
Greetings, all. Ambush Bug here with another AICN HORROR: ZOMBIES & SHARKS column. A rough batch of films this week, but there are a few diamonds in this week’s batch.

On with the horror reviews!
(Click title to go directly to the feature)
LAKE PLACID VS ANACONDA (2015)
TOOLBOX MURDERS 2 (2013)
APPETITES (2015)
BURYING THE EX (2014)
THE LAST SURVIVORS (2014)
INNER DEMONS(2014)
INTO THE GRIZZLY MAZE (2014)
WYRMWOOD: ROAD OF THE DEAD (2014)
And finally…Mike Relm’s FIELD DAY!

LAKE PLACID VS ANACONDA (2015)
Directed by A.B. StoneWritten by Berkeley Anderson
Starring Corin Nemec, Yancy Butler, Robert Englund, Stephen Billington, Skye Lourie, Oliver Walker, Ali Eagle, Annabel Wright, Laura Dale, Georgina Philipps, Nigel Barber, Heather Gilbert, Jenny May Darcy, Kalina Stoimenova, Carolina Bratanova
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, but I didn’t hate LAKE PLACID VS ANACONDA as much as I thought I would. It’s not a good movie by far, but for some reason it held my attention the whole way through, which is more than I can say about the last few entries in each of this mash-up’s original series.

Of course, the experiment goes sideways and both the giant croc and the big-ass snake get loose just when a group of sorority gals go to an adjoining lake for a dip. One by one the bleach blondes get eaten, save for a game warden’s daughter and a few random gals to die five minutes apart for the rest of the film until there are none left. Meanwhile, the game warden (played PARKER LEWIS CAN’T LOSE’s Corin Nemic ) teams up with the LAKE PLACID tough girl sheriff from the last few movies, Yancy Butler, in order to find the croc, the snake, and the game warden’s daughter (they don’t seem as worried about the sorority girls, but really, they deserve to die). There is some convoluted tie in with the Blood Orchid which factors into the ANACONDA films as a key to immortality or some such bunk as the cross-breed of the new species activates the immortality serum, but really this is a film for folks who get a thrill from seeing one person after another getting eaten by either a snake or a crocodile.

Dumb plot, convoluted way of combining two film series, tedious dialog, crayola CG, and phoned-in performances continue to add up to a film I should hate on all levels, but at this point with the SyFy and Asylum productions, I just can’t muster the energy to hate them and have kind of just accepted them as bad movies as I feel the makers have accepted this fact too. So go in with a low bar of expectations and expect LAKE PLACID VS ANACONDA to limbo right under it, but as long as you don’t think or care for quality, you might just be entertained.

TOOLBOX MURDERS 2 (2013)
aka COFFIN BABY, COFFIN BABY - TOOLBOX KILLER IS BACKDirected by Dean Jones
Written by Josh Edwards, Dean Jones
Starring Bruce Dern, Brian Krause, Clifton Powell, Chauntal Lewis, Ethan Phillips, Ron Chaney, Isabelle Fretheim, Kyle Morris, Edgar Allan Poe IV, Allison Kyler, Whitney Anderson, Starr Jones, Chance Harlem Jr., Holmes Lindsay IV & Christopher Doyle as Coffin Baby!
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Having only seen the original TOOLBOX MURDERS many years ago, I have not seen the modern remake which this film is the sequel of. I don’t know if I would like the film a little more had I seen the new redux, but I think I might have understood it a little more. Or maybe not, as from a storytelling perspective TOOLBOX MURDERS 2 is a tough one to nail down.

Though it wants to sell itself as a stalk n’ slash, TOOLBOX MURDERS 2 is quite simply torture porn with a jail cell substituting for a chair for the female protagonist to be chained to. The film ties things together with cops desperately racing to track the abducted woman down and a little bit of history prior to her abduction, but the bulk of this film focuses on the murderer torturing, beating, and mind-fucking a screaming woman. To entertain me, a film has to try a little harder than that. Yes, there are some inventive kills and tortures. There are a few effective scenes of the woman losing her mind and talking with corpses, but it all feels like it is trying to latch onto the tail end of the torture porn trend which ended quite a few years ago and, quite honestly, didn’t impress me when it was at its peak.

…
In all seriousness, I just wasn’t impressed with this film. I have no idea how the killer became the way he did and how he is able to purchase all of these tools and video equipment with his face as fucked up as it is. While at some angles the visage of the murderer is chilling, it really is rather immovable and plays more like a Halloween mask than giving the illusion of an actual face, so it loses its level of effectiveness with every time he appears.
Again, maybe I’m missing something. Maybe TOOLBOX MURDERS 1 was a masterpiece and answered all of the questions I had with the who, what, where, when, and why should I give a shit? Some of that should have at least been recapped in the sequel. So while I can’t say how it will play to those who saw the original, as a standalone film, TOOLBOX MURDERS 2 just doesn’t work.

APPETITES (2015)
Directed by Cameron CaseyWritten by Darren Bevill (screenplay & story), Brennan Freemantle (story)
Starring Lauren Parkinson, Bret Roberts, Chris Cleveland, James Duval, Travis Eberhard, Bonnie Rotten, John Grohl, Scott Barrows, Carolina Campbell, Malice McMunn, Jake Allyn, Erin Callahan, Brian McGuire, David Harper
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
I really don’t know how to take APPETITES. It’s a wonky and uneven piece of action horror that had me laughing one minute and shaking my head in shame the next. It really feels like the film is trying to say something in a distinct voice, but ends up being just short of cool.

At times, this is a sweet little violent love story about two unlikely people finding and falling in love with one another. While filmmaker Cameron Casey establishes their murderous ways early, there’s something undeniably likable about Parkinson and Roberts that makes you want them to work things out. Of course the odds are stacked against them, and there’s some fun in seeing John want to hang up his spurs and settle with Daisy, who doesn’t know the meaning of the word settle down and is giving him a tough time landing any of his go-to tactics in winning the hearts of the ladies. Still, there’s a bit of hollowness here as Daisy asks if John would be with her if she wasn’t hot. A smarter film would have turned the tides and had John ask Daisy if she would talk with him if he didn’t have six pack abs and a full head of Fabio hair. This isn’t a smarter film.

The film is flashy and good for a few laughs. Parkinson and Roberts are passable actors, but obviously hired for what they look like out of their clothes. I didn’t hate APPETITES; I was just disappointed, as I feel one more rewrite and some depth here would have made for a far more entertaining film. As a bonus, or maybe a detriment, there’s a blooper reel over the credits. It’s been a while since I’ve seen anything like this in horror, so this final little detail did make me laugh a bit. As is, it’s quirky, offbeat, and raunchy at times, so if you’re looking for something that looks good but leaves you with an empty feeling by the end, APPETITES should do the trick.

BURYING THE EX (2014)
Directed by Joe DanteWritten by Alan Trezza
Starring Anton Yelchin, Ashley Greene, Alexandra Daddario, Oliver Cooper, Ozioma Akagha, Gabrielle Christian, Archie Hahn, Stephanie Koenig, Wyndoline Landry, Katie Roberts, Mindy Robinson, Dick Miller
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Some strong performances by some really talented stars save BURYING THE EX from being a run of the mill zom-com.

What transpires are your typical sitcom antics, as Max tries to hide the fact that his ex-girlfriend is back from the dead from Olivia and attempts to hide his new girlfriend from Evelyn. This involves much hiding, goofy plans, and hijinkery. Too bad that much of this stuff was done before and better in every episode of I LOVE LUCY or even THREE’S COMPANY, as everything pretty much plays out without an ounce of surprise or real flair. Because the tone of the film is so light, it’s hard to watch the instances when someone actually dies or the actual feelings of these chess pieces are taken into consideration because of the wonky cat and mouse theme that’s prevalent throughout the film. The result is pretty uneven and often quite messy.

But this is your typical zom-com. There are some fun moments of gore and some one-liners worth a titter or two. This is nothing here we haven’t already seen with the entertaining but hollow WARM BODIES (reviewed here) and last year’s more interesting LIFE AFTER BETH (reviewed here). And while there are some fun Joe Dante-isms at play here such as the Dick Miller cameo as a grumpy cop and the multiple TVs and posters in the background of various old timey movies, this definitely doesn’t feel like Dante giving it his all. But the actors in BURYING THE EX are, despite the lackluster script, and if you’re looking for something worthwhile in this film it’s Yelchin, Daddario, and Greene. These three save this film from being forgettable and while I’m sure all three of them are bound for bigger and better films, here’s hoping Dante can get that twinkle again that has permeated so many of his films through the years with his next project. This one just doesn’t have it.

THE LAST SURVIVORS (2014)
Directed by Tom HammockWritten by Jacob Forman & Thomas S. Hammock
Starring Haley Lu Richardson, Booboo Stewart, Max Charles, Nicole Fox, Michael Welch, Jon Gries, Michael Massee, Rena Owen, Leo Lee, Barbara Crampton, Michael McCartney, Jacqueline Emerson
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
So many post-apocalyptic tales have been made since it’s pretty easy to stake out a desert shoot, find some abandoned buildings, and cover your actors in dirt. I’m not saying a desert shoot is less difficult, but I guess it’s a statement on how the world is today that there are so many barren, desolate, and run down places that make it perfect to shoot as if society has collapsed. Because of the abundant amount of fall of civilization cinema is out there, it takes something pretty special to distinguish itself from the rest. THE LAST SURVIVORS is one of those special post-apocalyptic films.
After the fall of the world, the sun has dried up all of the water, leaving the survivors desperate for any form of water. There are those who try to harvest their own water from hidden wells and those who scavenge and steal the water from those who are trying to keep these wells secret. The center of attention for this particular story is a well guarded by a young woman named Kendal (Haley Lu Richardson), Dean, an invalid (Booboo Stewart, who was seen recently in X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURES PAST as Warpath), and a young boy named Alby (Max Charles). Siphoning and rationing their supplies and water, the three have survived these harsh conditions, but find the roaming barbaric nomads getting ever closer to discovering their well. This gang is led by NAPOLEON DYNAMITE’s John Gries as Carson and his red-haired daughter Brooke (the beautiful Nicole Fox), and their methods are deadly and ruthless. ONCE WERE WARRIORS’ Rena Owen, RE-ANIMATOR’s Barbara Crampton, THE CROW’s Michael Massee, and TWILIGHT’s Michael Welch all show up in smaller yet crucial roles and show how well cast this small film really is.

The action in the film is top notch as well. Nothing superhuman happens. Kendal is a spunky girl but a fallible hero, and no one seems safe from being wiped out by either the elements or the nomads. The strong performances from the cast only intensify the danger, and newcomer Haley Lu Richardson is bound for bigger and better things as she is able to carry this film capably on her slender shoulders. THE LAST SURVIVORS is not a high octane, in your face end-of-the-worlder like THE ROAD WARRIOR, but it offers up a more serene yet no less brutal look at the times after society falls.

INNER DEMONS (2014)
Directed by Seth GrossmanWritten by Glenn Gers
Starring Lara Vosburgh, Morgan McClellan, Kate Whitney, Brian Flaherty, Colleen McGrann, Christopher Parker, Ashley Sutton, Susan Ateh, Richard Wilkinson, Sewell Whitney, John Cragen, Adrian Gaeta
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Textbook and tired exorcist clichés and some simply boneheaded plot decisions bog down INNER DEMONS.

The concept is a winner. I like the idea of using drugs to drown out demonic possession. It reminds me of the way people self medicate themselves to drown out pervasive thoughts or, in extreme cases, drown out voices often associated with schizophrenia. I also think the filmmakers did a decent job of recreating the mockumentary format. While many of the actors look like actors and were not as convincing as, say, something like the amazing LAKE MUNGO or to a lesser extent BEHIND THE MASK, the way it was all cut together makes it all feel pretty convincing and is produced as if it were a real intervention show.

Some shoddy CG mixed in with some security cam footage and some typical possession riffs we’ve seen over and over again make this entire film collapse in on itself by the end of the film. While the premise showed promise, the focus on forcing a love interest and giving him something crucial to do in the final act just makes this laughable by the time you are supposed to be on the seat’s edge. Somewhere in INNER DEMONS there’s a nugget of a good idea, but after that is established, this film falls back on Hollywood trappings and the same old same old when it comes to exorcism flicks.

INTO THE GRIZZLY MAZE (2014)
aka RED MACHINE, ENDANGERED, GRIZZLYDirected by David Hackl
Written by Guy Moshe (screenplay), J.R. Reher (screenplay & story)
Starring James Marsden, Piper Perabo, Billy Bob Thornton, Thomas Jane, Scott Glenn, Michaela McManus, Adam Beach, Luisa D'Oliveira, Sarah Desjardins, Patrick Sabongui, Reese Alexander, Seth Isaac Johnson, Kelly Curran, Sean O. Roberts, & Bart the Bear as the Killer Bear!
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
I saw the trailer for this film months ago and couldn’t wait to finally watch it. Like zombies and sharks (which is the subtitle of this very column), bears are one of the few things in this world that really scare me on a primal level. Like sharks, they are unstoppable eating and mauling machines. But unlike sharks, bears habitate on dry land, and while I can avoid running into a shark by staying out of the water, I spend 99.9% of my normal day on dry land, so I don’t think my fear that somehow, somewhere, there is a chance I might run into a bear that will eat my face off is unrealistic. Bear phobia aside, I love being scared, so I couldn’t wait when this one made its way to the top of my pile for review.

Ever since GRIZZLY MAN touted the Grizzly Maze in its harrowing tale, I always thought setting a movie in the middle of it would be the bear equivalent to JAWS. Unfortunately, none of that potential is really used in this film as basically this is a remake of the film GRIZZLY with big stars and not a lot of big ideas. The cast makes things fun, specifically the deadpan performance by Billy Bob Thornton, but it really doesn’t help that the whole script just feels uninspired and formulaic. It’s basically a rescue story with Piper Parabo’s character playing the damsel that both brothers in their own way have to go out and rescue. Along the way, they find bodies and have a few run ins with the bear leading to a big confrontation at the beach which is unnecessarily bombastic and fiery, but kind of cool nevertheless.

There are a few gory bits. One key character gets his face practically swiped off and has a dangling ear as a result of it which was one of the highlight gore scenes of the film, but for the most part the thrills are at a minimum as things occur as expected too many times in INTO THE GRIZZLY MAZE. Here’s hoping someone comes along and makes a truly great bear movie. Earlier in the year, BACK COUNTRY’s singular bear attack scene turned out to be the closest thing to awesome we’ve gotten recently, but INTO THE GRIZZLE MAZE just doesn’t cut it.

WYRMWOOD: ROAD OF THE DEAD (2014)
Directed by Kiah Roache-TurnerWritten by Kiah Roache-Turner & Tristan Roache-Turner
Starring Jay Gallagher, Bianca Bradey, Leon Burchill, Luke McKenzie, Yure Covich, Catherine Terracini, Keith Agius, Meganne West, Berryn Schwerdt, Cain Thompson, Beth Aubrey, Sheridan Harbridge, Damian Dyke
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Rarely do I see a movie which is entertaining from the very beginning up until the very end, but I saw just that with WYRMWOOD, a new zombie film from Australia. But before you scroll past thinking this is just another run of the mill zombie film, give me a minute to convince you that this if you think you’ve seen it all in terms of zombie films, this film is bound and determined to prove you wrong.

Unlike most zombie films, which either follow the Romero Way or the newer Zack Snyder fast zombies way, WYRMWOOD feels more like the Spierig Brothers’ UNDEAD, which offered up an unpredictable and boldly different take on zombies. Minor details are added to the mythos. The zombies’ blood is combustible and can be used as fuel, but this only occurs by day as they shamble slowly at night. One of the characters develops the power to control zombies’ actions telepathically. These new details make this film feel bold and new, making it more likely to surprise and less likely to become bored.

WYRMWOOD is the type of film that could inject new life into the zombie genre. It’s bold and ballsy. The film tears down the road like a runaway truck off of the ROAD WARRIOR set without brakes or respect for road signs. And while zombie purists might flinch at the embellishments the Roache-Turners made to the zombie mythos, this film may prove those who rip on the zombie genre for being stuck on repeat for the last ten years that there’s some blood in the old genre still. Full of action that’ll make your heart flip and gore that’ll do the same to your stomach, WYRMWOOD is the next great thing in zombies.
And finally…here’s a cool shortie focusing on the initial outbreak of a zombie apocalypse done in sloooooooooo-mooooooooooo! This one is directed by Mike Relm and is an impressive little bit of cinema. Check out FIELD DAY!
See ya next week, folks!


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