Hey folks, Harry here... this time with a film right up Flmlvr's sick twisted alley... the teen romance comedy. Here is a genre that rarely rarely works... the kids are usually 30 year olds disguised as teens... their acting ability usually has the same convincing sincerity of the average water on a bistro on Melrose (but then... a week before shooting, that's where they found them). BUT the genre survives and continues because these waiters and waitresses are cheap to hire, the films are quick and easy... and the teen girl market swallows these like the mid-thirties secretaries digest Danielle Steele and the I can't believe it's not butter covers. Now the film does have the enchanting and babilicious Kirsten Dunst... but... whew.... that's about it... no... she is it. Sigh... here ya go... feel Dean X's pain....
Hey Harry, I've been a long time reader of this site and have spent the majority of the time viewing everything from the sidelines. Over the last few weeks i've attended a number of test screenings, yet I haven't felt too compelled to write about them...Until now. Last night I had a chance to see Mirimax's brand new (I use this word in the loosest way possible) entry in the overdone teen romantic comedy genre "Get Over It".
For those of you out there who are unfamiliar with this movie and I was completely unfamiliar with it going in) here is a quick rundown ofthe story from the message I got on my voicemail.
"Hey Dean X, this is [Jen], you are invited to a test screening of the new teen romantic comedy "Get Over It" written by the writer of "She's All That" and starring Kirsten Durnst (yum) from Bring it on, Colin Hanks, Shane West, Vitmain C (what the), and, in his screen debut, Sisqo (oh shit, I can smell a stinker already). The movie focuses on a guy whose high school sweetheart breaks up with him and the wacky antics his friends get him into to help him "Get Over It."
Well, the movie sounded like it was going to be pretty crappy, but hey, maybe this would be one of those good old teen T&A romps that we saw in the 80s. Plus the movie was going to be free so I decided to go. Now that I look back on it, I realise that I have wasted four hours of my young life (2 hours + waiting to get in to the damn movie and the 1 hour and a half of crap that was passed as a movie). Mirimax, I demand you give me 4 hours of life back.
"Get Over It" is the biggest pile of steaming cow crap movie to come out this year so far (if its even coming out this year..I forsee this going straight to video). In the hour and a half that was this sorry use for celluloid, we are subject to every single teen cliche the genre has ever exhibited and scenes that are so unoriginal, we realise that they have been recycled almost identically out of teen movies like Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, American Pie, Porky's, and Road Trip (to name a few). In fact, the opening montage of home video shots of the boy and his sweetheart is lifted directly off the opening home video shots of the boy and his sweetheart in Road Trip. The whole movie is so unoriginal it disgusts me to think of who greenlighted this flaming turd.
The plot is a mess. It has the feel that the writer took all the teen scripts he could find, jammed them into a paper shredder, and then used some scotch tape to create this mismosh. The movie starts with the main character Berke, the supposed to be sweet and lovable loser but is really dull, played by Ben Foster doing his best to look and act like Boy Meets World's Ben Savage. His parents are hosts on a TV sex talk show and the girl he loves lives way out in Toronto (I think). He visists her ever summer until her dad gets arrested and he never sees her again. Well, that is until she randomly walks into the high school cafeteria and they immeadietly start hooking up. Sixteen months later, in the middle of a make-out session, she out of nowhere breaks up with him. She even has all his stuff packed up. Oh yeah, did I mention that her name is Allison and right away we are subjected to Elive Costello's "Allison" (which is overused three times in this movie). Berke, feeling completely dejected, leaves her house and is followed by Vitamin C and a traveling band. This scene is absolutely horrid and overlong. It has no bearing on anything and just looks like a rip off of "Something about Mary."
Anyways, Berke has two buddies; Colin Hanks as Felix, who attempts to be Jason Lee and falls flat on his face, and Sisqo who should not venture back onto the silver screen again (but for some reason he actually looks like a high school student). They are both unappealing and unfunny. Their purpose is to get Berke to forget about Allison. But you know what, this here is not the full plot of the movie. That damn woman lied to me. This movie is, gasp, a teen version of Shakespeares "Midsummer Night's Dream".
No, not another teen Shakespeare movie. I swear, all these writer's must've only read Shakespeare when they were in high school (or thats all they could remember). I'll bet you these assholes don't even understand it either. Anyways, the plot now focuses on "A Midsummer Night's Dream" musical which a where-the-hell-did-my-career-go-to Martin Short directs. Allison and her new former boy band member boyfriend Striker have decided to audition for. Berke, wanting to win her back, auditions for it also with the help from Kirsten Dunst as Kelly, Felix's sister and the girl who has a crush on Berke. From the moment you see her you already know the outcome of the movie. She will end up with Berke at the end. But its such a horrible and torturous experience getting to it.
The movie has all the obligatory scenes a teen movie has. The obligatory strip club scene (minus any T&A since this movie is PG-13), the obligatory party scene (along with someone drinking vomit), some god damn boy band parody scenes (there's a bunch), a fucking sing-along of the Wrigley's spearmint theme, some horrid dream sequences (one involving a sword fight and unfunny dubbed over kung-fu), and, what they view as their killer sight gag, a dog that humps everything. The movie even has a Shannon Elizabeth knock-off named Dora Lynn (Kylie Box) who is a ditzy accident prone high school student (even though she's probably in her late 20s) who the guys hook Berke up with. I won't even subject you to the horrors that are her scenes.
This movie should not be unleashed on humanity. What the hell is Mirimax thinking. I keep thinking that they had the intention of creating this as a bad film. Maybe i'll wake up and this was all a dream. If you want a funny teen film, check out American Pie or Better off Dead or one of the other many teen films that this shit patty rips off. Avoid this film like the plague. I'd much rather watch a PAX Touched By An Angel marathon than this crap.
If you use this call me Dean X
