Hey there ya Dundeers, Harry here with that evil bastard that's out to reveal the truth about all films being filmed without his assistance. He's that angry effects man that haunts sets and boardrooms... And this time, he's taken on the mighty Paul Hogan his own self to find out whether or not Mick Dundee really should've remained as alive as the DODOs.... Here's Mysterio with the hard cold opinions on the matter...
G’Day Harry, or should I say g’day mate! Now you’d think I’d be hanging around Walkabout Creek of late, but you couldn’t be further, at least geographically speaking.
Nope, just here in L.A. on the opposite side of the world from Australia, where our favorite crocodile hunter from down under is filming his third in the series, aptly titled, “CROCODILE DUNDEE IN L.A.”. Curious to know more than what I was able see visually, I grabbed a copy of the script off Paul Hogan’s chair, only to turn around to face a glimmering blade reflecting off my shiny dome. I looked up to find an older, aged Mick Dundee staring down at me, eyes wild with just a hint of a smile at catching me red-handed lifting his script.
But little did a native from the outback know of myself, as with a laugh, I pulled from my bag quicker than a dingo mating a dingette, a 2 ft. long, blood-stained machete (which I swiped from Jason Voorhees off “JASON X”) and coolly remarked back, “that’s not a knife… now this, this is a knife.”
Knowing I had the upper hand in this situation, Dundee admitted defeat by backing off and offering me a cold Fosters he had on ice beside his trailer. I accepted only before hypnotizing him with my outstretched index and pinkie finger in leaving me alone to read the script. And like a tamed razorback, he backed off to leave me be. So as Dundee would say, let’s throw this shrimp on the barbie one last time and see if it cooks or fizzles.
* SLIGHT SPOILERS, but nothing too spoiling *
The film opens predictably enough with Dundee and Sue and their son, Mikey living in the outback. Dundee is still hunting the big crocodiles and in a “JAWS”-inspired take, as he’s re-introduced to us, is found chumming after a very large crocodile, a man-eater of sorts with his hunting pal, Jacko. I think Dundee should’ve given our man Quint a call here on this one, as things comedicly don’t go as planned, and both men end up climbing a tree to save their skins, and embarrassingly get chased away by the croc - mission unaccomplished.
But its when the head of her dad’s L.A. bureau of the paper is suspiciously killed, Sue is called back temporarily to fill the spot until a replacement can be found, bringing Mick & Mikey along in tow.
Sue soon gets back into the swing of things, and decides to take on the story that the deceased was in the midst of working on. Which soon leads her to uncovering that it may not have been a accident after all, and that a couple studio heads of an up and coming film studio may be involved.
* END SLIGHT SPOILERS *
Now with that out of the way, you can probably guess where this story goes, not very far. As much as the whole “fish out of water” story played and worked in the original, it’s clearly amiss and washed up here (as it was in the sequel). What both its successors miss, was that the original had the warmth and charm of this “Tarzan-like” hero taken out of his world and trust into a new world completely unaccustomed to him. Those aspects are still played up, even to this point, that is seems awkward and forced and never seems to quite gel together as he should obviously know more about big city life than he did originally. It’s a horse well beaten.
And when Dundee is thrust into the Hollywood-scenario of mingling with big stars at huge parties, to becoming an extra in a big Hollywood sequel, these laughs and comedy are thin, trite and contrived beyond any real satirical farce imaginable that one has to wonder, why bother? It’s been 13 years since the last film, why visit this character again and try the same old jokes set against a different setting? The son, Mikey, for instance adds little to no impact on Dundee or Sue except to ground the fact that they’ve been together and had a child since we last saw them. Fortunately though, I credit the writers, Hogan, Matthew Berry & Eric Abrams for at least not resorting to put the child in a kidnap situation; at least that tiresome cliché is avoided.
But to this reader, I’m just left with the question “Why”? And never feel I was able to find any real answers within the script, either in it’s story, or bland, cartoon-like characters, especially in the film’s villains. The ending is a bit beyond silly, and quite “Keystone”-copish in a rather drawn out foot chase around the studio lot, reminiscent of a much better chase sequence in “PEE-WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE”.
Unfortunately what may have felt fresh 15 years ago, feels rather worn out in this day and age and left this reader with a somewhat stale taste left in his mouth.
“I’ll take that Fosters and some grilled crocodile tails now please.”
-Mysterio
