Hey folks, Harry here with that swinging daddio from the six-zeroes years... Derek Flint went out on the mission to get to the bottom of these new millenium angels, and see how much of a rise they'd get out of a poon wolf like Flint. Well, from the sound of it, it sounds fun as hell. Personally I can't wait. I just want silly hysterics and action. I want to leave happy. Here's Flint...
CHARLIE’S ANGELS
Here’s a movie where I wasn’t sure what I was gonna’think. I sure knew those original angels real well. In fact, I miss ol’Kelly, Sabrina and… hell, what’s her name? Gimme’ a break, getting so many bad guys slamming their fists against your noggin jogs your memory. Know what I mean?
Here’s a flick which had all this bad buzz going for it, and then all of a sudden that bad buzz turned to good once people started seeing it in previews.
Guess what? I can’t say that it’s a good movie, but I also can’t say it’s bad. It’s a time filler, nothing more… but it does give you a chance to check out some gorgeous chicks. This flick kinda’ reminded me of some of the stuff they used to make in the sixties… movies where great looking girls like“Fathom” and “Modesty Blaise” ran around wearing nothing but bikinis and smiles trying to do the same job all us master spies do.
Now, since I saw her in “E.T.” when she was a little kid,it’s tough for Drew Barrymore to make me get all hot and bothered. I don’t know, I just feel funny looking at the chest plate of the little girl who screamed at that extraterrestrial fella. She plays the toughest cookie in the bunch,and I gotta’ say I really didn’t buy her in the part… although, for a girl, I have to say she done pretty good.
Cameron Diaz. Whatcan I say? She plays the nicest, most accessible angel who’s also a bit of a klutz. The girl has a full plate of goodies which she ain’t afraid to shake,and shake 'em she does. I mean, that’s what a can like hers is for. Push it into the camera and SHAKE IT, BABY! GRIND! It’s what women were made for.
Cameron looked pretty dang good fighting too, except that you’re supposed to be flying on wires when you play “Peter Pan,” not an action hero. Hell, I fought plenty of foes in my two flicks and you didn’t see me sailing through the air like I was looking to knock Captain Hook on his butt.
The three angels in this flick sorta’ remind me of that story about the three little bears... or is it pigs? Anyway, it was the kid story about the little beds. The first one is too hard. The second one is too soft, but the third one is just right.
In this case, that third one which is just right is the third angel: Lucy Liu. She’s the reason to see the movie and does everything correctamundo in this one, pals.
Somebody definitely saw her performance in “Payback” and did the right thing and let her step up to the bigscreen action plate. The girl has got all the moves, and is real funny too. More than anybody else in this flick, she knew how to play her part, letting us all in on the fact she knows this whole thing is a joke.
Don’t get me wrong, jokes are part of the problem with this“Charlie’s Angels.” Sometimes, it tries to be a little bit like a “Naked Gun,” which I never found all that funny. I mean, “Don’t call me Shirley” was worth a chuckle once, but after awhile Leslie Nielsen became about as amusing as the Maytag Repair guy. The tone for “Charlie’s Angels” can’t make up its mind, and feels like a whole lot of those writer guys were playing a real big game of “cut and paste” with the proceedings.
Also, a real man like me can’t bear to see Tom Green playing anybody’s boyfriend. In fact, all the dudes who romance the girls in this movie don’t meet the criteria of what it means to be a real man in my book, and listen up… I wrote the book.
I didn’t think Tim Curry was the right choice for a villain here, even though it’s not all that big a part. You see, he played the bad guy in the big screen version of“McCale’s Navy,” and that’s all I could think of when I was watching him. I pay money to see movies on the big screen,even when they’re based on TV shows. Either you cast Alan Rickman or one of those classically trained Brit guys,or yah don’t. End of story.
What a surprise that Crispin Glover kid turned out tobe. The kid may be a freak, but he sure makes a real weird heavy. If he were in one of my flicks, I wouldn’t know how to fight a guy this kooky. In the middle of this light and silly movie,Glover was actually kinda’ disturbing… and I mean that in a good way.
Finally, last but not least, there’s Bill Murray as Bosley. The big Bill does his stuff and does it well, but there ain’t enough of him. Who’s the knucklehead that cast this brilliant dude in this flick and didn’t realize that he should be in every other scene? Didn’t the dopes at Sony see “Rushmore” or something?
You can tell ol’ Bill is doing his improv thing all through the film, and the stuff this guy comes up with off the top of his head is better than most of the stuff the fleet of typists threw towards this screen.
Should you see it? Yeah, it’s a good enough time, I guess… but you don’t really need to go to the movies for this. Just wait a few months, pop the cassette in the ol’ VCR and press play, then fast forward through that ol’ FBI logo until yah come to that first bikini shot.
Anyhow, that special phone of mine is ringing, and I better pick up before Austin Powers beats me to the call.
Derek Flint
