capable of great things. And I'm glad your prescriptions of PROZAC has been refilled and that the daisies are 12 foot tall and the sun fucking sings good morning with angelic trumpets and fucking fairies dance around your head whilst BRING IN THE CLOWNS plays over and over as sung by the late great TINY TIM.... but your kids should NOT BE IN THIS FILM! They should be doing really bad MIRAMAX teen flicks till they are in their 60s.

DEAR CHRIST.... I know you died for our sins, but I know you didn't mean for this blasphemy to go unpunished... Please smite this production.... I will give at every church I see on Sunday and Wednesday.... PLEASE SMITE THIS FILM WITH TERRIBLE VENGENCE AND ANGER!!! DESTROY DESTROY.... The children of the Hydra's teeth will rise and destroy them!!!

Well, my entire night is completely ruined. THANK YOU WARNERS... Well placed arrow through a fan's heart. Thank you... I only buy SCOOBY stuff like a maniac.... Dream of this film.... NO INTEREST ANYMORE! NONE.... ZIP..... NADA..... BASTARDS!

Warners.... LORENZO..... You can do right by all the screaming angry pissed at the world beneath the Water Tower in Burbank.... The above two names are in NEGOTIATIONS..... Simply.... DO NOT SIGN THEM! If you sign them.... I will not be resposible for the MONSTROSITY OF SHIT you will have paid for..... This film with those VACANT EYED IDIOTS will gross pennies on the dollar you invest. How do I know? READ BELOW!!! These people... all of us..... THE WORLD.... have children that are Scooby Doo fans..... We are the ones that brainwash the kids with your corporate cartoon.... We can change that. We can tell these kids that..... TAIWAN GLOVE PUPPETRY IS REALLY COOL.... and they will believe us..... They will believe that which the parents and brothers and sisters tell the tykes... DO NOT RUIN SCOOBY DOO FOR THE NEXT 15 YEARS!!! That is how long the brand will be killed. This path is the wrong grail.... one sip.... DEATH...... Do not CHOOSE POORLY.... If you do not sign them.... if you listen to the folks below.... You Will Have CHOSEN WISELY and will earn the rewards your stockholders (some of the below) so dearly want. THIS IS A HOLY CRUSADE!!! DO NOT SIGN THEM!!! THE POWER OF SCOOBY COMPELLS YOU, THE PAINT OF THE MYSTERY VAN INVITES YOU, THE OLD MAN IN THE MASK PRAYS TO YOU.... DO NOT SIGN THE NON-ACTORS!!!!

For the moron below thinking I said I wished death on Lillard and Prinze Jr..... Noooooooo, They should live.... and watch their own films till they realize what it is they have done.... MADE THE WORLD A WORSE PLACE TO LIVE IN!!!! FOR ALL TIME!!!! They should live to be E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORIES' greatest hits! I'm talking years of habitual self-destruction. BUT IT SHOULD BE IN .... ohhhhh..... GERMAN SHATZA VIDEOS!!!

As for being ONE SIDED..... THERE IS ONE SIDE! THIS SUCKS. PERIOD. The good side? Ummmm, I get to save the money I would have gladly spent to see this film (AS WRITTEN BY CRAIG TITLEY) and instead see LORD OF THE RINGS or SPIDER-MAN multiple times. I now know I will spend NO MONEY on future Scooby Doo toys, shirts, socks, underwear, ties, bubble bath, toothpaste, scooby snacks and all manners of.... JESUS CHRIST folks, on my sister's wedding shower, I bought a ton of Scooby Doo Candy dog collars for all the gals that came.... THAT'S HOW BIG A SCOOBY FAN I AM!!! Also... Go back to the formation of Journalism you twit.... Did you see in the original Federalist Papers .... Jefferson and Franklin's original newspapers... KING GEORGE's side? Ya wanna know why? BECAUSE THE KING WAS WRONG! Now... if Raja wants to respond with a statement about why these two idiots are good actors... and shows us their audition tapes and they HAPPEN TO BE BRILLIANT (not bloody likely) then ya know what.... I would come on here and say.... THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! THEY SHOULDN'T BE CAST!!!! Because they have fooled casting directors before.... Hell they've fooled directors a helluvalot better than this hack.... Branagh was trick fucked into casting that Smiling jackal in a movie this year and he was one of the WORST ELEMENTS in an otherwise magical film.

One sided. Yeah, go on.... defend the casting. Make sense... Pull up his filmography.... his brilliant comedic performances... tell me there is noone better for the role.... Go on.... do the work, I fucking know he is the WORST CHOICE IMAGINABLE.... HE and Freddie... are onscreen abortions of talent.... they are bloody maggot infested carcasses of hack actors given life. THEY SHOULD BE KEPT FOR DIRECT TO VIDEO FILMS ONLY! And then only in video stores in Antartica for sunburnt blind and deaf seals.


Let me tell you about SCOOBY DOO.... This isn't Yogi Bear... this isn't the damn SMURFS or the SNORKS or POKEMON.... This is SCOOBY DOO.... THE GREATEST SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON IN HISTORY! I have seen 3 generations of Scooby Doo fans.... I was the first... I was there when Scooby was born... I tuned in... watched the show... I sat there and watched a group of young kids solve mysteries, fight evil money grubbing koots out to scare the simple innocent people of the world for their own profits... and help out those that would otherwise cower to superstition. They went in... Saturday after Saturday... Solving mysteries and having a good time as friends. They were good deed doers. Scooby and Shaggy were a boy and his dog... and Velma and Fred and Daphne were their friends... As a child, I would sit there with my weiner dog, Doctor Demento, and watch Scooby have mysteries. We would eat chocolate chip cookies.... Doctor's favorites... and then when my friends came over... We played SCOOBY DOO.... Years pass by.... My lil sister becomes a Scooby fan.... She watched in the same timeless sense of awe.... Laughing and smiling... She dressed her dog (poor thing) up in costumes and would run off to the barn to seek out treasure or mysteries.... I would put on a Mask and scare her.... and it was great. Then.... Glen (remember him from Coaxial?) His little boy David has become a Scooby fan... I would do the Scooby laugh and instantly he'd smile and laugh and bring out his mystery van....


JUST STAR WARS, JUST SPIDER-MAN, JUST LORD OF THE RINGS, JUST everything we fans care about.... JUST MOVIES.... Wrong... these are our stories... our collective memories... and I do not appreciate them trying to pollute my memory with this SHIT! So... Excuse me while I rain on their parade.... THEY ARE WRONG!!!! Wrong in the way that ONLY SOULESS EXECUTIVES can be wrong. Freddie Prinze Jr and Matt Lillard are TERRIBLE ACTORS! This script and this director.... THESE ARE THE WRONG WAYS TO GO! How do I know.... The script has been reviewed multiple times.... BADLY.... The director has made repeated BAD MOVIES.... The actors they are talking to are of the LEAST TALENT IMAGINABLE.... and this adds up to be REALLY REALLY BAD.

Why do I care? I have a nephew that is going to basically be raised in a post SHITTY SCOOBY DOO MOVIE age.... and everyone everywhere will be saying God... did you see that SCOOBY DOO movie? It was worse than INSPECTOR GADGET! Dear lord... that is where this is headed... big budget.... corporate tie ins.... SOULESS WRETCHED SHIT!

When somebody does a great character wrong... he/they help bury a being that lives in the world of our fantasies and memories.... This hurts, angers and forever taints the memory of that which you once loved.

When Joel Schumacher and Warner Brothers destroyed BATMAN.... That was... JUST A MOVIE.... But when you tell people how much you love Batman today... inevitably they bring up... BATMAN AND ROBIN and begin laughing at it. And you sort of drop your head... in shame... and then look them square in the eye and say... NO... NOOOO.... I'm talking about the Paul Dini, Bruce Timm BATMAN.... I'm talking about Frank Miller BATMAN... I'm talking about Tim Burton BATMAN.... and they laugh.... Because the last memory is the one that sticks most in the hearts of people. SCOOBY DOO is a sacred thing... a beloved childhood memory that almost never survived the disaister that was SCRAPPY... This is about a BILLION TIMES WORSE than Scrappy ever was. And I for one am angry. And will not remain silent and see a beloved character raped by the worst filmmaking talent money can assemble. AND IF YOU LOVE FILM, THESE CHARACTERS, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER. Noone fights for fictional characters.... In the corporate age they are the slaves to boardrooms... made to do unspeakable things... endorse products they were not created for... AND THEN DESTROYED ON FILM! NO... NO.... IT HAS TO END! NO MORE CRAP! EVER!

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