Bartman swung in out of the night with this review of the Pierce Brosnan, Robinson Crusoe. It has long been shelved/unseen. I wonder what has happened regarding this project. I know at one point I was quite excited about it. Even if it doesn't have craters, space monkeys or Adam West... Well, here's Bartman's review....
I saw the final cut of "William DeFoe's Robinson Crusoe" last weekend. Should've been called "Robinson Snooze-o." If this is a remake, where the hell was the hot teenage girl on in the race with the ostrich and the zebra? (Oh, never mind. That was "Swiss Family Robinson" by Disney.)
And Disney is how this review will start, even though this is a Miramax film.
Remember long, long ago when the Wonderful World of Disney was on Sunday nights? Great exciting family entertainment that took you to other lands of excitement. This movie had the elements of being one of those great Sunday evening shows: Gorgeous locations and scenery. Nice bloody swordfight at the beginning. Gross bloated dead bodies washed up on the shore of the island with Crusoe. Fantastic (although too perfect) huts, bridges, and contraptions built by our hero that looked like a fun Disneyland playground (ala "Swiss Family" Treehouse and Tom Sawyer's Island). Some of the best cool "native" costumes I have seen in a long time (the half human skull hat and the white devil bull mask were very cool). Very impressive storms and boat crash. Story of how prejudices can be broken down when you get to understand the other person.
It didn't however feel like it was a worthy big screen effort. The pieces are all there, but the puzzle is not put together.
Why? Well, I didn't feel the actors made the necessary human connections with each other. (I know...the "isolation" of the island/humans is one point. But I also think that the isolation which leads to the longing for connection with others is a greater point.) Pierce "Bond" looks his part well (and speaks with a good Scottish accent)...but he never seems to connect to any of the other actors. The big romance of his life (Polly Walker) that is supposed to be keeping up his will to live is really forced. (I don't think one flashback with a completely unnecessary nude butt shot makes you believe he is that into her. It would have been easy to weave her presence more into the story with referring to her and his love and longing in voiceovers, since he has ENDLESS voiceovers throughout the show. But her presence is only seen at the beginning, the flashback, and the end. Big deal. It would have been more exciting to see Friday "get medeval on his ass." Just kidding.) Crusoe never really seems to connect with his dog or Friday, either...which makes his emotions for them later in the film seem forced and almost comical.
My biggest problem is that the movie's pace was too slow. This is an exciting wonderous, scary, and difficult new experience and adventure for Crusoe. I remember loving stories of pirates, islands, hostile natives, etc. as a child. I never saw any real wonder, despair, loss of hope, or "holding on" feelings from him. When he and Friday were fighting the tribe that invaded his island, it felt like it was just "Home Alone" with deadly results. Not exciting. A little humorous (unintentionally). Not believable. No buildup, and therefore, no payoff. And there really wasn't any emotion built up where you WANTED him to defend his island or himself. In my opinion, the script and actor has to make you WANT him to succeed by taking risks and making you invest emotionally in the character. He can be a selfish idiot (like the brilliant Nicholson character in "As Good As It Gets.."), but he has to be interesting.
There is also a really stupid "bookending" of someone bringing William DeFoe the Crusoe manuscript and then at the end showing that DeFoe was excited to write the story. That should be cut entirely since the actors were pretty lame and it didn't add anything to the story.
The score is really pretty but forgettable, and there also should have been some exciting "threat" music which I just didn't hear either.
Lastly, I don't think the filmmakers were thinking of their audience. Who would see this movie? If it was supposed to be a throwback to exciting family pictures of past Disney, they need to take out the nudity, tone down a few of the violent scenes, and jack up the excitement. If they wanted to make a more adult drama in the vein of Last of the Mohicans, they needed to do a lot more work on the depth of the characters. If they wanted to make a thrilling adventure, they needed to speed up the pace, show more of what Crusoe had at stake, do less "telling" with the voiceovers and more "showing" with the relationships.
So, the movie was not a bomb. I enjoyed watching it. But it's not a classic nor a hit.
