Now... at long last... I have reached the last super fantastic night of the Fourth Annual Quentin Tarantino Film Festival.... And how does the master programmer figure on winding up this... the best of his fests thus far?
A KUNG FU TRIPLE BILL
At long last.... I get to watch a triple feature of kung fu films... with Quentin somewhere in the room....
For fans of Tarantino... for me at least... the Kung Fu Triple Feature holds a special... sacred place in the soul of geekdom.
First off... a triple feature of Kung Fu films is simply... one of the true three answers to the “What is good in life Conan?” question.
A triple feature of Kung Fu flicks.. well, it has only one purpose.. to take the viewer to a transcendental state of glee. A location where you leave the theater filled with superhuman powers.... Talking in broken dubbed English with exaggerated lip movements.... It is where you make fun animal noises and spar with your friends in the white man poser stance.
Second... for me, the first time I learned Quentin’s name was when my sister forced me to take her to see TRUE ROMANCE... and it was at the moment where Clarence went to the triple feature Sonny Chiba Kung Fu bill where I first thought... “This is great!”
The Kung Fu film is the pure joy of cinema.
I couldn’t wait.
Quentin took the stage and the theater erupted into applause... the crowd packed to the sides of the theater. Literally... the aisles were packed with extra seats... filled. There were no empty seats... and there was standing going on.
There was a fire in Quentin’s eye when he stood on that stage... you could tell... he was ready for this night. He was saving the best for last. He grabbed the mike... swung it around briefly, and then went into an excited rap about how THIS WAS THE NIGHT HE WAS WAITING FOR.
Quentin’s favorite type of kung fu films are the animal style flicks... the kung fu where you move like an animal... and then... Quentin dazzled the audience with his full grasp of animal style kung fu.
Suddenly the microphone was on the ground... Quentin assumed the position of a nearly kneeling man... one arm cocked like an Egyptian... and the other way above his head with the hand at a pointed right angle to the arm.... He began swaying to and fro... as though studying his prey... hissing as his flat serpentine claws struck out as his invisible opponent striking them dead. He screams out... SNAKE STYLE...
Next...
He begins to stand like an exhausted man... tired and stumbling... his neck muscles loose.. head swirling around like a carousel... as he shuffled to his right while striking to his left, he suddenly switched direction in a drunken stupor... the noises escaping him.. like those of a belching god.... DRUNKEN STYLE he proclaims...
Next....
He crouches down... arms waving above his head as he waddles back and forth... He scratches an arm pit and the underside of a leg that juts out, as the fist flies down upon the head of his invisible opponent... the entire time he gives the impression of a passive aggressive Cheetah (Tarzan’s best friend) and as he begins making simian sounds, you can tell... it’s MONKEY STYLE...
Next....
He strikes the classic Crane stances... flying whooping style kicks, arms for balance out to the side... striking on the way back down.... picking his transparent opponent apart like a fish in a stagnant bay. He decrees.... CRANE STYLE...
As he grabs the mike back, the audience erupts into applause.... Watching Quentin go about the classic animal style martial arts... making all the appropriate noises.. and fighting in a precise facsimile and studied fervor of a Kung Fu Flick Fan....
Quentin is already in a gleeful state.
He tells us that the film we were about to see was called DRAGON VS SNAKEFIST, but... it’s real title is SNAKE IN THE MONKEY’S SHADOW... In the seventies... everybody was throwing DRAGON in the titles of Kung Fu films because of ENTER THE DRAGON...
Now... I can’t tell you much about this film. Not because I don’t want to... but in a credit style... I just do not know the names. It stars John Cheung and was directed by Sum Cheung. According to IMDB... this movie is available on Video..... BUY IT NOW!
I’m serious... Go and take the money out of your wallet and buy this fucking movie now. When it arrives... don’t watch it. Gather together 3 of your friends (at least) put on your two favorite kung fu flicks and then put this thing on third.... IT WILL KICK YOU IN THE NOSE AND LEAVE YOU BLEEDING WITH A BLOOD RED SMILE.
By the time you get to... what you will get... ah fuck it... the last hour is simply some of the best balletic animal style kung fu you’ll ever see. Each fighter stays in their style, and fights... you will see one scene that I guarantee will keep you shitting bricks for a week afterwards. This movie should be a treasure in every kung fu fans’ collection.
This is a pure jewel. At least 5 times during the movie, the film’s soundtrack didn’t exist to my ears because of the applause in the room... and as this film moves it begins to pick up a momentum that... is just stunning... The movie thrilled the audience.... sending them into an orgiastic gleeful lobby state where EVERYONE was bearing a crescent moon of shining ivories.
Quentin hit the lobby... and was making the tours soaking up the buzz...
When we returned to the theater.... and he hit the stage... Quentin brought me to tears.
“You know, I get asked in interviews... ‘Quentin, why do you do this festival every year?’ And that reaction... that charge you just gave me while watching this movie... That’s why. I’ve seen that last film 3 times at home... with one or two others. And ya know... at home with friends, it seems like a pretty good movie, but you can sometimes fool yourself into thinking something is great in close company... but can go on to see it fall flat in front of an audience. Well... what just happened... that feeling I just got from watching this movie with you... That’s rare... If I’m lucky... I’ll get that just once a year.... The last time was at THE MATRIX. You could just feel the audience completely hand themselves over to that movie. And it became something bigger than the theater. And you just gave me that feeling for the first time in a year and a half. That was a great screening... one of the very best I’ve experienced... and that was all you folks reacting to this great film and just being here and feeling that... that’s what film is about... it’s about going on a journey with a whole audience and just going with it. Thank you. Thank you.”
Now... You all know me, I get... decidedly weepy eyed at a flag being raised and such.... But Quentin was quite emotionally charged... you could see it on his face... this wasn’t Quentin being cool... or being on show.... This was the movie fan that loves the theatrical experience talking... and if you are a movie fan.... then you know this feeling.
Next weekend, you’ll get a chance to see EXORCIST on the big screen for the first time... many of you. When you see that film.... whoever you go with.. however you see it... You’ll realize... THIS IS HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO SEE IT... and for Quentin... on this print... THIS WAS HOW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS FILM... and it was a perfect experience for all involved.
Next up... Quentin introduced DRAGON VS NEEDLES OF DEATH.
“This is a completely different style of kung fu film. Where that last one is grace and style and movement... this one is brutal. When somebody gets hit you go...” And Quentin made an OOMPH sound while buckling his entire body, “...and it hurts ya know?”
This film was shocking and entertaining on entirely different levels... The fight scenes seemed to last days, and cover continents and time periods without so much as a blink.
The story is basically that of two best friends in love with the same girl... pitted against one another by circumstance (which is wildly improbable, but entertaining all the same), however before they can fight and settle their histories... they must first destroy a common enemy and save their mutual damsel in distress.
One guy is an expert martial artist.... the other can throw nails with pin (ha ha) point accuracy and deadliness.
When the guy begins unleashing his nails onto other folks... I was just delighted... and so was the audience... It was so.... how can I say this.... so, Super-heroesque... I suppose.
The film was fun... but just not the perfection of the earlier film. This isn’t bad... just not ‘ONE OF THE BEST KUNG FU FILMS I’VE EVER SEEN’ if ya get my point.
Now next was an extended break where Quentin announced and worked through the awards process for the fest.... Hopefully Moriarty will report on that, as I wasn’t taking notes during the nomination and award process....
But next up... Quentin was introducing his immaculate print of SNAKE FIST IN EAGLE SHADOW...
