Alright muffins, let's have a dose of straight talk. Mysterio down below is as shifty as smoke, but I love him. He's always been a two-bit cannon, you know the type they'll pull out of the gutter stinking of spider webs and broken shards of plexiglass. But like a nice starched linen hankie that's passed around the room then put in the wash... no matter how dirty he gets, he comes out clean with a clear slate to blow in next time. Here's Mysterio...
Last night was a good night for a little mayhem Harry. You see, with that web-slinger Spider-Man out making his movie deals and such, it allows us super-villians such as myself, opportunities.
With that I took advantage the other evening, and through some owed back debts, collected on one such. It wasn’t much, but hey, I was only up for a little mayhem, not a lot. That time will come soon enough.
So, out I went and worked my deceptive ways into a screening of “REINDEER GAMES”.
“HO, HO, NO!”
This film tries to be more clever than it actually is. You see America’s newest sweetheart, Ben Affleck plays an ex-con named RUDY DUNCAN, whose just being released from prison on grand theft charges. He and his cell-mate, NICK were to be released on the same day, but Nick ran into a little trouble in the pen the day before, and well, was unable, we’ll say, to see his day come.
But during their time spent in the joint, Nick confided in Rudy of a pen-pal romance with ASHLEY (Charlize Theron). Shows him her pictures, reads him her letters, and so naturally with Ben in the pen for so long and Charlize waiting in the wings, a guy does what a guy needs to do. He pretends he’s Nick to score a little action. And hey, why not. Having never seen a picture of him, and Rudy having read the letters, Ashley’s in his arms and in a bed faster than a fox in a henhouse.
But unfortunately life’s not all peachy keen, as their little lovefest is soon broken up by a band of criminals led by GABRIEL (Gary Sinese). Gary's really got the look down here as a lean, mean, “don’t fuck-with-me” machine baddie.
In your classic case of mistaken identity, Gabriel leads Rudy (as Nick) into believing that he’s been banging his sister (damn, I hate when this happens), and he’s a’mighty pissed about that. But hey, he might be willing to overlook it, if he’ll help them robbed a nearby Indian casino called “The Tomahawk”. After all Nick should come in handy, as he’s told Ashley in his letters of having worked there prior to his sentencing just two years ago.
Not only does he know the layout, but more importantly knows of the “Pow-wow” safe hidden away in the casino manager’s (Dennis Farina) office containing skimmings from the casino. Approximently $5 million total holed up inside the casino from Rudy’s guess.
As Rudy gets an introductory beating, he tries to declare that he’s not really Nick, but his cell-mate. In saying that Gabriel decides if he’s telling the truth, they don’t need him, so they’ll just off him. Fearing for his life, Rudy takes back his story and plays along, all the time looking for a way out, only to find himself getting in way too deep in a web of danger and deceit.
From here the film uses such contrived plot devices and clichés, adding multiple twists and turns trying to be much too clever that it soon wears itself out. It’s as if writer Ehren (“Arlington Road”, “Scream 3”) Kruger is thinking “gee this would be really cool if this happened to him, then this, then that…” (Yeah, and maybe hit him over the head with a frying pan while you’re at it to.) It ultimately becomes too cartoonish and slapsticky at times where it shouldn’t be for a movie being marketed as a suspense thriller.
Not too mention the ending where Kruger must’ve been watching “Reservoir Dogs” when he wrote it. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen another Mexican standoff and botched robbery attempt, with an ending so outrageously moronic it’ll have you moaning and shouting at the screen from your seat.
And now on to the acting…
“I’ll have that hamburger with EXTRA CHEESE please!”
There is really some wasted talent here sad to say. First let’s get poor Ben out of the way. I like the guy, I really do. But he’s too damn likable for this role. Like the character, Trent from “SWINGERS” says to his buddy Mike, “I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everyone’s pulling for. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie who you’re not sure if you like yet.” Exactly what Affleck’s character should’ve been. Hell, it’s even an R-rated movie to boot. In a film such as this of whose conning who, Rudy should’ve been more keen and dangerous of a character, than that of an ex-con who wishes for nothing more coming out of prison than for a cup of hot chocolate and warm pecan pie. Awww, shucks, that’s sooo sweet it’s almost sickening. C’mon jail time should harden this guy up, but he’s such a softie, that looking as clean and nicely cut as Affleck is, he would’ve at least been somebody’s bitch in the prison and show a little wear and tear to say the least. But those tattoos on his arms make up for it. And also, every time Ben cracks a smile, it’s too just way too apple pie.
Now Charlize on the other hand… well, aside from showing her breasts, there really isn’t much good acting here. Her character is supposed to be multi-layered here, but it seems like she’s sleepwalking through this role and her shifts in character seem false and forced.
Gary Sinese on the other hand, well he plays bad guy a little too over-the-top here. If he meant to play it this way for comedic effect, it worked. I never really felt threatened by his character, but would always chuckle at how his character interacted with the other characters. His look and line deliveries we’re a bit too over-accentuated and seemed more fitted for a Coen Brothers flick than in this one.
Dennis Farina, not much of a part for him to really do anything with, but he deserves better.
And so do we. These types of thrillers seem more worn and contrived with each one released. Especially with these surprise twist endings of late. God, if it worked for “The Sixth Sense” let’s exploit the hell of it. I’m sure “Scream 3” will do a fine job of that. Thankfully it’s the final one in the series. Hollywood, take note. Hopefully these actors will fare much better with future material.
Now if Sony and Raimi would re-consider the casting of the super-villian for “Spider-Man”. Tossing out that Koepp draft is a good start, as I never really saw Spidey swingin’ for that one anyways. But c’mon, guys I’m available for a least cameo.
Hint: Maybe consider introducing me towards the end of the film, and setting my character up for the lead villain in the inevitable sequel.
Now that, would be ideal casting indeed.
-Mysterio
E-mail offers at:
