The Fright Attendant & Chuck Bartowski just loved THE MUPPETS - and really, what human could do otherwise?

Hey folks, Harry here...  The following review is pretty spoiler filled, although, I've read the script to this, so it didn't really affect me.   BUT - basically you should know that the Fright Attendant went to this with his GF that didn't really know much of anything about the Muppets (she better be worth it dude) and although Fozzie apparently annoys her, she loved it too.   The reviewer has an emotional resonance with THE MUPPETS - and the film delivered absolutely for him.   Which is pretty damn cool.   I'm really pulling for this  - because it is about time the Muppets became themselves instead of performing oft-told tales...   the tales I want involve them living amongst us, as Henson intended.

Hey Harry, if you decide to use this please call me Fright Attendant or some other cool pseudonym. I feel this uncontrollable need to request a moniker that sounds kickass to 12 year olds because I'm writing into an internet movie news site.

            Now, with that out of the way and in accordance with AICN protocol, allow me to go into a lengthy, passionate speech regarding my childhood memories and nostalgia for The Muppets:

            After my parents made the last-minute decision not to abort me during my mother's third trimester, they raised me on The Muppets. I loved The Muppets. With all my little heart. The Muppet Movie, Sesame Street, Dark Crystal, Muppet Babies, Muppet Preschoolers, Muppet Kids, The Muppets Take On Puberty, The Muppets: 15 and Fucking. All that shit. Then Mickey Mouse & The Gang hunted down Kermit & The Gang and buttfucked the stuffing out of them. "Hi ho, they're raping me and it hurts!"

            Anyway, moving right along to 2011...good old Nielson Movie View invited me to an early sneak preview of The Muppets. And after seeing it I believe that through some sort of dark ritual, Jason Segel, Nicholas Stoller and James Bobin convened with the spirit of Jim Henson and figured out how to get The Muppets all Muppety again. While not without its few problems, The Muppets is every bit as joyful, clever, self-aware, blissfully stupid and full of heart as you'd hoped it would be. These are Muppets for the old generation and the new generation. Non-fans and lifelong fans. If you can picture that. 

            The movie starts out with a narration by new Muppet Walter, who explains that at some point during his lifelong friendship with Gary (Jason Segel), the two became big fans of The Muppet Show. Since Walter felt isolated much of his life due to being a Muppet and unable to grow tall, sprout pubic hair or masturbate like his friend Gary, he found a sense of belonging by tuning into The Muppet Show and knowing there were others like him.

            Flash-forward to adulthood. Gary is in a 10-years-strong relationship with a girl named Mary (Amy Adams) yet still lives with Walter. We learn that Gary has planned a trip to Los Angeles (Hollywood, really) with Mary for their 10-year anniversary and has invited Walter. This excites the shit out of Walter, who can now realize his dream of visiting The Muppet Theater. Even though Gary warns Walter that the theater has been closed for years and is only home to daily tours, Walter is nonetheless pleased as punch. I'll admit it; during the first ten minutes or so of the movie, I was worried. It moved a bit slowly and I wasn't really feeling Walter as a captivating character. Luckily, on their way to pick up Mary for the trip to Hollywood, a charming, classic and catchy musical number breaks the borderline tedium and gets the film rolling.

            Upon arriving at The Muppet Theater (aka the El Capitan), which is now fucked up seemingly beyond repair, the trio meet a tour guide (Alan Arkin) who halfheartedly shows them around the back lot. At some point during the tour, Walter sneaks into Kermit's old office and looks around. Unfortunately, his hero worship is interrupted by a man named Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) and also Bobo the Bear, Uncle Deadly, Statler and Waldorf. Walter hides as Statler and Waldorf explain to Tex that Kermit signed a contract that allows Tex to purchase the Muppet Theater if The Muppets don't raise $10 million by some date. Something like that. Anyway, after Statler and Waldorf leave the office, Tex reveals that the only reason he's interested in the Muppet Theater is because there's oil underneath it. Oil underneath the El Capitan? No wonder Disney owns it.

            Anyway, to keep things short, Walter decides to find Kermit and tell him about Tex's evil plans. Once Kermit hops into the movie, by the way, things start getting great. It's decided that the only way to raise $10 Million is to put on a Muppet Telethon. This requires getting the gang back together, which makes up the second act. Obviously, The Muppets going their own separate ways only to come back together isn't a totally new idea. Most people know this was explored in The Muppets Take Manhattan. Surprisingly enough, The Muppets handles this plot device better and it's fun to see where all the Muppets ended up after disbanding. Fozzie, for example, works with a Muppets cover band called The Moopets in a shitty casino (hilarious cameo in this scene). Scooter works for Google. Gonzo owns his own plumbing/toilet company.  Ms. Piggy works for Vogue in France (also another smart cameo in that scene!). Apparently Piggy and Kermit separated or got a divorce...this wasn't entirely made clear. When I was little I always figured they really did get married at the end of Muppets Take Manhattan and it wasn't just part of the show. Either way, somehow they ended up apart. This relationship along with Gary and Mary's only makes up a small part of the story, though. The real treat is the third act.

            I'm not sure I can gush enough or even put into words the sheer joy, hilarity and GENIUS of the third act, which is essentially a rip-roaring episode of The Muppet Show woven into the movie seamlessly. Every plot point, however minute, comes into play during the last act. Yet I wasn't even thinking about anything that came before, story wise. I mean, the story is there, but that last act...The Great Gonzo being retarded again. Fozzie telling shitty jokes onstage alongside a hilarious celebrity host who is VERY much there against his will. A new human character named Hobo Joe (played by a certain beardy comedian) being obnoxious in the audience. Statler and Waldorf cracking wise up in the balcony. "The Muppet Show" opening theme performed in full. All the Muppets joining Kermit on "Rainbow Connection." I've gotta tell you, looking around I could see there wasn't one person in my movie theater without a big fucking smile on their face. The laughs kept coming and everything onscreen was so chaotic and charming. You know, like The Muppet Show.

            In fact, somehow I feel I haven't stressed just how fucking consistently delightful this movie is, and that's just because I don't want to give away any spoilers. I don't WANT to give away the cameos, because they're so perfect they deserve to be seen onscreen without warning. There's one cameo in particular, during a hilarious song I assume is called "Man Or Muppet?" Walter sees himself in human form in a mirror, and the actor they chose for this was just fucking brilliant. It definitely got the biggest reaction from the audience. God damn this movie rocked, the more I think about it while I write. They just nailed it. Everything. The musical numbers, The Muppet Show, the Muppets themselves. Sure, Kermit doesn't sound like Kermit sometimes, Fozzie and Miss Piggy sound off here and there. But their spirits are there. I know, puppets don't have fucking spirits. Shut the fuck up. Those who know what I'm talking about, know what I'm talking about. Suck on that tautology.

            As for the human actors, they do just fine. Jason Segel is obviously giving his all in being a cheesy, oafish human lead. Amy Adams is Amy Adams. Sweet, cute and subtly sexy. Chris Cooper. Jesus Christ, the guy kills it, especially when he slips into "maniacal laughter." And please remember "maniacal laughter." If you do, you'll laugh all the more when you finally get to watch the movie. He has a hilarious one-minute musical number. And one minute is all he needs to make you laugh your ass off. All the celebrity cameos are effective and well-utilized for the most part. There's only one eye-roller that I can think of, and that's Selena Gomez (damn you, Disney). Thankfully, her part is brief and you can get through her 30-second screen time by imagining Sam the Eagle fucking her jailbait pussy with his beak anyway. Hell, you could do that during Whoopi Goldberg's brief cameo too, but I wouldn't advise it. I only got half-mast when I tried. I suppose some guys might have different....tastes.

            My gripes are minor and brief. Firstly, Kermit gives one too many inspirational speeches. I know the little guy's the leader with a big heart and all, but he overdoes it. I think there were about 5 Kermit sermons throughout the movie. My second gripe is that Gonzo and Rizzo aren't a duo in this one. In fact, there virtually IS no Rizzo. Sure, he shows up in the background in a few shots, but that's it. Not one word out of Rizzo. Yet they somehow found time for Pepe. I don't know if it's just me, but I loved Gonzo and Rizzo as a team.

My third gripe is that in the cut I saw, some of the villains in the film dropped off the face of the earth and were never seen again. Specifically....shit, I didn't want to do this, but minor spoilers ahead.

            The Moopets end up being more of a threat during the second and third act, yet we never find out what happens to them. It's like the writers forgot about them. Also, Tex doesn't necessarily get his comeuppance. He pretty much gets away with being evil even if he is humiliated and revealed as an asshole. Aren't there enough greedy assholes in the world who get away with doing whatever they want? I was hoping for consequences to his actions. Maybe they'll fix that before the film releases. I truly hope they do. It really seemed strange that they would forget about half the villains and then let the other one get away nearly scot-free. But shit, by the end you don't even care. You're too high on the childlike glee of the Muppets themselves.

End spoilers.

            In closing, if you're not a Muppets person, this film will convert you. Don't believe me? Here's a nice example...

            I took my girlfriend along and she really didn't want to go. She wasn't raised on the Muppets and she even leaned over early during the film to whisper that she found Fozzie annoying. Who the fuck finds Fozzie annoying? He's fucking adorable. Nonetheless, during that last act, she was laughing just as much as the rest of the theater. She was smiling. She was enjoying herself. How could she not? I swear to god, The Muppets are as charming and engaging in this film as they ever have been. You could almost feel them coaxing her heart into loving them. I know that sounds ridiculous, but at the end of the movie, the Nielson Movie View people handed out multiple-choice audience reaction sheets. One of the questions was, "How big a fan of the Muppets are you?" The options were "Lifelong fan," "Somewhat of a fan," "I wasn't a fan before, but now I am," and "I'm still not a fan."

            I sneakily peeked over at what she checked for that question.

            "I wasn't a fan before, but now I am."

            I don't think Jim Henson's Muppets have ever been gone.  They were always still there somewhere. And I wouldn't really look at this movie as them starting over, either. 

They're just going on.

ALRIGHT - like I said glowing and passionate review we got there...  oh - and Chuck Bartowski sent in this one:

"THE MUPPETS" REVIEW

Hey guys! Big fan, long time reader, first time I ever sent in a review...