Greetings, all. Ambush Bug here with another AICN HORROR: ZOMBIES & SHARKS column. This week we’ve got tentacles, bad dreams, garden tools, John Carradine, hot lava, serial killers, dark tunnels, and a bit of horror porn…yeah, that’s right. I go there. On with the horror reviews!
(Click title to go directly to the feature)
Retro-review: THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES
Short Cuts: LEAF BLOWER MASSACRE (2013)
LUCID (2013)
EVIL HEAD (2012)
SUPER ERUPTION (2011)
CARL PANZRAM: THE SPIRIT OF HATRED & VENGEANCE (2013)
ABANDONED MINE (2013)
GRABBERS (2012)
And finally…Patrick Rea’s WRONG NUMBER!

THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES (1974)
Directed by Paul HarrisonWritten by Paul Harrison, Thomas J. Kelly
Starring John Ireland, Faith Domergue, John Carradine, Carole Wells, Charles Macaulay, Jerry Strickler, Ron Foreman, Dennis Record, & Wells Bond as the Ghoul
Retro-reviewed by Ambush Bug
Full of all things hokey, HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES still is able to convey a sense of creep that cannot be denied. Though this feels like a throwback to the Hammer House of Horror days, there’s also a feeling of the Italian giallo era, making this whole film experience one of the more peculiar and unique ones to come out of the early Seventies.

What makes this film laughable is how serious everyone is taking things. Everyone from the director to the actresses involved are treating this film as if it were one of the classics, with melodrama oozing from every scene. Still, despite the cast’s tendency to over-emote, director Paul Harrison fills the film with many weird moments such as a weird game of push over an open grave between two characters and a cat being compelled to attack a human by staring into a painting of a cat head on a devil’s trident. The construction of the latter scene is actually pretty hilarious to watch, as it is obvious the cat’s paw is being manipulated off camera by someone over the hand of one of the actors to simulate a scratch. Goofy fun.

HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES has nothing to do with Rob Zombie’s film, which houses 993 more corpses, but it still is a pretty effective littler schlocker. John Carradine hams things up pretty well as the caretaker of the home who lived through the first seven person massacre, and is more than willing to ruin the movie within a movie’s scene when it gets any of the details wrong. The rest of the cast doles out the ham like an Easter soup kitchen. HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES is one of those films that will make you laugh, but will more than likely give a shiver or two down the spine in the final moments.


LEAF BLOWER MASSACRE (2013)
Directed by Anthony CooneyWritten by Anthony Cooney & Josh Stephenson
Starring Anita Nicole Brown, Shavar D. Clark, Anthony Cooney, Martin Sean Cooney, Patrick Anthony Hozjan, Miguel Perez, Karla Shaw, Mariel Taren
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
This 12 minute little goodie shines brightest when it plays as a spoof on TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Seeing the unnamed leaf blower operator wearing a black helmet and camouflage do the chainsaw dance from the original classic horror film made me laugh quite a bit.

I’d have liked a little backstory as to why the leaf blower is so angry and attacky all of the time, but there’s only so much one can do in 12 minutes and you’ve got to leave (pardon the pun) some questions for the inevitable sequel. As is, this little short is directed capably by Anthony Cooney, who has an obvious regard for Tobe Hooper’s classic. Here’s hoping the next time Fall comes around, more leaf blowing massacring can continue with a bit more about the man behind the blower.

LUCID (2013)
Directed by P.J. WoodsideWritten by P.J. Woodside
Starring Brittney Saylor, Bill Johnson, P.J. Woodside, Michael Coon
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Another low budget goodie from the folks at Big Biting Pig Productions, the folks responsible for the fun indie stab at ghost hunting shows SPIRIT STALKERS ( reviewed here) and the haunting THE CREEPY DOLL ( reviewed here). This time around dreams and nightmares are explored in a way that reminds me of some classic nightmare dissections of the past.

Though there are a lot of contrivances going on here, I like this play on the establishment’s warping of the unconscious souls of the world. Reminiscent of both THEY LIVE as well as BAD DREAMS and some of Cronenberg’s early body horror, specifically RABID, SCANNERS, and SHIVERS, PJ Woodside plays with the vulnerability one experiences while one sleeps and adds a good dose of conspiracy to make us all look over our shoulders with caution. The machinations at work behind the scenes in this film are fun, though sometimes relying on heavy contrivances, but ones that go hand in hand with paranoia such as the relationship one has with a therapist somehow being tied with the forces working against you. In mixing these elements, Woodside is able to convey a nice sense that all forces are converging against the main character, which makes for the most compelling aspect of this film.

If you’re looking for a palpable sense of dread and paranoia, LUCID has it in spades. The acting is surprisingly good for such a low budgeter, as is the editing and creativity behind the dream sequences. Done on a shoestring, LUCID packs a lot of creep and scares within a tight budget.

EVIL HEAD (2012)
Directed by Doug SakmannWritten by Joanna Angel & Doug Sakmann
Starring Joanna Angel, Aramis Sartorio (Tommy Pistol), Veruca James, Kleio Valentien, Dana DeArmond, Danny Wylde, Lloyd Kaufman
Find out more about this film here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time I’ve reviewed horror porn. A while back on a special Valentine’s Edition of AICN HORROR, I checked out one of Joanna Angel’s other porno-horror films entitled THE SICK & TWISTED HORROR OF JOANNA ANGEL (reviewed here), a double feature which featured REPENETRATOR and THE XXXORCIST, which of course were bloody and porny versions of REANIMATOR and THE EXORCIST. So while I’m no virgin when it comes to the schmelding of horror and porn, I can’t say it’s something I really am dying to see.

For the most part, the story follows the original EVIL DEAD storyline with about 10 minutes of the two and a half hour opus actually dedicated to story while the rest is filled with, you know, the sex.
With lines delivered by Ash (played by Tommy Pistol, who starred in the indie grossout comedy, THE GRUESOME DEATH OF TOMMY PISTOL -- (reviewed here), the story bits, what little there are, are pretty entertaining. Pistol is able to keep his sense of humor even while doing the deed; adding a bit of something else to all of that somethin-somethin’ going on. Classic Ash-isms such as “Gimme some sugar, baby.”, “Give me back my hand!” and, of course, “Swallow this!” take on a whole new meaning in this version of the EVIL DEAD and delivered by Pistol, it makes for a humorous homage.

There’s copious amounts of blood and other fluids splattered about, some decent rudimentary animation, and horror makeup that stays on pretty well during all of the action. Pistol, Angel and crew at least are trying something different with these porn versions of horror films. Though seeing all of that growling and ugly makeup didn’t really do it for me, I guess I can see where some might find this arousing. The alterna-girls, all tattooed and fit, are always nice to see, but having their faces all done up in Halloween putty is sort of turn off for me. I do give the makers of this film credit for going all out in terms of over the top gore, a dedication to the original material, a tree-rape scene that is something I will never be able to unsee, and lest we forget, all of that sex, which felt as if it went on for way too long, but maybe that’s more of a comment on my sex life than the movie itself.
Sure, there will be those who will turn their noses up to EVIL HEAD, but in this wide world of horror, surely there is room for the porn horror subgenre; especially in this case when it apes the original so well.

SUPER ERUPTION (2011)
Directed by Matt CoddWritten by Rafael Jordan
Starring Richard Burgi, Juliet Aubrey, MyAnna Buring, Alex Wyndham
Find out more about this film here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
WARNING: Although the title might suggest it and despite the fact that this film comes after a review of horror porn EVIL HEAD, SUPER ERUPTION should not be mistaken as porn.

A volcano erupts in the middle of Yellowstone National Park and though Yogi and Boo Boo are nowhere to be found, their hindquarters are bound to be singed by the waves and geysers of lava pouring out and spreading in all directions. As with most disaster movies, this disaster is the mother of all disasters, making the last disaster look like child’s play. A brave sheriff (DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES’ Richard Burgi), a sultry scientist (Juliet Aubrey), and a damsel in distress (THE DESCENT’s MyAnna Buring) hold the key to stopping this natural disaster when the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, the Village People, and the cast of the Laugh Olympics cannot.

This is a SyFy movie, of course, the new low in horror films these days, and while SUPER ERUPTION doesn’t happen upon the accidental genius/stupidity that befell SHARKNADO, it’s not as bad as some of the other shitty films like SEATTLE SUPER STORM or DINO-CROC VS SUPER GATOR. It is what you’ve come to expect from a SyFy movie: a waste of an hour and a half that you don’t mind sitting through when you’ve seen everything on your DVR and you’ve lost both the remote and the will to pry yourself from the couch to turn the channel. Big and dumb, the film would be fun if it didn’t seem as if everyone was trying to pass it off as Oscar-worthy material. To reiterate: SUPER ERUPTION is not porn, but maybe if it was it’d be a bit more interesting.

CARL PANZRAM: THE SPIRIT OF HATRED & VENGEANCE (2013)
Directed by John BorowskiWritten by John Borowski
Starring Tom Lodewyk, David Weiss, Brett Jetmund, David Salmonson, Henry Lesser, Joe Coleman, Katherine Ramsland, Scott Christianson, Joel Goodman, Ken Lamaster, Dr. Thomas Gitchoff, Mark Gado, Robert Ray, narrated by John DiMaggio
Find out more about this film here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Reviewing a documentary about a serial killer gives me a bit of the creeps since, unlike the fake blood and grue we are used to in films of the horror variety, the deaths that occur and are talked about in this film are all too real. Still, understanding the unwell mind is a fascination of mine and the cinema of true crime is an expansive one that often creeps into the genre of horror, so coverage of a film like this doesn’t feel like too far of a leap out of the boundaries. I talked with documentary filmmaker John Borowski at least weekend’s Flashback Weekend of horrors, and his passion about the making of his latest doc CARL PANZRAM: THE SPIRIT OF HATRED & VENGEANCE was palpable. Though I missed the showing of the film at the con, I was able to check it out afterwards and was surprised at both the sordid story of Panzram himself as well as the quality of the documentary focusing on him.

The story told here is one of an older Panzram, one who seemed to want to communicate his story to others as well as, surprisingly, talk about how the creation of people like him can be avoided. That’s what surprised me the most about this film. Panzram is able to describe what his life lacked and the support he was not given in his early years and how that created the monster that he became. This level of insight is fascinating from someone who seemed to feel no real guilt over the horrible crimes that he committed.

Nevertheless, CARL PANZRAM: THE SPIRIT OF HATRED & VENGEANCE is a compelling look into the words and mind of someone who seemed to experience as much torment as he doled out, choosing to inflict the pain he felt on anyone around him rather than learn from the abusive mistakes of others. It’s a sad cycle, and one depicted with a steady and thoughtful hand by documentarian Borowski. Those looking to delve deep into the dark soul of Panzram would benefit from seeking this documentary out.

ABANDONED MINE (2013)
Directed by Jeff ChamberlainWritten by Jeff Chamberlain & Scott Woldman
Starring Alexa Vega, Reiley McClendon, Saige Thompson, Charan Prabhakar, Adam Hendershott, Valerie C. Walker, Joseph Batzel, Cody Walker
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Things often associated with horror are buckets of blood and gore, four letter words and variations of these words, the occasional drug usage, and we can’t forget the sex and the boobies. Now, just because these elements often walk hand in hand with horror films doesn’t mean that every horror film should have these elements. That’s why I found ABANDONED MINE to be so refreshing, since none of these elements show up, yet still it turned out to be a surprisingly spooky little film.

The thing that impressed me the most about ABANDONED MINE is not the clichés which happen in rapid succession in regards to characters, dialog, and story ideas. And yes, there are a lot of these that weigh the story down. There’s the typical dumb jock. There’s the foreign exchange student who gets American sayings all wrong. There’s the montage set to pop music as the girls try on outfits before the big date. And there’s the Bieber-haired quarterback leading the pack saying things like “This game’s not over!” Everything about this film screams Disney GOOSEBUMPS episode and thus bends over backwards trying to make me loathe it.

So though there are no boobies, no drugs, no blood other than the Heinz variety, and no swears, ABANDONED MINE managed to give me some starts here and there and to do that without checking things off of the aforementioned list takes talent that deserves some kind of recognition. Looking for solid PG rated scares you most likely can watch with your teenager? ABANDONED MINE just might do the trick.

GRABBERS (2012)
Directed by Jon WrightWritten by Kevin Lehane
Starring Richard Coyle, Ruth Bradley, Russell Tovey, Lalor Roddy, David Pearse, Bronagh Gallagher, Pascal Scott, Clelia Murphy, Louis Dempsey, Micheál O'Gruagain, Ned Dennehy
Find out more about this film here and on Facebook here
Reviewed by Ambush Bug
Horror films that take themselves seriously are great. I love it when winks and nods to the audience are shunned and you get a film that concentrates more on tingling your spine and actually experiencing the thrill of fear. But I also know that not all horror has to be this way. Sometimes, you just have to have fun and shining that fun through the lens of horror is as good as any way to go. GRABBERS, for instance, shines that fun brightly, setting its luminosity on “blinding” in terms of laughs and horror set against the backdrop of those classic monster run amok movies of old.

Seeing the cast, among them lightweight non-drinker Ruth Bradley who plays rookie cop Lisa, take on the interstellar beasts out of their mind squiffy on suds is a beauty to behold. Laughs aplenty come right and left as these drunk geezers and geezettes, impaired in their thinking by the drinking, try one bone-headed scheme after another to get rid of the menace. A comedy of errors, this one is a winner. I found myself laughing quite a bit at the drunk cast who were either really shit-faced or do a damn fine job of acting it throughout the entire second half of this film.

Seek this out for some damn fine comedic performances by the aforementioned Bradley, as well as Lalor Roddy as the town drunk who ends up being the key to everyone’s survival, Russell Tovey as a nerdy scientist who finds he rather likes liquor, and an especially great performance by unlikely hero Richard Coyle, who is normally drunk on the job as a cop but stays sober in order to maintain the peace among the sauced up township. All in all, you’re bound to get a whole lot of laughs, especially if you drink right along with the cast while watching this one with friends. GRABBERS doesn’t take itself seriously, but not all horror has to do so in order to be worth checking out.
And finally…here’s another short from Patrick Rea, the director of the awesome NAILBITER (reviewed here) about a pair of strangers meeting over a…WRONG NUMBER. Enjoy!
Wrong Number from Patrick Rea on Vimeo.
See ya next week, folks!




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