Harry Looks At The David Koepp draft of SPIDER-MAN

Hey there all you Marvel Fans, Harry here with a look at David Koepp’s SPIDER-MAN script. Now before I go into this, let me give you a rundown on what the status of this script is.

First off, the word is that David Mamet is taking a pass on it right now. However, as seemingly tantalizing as that may be... Mamet can be a gigantic hack when he doesn’t really put his mind to it, sort of like what happened with that first draft of HANNIBAL that was so... so so bad. However, in this case, one of the major problems with the Koepp draft is in the dialogue, and since Mamet is a bit of a master of New York dialogue... and Spider-Man should be a New York movie... I feel he can help this script.

Also... Since I’m still hearing that Sam Raimi is IN as director of Spider-Man (apparently Paramount was quite happy with the money that was offered them on THE GIFT to stall post-production), we have to consider that when Raimi went in to pitch for the project... He had a whole list of problems he had with the script that needed to be fixed before he’d direct it... and said how these problems could be solved.

I’m sure that some of the problems that I’m going to talk about here with this draft of Spider-Man will most likely mirror some of the same problems Raimi had.... and it is even more likely that Sam had MORE problems with the script than I had, given that both Moriarty and Father Geek had far more problems than I had. (There comments will be forthcoming)

So... Before you take any of this to heart. Just know that the problems I’m going to talk about are with this particular draft... which was analyzed to have problems, and was assigned to be rewritten because the people with this film saw the problems and wanted to fix them. This is just to make you folks aware of where this project was at this particular juncture....

If you have read the scriptment by James Cameron for SPIDER-MAN... you have pretty much read this script... only with less pages and dialogue.

But the film begins the same.... and ends with the same epilogue way up high in the... you know. If someone knows where the Cameron treatment is posted... provide a link in TalkBack... I don’t know where one is, but I have heard that it’s been everywhere online.

Peter Parker is a 17 year old High School geeky student in the script. This is a good thing in my book. However, ALL of his dialogue until the... ‘year later’ section is just about as bad as dialogue can ever get. For example... When puny Parker comes down for breakfast with Uncle Ben and Aunt May... he says, “Carbohydrates!” and Aunt May would retort, “The toaster” from which he would pull a waffle. Later he would say things like, “Protein...I need protein.” Where the hell did this shit come from? When did Peter Parker begin talking like some sort of aerobic-y HULK character. The mono-syllabic Parker is crap. I understand when he’s scared to talk with Mary Jane... that’s not a problem, but when he’s with those that he’s loose with... Come on man, Parker liked big words.

The entire opening section of the script, save for the actual spider bite scene, the wrestling sequence and the inevitable warehouse pinning of Uncle Ben’s murderer.... is terrible.

Mary Jane is from a dysfunctional home, where her mother and father scream and throw things at one another, while she runs off to her room to turn up Nirvana and sing at the top of lungs.

Personally... And perhaps this is just me, but if I were doing things... I’d hold Mary Jane till the second or third films, and just go with Gwen Stacy in this first script. One, that jives with the comic, and there is really no practical reason to change that here. And two... The way she should be introduced is exactly the way Stan and crew introduced her in the comic. A set up date that Peter’s ol Aunt set him up on, he knocks on the door of his Aunt’s best friend, only to find Mary Jane... super goddess flashing her best smile and saying something like, “Hey there Tiger!” and Peter looking like he just won the lotto.

BUT... if you aren’t doing that... Then at least make the creepy semi-well off High School jock that pushes Parker around... make him be Flash Thompson... there is NO REASON to change this. The only reason is if you were a hack writer that was completely unfamiliar with the source material. I mean... it’s the same friggin character, would it kill ya to call him Flash?

Alright, also... Having Ben Parker being an out of work ex-Sideshow Barker is just plain from out of left field with rancid meat upon a collar. I don’t care what job he was retired from... But Peter Parker didn’t get his sense of right and wrong from a Sideshow Barker... his love of science... His sense of duty. Ben Parker should be something like a retired science teacher.... or a retired military man from WWII.... or a retired beat cop. It’s necessary to have Aunt May poor and needy, because that’s the way it’s always been in the comics, but I got the idea that she was getting a tiny bit of social security, but that the benefits died with Uncle Ben.

The dialogue between Peter and Ben just feels odd. Go take a look at the really wonderful talk that ol Pa Kent gave Clark in that first SUPERMAN movie. The sit down scene between Peter and his uncle needs to have this sense of authenticity to it. It needs to feel like a very heartfelt moment between a father figure and his troubled son. We should feel such love her, so that by the time Peter loses him... You can see that everything that he depended upon... that the source of all his strength... his dignity.... that everything he knew about being a man... was gone. And that he wasn’t ready for that moment in his life.

But he faces it, and will take care of Aunt May.

Once again though, I must say that the dialogue in this section is rancid. You must burn every line other that the “with great power comes great responsibility” that line is integral to the very cornerstone of what Spider-Man is about.

Alright... Now the middle part of this movie, I like quite a lot. Here we have Peter living on his own... working freelance for the Daily Bugle... barely (if) making end’s meat. Aunt May having to sell off her memories to afford little bottles of medicine... Very good. I also like the montage sequences of Spider-Man fighting regular crime... his Spidey lines are pretty strong.

The introduction of the ‘Electro’ and ‘Sandman’ characters are also pretty good for me. I always was a bit dissatisfied with Electro pulling simple ‘bank jobs’... it just didn’t seem to fit his powers. Here... His ‘evil plan’ is really quite ingenious. I also like it that he has the ‘Midas’ curse, that while he can become quite rich doing what he’s doing... He can never again touch another man or woman without damaging and killing them.

I like this.

HOWEVER, having SAND MAN be a mute that can’t talk is just... plain.... stupid. Sandman was an excellent Mike Mazurski character (reference that old Dick Powell MURDER MY SWEET movie). He was machismo and cocky... He’d come at ya and taunt how ineffective you were against him. Sandman wouldn’t just beat you with those cinderblock fists of his... he’d hurt the hell out of you with em, then send razorblade derogatory comments atcha to make you feel even worse. In that sense... he had a bit of Richard Widmark, from KISS OF DEATH in him... but he was... at his heart... just a stupid ex-con, that happened to become powerful as all hell. (this also goes for Crusher Creel)

The development of the relationship between Mary Jane and Parker/Spider-Man is nice... and isn’t too... Lois and Clark/Supesy for me. However, the love scene between Spider-Man and Mary Jane felt entirely out of place. Parker is a complete virgin here. This scene would not occur to a virgin except in some sort of Penthouse Forum Fantasy Section.

Also... when Electro and Sandman try to talk Spidey in to joining them.... the FREAKS-homage chanting of “One of Us, One of Us, One of Us,” is not only annoyingly stupid... but hideously obnoxious and self-aware. It ruined the rhythm to what was an otherwise wonderful seduction of innocence scene.

J Jonah Jameson was nearly flawless in this script. And I could just see R Lee Ermey with his flat-top and gnawing on a cigar that he’d push in your face.

However, having the cause of The Daily Bugle’s tirade against Spider-Man be caused by Electro in coercing J Jonah... is wrong. J Jonah Jameson may be an egotistical ranter and raver. J Jonah Jameson may very well be an asshole and a miser and a coward. But J Jonah Jameson takes his job as editor-in-chief of the Daily Bugle serious. His opinion is HIS OPINION. The reason he goes on a tirade against Spider-Man is because of his own sense of damaged ego. Parker was always tormenting Jameson as Spider-Man to get back at being abused as an employee of the man. Also, Jameson couldn’t stand a ‘hero’ who had to hide his face, that would take justice into his own hands. Jameson doesn’t believe in good unless he sees it with his own eyes.

But J. Jonah would not let Electro make Editorial decisions and would certainly not take the bribe.

And that’s just my take on that particular character.

Now... as for the action scenes... they’re pretty cool. The bad guy plot... friends and family in peril.... the town gone mad.... this is all good. BUT once again this dialogue has got to go. As soon as Peter steps into that costume, he’s Errol Flynn.

How do I know this?

Because I spent about 4 hours with Stan Lee this past Thursday, and I can tell you that we sure as hell had this discussion. Stan’s favorite actor (which also happens to be mine) is Errol Flynn. Want to write great Spider-Man dialogue? Go listen to Flynn in CAPTAIN BLOOD, THE SEA HAWK, THE ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD and THE ADVENTURES OF DON JUAN.... or... just read some of the damn comic books and PAY ATTENTION!

Also.... letting Mary Jane in the first movie know who Spider-Man is.... is a bit like letting Vicki Vale in the damn Batcave. It just isn’t needed. Also... It is not needed to KILL bad guys. That really isn’t fitting here. Bad guys are supposed to end up with their powers somehow temporarily nullified and in some sort of web bag dangling in front of police headquarters with all the damning evidence in the world right there with em.

Also... This is another pet peeve of mine. If you feel the need to HAVE to go with Mary Jane... please note that Mary Jane is NOT a ‘Raven haired Beauty’ unless there is some sort of Rare Red-Feathered Raven that I have been missing out on. Mary Jane is a red-haired spitfire.

Now, personally... if it were up to me, I’d set the whole film in like 1965-67. Do this story with Gwen. Which would set things up for tragedy in the second film, and the introduction of Mary Jane. BUT... whatever... This isn’t too far off. There’s a lot of good here, but way too much bad.

We should all be thankful that the script is being rewritten... and that the film is in the competent hands of one Sam Raimi, and that the script is not in the hand of David Koepp anymore. For the record, I really adore David’s writing when working on scripts for himself... for personal projects.... It just seems that his ‘for the studio’ projects always seem to stink it up something fierce.

Now... at the end of this, I’d like to suggest a name to play Peter Parker that I don’t think anyone has suggested so far.

JAMES DUVALL.

Who? Well, so far he’s pretty unknown in Hollywood. But he was in GO, a geek fave, and is in Jerry Bruckheimer’s upcoming film GONE IN 60 SECONDS. The guy friggin looks 17 or so... if you gave him a bad haircut and funky glasses, he’d look just like puny Parker. He even has that Steve Ditko triangle shaped head. According to my research... ie... probing his agency for his info... I found that he has a background in gymnastics. Most importantly the word is he’s pretty darn charismatic. AND HE’S UNKNOWN so far. Meaning Sony could sign him for like a half dozen Spider-Man films. When I was out in L.A. about 3 weeks ago I was at GOLDEN APPLE with Moriarty... and I was picking up that caterpillar toy from JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH, when I saw James Duvall throwing a hissy-fit over Star Wars figures and other action figures. It got me and Moriarty laughing, so when we went up to the counter to check out... we asked the guy at the counter what the deal was with that geek.... And he told us who he was.

I tell ya. This fella looks just right for Parker. I have no idea how old he is... but he physically looks like Parker... and was pretty good in GO.

That’s all from this side of things. Best of luck Raimi, Mamet and Pascal....

Harry Out!