El Cosmico here, with a look at the pilot for Lone Gunmen, a spinoff of the X-Files due to air in the Spring of 2001, on Fox. I was going to review the pilot, based on the script, but then I received this review from LT Weezie, who's seen the pilot, so, read Weezie's review first, and my comments on the pilot will follow. By the way, to view the opening to this show, click here. ATTENTION: From here on out, this article is heavily spoiler-laden.
Here now, our pal LT Weezie:
The Lone Gunmen Review by LT Weezie
When I heard that THE LONE GUNMEN was going to be spun-off THE X-FILES, I was very curious. Would it be an ineffective attempt to keep XF alive without Mulder and Scully, or a successful stand-alone series? After viewing a tape of the pilot episode, it is my opinion that the potential is there for an exciting new program.
The pilot initially opens with a huge office party in a Silicon Valley-type venue. (AKA Intel®) Within the first five minutes of the show, we see two shadowy figures on the roof.and you can only guess whom. As Frohike and Byers do their best impersonation of Tom Cruise in MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 1, Langly plays decoy inside. When the new chip is announced (the OCTIUM IV), he chimes in with a barrage of insults concerning the sincerity and consumer impact of this new piece of hardware. The diversion intensifies when he fakes a peanut allergy and starts to do a very convincing impersonation of someone in the throes of severe attack. Of course there is the comic relief with Frohike hanging like a yo-yo from a winch controlled by Byers within the heavily secured clean room which houses the chip. A third party enters the scene while the diversion is in progress, and proceeds to take control of the winch, which foils their plans. This third party (a bearded man) proceeds to the clean room and trips the alarm and all hell breaks loose. He approaches the upside-down Frohike, and kisses him squarely on the lips, grabs the chip and departs. During the confusion of the alarm, the three amigos get caught and the head of security orders a "full body cavity search" which instantly reminded me of the Robert Stack character in the BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD film. The mysterious figure exits the men's room and has been transformed to a Laura Croft/Fujiko from LupinIII clone who seems to have her own plans for the super chip.
The theme music resembles an interpolated version of the Jimi Hendricks Star-Spangled Banner. At the end of the theme music the three are standing together as stylized black silhouettes in a parody of THE AVENGERS/MAN FROM UNCLE/CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
The pilot was full of convoluted side plots, but the good thing is that all the loose ends are tied up neatly by the time it is over. We meet Byers' father, and the mysterious woman whose name is an anagram of Lee Harvey Oswald. Of course, there is a government conspiracy. This involves something called "Scenario 12D"-a simulation that becomes frightening real.
The short 45 minutes of the program is chock full of character development. The mysterious woman who we learn later is going to be a regular as a fellow hacker albeit mercenary should fit nicely into the show. There is non-stop action and the special effects were very well done. There is a somber mood, which radiates from the drab basement HQ. At the same time, it is loaded with inside jokes and some downright slapstick (tripping in mud and other klutzy pratfalls). Unfortunately, there are no cameos by Mulder and Scully.
I am happy to say that I think that Chris Carter has another winner. We enjoyed it thoroughly. I have only one concern. The computerese in the show, especially in the heat of last-minute rapid-fire climax, is going to go over the head of viewers who are not familiar with the jargon. Although there are some technical exaggerations, the terms and hardware in the show will make perfect sense to the computer literate. I only hope that the viewer who may not be savvy on the terminology will stick with it. THE LONE GUNMEN is set to broadcast in spring 2001. Although it is not THE X-FILES (which is my favorite series), I feel it will have a good following. If the episodes are as intense as the pilot, THE LONE GUNMEN will not run out of bullets!
Okay. I'm not nearly as enthusiastic about this show as Weezie is. My main problem is that this show relies HEAVILY, that is to say, key plot elements hinge on certain depictions of technology. So what's the problem? Well, the problem is, that the writers of the show apparently haven't hired good technical advisors, or they have, and have simply ignored or misunderstood their advice.
In my opinion, the problem isn't that the tech-terminology will go over the heads of the tech-illiterate; I actually think they'll be able to accept it as it is. The real problem is that the tech-savvy, geek-type, slashdot reader will watch this show and, well, get pissed off, because of numerous inaccuracies, misconceptions, and sheer impossibilities. This type of stuff wasn't a problem on the X-Files, in a universe where a great lot of fantasy was acceptable and even encouraged. In a Lone Gunmen world, though, the tone noticeably changes, and the writers use close parallels to the real world. So close, that their misunderstanding of technology is at times glaringly obvious. In other words, this show runs the risk of alienating its core audience from the get-go, which, I would think, is quite a bad thing
I'll give you a few examples. The "Octium" chip's supposed insidious nature comes from what the Lone Gunmen describe as a "built-in modem", which sends personal information to evil corporations. First off, this isn't a new capability, it occurs in frequent implementations of both hardware and software. Has for years. Secondly, the idea of including a modem, a device that modulates and de-modulates analog signals into digital ones, ESPECIALLY in a world where every computer is already network-capable, is, well, nothing short of completely ridiculous bullshit. Now, this isn't a problem for the non tech-heads, but the tech-savvy are going to watch this show, and in the first few minutes, they'll already be pissed off. This is how the show starts. As for how it ends, we're expected to believe that the airphone systems that most airplanes are equipped with today are NOT ONLY hooked up to the rest of the plane's systems, BUT ALSO that the airplane's computers, by default, give complete command authority to users of that phone system, allowing they to take over the plane. This is dumb on so many levels, I don't even know where to start. It's the sort of thing that the writers explain away by simply saying that so and so "hacks" (not cracks, mind you) into the plane's control system...which apparently uses the aforementioned Octium chip. Aha! So, is this our explanation? They're able to hack into the plane because it has an Octium chip, whose modem is hooked up to the plane's phone system? Okay, it's a stretch, but let's assume this is the case. So, you're telling me, that the developers of the Octium invested untold sums of cash into developing a chip for evil, and what makes it evil is that it's analog/POTS network-capable? As opposed to the millions/billions of other devices that are already susceptible over digital networks? So this chip was just developed to undermine the security of non-digitally networked systems with digital cores? EVEN THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE because there would have to be an analog pathway DIRECTLY INTO THE CHIP CORE...FROM THE PHONE SYSTEM! ARE YOU GUYS INSANE? Oh man. Sorry guys, but you lost me there. If you want me to make a leap, you've got to make it over a narrower chasm. As a final insult to the tech-heads, the pilots regain control over their plane, simply by implementing the "manual override". Not only is this horribly cliche, but are you guys saying that modern planes are equipped to override their own standard control systems? With what?...they're all fly-by-wire! What a mess.
So, that's my beef. I think the show is mostly of average-to-above average quality, but it has some serious pitfalls, which aren't going to make the natural audience for this show (tech-head geeks) very happy at all. Please, Fox, hire a technical advisor or two. Good ones. Then, listen to them. You'll have a much better show, and probably a good, long run of it.
-El Cosmico
mail me at: elcosmico@austin.rr.com
