How Warner Brothers Screwed THE EXORCIST: The Version You've Never Seen Before!

Hey folks, Harry here with some fairly distressing news. Warner Brothers, the same folks behind anally raping THE IRON GIANT, are once again at it again.

Sunday night, I went to see THE EXORCIST: The Version You've Never Seen Before, and found my self in a half full auditorium watching, in my opinion, the greatest horror film (besides DAWN OF THE DEAD) ever created. The audience was in a giggly mood to start with, but as the film continued to play... this audience of 'SCREAM generation' horror fans were silenced.

I believe the exact moment was when Regan has fucked herself bloody with the crucifix and then shoves her mother's face into her bloody crotch while grunting out "LICK ME". Yup... I believe that's where the audience of mostly Exorcist virgins, sat up and thought... Man... SCREAM is for pussies.

But how has Warner Brothers screwed the EXORCIST roll out?

First they decide to test the film in 3 college towns (Austin, TX, Athens, GA and Ann Arbor, MI) during SPRING BREAK. Second, they buy nearly ZERO television advertising. Third, there is a notable absence of radio spots on popular radio stations. Fourth, the only way to properly break this release is to go big and go national.

The proper way to unroll this film, an incredible 'special edition' that does everything to perfection, is to do it ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH A HUGE PUSH.

There have been 93,325,791 tickets sold for THE EXORCIST. 93,325,791. This is not some sort of 'stepchild'. This is one of the most successful movies of all time. And with nearly zero promotion and in a city where the student population is on the beaches, the film population is at SXSW film festival... well... That half full audience could have been packed had there been a REAL PROMOTION behind this film from a studio that gave a rat's ass!

I took the lovely Claire Standish (who had never seen the film), Father Geek and Guillermo Del Toro to see the film last night. Guillermo? He came out of the screening calling the film the best director's cut or special edition he had ever seen. He completely loved the screening. We all felt that this was perhaps the very best use of full digital sound we had ever heard. We left with the knowledge that in just two more days we'd be back with more people. At dinner, our waitress asked wait we had been doing that night, when we told her... she shrieked and said she can't wait to see it for herself. Claire's cousin and friend arrived, and they are headed to the theater tonight.

However, I fear that no amount of local word of mouth can replace a market saturation campaign. Linda Blair, Max Von Sydow, Ellen Burstyn, Jason Miller, William Friedkin and William Peter Blatty should be placed on every talk show, morning show, late night show in the world. This should be treated as an EVENT. There should be cover stories in FANGORIA, STARLOG, CINEFEX, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY, PREMIERE, USA TODAY, NEW YORK TIMES, LA TIMES, CHICAGO SUN TIMES, FILM COMMENT, etc etc etc... There should be t-shirts, Exorcist slime, etc. It should roll out on over 2000 screens nationwide two weeks prior to Halloween.

Blanket the country with EXORCIST imagery. Spend some money on it. Let people know in no uncertain terms that this film isn't for wusses. But this dripping faucet style of testing that Warners is currently using... will not fill the sink. That faucet needs to be running full blast.

Hire a special team to work ONLY on this promotion. For trailers, get onscreen interview quotes from STEPHEN KING, CLIVE BARKER, WES CRAVEN, and so on. This is a great film and a great presentation that should not... SHOULD NOT be treated like some sort of three week old moldy bread.

Treat this like the second coming! Sell t-shirts that say, "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS C*CKS IN HELL" Put together folks like Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, KISS, etc... and put out a badass INSPIRED BY Album to get Radio Play and earn EXTRA FUCKING MONEY FOR YOU GREEDY BASTARDS! Use some damn imagination!

This is FREE MONEY for you guys! Also... You might want to use alternative images for poster art. Using the CLASSIC lamp post/Sydow image... while classic, doesn't necessarily communicate that it is any different.

In the Original 1973 Press Book, there was an alternative poster that had a door cracked... it was the door to Regan's room. It was in the same BLACK AND WHITE stark contrast feel... but this poster was never seen. Also. Use some of the other images of the film that you would do in the high contrast... just black and white, with the purple EXORCIST font... like... The stairs. Like the shot of Regan's face as the demon when she senses that Father Merrin is on the way.

Cut a trailer that plays out the sequence where the ceiling cracks, the door closes and cracks, and those sounds in the original sound mix.... Say... THAT WAS WHAT AUDIENCES SAW AND HEARD IN 1973.... Then play the very same scene with the new awesome sound... then end with the shot of Merrin and the lamppost with the full digital TUBULAR BELLS.

DON'T FUCK THIS UP LORENZO! This is a great film... a great restoration and enhancement to the original. It is... without a shed of doubt a NEW THEATRICAL EXPERIENCE that doesn't screw the pooch like Lucas did. Treat this like your baby and pack theaters throughout the month of OCTOBER! DO IT! Scare people. Release Regan masks. Exorcist priest outfits with green goo on them for Halloween. USE YOUR IMAGINATIONS! NOW!

And then of course... you could always use this original trailer that was deemed too heavy duty for audiences in 1973, mix the trailer in DIGITAL SURROUND, and watch audiences go nuts. Click Here To Download this Massively Cool Trailer!!!