
Greetings, all. Ambush Bug here with another AICN HORROR: ZOMBIES & SHARKS column. At bat this week are a pair of campground horrors, a Medieval jaunt, rampaging raptors, a one-armed push-upping vampire, post-partum psychosis, dangerous writer’s block, mass suicides, & MONSTERS TV Series! On with the horror reviews!
(Click title to go directly to the feature)
Retro-review: MONSTERS Season Two Episodes 6-10 (1989)
Retro-review: Dan Curtis’ DRACULA (1974)
Retro-review: DEATH SPA (1989)
CAMP BLOOD: FIRST SLAUGHTER (2014)
THE DINOSAUR EXPERIMENT (2013)
CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER (2013)
AXEMAN (2013)
HOUSE IN THE ALLEY (2012)
Advance Review: DEADLY REVISIONS (2013)
Advance Review: MEET ME THERE (2014)
And finally…Horror Bizarre’s M. R. JAMES SYNDROME!

MONSTERS: THE COMPLETE SERIES BOX SET
Season Two: Episodes 6-10 (1989)Retro-reviewed by Ambush Bug
Ahhh, MONSTERS. It’s one of those TV series that warms my heart. Back in the late 80’s, when practical effects were king, Mitchell Gallin and Richard P. Rubinstein, the producers of TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE TV series, decided to put together a show which highlighted a different story about a different monster every week. In my region the show was broadcast late at night, and it was a thrill to be able to stay up late and watch it. Now, given the amount of years since I’ve watched it, I’m bound to be disappointed at the way some of them present upon reviewing. But still, this was a fun series deserving of this look back, episode by episode, of this quaint little shock series. I’m currently looking back on the TWILIGHT ZONE series as well, so for the time being, I’ll be flipping between TZ and MONSTERS every week looking back on TV horrors of yesteryear episode by episode!

Directed by Michael Warren Powell
Written by Bob Balaban, Kenneth Pressman
Starring Soupy Sales, Stephanie Phillips, Bobo Lewis, George Hall
The age-old story of the salesman shacking up with the farmer’s daughter is delved into in this episode of MONSTERS, which was co-written by the ever-entertaining Bob Balaban (MOONRISE KINGDOM, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND). And while the story has been told before, Balaban and his co-writer Kenneth Pressman along with director Michael Warren Powell deliver one of the better episodes this week. There’s some great pacing going on, and things don’t go exactly the way I thought—though I knew it would go bad, since this is a TV series called MONSTERS. The effects for this creature that the daughter turns out to be are pretty top notch, but nothing is more frightening than seeing Soupy Sales make out with a young beautiful woman. Ugh…I still get chills at that image.

Directed by Bette Gordon
Written by Steven W. Davis (story), Peg Haller & Bob Schneider (teleplay)
Starring Fritz Weaver, Richard Edson, Gina Gershon, Ed Kovens
CREEPSHOW & MARATHON MAN’s Fritz Weaver stars as a hotel owner which is the crossroads where a femme fatale (played by a super-young Gina Gershon) meets a stereotypical detective (Richard Edson, best known as one of the parking attendants who steals Cameron’s car in FERRIS BEULER’S DAY OFF). While this one is riddled with more clichéd detective verbal back and forthings than you can shake a Maltese Falcon at, it is entertaining. There’s also a monster—what episode of MONSTERS doesn’t have one?--which is cool and slimy and tentacley which has a memorable effect on those it touches. This is another out-and-out good episode with top quality actors as well as monster effects.

Directed by Scott Alexander
Written by Martin Olson, Robert Sheckley
Starring Richard Moll, Jeff Silverman, Karen Hensel, Louis Mustillo, Eddie Deezen
This goofy fable has an alien-demon played NIGHT COURT’s Richard Moll accidentally blundering a spell and instead of summoning a demon, he nabs an insurance salesman from Earth. In order to get out of this spell the insurance salesman himself must conjure his own demon, which turns out to be eternal dork Eddie Deezen. While the plot is rather convoluted and complex, it all sort of works in the end with a certain type of serendipitous sense. Everything is played cartoonishly which is definitely a turn off here, but the effects are fun, as is the story (written by Scott Alexander who went on to write everything from ED WOOD to AGENT CODY BANKS to THE PEOPLE VS LARRY FLINT), which saves this episode from being a total failure.

Directed by Jean Patenaude
Written by Josef Anderson (teleplay), Robert Bloch (story)
Starring Barbara Billingsley, George Wallace, Curt Lowens, Catherine Blue, Mary Dean
This Robert Bloch story deals with the age-old battle with the Grim Reaper himself. LEAVE IT TO BEAVER’s Barbara Billingsley plays an attendant at an old folks’ home attending to a new arrival, played by George Wallace. On his first night, the old man is visited by the Grim Reaper claiming to be a doctor, but the old guy sees right through all of that. Revealing his true intentions to take him away, the Reaper strikes a deal with the old guy and soon, others in the home begin to pass on. This one’s got a great twist ending, and though he looks a lot like Skeletor from MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, the Grim Reaper looks pretty imposing here. Not the best of episodes, but the wicked little ending redeems it quite nicely.

Directed by Brian Thomas Jones
Written by Harvey Jacobs
Starring Melba Moore, Frankie Faison, Byron Minns, Claudia Silver
Brian Thomas Jones, who also wrote and directed THE REJUVENATOR, directed this overtly sexual episode about a couple who clean out their dead grandmother’s mansion. The wife (singer/actress Melba Moore) happens upon an old box and a root growing from the basement floor, but when she cuts her finger and bleeds on the root, it becomes a giant bo-hunk covered in bark who promises to love her forever in ways her husband (SILENCE OF THE LAMBS/HANNIBAL prison guard Frankie Faison) never can. While she gives in to the lunk of lumber, he drinks her blood through little teeth in his hands which he stabs into her breasts. Luring her husband in to feed the demon-tree man’s hunger, the wife is given a choice between living with a demon chiseled out of wood (who…ahem…bleeds white liquid…not touching that one) or her faithful and dependable husband. Full of sexual innuendo, this is one of the more risqué episodes, and one of the more effective ones of the week with solid acting and a story that feels utterly original.
Season 1: Episodes 1.1-1.6, 1.7-1.12, 1.13-1.18, 1.19-1.22, 1.23-1.24
Season 2: Episodes 2.1-2.5

DAN CURTIS’ DRACULA (1974)
aka BRAM STOKER’S DRACULADirected by Dan Curtis
Written by Richard Matheson
Starring Jack Palance, Simon Ward, Nigel Davenport, Pamela Brown, Fiona Lewis, Penelope Horner, Murray Brown, Virginia Wetherell, Barbara Lindley, Sarah Douglas
Retro-reviewed by Ambush Bug
While director Dan Curtis nails the gothic atmosphere, as he should being the creator of DARK SHADOWS, still he delivers a rather drab and flat version of one of the most made and remade stories in film history. I don’t want to rip too much into this version of the Bram Stoker classic, but watching this one only reminded me that I’m really getting sick of seeing Bram Stoker’s tale told over and over.

Out of all of the horror tales remade, this is one that has been the fodder for so many filmmakers to redo that I fear I’ve grown weary of it. Every time someone bitches about a new zombie film or found footage film, I want to remind them that at least those stories try to do something different. Most every DRACULA (and NOSFERATU) film follows this same story beat for beat, yet no one seems to mind.

But aside from that, this is a typical beat for beat redux of a story we all know. Palance is fun, and I guess that makes for a good excuse to pick this Bluray up. And the inclusion of both bloopers and extended cut scenes also make for some interesting viewing. But I just couldn’t get excited for this film whenever Palance was off screen.

DEATH SPA (1989)
aka WITCH BITCHDirected by Michael Fischa
Written by James Bartruff & Mitch Paradise
Starring William Bumiller, Brenda Bakke, Merritt Butrick, Ken Foree, Robert Lipton, Alexa Hamilton, Chelsea Field, Shari Shattuck, Tane McClure, Karyn Parsons, Francis X. McCarthy, Hank Cheyne
Retro-reviewed by Ambush Bug
It’s funny, give a movie twenty years and no matter how bad it is, it’s still considered a classic. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some DEATH SPA, but I can still recognize the film for what it is; boobs and everything in a gym turned into a weapon…and more boobs.

The reason to see DEATH SPA is for the kills. They’re not so much creative as they are incredibly stupid and desperate ways to murder people. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but somehow the shower room heater gets so hot the tiles shoot off the walls. A weight lifting machine gets heavier and rips a man in half. The sauna melts someone. The swimming pool diving board falls off. There’s also a death by frozen fish…what, what? Basically, it’s like the filmmakers actually walked through a gym, looked at all of the equipment and imagined how many ways they could kill someone. And that’s…kind of awesome in it’s stupid simplicity.

The story itself takes some twisted turns involving possession, jealousy, and transvestism and if I were one to look deeply into horror film themes (and I am), these three themes kind of have a lot to do with the objectivism that goes into the growing obsession with one’s outer appearance and making the body beautiful. It might be a stretch, but maybe this DEATH SPA is deeper than I first thought.
But it ain’t that deep. The spotlight here shines brightly on boobs and kills and while there might be a hint of intellectualism going on, at it’s core, DEATH SPA is a proud schlocker through and through.

CAMP BLOOD: FIRST SLAUGHTER (2014)
aka CAMP BLOOD 3Directed by Mark Polonia
Written by Mark Polonia
Starring Houston Baker, Elizabeth V. Costanzo, Steve Diasparra, Sarah Elizabeth, Kelsey Kaufmann, Jeff Kirkendall, Joshua Pollitt, Ken Van Sant, Cindy Wheeler, Ashley Wray
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
FRIDAY THE 13TH is a film series I hold in high regard. Sure, the story is repetitive, the acting is shit, and the series’ all-around quality lessened with each entry. Still, there’s something about campground horror that gets me in a nostalgic, fun way. The classic film series must have had the same effect on others, since films like CAMP BLOOD: FIRST SLAUGHTER exist, which has a lot of the same qualities I described above. Now, I don’t want to mislead. Comparing the FRIDAY THE 13THs to the CAMP BLOOD films is like comparing Shakespeare to some SyFy movie of the week. Still, if you’re a fan of the former, you’ll most likely be the target audience for the latter.

What CAMP BLOOD: FIRST SLAUGHTER lacks in editing, acting, directing, and story, it makes up in fun rudimentary gore. The old cut away machete gag is used numerous times, and copious amounts of blood abound in this one which may satiate the gore tooth in you.

It seems the filmmakers of the CAMP BLOOD series must be pleasing someone as this is the third installment, but there’s nothing really original here. DIY gore aside, you’re most likely going to want to skip this one if you’re the type to poo poo the F13 series already and even for this F13 fan, this was a tough film to choke down.

THE DINOSAUR EXPERIMENT (2013)
aka RAPTOR RANCHDirected by Dan Bishop & Michael Beberashvili
Written by Dan Bishop, Shlomo May-Zur
Starring Lorenzo Lamas, Jana Mashonee, Cole Brown, Donny Boaz, Cody Vaughan, Alexandra Hulme, Kimberly Matula, Rowdy Arroyo, Marcus M. Mauldin, Declan Joyce, Carrie Newell, Jack Gould, Ines Brigman, Al Burke, Kyle Little
Find out more about this film here!
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Dinosaur films are not usually the kind of movies you see done in a low budget fashion. Usually they are the stuff of big effects from the big houses. But THE DINOSAUR EXPERIMENT somehow manages to make things entertaining while keeping things on the cheap.

There are definitely aspects of this that feel a whole lot like a SyFy movie, and in many ways it is. The effects are not the best, with the renderings of the CG dinos being slightly off when animated over the film stock. The movements of the dinosaurs and the use of weight is off too--always a good indicator of cheap effects. So when I actually saw the scenes with the dinos, visions of SHARKNADO, DINOGATOR, and MANSQUITO came popping into my head.

THE DINOSAUR EXPERIMENT is goofy fun and not to be taken seriously for one tick. My initial head-shaking toward this film comes from being burned by one too many stupid SyFy films, but THE DINOSAUR EXPERIMENT is the type of film those dull and uninspired SyFy films wish they could be.

AXEMAN (2013)
aka AXEMAN AT CUTTER’S CREEKDirected by Joston R. Theney
Written by Joston R. Theney
Starring Elissa Dowling, Tiffany Shepis, Brinke Stevens, Jamie Bernadette, Erin Marie Hogan, Arielle Brachfeld, Chantelle Albers, Joston R. Theney, with Scot Pollard as the Axeman
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug

AXEMAN (formerly advertised as AXEMAN AT CUTTER’S CREEK) begins as so many other campground horrors begin: after an initial killing sequence—this one involving scream queen Tiffany Shepis as one of three gang members who cross the Axeman’s path--we jump to some time later, meeting a group of excited hikers set to party it up in the woods. But instead of these twentysomethings playing teens, they actually play twentysomethings, which is refreshing. This group used to be college best friends who now have grown up (well, not all of them), and their lives have become pretty complicated.

Once the titular character starts whittling away the hikers one by one, you are reminded you’re watching a slasher flick in a big way. Some of the CG blood is rather distracting, but still, the film highlights some solid kills and makes for a better than average slasher flick. While the backstory of the legendary and enigmatic Axeman is left hazy, the fun of seeing him swing his axe is ever-present in the latter half. Appearances by scream queens Tiffany Shepis and Brinke Stevens are always a plus for any horror film, and while AXEMAN isn’t reinventing the slasher genre, it does feel like a throwback to a time when the slashers weren’t so passé.

CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER (2013)
aka SAGA: CURSE OF THE SHADOW, THE SHADOW CABAL, RISE OF THE SHADOW WARRIOR, DRAGON LOREDirected by Lohn Lyde
Written by Jason Faller, Kynan Griffin
Starring Danielle Chuchran, Richard McWilliams, Paul D. Hunt, James C. Morris, Eve Mauro, Danny James, Kyle Paul, James Gaisford, Bailee MyKell Cowperthwaite, Adam Abram, Andrew Liston
Find out more about this film on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug

But just because it doesn’t have the wizards at WETA backing them up with state of the art effects, that doesn’t stop CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER from being a throwback to a time when low budget sword and sorcery films like HAWK THE SLAYER, THE BEASTMASTER, and DEATHSTALKER kicked all sorts of ass. CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER would fit right in with those old fantasy films with its epic story, tragic and flawed heroes, and swooping musical score.

While there’s a lot of typical serious medieval speak thrown around and many elements like theoOrcs are lifted directly from LOTR and movies like it, CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER gets points for filling in the blanks that would often be filled with CGI with some pretty fantastic fight choreography. Director Lohn Lyde does a lot with very little here, and while the runtime is a bit chunky (coming in at one hour forty-five minutes), the film really does move at a fun pace and keeps things lively with a big ol’ fight every now and then.

My expectations were low coming into CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER. Burned by SyFy Channel fantasy shit, I thought this was just going to be another turd to add to the pile. Now, those who are only dazzled by CG barrel chases and giant dragons on piles of gold aren’t going to be impressed with this film. But if you remember the fantasy films of the 80’s with fondness, I think CURSE OF THE DRAGON SLAYER will surprise you.

HOUSE IN THE ALLEY (2012)
Directed by Le-Van KietWritten by Le-Van Kiet
Starring Thanh Van Ngo, Son Bao Tran, Van Hai Bui
Find out more about this film here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Being touted as the first true horror film out of Vietnam, HOUSE IN THE ALLEY deals with both some horrific themes as well as women’s issues in the same sense as such classic horror films as ROSEMARY’S BABY and even more recently THE ORPHANAGE, THE DESCENT, GRACE, and INSIDE. In HOUSE IN THE ALLEY, the focus is on postpartum depression and losing a child--not uncharted territory in the realm of horror, but seen through an international lens, it all feels brand new.

For the most part, HOUSE IN THE ALLEY is a ghost story about a young spirit haunting a couple after losing a child. It’s got all the trappings of a ghost story—bumps in the night, the sounds of bare feet running across the floor, ghostly images of children in the periphery. Thao is haunted too, not acting like herself and devolving into a more animalistic state. Thanh, being the loving husband that he is, sticks with Thao through the thick of it, a testament to his character as I would have been out the door as soon as I saw my first pale white ghost.

There’s a lot of rich theme regarding womanhood and what the Vietnamese culture sees it as in this film. More so than any horror movie, that can scare a lot of folks who are not used to thinking about women’s rights. Here, in HOUSE IN THE ALLEY, Le-Van Kiet explores that metaphor of the strength of womanhood and the role of it in the family structure with a tender touch, yet doesn’t flinch when it comes to scares.

DEADLY REVISIONS (2013)
Directed by Gregory BlairWritten by Gregory Blair
Starring Bill Oberst Jr., Mikhail Blokh, Cindy Merrill, Lise Hart, Gregory Blair
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug

Oberst plays Grafton Torn (which even sounds like a King character), a man who wakes up in a hospital with little knowledge of how he got there. Trying to get back into his life, he remembers that his wife has left him and his world seemed to be crumbling around him. Right off the bat, Grafton is plagued by nightmares that seem to be ripped straight from the horror novels that made him famous. Taking solace in his busty therapist, his effects guy best friend, and his ex-wife, Grafton tries to piece back together the night he took a tumble down the stairs and still keep his fraying sanity together.

My criticism comes from the ending, which rang a bit too much like a Scooby Doo story for my tastes. Things are wrapped up pretty well by the time the credit roll begins, and while the finale may have left me a bit wanting, the strong performance by Oberst and the genuinely fun jolts throughout make DEADLY REVISIONS a writer horror story worth delving into.

MEET ME THERE (2014)
Directed by Lex LybrandWritten by Brandon Stroud, Destiny D Talley (story)
Starring Lisa Friedrich, Micheal Foulk, Dustin “Golddust” Runnels, John Gholson, Jack Jameson, Jill Thompson
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug

Directed patiently by Lex Lybrand, the tone of MEET ME THERE is set in the subtly threatening opening which is so much more effective than the “first kill” scenes that often describe what kind of threat the audience is in store for in the opening moments. What starts out like a PLANES, TRAINS, & AUTOMOBILES moment ends with a complete shock that comes out of the blue, which left me full of questions and intrigued enough to wait around for them to be answered in the following film. The threat is not completely described, but the slow build up to the explosive scene achieves a level of tension few horror films reach. This same level of patience and ability to slowly ratchet up the tension is exemplified throughout the film, reaching a crescendo that hits all of the right notes while leaving things just ambiguous enough to cause both scares and unease.

What makes this film so effective is the patience Lybrand has with Brandon Stroud and Destiny D Talley’s story. The small religious town of Ada’s birth is not a welcome one, as Calvin and Ada realize the first few seconds they enter it when Calvin is run out of a convenience store at gunpoint for looking “unholy.” After finding a strange druidic coin and seeing all sorts of weird characters lurking around the town and watching them, Calvin and Ada seek solace first at their aunt’s house (with comic book artist/writer Jill Thompson playing her Aunt) and then a local church (run by WWF wrestler Dustin “Golddust” Runnels). Finding that those places of refuge just as dangerous, Ada and Calvin flee blindly into the forest where even more weird things are going on. This Odyssey of sorts seems to get bleaker and bleaker as the seconds tick by, and while nothing really registers as completely dangerous, there is a looming sense of unease and evil just about everywhere in this film.

Some of the acting is a bit stiff, but at the same time, it makes it feel a bit more real because of that and therefore a bit more dangerous. Michael Foulk’s Calvin often has a flat delivery, but it only highlights how much of a babe in the woods he is in this situation. Lisa Friedrich’s Ada is a bit spacey as well, but again, this distant demeanor fits her troubled character. This is very much a film about two lovers trying desperately to save themselves and Foulk and Friedrich, despite being acting newcomers, made me believe they were this troubled couple, which is the most important thing. Reminiscent of some of the more subtle horror films which take their time to unravel and attack like the film of Ti West and Joe Swanberg, MEET ME THERE has a whole lot going for it in terms of tragic character, gothic atmosphere, and astronomical tension.
And finally…another goodie from Horror Bizarre. This one is a supernatural story about a strange painting and the mystery of what happens to the girl that finds it. It’s called M. R. JAMES SYNDROME!
Enjoy!
See ya next week, folks!
Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, original @$$Hole/wordslinger/writer of wrongs/reviewer/interviewer/editor of AICN COMICS for over 13 years & AICN HORROR for 4. Mark’s written THE TINGLERS & WITCHFINDER GENERAL, DEATHSPORT GAMES, NANNY & HANK (soon to be an Uptown 6 Films feature film), Zenescope’s GRIMM FAIRY TALES Vol.13, UNLEASHED: WEREWOLVES, and the critically acclaimed THE JUNGLE BOOK and its follow up THE JUNGLE BOOK: LAST OF THE SPECIES. FAMOUS MONSTERS’ LUNA: ORDER OF THE WEREWOLF (co-written with Martin Fisher) will be available soon in trade. Mark wrote/provided art for a chapter in Black Mask Studios’ OCCUPY COMICS. Follow Ambush Bug on the Twitters @Mark_L_Miller.


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