El Cosmico here again, with a couple of our fun-pals, who've been kind enough to send reviews of The Replacements, the new wacky football adventure with Keanu Reeves and the guy from the 7-Up commercials. First up, LionClaw:
Long time reader, first time reviewer, blah blah blah. Unfortunately, my first review to you is a negative one for Keanu Reeves' first post-MATRIX exodus, THE REPLACEMENTS. Wish it could have been for GLADIATOR or something. ANYWAY, I must say out front that I was not expecting much from this one, nor did I have much desire to see it. I work at a big theater up here (the flagship of General Cinema actually), and we still had the print from the sneak preview last weekend, so we watched it tonight. Is it me or has Reeves jumped into way too many projects since THE MATRIX? If I recall correctly, we'll see him in about 4 or 5 movies between now and the MATRIX sequels in 2002. I dunno, just pondering.
Well, I'll just sum up my opinion. The movie failed for me because it just wasn't interesting enough, and it certainly wasn't as funny as the trailer indicated it may be. Sure, there were several scenes that were very funny, but there was far too much time in between those scenes where we are treated to boring situations and even duller dialogue. I kept waiting for Keanu to say "Whoa" during the movie, but he didn't, sorry folks. Gene Hackman was good, but not great in this, but again, there wasn't much to work with. His pregame speeches were not all that inspiring, maybe because I still remember well Al Pacino's magnificent rants in ANY GIVEN SUNDAY, a film which I kept thinking back to all the way through THE REPLACEMENTS.
Like I said, there were funny moments, but nothing monumental and nothing all too memorable. I like to grade every movie I see on a scale of 70-100 (anything below a 70 is an F and not worth grading), and I gave this one a 73. Nothin to cry home about or recomment to anyone. The one thing I really liked about the movie is the theme behind the replacement players being called up. Greedy, self-important players who only care about the paycheck, and a great line "They want 8 million, not 7" that I really agree with. So the underlying theme was significant. This was bad, but not horrific. You may come out of it in physical pain (as I did last night when I forced myself through LOSER...I swear my eyes were bleeding and I separated my shoulder. The pain!!! Oh God!!! Anyway, I just pray COYOTE UGLY ends this streak I'm on of bad movies. And hopefully, REMEMBER THE TITANS will be a good football movie. But of course nothing compares to ANY GIVEN SUNDAY. Thank God for that movie. Can't wait to buy the DVD on September 1. Later.
Lionclaw
Now, our pal Flavor Dave chimes in...
This is Flavor Dave from Kansas hitting you up with an early review of "THE REPLACEMENTS" seen at a sneak preview in Kansas City (on the outskirts of OZ). A small gag in the throat at the best:
The NFL has an off-season where the players get to balance their checkbooks, take it easy and wax their fancy cars. I’m starting to think that the film industry needs an off-season as well, preferably in the summertime. I have just the film to show for this vacation proposal, THE REPLACEMENTS. THE REPLACEMENTS is another rotten vegetable thrown into this summer’s pungent stew of unbearable films. I barely made it through ME, MYSELF, AND IRENE and I’ve learned to forgive that film after seeing THE REPLACEMENTS, the newest sour apple in the unforgiving genre known as football films.
One must contemplate the film’s setup though, just as I did before seeing it. Football players around the nation go on strike, so the teams round up the best replacement players around to keep the season going. Sound good so far? You bring in some very convincing actors such as Gene Hackman, and let’s see, Gene Hackman. For the chick factor you have Keanu Reeves. The rest of the replacement team is made up of the typical typecast players: a couple of fat guys, a convicted felon, a wide receiver who can’t catch, a kicker who smokes on the field (oh, how funny!!), an ex-swat team member, a deaf guy, and that little sweetheart Keanu Reeves as the quarterback who could. Where’s the Dirty Dozen when you need them?
The film tries to balance a serious story with absurd sightgag skits. Gene Hackman plays the coach, and tries to mirror his very remarkable coaching performance from HOOSIERS in this film. It doesn’t reflect. The film has too many empty stadium scenes between the coach and his ‘ah shucks’ replacement quarterback. Another football film that came out recently with the empty stadium inspiration speech is ANY GIVEN SUNDAY by Oliver Stone.
That film worked, but it was also a commentary on how absurd the sport has gotten in terms of money and power. In that film, the quarterback played by Jaime Foxx throws up when he gets nervous on the field. In THE REPLACEMENTS, half the team throws up on the field in a scene that was supposed to be funny. I wasn’t laughing, but the majority of the audience was. How much more longer are we going to have to sit through films built on gross out humor? I stopped laughing a long time ago. I actually looked forward to the scenes with sports commentator John Madden in this film, something I shouldn’t have to do.
The film was directed by Howard Deutch, who has brought us the screen gems THE ODD COUPLE II and GETTING EVEN WITH DAD. Deutch commits onscreen murder by using the song "I Will Survive" in not just one but three different scenes, and once in a gut-wrenching sing along jail cell sequence. If seeing Keanu Reeves dancing to a disco song is your cup of tea, THE REPLACEMENTS was specially hand-molded just for you. Enjoy!
Another scene has the star quarterback Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) alone in a bar with the team’s head cheerleader (Brooke Langton). At the beginning of the film, she says that she doesn’t date football players, with extra emphasis on the fact that she doesn’t date quarterbacks. Did the screenwriter, Vince McKewin, actually expect us to believe that they weren’t gonna hook up? Back to the bar scene though. Falco is at one end of the bar, the cheerleader at the other. Just when you think the world might have some justice left, Sting’s "Every Breath You Take" starts to play as they start to, you guessed it, step towards each other. The absolute horror.
If you were waiting for my list of positives about the film, there are none. This film is a complete mess. I saw the film with a sneak preview audience and people seemed to really enjoy it, which made me start to think the room was full of evil robots. The lady beside me was slapping her knee through the entire film, even during the dramatic scenes. I was tempted to ask her if she was slapping her knee because the film was so funny, or she kept thinking about other things she could actually be doing besides watching THE REPLACEMENTS. Save your money people and rent WILDCATS for a silly football film.
