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Quint's 2014 HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE PART 3! Games! Toys! Collectibles! Rich Stuff!




Cheap ($24.99 and under)



Okay, let's begin with this relative newcomer to the tabletop world. It's called Cinelinx and it's a game by and for movie lovers. So far so good. This is basically movie geek Uno. You have cards in your hand and the object is to discard them by making connections. There are actor cards, character cards, movie titles, director names, genres and movie quotes. Instead of matching colors or numbers you have to know your movie shit and get rid of your cards by connecting them to a card already laid out. So if From Dusk Till Dawn is on the table you can play your George Clooney card. Sounds complicated, but pretty easy when you actually start playing it... like most tabletop games do. $20.00 for the starter deck and they just came out with an expansion called Red Band that is more raunchy movies, profane quotes and the like. The Red Band expansion is $10.00.


Contest time! I have 2 sets of 1 Cinelinx Starter Deck and 1 Red Band Expansion to give out. To enter all you have to do is send an email to this account with the subject line GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER! and include your mailing address and phone number (for mailing purposes, should you win). I'll pick a winner at random between right this very second to 11:59pm CST Saturday, November 29th. The contest is only open to everyone in the whole wide world. Good luck!

Moderate ($25.00-$70.99)



Possibly the greatest tabletop card game invented since Texas Hold 'Em, I will always find a spot for Cards Against Humanity in the Gift Guide. If you're one of the 35 or so people on this Earth that doesn't know what this game is, it's basically geared towards being the raunchiest smart-ass you can possibly be. A person reads a question card or a statement with a blank in it and you have answer that question and/or fill that blank with a card in your hand. These cards can be simple actor names or they can be, say, “The Holocaust.” It's rude, crude and hugely addicting. Believe it or not, I played this with my mom last Christmas and I don't think I've ever seen her laugh so hard. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say... $25.00 for the starter box, $10.00 for the First Expansion, $10.00 for the Second Expansion, $10.00 for the Third Expansion, $10.00 for the Fourth Expansion and $10.00 for the Fifth Expansion. They also have their “Holiday Bullshit” bonus going on right now where they ship you 12 days worth of new holiday themed cards. Last year those who signed up got their names printed on a card so they joined the game all Tron style. I missed out then (there are limited amounts), but I didn't this year, by God! $15.00 for the Holiday Bullshit bonus stuff.



I know it's old, but dammit there are people out there who haven't played Risk Legacy yet and that upsets me. I've described this as board games evolving into the video game era. It's long form. You play over a dozen games and each game has the potential to completely alter the game board and the rules themselves depending on what actions are taken. It's the best board game out there and unlike any other of its type that I've played. $42.76.



Doctor Who Risk is now a thing you can do because those Daleks need to be taken down, dammit!$40.96.



I'm still not 100% on what exactly Munchkin is other than a tabletop game that Nordling goes gaga for and claims is super addictive. This is a set that brings the Adventure Time fellas into the fold with their own Munchkin deck as well as two bonus decks of regular old playing cards that are done up AT style. Mathematical and all that stuff. $35.99.



There's always a new Monopoly out there and this year they're making Zelda fans very happy with this fancy collector's edition. Deku sprouts and Deku trees replace houses and hotels and all Link/Zelda game pieces, including Hylian Shield, the Triforce symbol, Boomerang, Slingshot, Hookshot and Bow. $51.99.



Clue has been all Firefly'd up! Protip: no matter where or with what, the bad guy's always going to be Adam Baldwin. Not Jayne Cobb, the actual actor Adam Baldwin. $41.59.



More Firefly beloved family game night takeover! This time it's Yahtzee, the game I was wicked good at as a kid. Or my grandparents were wicked good at letting me win at least. You get the Serenity as your dice shaker and custom made translucent orange dice. $41.61.



I've put a little more time into Destiny than I probably should have... because there is a life to live outside of that game. Some folks are really pissed off at how slight the actual story was, but it's been known for a long time that Bungie is doing something different with this game. They're not telling one story that can be sequelized, they're telling the first chapter of a long, multi-year story that will unfold bit by bit. I expected that going in. What I didn't expect was just how much I would enjoy going on strikes, grinding my way to a higher level, getting better guns and, my favorite, running the crazy complicated raids. You need friends or to be socially outgoing to get the most out of this game. Solo play will only get you so far. Having seen the tease for the next installment, I'm really excited to get back into this thing as the world slows down around the holidays. $49.35 on Xbox One, $49.75 on PS4, $50.84 on Xbox 360, $50.45 on PS3.



Of all the games I have waiting patiently for me, Far Cry 4 is probably the one I'm most interested in diving into. The gameplay footage looked like it was really taking advantage the next gen hardware and I just dig the open world action style of this series. Next gen open world co-op gives me hope that the eventual release of Fallout 4 (to be announced aaaaaany day now. Any day now...) will have a similar feature. $57.82 on Xbox One, $59.96 on PS4, $59.76 on Xbox 360, $59.96 on PS3.



The Master Chief Collection has gotten off to a rocky start, with matchmaking and server errors really messing with the multiplayer aspect of this series... which is one of the collection's biggest selling points. They'll hammer those out eventually. What comes ready to go in the box are all 4 Halo games including a completely retooled version of Halo 2. The gameplay mechanics are still the same, but all the graphics and cut scenes have been upgraded and you have the ability to switch back and forth between original and new at any point in the gameplay. That's pretty neat. Once they get Matchmaking going strong this'll be a no-brainer for any Xbox One owner. Lots of value for your buck. $50.98 exclusively on Xbox One.



I only got about an hour of play into this one when it came out and I can say it's a beautiful world, but I suck so bad at games that because of the “promotion” element (if a bad orc kills you he gets promoted and becomes tougher... essentially becoming a boss) here there are a bunch of crazy powerful orcs that always show up at the worst possible moment. It's gonna take some intense concentration when I can finally get some free time to pick up where I left off, but the concept of an open world RPG-style LOTR game set in the Peter Jackson Middle Earth is a good one and it looks absolutely gorgeous. $47.99 on Xbox One, $48.51 on PS4, $51.89 on Xbox 360, $48.99 on PS3.



Call it Skyrim withdrawal if you want, but I'm kinda jonesing to give this game a try. Bioware gave us the really cool Mass Effect series and they're great at world-building, so I could easily get lost in this world whenever it is I get a free moment. $59.96 on Xbox One, $59.96 on PS4, $59.96 on Xbox 360, $59.96 on PS3.



Call of Duty is getting a little stale for me, if I'm going to be completely honest, but at the same time it's weird how a new CoD game feels like an old comfort blanket. You can veg out and go through the campaign or get your ass kicked at multiplayer (me-me-me). With this one you also get creepy uncanny valley Kevin Spacey! $57.08 on Xbox One, $59.96 on PS4, $59.00 on Xbox 360, $58.44 on PS3.



A bloody Les Mis! I don't know how they can keep pumping out Assassin's Creed games at the rate they're doing so, but they're coming fast and furious. Have heard mixed word on this one, but haven't had the chance to play it myself, although I might not be the best opinion on this kind of game. I dug Black Flag a lot, but lost interest real quickly in the other AC games. But I'm fascinated by the French Revolution time period and I know that it's going to be gorgeously executed, so I'm looking forward to giving it a try. $51.77 on Xbox One, $55.81 on PS4.



Man, oh, man I'm excited to dive into Lego Batman 3. There's just something calming about beating the crap out of a digitized plastic tree and getting some shiny pegs for your trouble. The Lego games are total zone out experiences. You just lose yourself in the gameplay, not necessarily a story, but whatever video game crack formula they figured out it's working. My to-play stack is stupidly large. Come on, slow holiday season! $57.33 on Xbox One, $57.99 on PS4, $49.96 on Xbox 360, $41.95 on PS3.



GTA V got a next-gen makeover for PS4 and Xbox One. It's not just prettier, it also has new activities, weapons, vehicles and over 100 new songs. Word from reviews is that this version makes the Xbox 360 and PS3 version released last year feel like a Beta. $59.96 on Xbox One, $59.96 on PS4.



Bethesda released The Evil Within this fall, a survival horror game from Shinji Mikami. I had a bit of a frustrating 45 minutes before I put the game aside for later, but I get the feeling it's one you just have to be in the mood to play. Lots of atmosphere, slow burn creeps and super limited resources to make it really tense every step of the way. $41.90 on Xbox One, $39.78 on PS4, $40.99 on Xbox 360, $51.15 on PS3.



Man, it sounds like I have the attention span of a 4 year old, but this is another game I only got to play for a short time. I swear I don't have commitment issues, it's just that all these games came out at once and right when I was getting in full swing of the guide. I will say that the concept of playing Ripley's daughter is a good one and it's a pretty great idea to have her intrigued by the promise of finding out what happened to her mother, why she disappeared, and stumble upon an alien in the process. It's natural, it fits and the fact that the production design is based on Ridley Scott's Alien is in and of itself worth giving this game a shot. It's gorgeous and tickles all sorts of geek fancies within me that I can explore that world a little more. $48.60 on Xbox One, $48.53 on PS4, $46.42 on Xbox 360, $45.53 on PS3.



The latest “season” of Telltale's fantastic Walking Dead video game came out in October as well. This game doesn't really have much to do with the show or the books... directly, anyway. They do cross paths with some familiar characters, but it's more about telling another story in that world... a world where sometimes you're faced with having to choose the less shitty option, not just “good route” or “bad route.” So far these games have been outstanding. I highly recommend giving them a shot if you haven't already (definitely start with Season One. Your console choice can be be made by clicking here for Season One, $30.88. The newly released Season Two is available as well. $28.49 on Xbox One, $27.49 on PS4, $29.99 on Xbox 360, $27.49 on PS3.



Telltale also dipped their toe in the Fable comic world with The Wolf Among us, another choose-your-own-adventure style story where your split second instinct dramatically alters the story you experience. Very fun concept that works very well as a new form of gameplay. $29.99 on Xbox One, $27.07 on PS4, $29.99 on Xbox 360, $29.99 on PS3.



The Last of Us is one of my favorite Playstation games, if not my favorite, I've ever played. The immersion into the story, the investment I had with the characters, the emotional ups and downs I had... it's hard to explain, but it felt more cinematic than video game. My PS4 hasn't gotten much play, but I'm definitely buying this and playing through again in it's pretty new version. Plus, I never got to play the DLC and all that's included with this release as well. $42.02 only on PS4.



Confession time: I've never played any of these Little Big Planet games. I know, I'm a poor, poor gamer (true). I even like and respect women, so double gamer fail. Oooooo, low blow, I know. Sorry. I do recognize that this is a very popular franchise and people have been really excited about this PS4 release. $59.96 on PS4.



This game is a little ADHD for me, but the limited amount of time I had playing it I had fun. It's non-stop. Literally, if you stop moving you might as well just hit the “I'm dead button.” Crazy sense of humor (it was written by the guy who wrote the very underrated Deadpool game) helps a lot and it's about absurd as you can get... I mean, it's about an energy drink that turns ravers into mutants. It's an Xbox One exclusive, but while the detail of the very cartoony world is dense, it still doesn't feel like it's pushing the boundaries of what next gen can do. $49.99 only on Xbox One.



Super Smash Bros! I loved previous incarnations of this franchise and while I'm stubbornly taking my sweet time diving into the Wii U, it'd be titles like and Mario Kart that ultimately makes me take the plunge. $59.99 on the Wii U.



If you don't buy this, Luigi's gonna be piiiiiiiiiiiiised at you! He's pissed at me because as much as I love this series I just can't seem to get excited about buying a Wii U... $48.15.



This game combines the look, feel and characters of the Legend of Zelda franchise with the gameplay of Dynasty Warriors. If you know what that means, then it's likely you're the target audience for it. $57.51.



I'm sad to report that I have lost a few friends to the new WoW expansion, Warlords of Draenor. It's true, they were nerds, but they were my nerds! They will be missed. $49.96.



After playing a bunch of Diablo III (my Voodoo dude will rain a crapton of green poison frogs on your sorry ass!) I get just how addicting these damn Blizzard games can be. It's one reason why I can never, ever in a million years take up Warcraft or I will Howard Hughes myself and no one will ever hear from me again. Playing a game like this on console is scarily easy for a non-PC gamer to adapt to. Danger here... don't get into this game unless you got a loooooooot of free time. $49.58 on Xbox One, $49.89 on PS4, $29.99 on Xbox 360, $32.98 on PS3.



Guys, the South Park RPG is awesome. You can tell that the people who put this together knew their shit. It plays like a long multi-episode South Park arc, which is awesome, but the real kicker is that it's actually a pretty decent RPG while it pokes fun at RPGs. It's smart in its crudity... just like the show. There are a myriad of classes you can play. I chose Thief, which allowed me to sneak out of combat and sucker punch my opponent and steal some shit out of their pocket. The game is short by RPG standards, but I still put around 20 hours into the first run-through and I'm eventually going to go back and play with a new character type. Probably “Jew.” Yes, that's real and it looks like crazy, blasphemous fun. Damn, now I want to throw that in instead of finishing this guide... $26.15 on Xbox 360, $38.51 on PS3.



I went into this game (the first new game I fired up the old 360 for, by the way) expecting it to be an afterthought. Borderlands 2 is awesome, super fun and hilarious, plus very addictive. This game felt like DLC on paper. It's a prequel, takes place on a moon of Pandora... it just felt rushed and “B-team.” But I was wrong. So, so, so wrong. I forgot how much I love this world and the sheer level of missions, side quests and crazy weapons is much bigger than I thought. It might fall short of being a full on Borderlands 3, but not by much. Very well done... plus you can play as Claptrap (which I do). $50.76 on Xbox 360, $54.45 on PS3.

Expensive ($71.00-$249.99)



Okay, so the Nintendo 3DS has a retro version that's out this holiday season and it's so cool it's almost convincing me I should get back into the Nintendo game. Designed in the style of an old NES controller, this thing is also a 3DS XL, which means the screensize is almost double that of the regular 3DS. I think I'm just an easy target for these nostalgia vultures... $234.99.

For The Super Rich Only ($250.00 and up)



Xbox has some catching up to do and it has finally done what it should have to start with: it offered a cheaper console without the Kinect. Now, I think having the Kinect is kind of what makes having an Xbox One awesome (I tell my TV to turn on and it does!), but it's not for everybody, so why force people to buy something they won't use? Microsoft is offering a ton of bundles and discounts for Black Friday... Places like Target, Best Buy and Wal-Mart have special bundles, gift cards, free Xbox Live, etc... but you have to wait in line overnight for those. Or you can check out a bundle that's available right now, with one click. Best I've seen online is the Assassin's Creed bundle (available with or without the Kinect) which gets you the console at it's new lower price and includes two games (a $120 value). Haven't played Unity yet, but Black Flag is a lot of fun. $349.99 with no Kinect and $449.99 with Kinect.



Playstation is sitting a little prettier, so I haven't seen as many price drops, but they do have some bundles out right now that's the way to go if you're looking to get a PS4 this holiday season. Pictured above is the Last of Us remastered bundled, which only knocks off about $10-$20 of buying the regular plus the game, but that's still money. There's also the Destiny Bundle that comes with a special white PS4 and controller. $444.99 for the Last of Us Bundle, $449.99 for the white PS4 Destiny Bundle.


Cheap ($24.99 and under)



The first entry into the Toys/Collectibles section of this year's guide always has to make an impression. It's a big section and it has to start off right. You can't get much better than a Nic Cage Colorforms set (but don't call it that because of legal reasons). This same artist, Brandon Bird, made a Cage super fun adventure set a few years ago and now he's followed it up with this beauty. You get three Nic Cages, an alien, a keyboard guitar, a sombrero and rocket boots. This is a hell of a gift and one you can almost guarantee you won't double up on... unless you have a lot of friends that read this guide, which you should because it's awesome to share. Oh, and Bird loves this guide and you guys so much he's offering up a $2 discount code, making the Nic Cage set a flat $10.00. Discount code is YAZMLZTA6IY4.



Battle Ready Ron Burgundy stands 8” tall and comes with his trust table leg. Don't be in a glass case of emotion, get this little suck for your desk/comedian action figure collection. On sale for $6.57.



Neca is celebrating Freddy's birthday with this cool multi-accessoried action figure. Great likeness of Englund in the role of his career. This is back when Freddy was scary. Tinged with dark humor, sure, but not the cartoony wise-ass he'd eventually evolve in to. $21.99.



They made a toy out of Tarman from Return of the Living Dead? What hasn't been done at this point? Where's my Angela from Sleepaway Camp action figure? Wait, maybe some things shouldn't actually have toys made of them... $23.99.



I think Neca was caught off guard by how popular their Video Game Action Figures became. It stared with Friday the 13th the game's version of Jason Voorhees and spun out from there. Now they have a video game Michael Keaton Batman. The game-colored figure is cool, but the packaging is what sends this line over the top. $19.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. Next up in the Neca video game line is Rambo in all his cel-shaded glory. You want a toy? I'll give you a toy you're not gonna believe. $..



I don't know if it's a toy exactly, but it reminds me of the Haunted Mansion, so I like it. This Infinite Corridor gives the illusion of a deep corridor by using light and mirrors. Or maybe it's just regular old black magic. I can't tell, but I do know it's cool. $24.99.



Avengers Russian Nesting Dolls because who doesn't want to slide Nick Fury, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and Thor gently inside the Hulk? I'm talking about how nesting dolls work, but I'm sure I've inadvertently kicked off a filthy fan-fic writing marathon somewhere. $24.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. I love these tiny Scalers. I have Freddy and Jason attached to various window blind cords around the house. Now that Rocket and Groot are coming out soon little Freddy and Jason won't be so lonely anymore. $6.99.



PRE-ORDER, December 2014. Baymax with his complete armor set! Any kid who sees Big Hero 6 is going to want this, so you might as well pick it up, even if you don't have kids because someday you might or you might adopt and then where will you be? Without an Armor-Up Baymax, that's where. That'll make your kid hate you and grow up to be Hannibal Lecter. You don't want that, do you? $22.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. I'm not sure if they ran out of these or someone somewhere didn't think it'd be a good idea to make cute plushes for their main cuddly cartoon character of the year. But this 10” Baymax plush is on pre-order everywhere I've looked, so I settled on the cheapest link and that'll run you $21.99.



One of the shitty things about being a single adult is that you don't get surprises in your stockings anymore. No stocking stuffers for me until I attract a female geek out in the wild somewhere. I would jump up and down and clap a lot if I found this little Wade Wilson poking out of my stocking, though. He's so cute! And deformed! And... cute! And he's got sharp pointy things, too! $20.35.



Aw, yeah! Plushes, bitch! Walter and Jesse may be off our TVs, but they're not out of our hearts and now they can be in your bed, too. I don't judge. $23.94 for both.



Your vault must feel awful empty without one of these Fallout themed pulshes around. Sometimes the century after nuclear war can get lonely, so in case that happens, make sure your shelter is stocked up on Vault Boy Plushes. #obamasamerica $24.99.



Awwwww, isn't Pennywise so... um... cute? Quite possibly the best Funko POP Vinyl ever conceived. Who doesn't want a little child-murdering Spider-Clown in their home? Nobody I want to know, anyway.. $10.72.



PRE-ORDER, December 2014. Mr. Staypuft is not happy, but he is big. Standing at 6” tall, he's almost double the size of most other Pop Vinyls. What did you do, Ray? $14.99.



PRE-ORDER, December 2014. I think Groot caught Disney by surprise a little bit. They didn't think people were going to freak out for him so much... especially when he danced... and now there's a rush to get Dancing Groot merch out there. One such piece is this Pop Vinyl that is likely to be shipping after Christmas, but should have been under every tree. I mean, under ever Groot. But still, it's adorable. $9.99.



Apparently this came out at the end of last year and nobody told me! Thanks, people. You had one job and that was to tell me every time a Rocketeer tchotchke comes out. Didn't you read the contract? Pop Vinyl's Rocketeer. Still available. Still sweet. $11.71.



If you haven't seen these before they're Re-Action Figures and aren't focused on the best likenesses or most points of articulation, but more on tickling a nostalgic nerve for geeks like you and me. Case in point this sweet Rocketeer. Sure, Billy's head looks weird, but if you ever pop him out of that plastic he's going to be wearing his helmet, right? I mean, it's The Rocketeer! The helmet is essential! $9.34.



Of all the Reaction figures, the Alien one is not only the best looking toy, but it's also the one that started this whole thing based on original designs that almost were made as movie tie-ins in the '70s. In plastic no one can hear you scream. $14.99.



Call him Snake... The face painting on this is... something, but what the hell? It's the nostalgia we're going for, right? $9.03.



This one's Marty McFly, in case you do the opposite of most and skip all the pictures to read my brilliant writings. It's crazy the diversity of stuff out there. Here you have the cheapest Michael J. Fox toy imaginable and later on in this section you're going to see the most expensive awesomely detailed one. Ain't it good to be a geek? $9.26.



You will know pain... 3 ¾ inch pain, but pain nonetheless. Pinhead from Hellraiser as a card-backed toy. I like it! $10.24.



Last Reaction figure (last single one, anyway). I promise. I just couldn't pass up putting a mini-Quentin Tarantino into this guide. Keep it in the kitchen, next to the coffee machine, and give it a nod acknowledging the fine coffee you're drinking. Don't fucking Jimmy me, Jules. Order this. $10.99.



I recently signed up for this because I don't have enough nerd trinkets lying around. It's called Loot Crate and when you sign up they send you one box a month for as long as you subscribe. In these boxes you get at least $40 worth of stuff from comics to toys to shirts to digital content to candy. The longer you commit to the cheaper the boxes are. Plus every month they randomly send out mega loot crates to worth hundreds of dollars. So, if you have a geeky friend, but don't know what to get them then this is a great gift that keeps on giving type thing. $19.37 a month.

Moderate ($25.00-$70.99)



Dinosaur Dracula (I swear I didn't just have a stroke, that's their real name) is a service similar to Loot Crate in that you pay a certain amount every month and every month they deliver a box of goodies to you. The difference with Dino Drac is that all the goodies are vintage, so you're likely to get some shit that'll spark a ton of childhood memories. They're a little more expensive than Loot Crate, but tons more nostalgic. $25.00 a month.



Ah, the Lego Ecto 1. One of my favorite things Lego has done in a while... In fact, it's my favorite thing they've done since the next item... Lego Ecto 1 runs you $49.95.



DeLoreon Lego! DeLegoreon? If you want to start your own Jay Leno-like car collection in Lego form, then don't stop with the Ecto-1. Released late last year, the Lego DeLorean is ready to take you back to the future to help your fuck-up future-kids get out of the jam they're in! $.34.45.



Every year Lego does a Star Wars Advent Calendar... you know those things your grandma always got you that a little cardboard place to punch out every day leading up to Christmas and it had chocolate or, like, 50 cents in it or something. That's what this is except with Legos. Every day you open a new lego door to find yourself goodies like mini-figs and stuff like that. Neat, huh? $39.99.



People always thank me for this guide, but then turn around and curse me for including so much cool shit they couldn't possibly buy it all. I have the solution to this problem. With Gray's Sports Almanac in your possession the world is your oyster! This exacting prop replica went into every detail, including the reflective silver text on the front and the weird future-receipt. What are you waiting for, butt-head? $64.99.



Ron Swanson: The Bust. Points off for not being made of either wood or bacon, but that still only knocks it down to an A+ super awesome idea for a piece of merch. The bust stands over 7” tall, so you can even make out that judgment-eye he's throwing at you. Who doesn't want a little Nick Offerman head? Wait...$26.96.



PRE-ORDER, April 2015. This badass Lawgiver statue might not come out as late as April. I've seen the release window vary from site to site, but you want to make sure you have this thing. The 12” replica of the Lawgiver statue carries much significance to Apes nerds. Can't believe it's taken this long to do up a Lawgiver statue so well. $54.99.



A Bruce the Shark bobblehead? Sorry, “motion statue.” TAKE ALL MY MONEY!. $37.53.



Instead of buying your Funkos one at a time you can get the whole set of Universal Monsters from them in one big lot. Think of it as Monster Squading it. Tons of monsters in one go. Included are Dracula, Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, Wolf Man, Mummy, Creature, Phantom and, curiously, Metaluna Mutant. ::plug in your own Invisible Man included for free joke here::. $84.99.



The whole ReAction concept began with a desire to replicate old Kenner designs for an abandoned Alien toy line. Here is that toy line. Included are five figures including the Alien, Ripley, Ash, Dallas and Kane in his space suit. Poor Yaphet Kotto and Veronica Cartwright. Left out in the cold once again... But that's sad. Let's celebrate those who made the cut! $56.95.



An RC flying TARDIS. Hell yeah! I've read some reviews on this thing that says it's not the easiest RC device to control in the world, but still... it's a flying TARDIS for under thirty bucks. Couldn't very well exclude it from this list, could I? $29.29.



I'm not very into the whole Cars/Planes stuff out of Disney and Pixar. I'm sure you're not either, but you know who is. Kids. Not specific kids. All of them. Every single child under the age of 9 years old on this planet is in love with these things. This remote controlled Dusty is going to be blowing a lot of minds this Christmas. I was randomly sent a box of toys from some publicist somewhere and this was in it. The try me button on the plane actually makes the mouth move in a realistic way. Wasn't expecting that. Naturally, I'll be gifting this to a friend's kid this Christmas and it's going to cause him to stroke out. In a good way. $38.49.



This guy's selling out online. Two f my usual go-to toy sites are sold out either indefinitely or until end of December, so I'm linking to one in hand ready to ship at about $10 more than you'd pay for it off the shelf. Baymax has a projector inside him that switches between images from Big Hero 6 with a pull of his arm. Another kid brain-melter of a gift. $42.22.



”Not another Optimus Prime! I already have one of those!” you say? Horseshit! Can your Optimus Prime turn into an Optimus Pen?!? He transforms into a working pen. You know, that thing you use to write things down. Practical and fun (note, it's probably not very practical at all.) $52.87.



PRE-ORDER, Q4 2014. A model kit showcasing one of the coolest moments James Cameron ever directed. These T-800s are 1:32 scale and are supposed to come out sometime before the end of the year, but I haven't found anything more specific than that. $39.99.


Rocket and Groot as done by Kotobukiya's ArtFX line. If you're cool with this only being 4 or 5” tall then you'll love this piece. The only complaints I've read about are that it's too small. The sculpt and paint job is pretty great on it and the pose is fantastic and perfectly expresses those two. I think it's priced fairly, but what do I know? $40.82.

Expensive ($71.00-$249.99)



PRE-ORDER, Q1 2015. If you haven't heard, Mondo's getting into the toy market. Luckily for you, they're having their awesome toys available for pre-order and you don't have to fight the internet for the. Case in point, this Lil' Mikey figure based on the Just Like Us print from Mike Mitchell. We're used to figures like that being tiny Pop Funko things, but this guy is so much bigger than you expect him to be. He stands almost 10” tall. You can pre-order him now and expect him sometime Q1 of 2015. $85.00.



Oooooooh, yeah. I almost forgot... One of you lucky SOBs is getting your very own Lil' Mikey for FREE. To enter all you have to do is send an email to this account with the subject line COWABUNGA!!! and include your mailing address, phone number (for mailing purposes, should you win) and make to tell me which Ninja Turtles character is your favorite and why. Could be one of the four or a side character or villain. I'll pick a winner at random between right this very second to 11:59pm CST Saturday, November 29th. The contest is only open me at my house... It's not rigged, I swear! Okay, okay, the contest is open to anybody in the world. Good luck!



Everybody needs a mini-Schwarzenegger... no, that's not innuendo. I mean it. Dutch can protect your ass from home invaders, aliens or South American terrorists. This quarter scale figure from Neca stands 18” tall and is a great sculpt of the Governator. Get it just so you can reenact the manly mid-air arm-wrestle scene. Wassamattah? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils? $109.95.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. Speaking of giant Neca creations, here's the Queen Alien they're coming out with. She's to scale with the 7” tall Colonial Marines, which means she's massive. Measuring 30” long and 15” tall. She has over 30 points of articulation as well and is immaculately detailed. This is one of the key toys on this list. $89.99.



Bandai have put out a pretty rad two pack of Ultraman Dark and Ultra Seven Dark.My understanding is this is an exclusive way to get both of these figures via BigBadToyStore. $159.99 gets you both.



PRE-ORDER, February 2015. Play Arts is putting out a Halo 2 Master Chief figure that is crazy articulated and comes with a whole lotta accessories. It's almost Hot Toys level attention to detail here. If you're a Halo fan you should be able to pick your eyeballs off the keyboard by now and get them situated. $99.99.



This one is high on my personal Christmas Wish List (hint hint hint). I bought myself the first set of Fallout 3 Bobblehead replicas, but am cutting back on my spending this year, so I haven't taken the plunge on this one. And I'm a completionist. So that grates on my brain just a little bit. If you've played Fallout you know why it's awesome to have your own Bobbleheads. If you haven't, then what the hell are you doing reading this? Go play Fallout 3 and come back in 3 weeks when you've reintegrated with society and buy this shit... with real money, not bottle caps. $79.99.



When I was kid there was probably nothing more world-expanding to me than the Tanooki suit in Super Mario Bros 3. You could always jump in games, but the ability to switch up strategies, get a suit so you could fly around? It felt like a leap forward in gaming even then. Now you can immortalize that pivotal moment and you don't even need Fred Savage to get you to the game competition on time. This resin statue stands 15” tall and is limited to only 2000 pieces world-wide. $184.59.



I believe I've featured this My Neighbor Totoro music box before, but... it's a My Neighbor Totoro music box. It exists and you can buy it. $73.94.



If you have a smartphone (android or iphone) you can have your own controllable robot (pronounce it “row-butt” like they did in '50s sci-fi movies to make it sound even more futuristic) that'll tear ass around your kitchen, do flips and other tricks all at the control of an app on your phone. Enjoy them now, the next generation will be the ones that turn us into batteries. $99.00.



Earlier this year all my Lego fanatic friends were losing their poop over this new Lego Simpsons House. There was twitpics, instagrams, texts and mail-by-pigeon updates on their progress as they constructed this beast. Very cool, lots of little details and a huge sense of accomplishment when you finally get this sumbitch put together. Just remember to not be a villain and keep the Kragle away. $199.95.



Yep, that's Star Wars Holiday Special Boba Fett. Made by Gentle Giant this cool hunka whateverthehelltheymadeitoutof is sure to be popular amongst Star Wars geeks. Get it before it sells out and becomes worth, like, $70 million. $127.99.



PRE-ORDER, February 13th, 2015. I really like Kotobukiya stuff. They are just a step down from Sideshow in terms of size and quality of materials, but they're no less impressive pieces. Take the demon from Insidious here. Standing at 11 inches tall and incredibly detailed, you can... excuse me? Yes? Oh, it isn't? I'm being told that's not the demon from Insidious, but rather a popular Star Wars character named Darth Maul. Anyway, the detail on him is crazy good and yes, his lightsaber lights up. $119.99.



PRE-ORDER, February. Thank the maker I pulled my head out of my rectum in my post prequel-hissy fit and watched The Clone Wars. I have seen the light. Still think the prequels are a bunch of interesting (and some deadly dumb) ideas wrapped up in shitty execution, but The Clone Wars has softened me on a lot of that imagery. Clone troopers especially. So, I think it's cool that there's this hyper realistic Cad Bane sixth scale figure in his Clone trooper disguise from Sideshow. $149.99.



A sixth scale Nathan Fillion... this is the rare geek furniture item that will likely be just as popular among lady geeks as guys, maybe more so. Cap'n Mal stands 12” tall and was constructed with real hands on access to the original costume props. Hell yeah! $201.95.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. Julie Newmar's is Catwoman immortalized in this this sixth scale maquette. Insert Tex Avary wolf whistle here. $249.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2014. These life-sized stunt prop replica Gremlins are awesome. I pitched in on one for my best bud, Kraken, one Christmas and it's so rad. This one is even cooler (don't tell Kraken I said that) because it's the creepy pervo Flasher Gremlin! Only 1000 of these will be made and they're life-sized, standing around 30” tall. It's the best early Valentines Day present... to yourself. Don't give this to a girl unless she's really, really, really, really cool. $239.99.



When I become a daddy I would want my daughter to turn out like Arya. I guess Sansa is finally coming around, but I'd much rather have a little firecracker like Arya, someone who will run a motherfucker through because they deserve it. Who do I speak to so this happens? Um... uh... Valar Morghulis? $194.73.



A replica company out of the UK has created this TARDIS in siege mode for collectors. Everybody has that blue police box TARDIS, but not everybody has this cool silver cube version that protects it and stuff. 49.95 GBP, about $79.00 USD..



Weta's having a sale on their trolls! William, Bert and Tom all cost around $85-$90 each, but if you get them all together you get one free. Whichever one you want. Don't tell Tom if you choose him, he has a poor sense of self-worth as it is. $175.00.



Was there ever a better moment in modern fantasy when Gandalf the White whipped out his Wizard-fu in Return of the King? This new Sixth Scale Gandalf the White figure reminds us of the stoic Gandalf the White. He comes with a bunch of accessories. Equip him with Glamdring or his staff. Or both if you're feeling saucy. $169.99.



First Gandalf the White, then Denethor the White in sixth scale form. I don't remember that from LOTR, but it might have been in some appendices extended edition bullshit or something. I'm just joshin' ya! That's not Denethor, that's Walter Bishop from Fringe, also played by actor John Noble. Got ya' good, though, didn't I? $147.99.



You might not recognize that face, but you know the man. That's a bust of Howard Phillips Lovecraft. Many of his famous creations are sculpted around the base of the bust. This is a hell of an off the radar album that could make the day of any decent genre reader out there. $165.00.



Ah The Phantom. Could have been a great character for the big screen, but the timing and tone wasn't right. Poor Billy Zane. Anyway, the original character still exists and now you can get him in all his purple-suited glory in this 12” statue, limited to only 500 worldwide. $134.99.



You know that Rocky sculpture that is now in Philly? You probably heard about it. Well, now you can have the 12” version of that in your home. Made of resin, so it's sturdy. I guess. Resin's sturdy right? It's late, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I do know that as a special you get a limited poster of some sort free with your order if you buy before January 5th. $125.00.



A Forry Ackerman statue? How in the hell does this exist? MUST OWN! $145.77.



PRE-ORDER, December 2015. There are a lot of cool things in this section of the guide, but if I made a hard sell for anything in this price range it'd be this amazing Hot Toys Snake Plissken. The Sideshow Exclusive version is sold out, but don't let that deter you. It's cool, yes, but the only thing extra you get is a hand that holds the cassette tape in it. For the regular edition you get so many accessories that you won't miss that. For the money, this is the best item in the Expensive section of the list. The Kurt Russell likeness is incredible and let's face it... there's always going to be a great new Joker or RoboCop or Terminator figure out there. How many Snake Plisskens do we get? I remember it being mind-blowing when MacFarlane came out with his Escape From LA Snake. Hot Toys has them beat by a country mile here. I've had mine on pre-order since the hour it was announced.. $159.99.



PRE-ORDER, March 2015. Don't think I'm a nerd or nothin', but this is one of three Hot Toys items on the guide I have on pre-order. I mean, it's Marty McFly, man. What do you expect me to do? Just let it exist out in the world and not have one in my house? No way, no how. Great sculpt as usual and a ton of goodies come with him, including a video camera, skateboard, shades, Walkman and, of course, a puffy red vest. $224.99.



I haven't taken the plunge on this one, but it's so cool looking. The first Terminator film is perfect for a figure like this because Arnie's skin looked sorta waxy and he didn't have eyebrows, so it fits a figure much better. Glowy red Terminator eye seals the deal. If I saw this on sale I might not be able to resist. If you don't agree with me, then fock ewe ahshooooole. $215.70.



The Crow is on sale this holiday season. Another great Hot Toys design. Don't insult the memory of Brandon Lee and ignore this sweet figure, you insensitive so and so! $182.99.



PRE-ORDER, February 2015. Young and innocent Luke, thinking he's all hot shit. Or should I say Hoth shit? Oh, man. Things are starting to get goofy up in here! Hot Toys Commander Luke Skywalker. Comes with some stuff like lightsaber and those crazy binoculars that he liked so much. $199.99.



PRE-ORDER, February 2015. I'm including Hoth Han here if you're a completionist and need to have Han there so he can rescue Luke and wield that lightsaber for the one time in the OT... what if Old Han uses a saber in Ep 7! Squee!!! Sorry, where was I? Yeah, it's cool. Good sculpt... it's just that there's a better Hot Toys Han a little later in the guide that I'd recommend over this one. $199.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. R2 here isn't Hot Toys, but he is a sweet Sideshow creation. 1/6 scale and he comes with a ton of extras, like Luke's saber, the drink tray thing on his head and all sorts of robot arms. $149.99.



PRE-ORDER, April 2015. Hot Toys is trying their ultra-realistic approach on a video game version of Batman... and it looks awesome! Batman looks super thick and intimidating, doesn't he? I believe this dude can beat the hell out of just about anybody. $229.99.



This is a Batman you don't have to wait a year to get. You can have Adam West Batman by Christmas and not only that, but Sideshow's running a sale on him. 10% off his usual price, free US shipping and double Sideshow points. Hell of a deal if you were eyeballing this one. $184.49.



Mime Joker is also available below RSVP. Jack Nicholson Joker will always hold a special place in my heart and the quality of the sculpt and costuming is top notch. These Hot Toys people might know what they're doing... $185.99.



PRE-ORDER, November 2014/aka shipping any day now. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 had 99 problems, but a costume ain't one. Spider-Man has never looked more comic book accurate than in that film, so naturally the upcoming Hot Toys release of their sixth scale figure caught my eye. Spidey comes with the regular costume as well as his puffy jacket and scarf, webs for swinging and shooting and a few different hand options (relaxed, tense, etc).. $229.99.



Cap 2 Black Widow is also on the docket this summer. Presented without comment as to not fall into the typical drooling fanboy trope. $176.05.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. Anthony Mackie killed it in Winter Soldier. He's so great with Evans and I can't to see how the MCU handles his character going forward. Hot Toys has done another bang up job with the sculpt and gave him the full wingspan, which is just asking for an asshole cat like mine to knock over. $249.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. Don't be alarmed. The Hot Toys Star-Lord isn't going to come with a blurry face. I'm sure they're just altering the sculpt or didn't clean the camera lens or something. What I can make out, it looks good already and that costuming is outstanding. Crank up the classic rock add this dude to your collection. $234.99.



PRE-ORDER, April 2015. Hey, look! It's green Zoe Saldana! Some of these product pictures could pass for set stills, so that means someone at Hot Toys made a deal with the devil to be more talented than any human should be. I hope it was a long term contract, friendo. I want more cool shit. Give me my Hot Toys Quint before you go spend eternity with the dark one. Thanks! $199.99.



Fan favorite Silver Centurion armor made a brief appearance in Iron Man 3 and so naturally Hot Toys has to make a figure out of it. This suit does have one thing the others don't: arm blades. So by law that makes this suit the best out of all of them. $249.99.



Contest time! Ermagerd! I'm giving away a Hot Toys figure!!! Sideshow has graciously given me one Mark 33 Silver Centurion figure to give as a prize to one of you lucky readers! To enter all you have to do is send an email to this account with the subject line TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THAT IN A CAAAAAVE WITH A BUNCH OF SCRAPS! and include your mailing address, phone number (for mailing purposes, should you win) and a low res phone pic of where you plan on displaying this piece if you should be lucky enough to win. I'll pick a winner at random (all the stuff I outlined above has to be met or I'll discard and move on to another random) between right this very second to 11:59pm CST Saturday, November 29th. The contest is only open to most places around the world (click here to see the few countries excluded). Good luck!

For The Super Rich Only ($250.00 and up)



PRE-ORDER, April 2015 (so expect it to ship December of 2071). Remember above when I said there was a better Han Solo Hot Toys figure you could pre-order than Hoth Parka Han? This is it! Here he is with Chewbacca, who also looks killer, and man do I love this sculpt. Maybe it's the whole outfit, vest and all, that makes it all click for me, but this is the one I ordered. Didn't get Chewie as well, though, because that's a whole crazy amount of money. But I would if I could! Here's how the prices break down: $229.99 for Han by himself, $254.99 for Chewbacca by himself and $479.99 for both.



PRE-ORDER, March 2015. You didn't think I forgot about ol' Groot and Rocket, did ya'? It's fitting that they end up following Han and Chewie because their place in Guardians of the Galaxy is pretty much exactly Han and Chewie. That may be why people responded to strongly to them as individuals and as a duo. And because one's a talking tree and the other an angry talking fox. That too. Hot Toys is at it again. Great looking pieces, both of them. Here's the pricing breakdown if you don't want to buy both: $159.99 for just Rocket, $199.99 for just Groot and $359.99 for them both.



Hot Toys made this RoboCop sixth scale figure with real die-cast metal so that's why he look so fucking badass. Don't worry, real Robo. Nobody even remembers that one-human-handed abomination they tried to pass off as you earlier this year. Even those that Judas'd you and claimed to like it don't ever think about it. You're safe and sound... $299.99.



PRE-ORDER, July 2015. If the above die-cast RoboCop is too shiny and you really want to double up on your Peter Weller likenesses you can buy this two-pack that gets you Battle Damaged RoboCop as well as Officer Murphy as a separate figure. Can I just say how awesome it is that one of the accessories for Battle Damaged RoboCop is the baby food? Where's the petition to get a Clarence Boddicker Hot Toys figure done next? Can it talk? Pleeeassse. I want motion activated Clarence Boddicker to say “Bitches leave” every time someone walks by him. $439.99.



PRE-ORDER, shipping next month. This is another two-pack, with Winter Soldier Captain America and street clothes Steve Rogers. This is cool, but know what would be even cooler? If we got a two pack with Captain America in all his regalia and skinny Steve Rogers as the second figure. Weak, skinny, clothes hanging off him... It'd be awesome, right? Oh well, this ain't chopped liver either. $339.99.



Most Hot Toys exist in two states: on pre-order or sold out. This Bank Robber Joker from The Dark Knight is one of the few Hot Toys you can decide to buy and get it shipped immediately. They're offering free US shipping and double Sideshow points on him right now, too. I have the regular Ledger Joker Hot Toys and it's a thing of beauty, I tell you what. $269.99.



PRE-ORDER, July 2015. Hot Toys has this Gen 1 Optimus Prime coming out next year. It's the Starscream version because he has Starscream's wings 'cause Optimus gives zero f-bombs. $344.99.



PRE-ORDER, Q1 2015. This is a crazy amount of money to spend on a trinket. It's about as precise a replica of the 11th and 12th Doctor's Sonic Screwdrivers, but at the price they want it better actually work. But it's actually made by the guy who makes the ones used on the show, so I guess you're paying for authenticity and quality. Chris Hardwick could probably afford this, might mean a bit of saving for the rest of us... The metal parts are actually metal, no detail skimped or corner cut. That's probably why it's 659.95 pounds or around $1,100.00.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. Now we're getting into the big Sideshow Premium Format statues, starting with Saruman. He stands over two feet tall, holding his wizard's staff in one hand and the Palantir in the other. Oh, and the Palantir lights up. How sweet is that? Nothing wrong with have a statue of Christopher Lee in your house, even if he is working with the Dark Lord. $399.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. This Savage Opress Premium Format statue is a thing of beauty, standing 22” tall and with a light-up base and saber so it looks like he just freshly cut that weird thing he's standing on. Darth Maul's bro finally gets some time to shine! Literally! $399.99.



PRE-ORDER, ships next month. I like this thing a lot. The Imperial Probe Droid design was always cool, very bug mixed with a stingray look that spawned a ton of imitators (lookin' at you, Matrix). Sideshow has a sixth scale version of this guy and the detail is fantastic. I went from “Oh, that's a good idea for them to make this figure” to “Hrmm... maybe I don't neeeeeed to pay my electric bill this month...” with just a few close up pictures. $249.99.



PRE-ORDER, ships next month. These sneaky bastards at Sideshow and Hot Toys have us figured out. They made this Tauntaun to be just the right proportions that it works with the Hot Toys Sixth Scale Luke and Han Hoth versions. Also, with the Imperial Probe Droid coming out around the same time that means you can set up your own hyper realistic version of the first 20 minutes of Empire. Sneaky, sneaky buggers. I'll see them in Hell! $349.99.



PRE-ORDER, ships next month. Oh, man. I love this maybe too much. There have been better Batman films since the 1989 Batman. There have been better Batmans since then, but that movie's costume is my still my favorite. It's broad, kinda goofy, but they own it so it works. That's a pretty incredible piece, I gotta say. Definitely gonna stand out wherever you put it in your house. $399.99.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. From the same people who did that Julie Newmar/Catwoman maquette up the page a spell. It's quite a stark contrast to the '89 Bats, isn't it? Both trigger different nostalgia centers of my brain and both are incredibly well made. It's a neat time to be a geek with the amount of artists and technology out there that makes stuff like the above the norm now. $259.99.



PRE-ORDER, shipping next month. The Hot Toys version of Christopher Reeves' Superman is probably a better sculpt, but the action shown here is fantastic and the scale is epic. This is a giant statue, showing Superman hovering over the breaking dam. Red underwear or now, this'll always be my Superman. $424.99.



We have Superman and Batman covered, so I figured why not invite Green Lantern in for some face time? Hi, Hal! How're things? Sorry your movie didn't work out. You'll be fine once the JL assembles, I'm sure. Okay, gotta go. Say hi to all those weird alien things you fight alongside. Buh-bye. So, maybe I talked to an inanimate bust. I know it's not real, but it's life-size, so it's easy to trick my brain into thinking it's a real person. I'm so lonely. $690.08.



PRE-ORDER, January 2015. I mean, I know it's Hulk so he has to be huge, but I was just thinking back over the many years I've compiled this list and thought about how these Sideshow things have grown in scale and size. I know they already do full life-size characters and stuff, but is that even gonna be enough? When are they just going to start making houses? See, these thoughts are what keep sane people away from building Holiday Gift Guides as huge as this one. King Hulk there is limited to 1500 pieces and stands 28” high. $599.99.



This premium format Captain America (Comic Book style, sorry Chris Evans) is shipping now. Yay! You can get him for Christmas! Make your house or apartment way patriotic and relatively Nazi-free. I can't make any guarantees because it seems like Nazis follow this dude around wherever (and whenever) he goes. $399.99.



PRE-ORDER, February 2015. Can't have enough Iron Man... Iron Men? No, Man was right. This is a quarter scale maquette of Mr. Anthony Stark in his mark 42 armor as seen in Shane Black's Iron Man 3. He has lights, he is big, he costs a lot of money. $429.99.



PRE-ORDER, May 2015. J. Scott Campbell designed this piece and it shows. It's a very comic booky pose and moment, which makes it all the more cooler. Always loved Spidey the most (don't tell the other Marvel guys), so this one makes me smile. $299.99.



PRE-ORDER, June 2015. Sentinels are supposed to be really big. This guy stands 32” tall, which is a lot for maquette. Warning, if you have any albinos in your family this thing will try to kill them. It's not evil, it's just programmed that way. They also don't like gingers for some reason. Haven't figured that one out yet. $899.99.



PRE-ORDER, June 2015. Dr. Doom as I live and breathe. I heard some bullshit about you being an angry blogger, but that's obviously not the case... unless you got a really tough metal keyboard for them sausage fingers of yours. This Premium Format Victor (You call him Dr. Doom, doll!) stands 23.5” tall and will run ya' about $389.99.



PRE-ORDER, ships next month. If you're suddenly hungry for apples, I've totally inceptioned you by using all these “this is how big this statue is compared to an apple” pictures! Ha! So, this is Apocalypse. He will be tearing the X-Men a new one in the next X-film. Word is this you press a button on his arm and he sings you a gentle folk song. It was so obvious Oscar Isaac was gonna get the gig! How did we miss the signs?!? $599.99.



The Battle Damaged T-800 Premium Format T2 figure is an older model, but I was able to find one listed on Amazon (new) for about $100 cheaper than you can get it on Sideshow's site. Maybe someone out there has been waiting for that price point and I just saved their Christmas. Did you think about that? There is no fate but what we make. $287.10.



PRE-ORDER, March 2015. Weta Workshop has a Smaug statue coming soon and they're giving you an incentive to make the plunge if you want this sucker. If you pre-order before January 25th you get $50 taken off the statue. These guys really started the collectibles industry as we know it. Geeky statues existed before them, of course, but it was their work with Sideshow for LOTR that made all this crazy shit you've seen in this installment of the guide the new normal. So, blame them for this stress on your bank account. And then add some more when you bring Smaug home to roost. That nasty old Erebor was getting boring anyway... $699.99.



PRE-ORDER, March 2015. Full. Size. Rocket. Raccoon. I repeat, you can have a nearly 3 foot tall Rocket in your possession. Use him to scare away intruders or trick your way into HOV land usage. If you want him, tell him you need him... because Neca's only doing one production run on this. $299.99.



PRE-ORDER, shipping next month. Here's another fellow standing 3 feet tall! This is the Legendary Scale Obi-Wan Kenobi. Coolest thing about this isn't the illuminated lightsaber or the insane detail in the hand-made outfit, it's having a mini-me version of Alec Guinness around you at all times. The only trouble with him being at that hight is that it's easy to mistake him as one of the evil fucking dwarves from Phantasm. Limited to 200. $1,999.00.



PRE-ORDER, ships next month. We've seen a couple 1:1 scale Yodas over the years, but this one is by far the most detailed and “real” looking to me. There's a soul to the puppet that exists only in Empire Strikes Back. He looked great in Jedi, too, but there's something special about that outing. All the stars aligned and Frank Oz breathed life into him in a way that wholly convinced me Yoda was a real thing. This is the closest I've seen a statue capture that feeling. If I were Lotto rich this would be a no brainer, but until that day I'm just window shopping. $2,499.00.



PRE-ORDER, February 2015. Now we're getting crazy. Life-size Yoda is one thing. That guy was a muppet to begin with. Now we're at life-sizd Boba Fett! It's worth clicking through just to check out some of the pictures they took. Take a look at the detail they got on this thing. No wonder. If I was charging the kind of money they are for this I wouldn't want one tiny detail overlooked. Big Boba will run you a staggering $7,499.00.



Waaaaaaaaaay in advance PRE-ORDER, March 2016. That Marty McFly Hot Toys figure was a splash at Comic-Con, but the display model DeLorean they had with him drew more eyes. It's so much bigger than you think it is and it looked so perfect. All the lights inside were right, the metal on the outside was right, every ding, scrape and detail was right on. If I fall into some money this might happen. There's also the possibility that I would be tempted by their monthly payment plan. $77 a month ain't all that bad, right? $689.99.


This is always the toughest section to come up with good stuff for. There's Super Rich stuff already just above this section, but I like to use this for the particularly worthy or absurd uses of money. It's always a fun note to end on, so let's look at the last few entries in the 2014 Holiday Gift Guide.



Well, that's a boring start, you're probably thinking. It's just a stupid antique desk. WRONG! That, my friends is Burt Reynold's desk from his personal office. Oh, starting to sound more interesting. Well, let's splash the pot even further. Before Reynolds obtained this desk it belonged to John Ford. So this desk conducted the business of one of the biggest stars of the '70s AND was also the personal desk of one of the greatest film directors to have ever lived. Told you it was awesome. This desk is at auction and the current bid is $1750.00 and counting.



What's crazy to me is I doubt the desk that was owned and used by both John Ford and Burt Reynolds will end up selling for anywhere close to this custom gaming table. The Sultan Gaming table is intended to almost be a cathedral for tabletop gaming geeks. There are gaming stations branching off of the main top which include private drawers and flip down desks. Dice towers are optional. Made of only the best materials, this gaming station costs more than my car did and this is just the base price: $14,750.00. Insanity.



That is a bra Marilyn Monroe owned and it's up for auction. I know it's gonna come off super pervy including this item, but hear me out a second. Monroe was one of the first nation wide American sex symbols. She's engrained in popular culture mostly due to her allure, beauty and the impact that had on the world around her. I believe that item could end up in a museum like the Smithsonian some day. Or a bunch of rich pervs are going to keep buying and selling it in a weird 1%-er version of the scene where Anthony Michael Hall shows off Molly Ringwald's panties in Sixteen Candles. Current bid is $3,000..



That crazy mode of transportation is called a Quadski and it's made by a company called Gibbs. It's a multi-terrain vehicle that combines the typical ATV with a Jet ski. It accelerates to 45mph just as quickly on water as on land and transitions between the two in under five seconds. I'm sure the Navy has stuff like this, but it doesn't surprise me the first time I see that thing it's advertised in a Neiman Marcus Fantasy Catalog trying to get rich fuckers to by “His and Her” matching sets. $50,000.00 each.

You've probably seen this making the rounds...



That's a 3D printed Urn. Yes, Urn, for dead people's ashes. The idea is that you can give them photos of the deceased and how you want them to be interned (as a business professional, a superhero, even Indiana Jones). that's weird, but you haven't seen the least of it yet... it's also surprisingly not that expensive. Only about $100-$300.

You ready for the weird creepy rich people shit (made even creepier by the example this place uses)? Brace yourselves:




They are offering doing a full 1:1 scale 3D printing of a deceased loved one's head and filling it with their ashes. First off, that sounds like something a serial killer would do on Dexter. Secondly, you show an example of this idea by using Obama's head? Someone either didn't think this through or we're all getting pranked in a big, big way. If this thing is legit and real, then if you want the full size serial killer trophy 3D printed it'll run you $2,600.

No matter what you think of any of the items in Rich Stuff section this year, I think we can all agree anybody who buys that Quadski thing needs to be signed up for this:



Poopsenders will do just what their name implies. Different varieties, different amounts, different origins, but all for the same purpose. I say for the Quadskiers we go with $36.90 for one gallon of rank, untracebackable elephant shit, delivered.

Thanks for sticking with the guide all these years and supporting it both with your clicks/buys and with spreading the good word to the masses.

To my fellow Americans, Happy Thanksgiving and to everybody I wish a very happy, safe and nerdy holiday season.



-Eric Vespe
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