Harry's Long Promised 2nd STAR WARS THE PHANTOM MENACE Review! One Year Later...

Father Geek here with a report Harry left with me to post tonight while he partied down with the European set. I just want to say what type of son leaves his dutiful father behind while he goes to check out the topless beaches of France? I am just lodging my complaint. Father Geek out.

Hey everyone, Harry here. Not really, probably I’ll be on a plane about this time flying back to the U.S. of A. from Mighty Europe and a spy mission. Hopefully I’ll be able to post the story of my adventure from the air above the Atlantic, but I don’t know if that will be possible.

Anyway, if Father Geek followed my wishes this is going up one year after the opening of STAR WARS EPISODE ONE.

A year ago I walked into a the Metropolitan Theater after having camped for a couple of weeks to see a movie. No, strike that... I was going to see a new STAR WARS. It’s different from regular movies because, well... it’s Star Wars and that is a magical thing for me.

A year ago I promised that in a year, I would write a piece about STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE that wasn’t ‘of the moment’. That was distanced past the hype and excitement. There would be other films in my life at this time. Times would be simpler.

Well it’s time to keep that promise.

A year ago, I walked out of a theater in South Austin invigorated, thrilled and happy as hell to see a STAR WARS movie I had never seen before.

I went back about 10 times to see it again and again. I’ve had numerous conversations with fans, non-fans and complete strangers.

I’ve heard the I HATED THAT PIECE OF SHIT. I’ve heard the IT WAS OK BUT IT WASN’T THE MATRIX. I’ve heard the MAN I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE CUZ IT’S GONNA GET ALL DARK AND STUFF AND THEN IT’S GONNA RULE AGAIN! and lastly... I’ve heard the THAT WAS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN talk as well.

I actually just had an experience with a film that reminded me an awful lot of T.P.M., and it is DINOSAUR.

You see, DINOSAUR is also an incredibly flawed film from the adult perspective... and had the adult perspective been the view that Disney was aiming for, I might have to really level my gun at them to start firing... But it’s just so plainly obvious that DINOSAUR was made for kids... that I can’t honestly bring myself to rain down on the flick. Because I sat there... became a little kid and had a blast with it.

And the first 7 or so times I saw PHANTOM MENACE, I did the kid thing, but I began to become a grup during that 8th time.

I still really enjoy the film. I still prefer it to RETURN OF THE JEDI. But I hold the film is about a century behind A NEW HOPE and a galaxy away from EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

Prime problems with the film.

1st the casting of Jake Lloyd is just unfortunate. In a lot of ways he reminds me of Keanu Reeves in SPEED. He is just boring. Sure he’s just a kid, but quite honestly that is not an excuse. Anakin is just such a middle-class boy.

I mean, think about this. He’s a slave right? But he has his own robot and pod racer. He gets to hang out with his mom, befriend strangers that hit town. There are no bruises or signs of mistreatment. He seems very well educated in fairly good clothes and solid footwear. He has his own room, he plays with friends.

But it’s really sad cause ya see... He’s a slave. Now mind you, he’s not a slave like the boy that became CONAN having to push the wheel of pain throughout time. Hardening both his soul and spirit. In alot of ways George missed his best bet here.

Yoda says, “I sense much fear in him.” Well... this might have meant something if we hadn’t seen him be the bravest little punk you ever did see. I mean, he talks down Sebulba, he flies his pod like a god, he chooses to leave his mother to pursue his destiny with almost complete strangers, he gets in a ship, shoots down droid ships and blows up the command ship to save the day. “I sense much fear in him.”

Yeah, right. Now, had Watto put a shock collar on the kid, and anytime the kid acted punkish, Watto could press a button to shock the kid. Sending great pain in his system. If he lived in a hovel with 20 other kids that were all fed some grey soupish looking thing, and poked or shocked everytime they turned around. If his Mom was a controlling monster wench instead of nurturing Martha Stewart type.

Anakin just needed a back story. Something where we wouldn’t need near god-like powers to sense great fear in him. Perhaps his visions, images of a man in black torturing and killing people. Visions of his own future. His id.... the monster inside of him that will be released. He’s terrified of it. Seeing visions that do come true, and hoping others will not.

God, Anakin could have been the greatest Fearful boy in the world. I mean, imagine if Hitler as a small boy saw the results of what he became in visions. He’d be terrified, he’d try to be bigger than that. Try to do everything to keep from realizing those images in his mind, but somehow.... someway the cruel hand of fate would twist him into position. Where soon he becomes his own worst nightmare.

I didn’t want Anakin to be a cowering chickenshit... I wanted him to be a kid that had fears and issues, and was trying to be more than that. Trying to be the good kid. Trying to impress... but always haunted by that which he sees when he shuts his eyes.

Has my opinion of Jar Jar changed? Actually... believe it or not, no. Nope.. not one bit. Jar Jar to me is the best character in Episode One, and has the greatest potential for development in the future two films.

It’s my strong belief that there is going to be some tragic as hell things in Jar Jar’s future. The types of things... the weights of tragedy he should never be forced to deal with. In the opening act of this saga he’s a fool. And I can accept him as that, he’s a barely sentient dumb animal. One that will learn what death and pain is. Inevitably during the wedding scene of the next film... he’ll say something that will force a lot of you to roll your eyes and just... shake your head. But I believe that by the third film, there will be a great deal of minds changed about this lovable Gungan.

Recommendations for the future films... Stop having aliens talk English... have them speak Alien.

I mean, for crissakes... If Watto spoke some odd as hell made up language, he wouldn’t of been a Jewish Stereotype. If the Neimodians spoke neimodese... well then they would not have been Oriental Stereotypes. And most importantly they would have been... MORE ALIEN.

Chewbacca never said a single recognizable thing... we loved him. Jabba, Bib Fortuna, Bossk.... these aliens spoke alien dialects unfamiliar to us.

In making these Star Wars movies it is absolutely essential to populate the universe with things that are not familiar but feel real. Gibberish languages that have a pentameter of reason.

But I did enjoy the film immensely. I didn’t let these problems get in the way of the film. I’ll be honest, I don’t have the movie on tape... I’m waiting for a DVD. If that means 3 years... then that means 3 years.... I’m just not going to expend money on inferior product of a superior entertainment.

And that’s the way I see the film a year later. It has flaws, it isn’t a perfect film. But my what a glorious misstep. If this is a mistake, imagine what a complete success painted on the canvas will be. The tools for a vastly superior painting is in place for George.... all he has to do is do it.

I can’t wait to see what is next. Personally, I am currently far more jazzed and hyped about LORD OF THE RINGS. Having read early scripts and knowing where these films can go. Knowing that what is ahead will be treated in the tone absolutely necessary to the material and made for the audience that is waiting to embrace it. Well... I just can’t wait. Some friends of mine were able to hang out with Ian McKellen while he was in Los Angeles a few weeks back and they mentioned that I had read an early draft. Ian apparently told them something along the lines of, “Oh that? That’s the bad script, it’s far far better now!”

Wow. Can’t wait.