Hey folks, Harry here. I had just opened this email from Rufus Roughcut, a rather scraggily faced man with razor burns, when the phone rang. As usual I looked at my Nostradumbass Predicktor Device, and read the name written in the Lite-Brites. Joe Hallenbeck. I thought he was dead. I had heard that he had a long night of booze after watching The Phantom Menace, and being so distraught at the results of that film, that he had swallowed his 45 and ejaculated a hunk of lead out the backside of his skull. My hand was shaking, but I picked up the phone. There was heavy labored breathing, and I could hear the clinking of ice cubes in a glass and the pouring of liquid. It was Hallenbeck. Gone for over a year. Like the man with no name, he crawled into a cave, covered his heart with lead, and was back in the street calling me out again. "Do you want a review of MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2 you fat bastard?" This wasn't really a question... You see, Hallenbeck, being the lowlife scum that he is, has comprimising pictures of every man, woman and child on the planet. And as a result, when he asks you a question. The answer is always "Yes." Now the following is a regular review from a normal human being. Tomorrow, Joe Hallenbeck is going to be returning. The man is loathsome. He says all those things that the nuns beat your hands for even thinking. He's the boy who never had his mouth washed out, that never was told right from wrong. And I'm giving you people a 36 hour warning about it. He will offend each and every known group of humanity. As for what he thought about MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2... I'm scared now. You see, we've had pretty darn positive reviews, this one below is a little less positive. Something awoke Joe Hallenbeck from a slumber. Was it THE BISHOP's 10 out of 10 review? Or maybe he loved it. We'll see soon, for now.... here's Rufus...
Seeing an MI2 screening is one thing, but seeing it at the main Paramount theater on the Melrose lot is something else. If anyone in American-land ever gets the chance, see a movie, any movie at the Paramount main theater. The sound is booming, the seats are wide, the space between rows is huge. And what better movie to see there, but MI2!
Now, I'm a huge John Woo fan. My "Hard Boiled" DVD has smoke coming out of it, I've watched it so much. And why won't they release "The Killer" on DVD? But I thought Woo was a great choice for MI2: he's stylish, violent and just damn cool. But here's what kills me. Woo makes a name for himself in Hong Kong making amazingly stylish bullet ballets yet when American producers bring him here to make movies, they won't let him make the films that got him the recognition in the first place. So MI2, does have the usual Woo touches (Tom Cruise strolls on screen accompanied by a single white dove, Tom slides across the floor, firing two guns at once), but somehow it was a little off. It was good, it was loud, it screams "summer boxoffice", but I expected more. The first bravura action scene came 1 hour and 15 minutes into the film, a really long time. And even that seemed like Woo was bringing out his old tricks with nothing new to add. That was the first big action sequence, the second was better: a great motorcycle chase that was terrifically edited. In fact, the last 30 minutes were vintage Hollywood summer bullsh*t, with touches of Woo.
The plot is considered under wraps, but for those who'd like to know, the gist of it is this: a bad guy creates a virus so he can make money off the cure. Said bad guy is played by Dougray Scott. As bad guys go, his character is not very interesting, although Scott invests it with enough brio to power it through.
The love interest is Thandie Newton, who is not just beautiful...SHE'S A WORK OF ART! She plays a cat burglar and ex-girlfriend of Scott's character. Tom Cruise employs her to help retrieve the virus and the two of them have some nice chemistry.
Cruise is getting handsomer as he gets older (and for the record, I'm a heterosexual male)and here he does what he does best: be Tom Cruise. But he tries hard, doing some of his own stunts and getting beaten up, so he's great as usual.
Considering the dialogue was written by the great Robert Towne, the quality was suprisingly average. The quippy Schwartznegger-type lines, all fell flat. There were some good lines ("it's not called Mission Difficult, Mr. Hunt"), but on the whole, it didn't seem worthy of the writer of "Chinatown."
In all, MI2 gets the job done. I hate to say this, but I kinda sorta liked the original better. It wasn't just loud. It didn't just recycle previous Woo touches. Prague was a better locale then this film's Seville.
The crowd I saw it with didn't applaud once, although of the ones I talked to afterwards, half liked it, half thought "eh, whatever, next!"
Anyway, sign me Rufus Roughcut.
