Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here. Harry's partying at irresponsible levels in San Diego, no doubt. He still hasn't decompressed from Prague, so I understand. Anyway, while he misbehaves, I'm putting together bail money (just in case) and a few updates. Earlier tonight, there was a strange presence here in the Labs, and the Henchmen and I lost a little time... a few hours. It just disappeared. As we tried to figure out what had happened, Mongo came to me and complained that he felt as if he had been... probed. A careful medical examination revealed that he had indeed, and there was a review hidden there. So, remember... Ain't It Cool News... it's straight from Mongo's ass!
Wait... I don't think I said that right... anyway, here's a Little Gray Alien to weigh in on Adam Sandler's latest New Line comedy...
I sat in the darkened theater, waiting with anticipation for the sneak screening of a film I've been waiting months to see. As the New Line Cinema logo filled the screen the crowd and I began to cheer, the noise was deafening and I sat back with a sigh of happiness, ready to enjoy the film. Five minutes later my joy and contentment turned to tears, was I crying because of the steady rise in unemployment? Was it the child soldiers in foreign countries that got me? No, it was the realization that this was one of the worst films I'd seen this year, and that I had about another hour and forty-five minutes to sit through.
"Little Nicky" is the latest film by comic genius Adam Sandler. It's been 10,000 years since Lucifer (Rodney Dangerfield) passed the throne of Hell to his son Satan (Harvey Keitel) and now it's Satan's turn to pass on rulership to one of his sons. Instead he decides to keep ruling because none of his sons are ready to help keep the balance between good and evil. His two oldest sons decide to defy their father and set up their own kingdom, on Earth, and jump through the flames that guard the gates of Hell. This immediately freezes the gates shut (why we don't know) and prevents souls from entering Hell. Without the souls Satan begins to decompose and eventually will die. Enter Satan's youngest son, Nicky (Adam Sandler), who is a kind hearted, idiot child who adores his Dad. He now has one week to capture his brothers and return to Hell, or his father will die.
With a cast as talented as this you'd think the film would be fabulous. Patricia Arquette, Reese Witherspoon, Jon Lovitz, David Spade, Dana Carvey, Clint Howard, Kevin Nealon, Rodney Dangerfield, Rob Schnieder, Quentin Tarantino, Henry Winkler and Ozzy Osbourne all make appearances. Unfortunately this mass gathering of talent didn't stand a chance against this pathetically unfunny script. It like someone took the worst parts of "Dogma" and combined it with the worst parts of "The Waterboy." The main problem is that it lacks the heart that most Adam Sandler films have. His characters may seem rough and angry, but most of the time they start out or end up doing something noble. It's hard to feel compassion for the son of Satan, but it could have worked if his character was written better. Add to it that his voice is a cross between a mentally challenged child and someone whose jaw is several inches out of line and you spend most of the time annoyed with him. Then they had to go a step further and pair him with a talking pit bull, who is rarely funny at all. The twenty minutes or so he spends adjusting to Earth initially has been done so many times that you have a constant sense of déjà vu.
But there are a few (very few) funny moments, most of which come because of minor characters. Quentin Tarantio's blind apocalyptic preacher is amusing, but mostly because you have to wonder what he's doing in a film this bad. Clint Howard as a cross dresser definitely is funny, he's got the be the weirdest women I've ever seen. But when Henry Winkler appears at the end you have to wonder whether Adam Sandler got all his buddies from his other films together, had them sit in a circle, and all take turns writing a sentence of the script. Thank goodness Drew Barrymore didn't show up as well. Sadly the truth is that this film will fair well at the box office, it is an Adam Sandler film, and the masses love him. All we can hope is that Adam Sandler looks at this film compared to his previous work, sees the lack of talent and creativity in it, and does a much better job next time.
PS -- Is Mongo seeing anyone?
Yours truly, a Little Gray Alien
