Hey folks, Harry here with the latest in the realm of bold bowel spies... Richard The Flatulator. You know how in the old kung fu movie of yesteryear, a small packet was thrown to the ground and a large cloud of impenetrible mist enveloped all allowing the fisticuffs dude safe passage... Well... Richard the Flatulater does not need to throw down any packet... Richard the Flatulater was a featured extra in BLAZING SADDLES and provided unnecessary sound afarts in Episode One... Using his amazing rectal expunging abilities he managed to stun NRG blokes into the classic self waving hand distraction accompanied mysteriously by his superpowers full disclosure. Beware... for Richard the Flatulater will soon strike again... and btw... beware of spoilers and he seemed to really really like it...
KATIE HOLMES NUDE IN RAIMI’S THE GIFT!
By Pullmyfinger.com Richard, the Flatulator
Yes, folks, you read it here first. I went to Paramount Studios in LA the other night to check out Sam Raimi’s hypnotic and intriguing THE GIFT and, boy, was I, as David Letterman would say, HIP-NO-TIZED by....SURPRISE!!!!!! Katie Holme’s beautiful voluptuous tanned breasts and nubile panty-clad figure! YES, YES, YES! IT’S TRUE! Katie Holme’s in a bathing suit is next to impossible to find, but here, she really let’s her flops fly!
THE GIFT is about a small-town white-trash mother of three portrayed by Cate “I should have kicked Gwynth Paltrow’s Ass when I was up for an Oscar for the feature-film ELIZABETH against Gwynth in her over-rated performance in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE” Blanchett, who has the special power to see things in the future clearer than Christopher Walken in the DEAD ZONE and Disneyland’s The Haunted Mansion’s Madame Leota combined. Cate’s performance is decent though nothing special.
In a nutshell, without giving away too much like other reviewers, the movie is about a murder that occurs in the town and how Cate uses her powers to figure out who-dunnit. The film does a great job of creating suspects and red-herrings, though was a bit on the fat side when I saw a rough cut last week. A bit of editing here and there will make this a pretty fun, well-paced film.
Hilary Swank’s first BOYS DON’T CRY role is just ok (though, Hil, I strongly suggest you get out of this abusive back-woods type of roles quick before you become another Adam West), in addition to the how-did-he-become-a-big-Hollywood-actor Greg Kinnear. In fact, when Greg’s name comes up on the screen, you can almost hear snickers, like, what’s a dofus like that doing in a serious, dramatic film like this?
Two surprisingly great performances has Keanu Reeves as a red-neck wife-beating freak and Giovanni Ribisi as a mentally challenged – heck, retarded – goofball who has a crush on Cate. One of the films great scenes, perhaps the greatest dramatic moments in movies this year, has Giovanni and Keanu going head to head in a slam-bam tension packed minute!
But, the creme de-le-cream scene (no pun intended) goes to a sequence where Katie Holmes (yes, our sweet, innocent DAWSON’S CREEK cutie) flirtingly removes her jeans, then, surprisingly, takes off her bra to reveal two incredibly perky, mesmerizing and almost-tasty mountains of mams, both of which created an instant kick-stand for my john-thomas. For this moment alone, THE GIFT is worth the price of admission and then some. I only ask that the producers/director keep the Katie’s full breast shot on the screen for more than 5 seconds. There is enough there though for future DVD continual replay action, you know, like that pervert from the classic film BRAINSTORM.
Hey, Natalie Portman...are you next?
All in all, THE GIFT is a pretty fun super-natural murder-mystery flick, especially for you SIMPLE PLAN fans out there.
Pullmyfinger.com
Richard, the flatulator
