Oh no, please no.... Harry here, and I don't want to believe this review in like the worst way. I am a huge Amy Heckerling fan and I so don't want this to be a pile of doggy doo like BOYS AND GIRLS which I saw earlier. This would be terrible. Please no. Amy's responsible for directing FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH and CLUELESS... and those baby talking movies with Bruce Willis as the voice of the rugrat. Well... at least in high school comedies... she's done well, but... well, I'm gonna have to wait and see it for my own damn fool self... but, the Projectionist was ready to coathanger this flick....
Harry, quick, get me a coat hanger so I can abort this movie for Columbia before it comes out! The movie I am referring to is "Loser", which is just an excellent title for it. I saw a test screening of it in Orange, CA a month or so ago. Since it is such a forgettable film, please forgive me if I have left out some minor details. The print I saw wasn't finished yet. They still had to do the opening credits and fix the clock in Grand Central Station (which had the wrong time on it.) You can actually see the flaw in the trailer for a brief second.
As you know, this movie was directed by Amy Heckerling. I really loved "Clueless", but Amy has really lost her touch this time. There are only a few really good laughs in this film. And if you've seen the trailer, then you've seen most of the funny parts. The line about the Backstreet Boys that was in the trailer wasn't in the version I saw. Not to sure why they cut that out. Well, anyway, back to the crappiness of the movie. All of the characters are so cartoonish it's crazy, especially Greg Kinnear's character. Also, most of the characters in this film are either assholes, bitches, or dumbasses.
Jason Biggs plays Paul Tannek, a small town boy who wears an idiotic hat that moves to New York to attend his first year of college. When he gets to New York and finds his way to his dorm he gets to meet his 3 asshole roommates that are somehow whizzes with the ladies. Beats the shit out of me how they get these beautiful bombshells. One of the roommates is fat, while the other two look and often act like pole smokers. How they get the women is beyond me. They also have their hair and nails done in an extravagant and stupid-looking beauty shop. His roommates are mean to him, fuck while he is trying to study and sleep, leave used condoms on his toothbrush, and ultimately kick him out of the dorm room. Since no dorm rooms are left, Paul now has to take refuge at the vet school lab. So, yes, Paul is now living with animals (at least they are better than his ex-roommates) at the vet.
Mena Suvari plays Dora Diamond, a stripper who attends the same college as Paul. The scenes in the strip club play out very oddly and aren't funny or amusing, especially since we don't really get to see any full nudity. Dora wears the pasties when she dances. On the side, Dora is also fucking her asshole professor Edward Alcott, who is played by Greg Kinnear. Professor Alcott is the typical stereotypical bad guy. He is mean to her and treats her like shit, even though she swallows, (I bet Paul's roommates spit) which Dora points out. By this time Dora is getting upset with Prof. Alcott.
Dora and Paul meet up in Professor Alcott's class and become fond of one another. Paul scores some Everclear concert tickets and asks Dora if she wants to go. Dora, for some reason, loves Everclear and she agrees to meet him at the concert. Things don't go as planned and Dora ends up meeting one of Paul's asshole ex-roommates at a convenient store. Paul's ex-roommates just so happen to be throwing a party at Paul's new home, the vet. So the ex-roommate invites her to come to the party. She agrees. Paul's ex-roommates happen to be in the whole date rape scene (how clever.) So when Dora gets to the party, she gets drugged. The ex-roommates are using their own date rape drugs as well as using vet medicine to drug the girls at the party. Paul gets double fucked by having to watch a concert without a date and that the band playing was Everclear, while Dora almost gets fucked.
She wakes up from the drugs as the roommates are removing her clothing with vet tools. I'm glad Amy Heckerling finds humor in girls getting drugged.
Paul and Dora start to see each other more often after this as Dora starts to sleep over at the vet with Paul. They go out on the town and have fun as their relationship blossoms. But all of a sudden, Dora has a change of heart. One night at the vet, Paul decides to go get a movie and pizza for them. When he gets back, Alcott is in there with Dora and she is ready to love him for the asshole that he is. She somehow sees through the assholliness and decides to go back with him in an instant, ditching Paul with a pizza and movie to watch alone. Dora has now shit on Paul which makes her a stupid bitch.
The bitch and Prof. Asshole are now living in his apartment. Prof. Asshole says romantic things to her such as, "Could you please just quit talking. Just sit there and look pretty." How romantic. He also says many other crude remarks to her. Now what woman in her right mind would take that kind of shit for so long? Greg Kinnear's character is just so much of an asshole, it is unbelievable. It gets to the point if ridiculousness after a while.
There are other side stories in it such as blackmail, Paul pissing his roommates off, Paul trying to bring his grades up, etc, etc, etc. David Spade had a cameo in it and he was funny as shit and Andy Dick was pretty funny in it too. Dan Aykroyd plays Paul's dad and he does the best he can with the part. I'm not sure what this movie will be rated, but the version I saw would probably of gotten an "R." There was cursing including two "fucks", sexuality, brief nudity, and all the drug use. I think the drug use along should give it an "R." They better fight for a "PG-13" because I really don't think many adults would find this movie amusing. I could see where teens may enjoy it though. All in all, it was a big disappointment and a very ridiculous and poor film. This is definitely "Razzie" material.
See ya at the movies!
- The Projectionist
