We were outside Barstow, past Ghost Town Road when the PCP (penguin caffienated peppermints) kicked in.

Moriarty's cranial equilibrium began going every which way and a point in his forehead began screaming. Harry, as I often refer to myself, was typing rambling words whilst watching the road pour by like an opening to a Luc Besson film.

It was very cold as the meat locker temperatures emanated through the panes of our windows. A cascade of oncoming lights signaled the end of another losing turn in the city of kachings and broken savings and shot dreams. Cars whizzed by us at insane breakneck speeds.

There is an inky blackness to the desert at night, only tail lights and headlights disturbing the stillness of the Mojave.

Sitting in the passenger seat, a laptop upon my tablebelly, I begin typing the intro to our adventure:

FEAR AND LOATHING AT SHOWEST

This is the first full fledged tagteam event coverage that Moriarty and I have ever done. We've spent a week prepping for this adventure. Having our asscheeks massaged by a neutered Henchman Mongo, whilst Mysterio and Harry Lime brought over reading material and licked our toes.

We had to be in a perfect 'ahm' state to head into the domain of lizard kings and showgirls where we would be subjected to the 'bests' that Hollywood has to offer the thirty some odd thousand screens in the North American territories for the year to come.

We'll see and meet movie stars and movie whores. We'll sit at tables with the respected journalist of the medium in which we profess our love. We're the kids on the block, that wacky pair of mischievious demons looking at the glitz and glamour and wondering why it's so hard for Bill Condon to get that extra 3 million for TALK OF THE TOWN, especially after watching his perfect tone poem episode of THE OTHERS just last night.

As I peer over my screen at the luminescent ant trail of lights coming from this... the most noted hive of scum and villainy in the United States, I find myself wondering... why are we going?

Why go to an event that so many in the media cover to death? Why me and Moriarty? What do we bring to the table and the event?

We're here to pay witness to the extravagance of it all, yet still focus on what appears on the screen in front of us.

At SHOWEST, you often times see the 'journalists' pushing past one another to get a place in line. Those oh so brief soundbytes. "JULIA, JULIA!!! Where's Benjamin?!?!" or "JIM! JIM! HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING SNUBBED BY THE OSCARS AGAIN!?!?!?!"

This... This is Entertainment Journalism.

Now I'm not saying that all the reporters in this field focus like that, but Moriarty and I have a bit of a different tact.

We're here to look at the footage placed in front of us, consider it's quality.. cross-reference with the scripts we've read, the past history of the filmmakers... begin to determine the studio's tactic for positioning the film and try to report back to you and well.. by default the industry... on what the realm of Hollywood has to offer us.

This isn't the definitive coverage, except to Moriarty and I. This will be OUR experience. What it is like to be two AICNers in an industry shindig.

We will be reporting on the tone of the room versus our own tone. We'll report not only on the feelings from the Theater Owners, but also the journalists, the publicists and then there will be the inevitable conflicts of beliefs and opinions between Moriarty and myself.

We are going to work our asses off these coming four days to give you the insight that well... you deserve.

We're taking scripts like Sam Raimi's upcoming THE GIFT to Universal's MUMMY II to Bruckheimer's REMEMBER THE TITANS to CHEATERS to Soderbergh's TRAFFIC and many more.

Will we cover everything?

God only knows.

The evil genius and I have everything from gambling to debauchery to indulge in. We've got to try adrenachrome and partake in an ether binge. And still, mind you, report in. We have to find the underage Barbara Streisand fangirl and spoil her. We must run out into the desert and cover the canyons from Tatooine. Somewhere in town is an Ann Margaret waiting to sing VIVA LAS VEGAS while smoking our flesh pipes. We have to team up with 9 others and pull off the greatest Casino heist in history. We have to become the most disgusting alcoholics with green livers the world has ever seen die in a fleahole of a hotel room. We have to land a plane while clipping off the top of the Hard Rock Guitar. We must find Tom Jones to help us defeat the little green men. We have to have threeways with whores and light our bed on fire. Ya see folks, Moriarty and I... We're money baby money.. There's a pair of Dorothys to catch and pull a Pecos Bill upon.

This is Vegas and a pair of film loving geeks armed to the teeth with fly swatters for this bat country filled with cinema dreams and nightmares for all.

X-MEN will be showing off. CASTAWAY too. We'll see Natalie Portman's WHERE THE HEART IS and GOAT ON FIRE AND SMILING FISH.

For the next 4 days... Vegas is ours for the taking. And just by chance, Hollywood moved there for us. Isn't that sweet.

We'll report back about Valenti's little "State of the Industry", where he'll talk about helping families and about a duty to the children of the future. He'll pontificate about toning down advertising wordage as to not damage our sweet little kids' ears with words like "Hell," while GOD THE DEVIL AND BOB say it casually on primetime, when a feature film's trailer in the same spot... can not. He'll talk about the internet and the distribution of illegal blackmarket copies of films digitally and the damage it will bring to the industry.

There will be more about Digital Projection. More on Maxivision. More on lobby displays of the future with which we can interact. Concessions of the future. Talks both pro and con about raising of ticket prices. We'll hear about the advances in theatrical sound, theater seats and of course the 'better cup holder'. Seats with massaging backs and credit card ticket purchasing. The possibility of reserved theater seating.

And then there will be the 'SWAG'. I can't even imagine the promotional stuff that will be there. We'll photograph it, catalog it and label it.

There will be many firsts and folks... it's gonna be a lot of fun. Meanwhile back at Geek Headquarters, Father Geek and crew will continue to sift through the news and views from the rest of the world.

Meanwhile, an update. We just passed the first neon nightmares of Vegas... Whiskey Pete's and Buffalo Bill's.... stationed in PRIMM, NEVADA... just 42 miles from Vegas.

I'm closing this file and putting it up from this magical cellphone connection in the middle... of nowhere.

Yeehaaaw.... I'll bet ya you'll enjoy these coming days... but not as much as that Mountain Dew and Jack Daniels swigging Moriarty!

Harry clutching on for dear life... we're in the 8% grade... aaaahhhhhhh, my earrrsssssss....