Hey folks, Harry here, and usually before test screenings... specifically ones like this one, I warn you the reader about the rough state of the film, how many things will change, etc etc etc... However, I am actually disturbed by this review of John Robie's. Robie is a middleaged cat burglar (aka pussy thief) and I find it very suspect that this... scary scary man went to a pre-adolescent skin flick. What does this say about JOHN ROBIE? This man that purports to slink into the windows of strangers' houses. This degenerate psycho. Well... read his review and beware. You will be reading the words of a not quite well man...
So I saw this movie called Happy Campers. It’s supposed to be a slightly caustic yet at its heart sweet look at a bunch of teenage counselors at a summer camp. They make friends, they learn about life, they make enemies, they learn about themselves and by the end of the summer they’re all the wiser to who and what they are. A nice, simple, sweet idea, no? In fact, I can only think of two little problems with the film.
It’s called Happy Campers.
It’s about a bunch of kids at camp.
I never really dug the idea of the “camp” movie. That’s probably because my parents never had enough money to send me to camp. I’m just bitter, I guess. I never got to go to camp. It’d be the same if there were such thing as a “pony” movie or a “Jennifer Lopez sits on my face” movie. Things I never got. Yet. Please God. And not the former one. And don’t go and mix them up.
“I’m at camp, I’m making friends, things are tough.” Quiet whiner. Hey Robie, Meatballs was about the same thing. Well, Meatballs had Bill Murray in it, didn’t it? This has…Brad Renfro. Hey Robie, wasn’t Ernest Goes To Camp basically about the same thing? That movie had Ernest. This one, again, has…Brad Renfro.
Brad Renfro’s character’s name is Wichita. Man…what’s wrong with Walter, with Harry or Drew or Josh or Pat or Steve or Dave or Bill or Matt? The name alone is supposed to make the audience think that the character is the dark, mysterious one. I think not. He’s about as dark and mysterious as Britney Spear’s left buttcheek (it’s the right buttcheek that was in the foster homes and beat the coke rap—confusing the two is a common mistake). If they wanted a name that fit the character they should’ve called him “Darkie” or “Senior Darkie” or “Dark” or “Mr. Shadow” or “Lorenzo” or “Valenti.” Instead of Witchita, what about Smokealottafpoti-tah? Smokealottapoti-tah from deep down in Arkansas, he could be like Leroy Brown, just this mythic character who beats kids, steals their stash and smokes it all up and…okay sorry.
The problem is that Renfro never really is or becomes what everyone in the movie is so certain he’s supposed to be. That’s not because the film offers a neat little look at how people perceive each other. It’s a big screw up on writer/first-time-director Daniel Waters’ part. You know Waters, or at least you know his work. He wrote Heathers and Batman Returns…and Demolition Man and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane and Hudson Hawk. Renfro is such a rebel that he…gives the kids gum to shut them up? He’s so dark that he…questions hot sex with a gorgeous blonde? What planet did I just step land on? Who questions hot sex with a gorgeous blonde?
Okay, the review is being put on hold for two seconds here because I found out the other day that my sister reads the site. I apologize to everyone on the globe aside from my sister Nicole.
Nicole, there’s a bunch of guys who just went, “Well, some of us don’t just think about sex. We strive to live a life of fulfillment of things aside from the flesh, we don’t and won’t debase ourselves with base carnal desires. Sex means more to us that a few fleeting moments of hot, sweaty panting and getting our rocks of. We’re looking for love, for real, soul binding love!”
Nicole that’s what’s commonly referred to as a fat ass lie. Those very guys are the ones who will take you out, shower you with their intelligence, be total gentlemen, take you home and then ask if they could please make love to your shoe. All guys love sex, all guys are bastards and all guys will pull anything to get in your pants. The ones who do it with a modicum of intelligence and genuine charm, those are the good ones. The rest are like Harry. (HARRY NOTE: AHEM! Wise ass! Hey, what's your sister's phone number?)
Got that Nic? Back to business.
So yeah, Renfro’s character is not a rebel. He’s not a mysterious kid. He doesn’t exude a great degree of authority. He’s a normal, everyday kid going after the poon.
And that’s what a big chunk of this movie is about. Teenage kids going after the poon. I like that. Now you’ve piqued my interest. Hardcore screwing and me are like two peas in a pod. Hand in hand we’ll walk down the street. I’ll buy hardcore screwing something nice, maybe some earrings or a bracelet that says, “I love you” but the love is spelled “luv.” Maybe I’ll take hardcore screwing to dinner. Someplace nice, like Ponderosa. I’ll tuck hardcore screwing in at night, give it a little peck on the cheek. I love hardcore screwing, and whenever it pops up in a movie my smile is all the bigger.
You’ve got Renfro as the main counselor at this camp. He’s surrounded by a motley crew, except none of these guys ever switched their names around and stared in Edward Penishands. Only two of ya got that one, ay? The rest of you proceed through the sticky beaded curtains and rent Edward Penishands to find what I’m talking about. I don’t recommend Edward Penishands 2, though. They got a little ambitious.
The cast surrounding Renfro in Happy Campers is all over the place. One the good (penis) hand you’ve got Justin Long as the typical awkward dork and Jordan Bridges (son of Beau) and Dominique Swain. Swain was the lolita from Lolita, and here she starts out as an annoying riff on the way-too-perky counselor. Then her legs get pulled behind her head and she becomes the way-too-spunky counselor and things get a whole lot better. Happy Campers also features James King. Now James King is not a man. She’s a she, and she’s naked here. Gloriously naked. Wonderfully, amazingly, beautifully, water nymph arising naked. She’s a vision. She’s what guys will remember most from the film. She’s kicked in the gonads beautiful. Put that on yer poster ya fucks.
On the bad hand you’ve pretty much got the rest of the cast. There’s a kid playing a gay counselor here. The idea for his character is great, but it’s just executed piss poorly. What could have amounted to some insight turns into “hey, look at the gay kid.” It’s a shame, especially because I’ve seen the actor—whose name escapes me—very good in other things. Peter Stormare from Fargo is real strong early on. He’s got the most memorable line in the movie. He comes upon Renfro putting a frog in Swain’s pants and blurts out, in a crazed accent, “Waaat arre deeese sick faaky faakky games?!?” That’s stupidity, but at least it’s inspired stupidity. After a lightning strike out of nowhere, though, Stormare goes into the forest and becomes Grizzly Adams, replete with shit encrusted beard and wild eyes from hell. Brother can ya’ spare some stupidity? Sure, sure, John, but first let me clean the crap out of my facial hair. Take your time, take your time. I’ll just sit over here and watch the vapidity unfold.
Yeah yeah, harp harp harp. But see it’s hard to get worked up about stuff that falls flat. It kind of washes over you or, if it’s really bad, you take a shower afterwards to clean off the residual stink. Don’t get me started about Kevin and Perry Go Large. Happy Campers actually has some decent material, and there are a few themes here that could have amounted to something. What if you find out that the person you thought you were, that everyone perceives you as, is just a sham, that he/she doesn’t really exist? Oooo, you say, that’s just something that kids go through. Well guy this movie is for kids. Quit bitching, go rent your Fassbinder flick and discuss it with that “she’s just a good friend with glasses” down at the coffeehouse.
The who-am-I deal hits when you’re young and it hits hard. Jesus, that feeling…what if you don’t know what you want in life, in love, in all that great and ugly stuff? That’s something that everyone can relate to, and for a few fleeting moments Happy Campers, as inane as it may be, kind of finds some momentum with that idea.
Then is just totally drops the ball and resorts to screwing. Which, again, isn’t so bad. But in the end this is a teen movie, and you’re not going to see all that much. A cable box and a subscription to Cinemax is gonna give you about 1000 times more material than Happy Campers offers.
As many cock ups as are there are in the film there is some hope and maybe, just maybe, the problems will get fixed. “Oh, it’s good for a few laughs, it works for about half the time, why should we change anything?” Because if you make the right changes you can turn something that’s occasionally amusing into something that’s actually affecting. Beef up the non-stop narration, figure out where you want these characters to come from and where you want them to go and have them do it with some impact. Happy Campers is not a great movie by far, and it’s hard to say that the thing could ever be really good. What it can be is tighter, more coherent. A few little tweaks and this could be the kind of small, off beat, slightly slight comedy the director envisioned. What you’ve got now is kinda funny. It’s also a mess.
I’m sorry, guys. I’ve probably given you way too much to read. It’s a nice, summer day so go on outside, play some ball. If you’re lucky enough, get to packing for camp. I’m gonna call my sister now, see if she has read this. I’ll make sure to tell her to wear grubby, unattractive sneakers on her next date.
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