Sorry for the lag in reports, but... well just read.
When last we talked I was on my way to my panel. The reason I was flown up here, and treated like I was somebody, was for this panel. So moments after filing the report on GODS & MONSTERS, I was out my door and rushing for the ever important Sundance Buses. I hopped onto the bus and got to my location.
Mere moments after exiting the bus a pack of wild blondes come a trompin through the snow. As one rather goddess like beauty got nearer, she began losing her balance (undeniably because of my pure and raw animal magnetism). Well wouldn't you know it, she wanted to latch onto the biggest thing she could reach... me. Problem is, I don't have great balance too, so both of us fell. I got up, no harm done, and I helped her get up too. But then I notice that the entire side of my pant leg is torn open. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Then I realize that I left my Sundance ID in my hotel room. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Then I realize that I only have 20 minutes to get back, change, put on my ID and get back....
(Insert Lone Ranger music here)
I turn and launch myself for the bus, then I climb into a seat, huffing and puffing. The bus arrives at the YARROW, then I do the best imitation of fast moving I have ever done. Felt like I was on a big wheel in a Kubrick flick. I get to my room, rip my pants off (control yourselves women) and get the nearest pair of sexy Harry pants. I walk out my door, DAMN MY ID. I go back in my room, where is it, where is it.... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Oh look there it is. I put it on, look at my watch 14 minutes to go. The next bus won't be here for 10 minutes, so I call a cab.
I get in the cab and we drive through the streets like Diana Rigg in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE. This was great, sweat oozing out of my forehead pores then FREEZING. I was in bad shape. I begin hyperventilating, I'm panicing.
We arrive at the New Media Center, and in I go. Dashing to and fro against the crowd. Then that Tank of a Man named Sherman sees me. He let's loose this incredible sigh of relief, I'm ready to collapse.
I get escorted (no not those types of escorts dag dum it) onto the stage. It feels very weird. Cameras, tape recorders, a sign with my name on it. Water! YES!!!! WATER!!!! THIRSTY!!!! I gulp a gallon. The other panelists show up. YEA!!! I WASN'T LAST!!! Let's see we had that IndieWire fella Eugene Hernandez I think, a filmmaker that made HABIT, the lady in charge of MOVIES.COM, and another guy who I can't remember did what. Oh yeah and Adam Pincus (I think) the guy in charge of Sundances website.
The only person up here I know is this Hernandez fella, we met at the Heart Of Texas film festival and Writer's Conference last year. He gave me a free t-shirt... he... friennnnnd....
They have me start off the panel, explain who I am and what I am and stuff nobody neeeeeeds to know.. eeeewwwww ohhhhhh eeeeewwwwww ooohhhhhhh eeeewwwwww... (if anyone gets that reference besides my Dad I'll be shocked)
Then they go down the row asking everyone a few simple questions. I seem to make the audience laugh and clap a lot. So either they think I am a fool or they think I'm stupid or they actually enjoy my answers. The other people have pretty 'dry' answers that well... kinda bored me. No sense of maverickism (except for the IndieWire guy who started constantly had cheap ideas for how to do things).
One of the problems that I had with some of the others' answers for how to do things was well too expensive, I mean they were talking about realtime video downloads and storing 5 minute to 10 minute video files, printing up cards and flyers to distribute to promote their site, etc... Well I suggested that they go to newsgroups that pertained to the information and subject matter of their site. Contribute news there, bring them into your own site, register with the search engines, send normal press releases to pertinate resources. Self promote self promote self promote. Then update frequently, everyday if you can, feed people the information they want. When they find your site, make them excited for being there.
I talked about how I started, how I've never spent a penny for internet service or e-mail service. There was an audible gasp from the audience, and I even saw a couple of people shake their heads in disbelief. Oh well, they'll have to live with it. At one point I grabbed Eugene next to me and started to reenact the final scene from IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, and the audience howled. I was having fun. I wrapped up the piece and came away very happy with the panel, only wishing to argue mano-a-mano with the guy who said video is the future of the internet. I'm not in agreement.
Then after the screening I had FOX news doing a piece on me, I had Luftwaffe news wanting to do a piece on me, hometown film critic Marge Baumgarten wanting to know what happened at Quentin Fest, all these people
The Germans wanted to do a big interview thing, but just as they were getting ready, the Sundance people began taking down the Media Center thingee. So all the big giganto-screens were disappearing. Meanwhile I wanted to see a movie. I mean I kinda thought that's why I was coming out here, but what with all the press attention and fan attention... well I didn't get much of a chance. (I have a 3 inch stack of business cards...ugh)
I begin checking my wallet, my tickets are in there somewhere. Dammit all the damn business cards make this thing look like the complete works of William Shakespeare. Finally I discover that a movie called WICKED was coming up. Cool title, eh?
Soooo, I dump the interview and reschedule it to the next day. And I get in line for the movie. First off let me explain Sundance Lines to ya. Ok... You have one line for the people that have the "Hard Tickets" These are the magical Wonka passes that make the door handlers open up and let ya pass. Meanwhile you have line two, which is for people who paid $7 for a maybe ticket. A maybe ticket is basically for people that don't have the magical Wonka tickets, and their only chance to get in is if a possessor of a magical Wonka ticket is at an orgy, on drugs or has hit some sort of plantlife at excessive speeds. There are always lots of blank seats. Though everyscreen I was at was either sold out, or very very very very close.
I enter the theater and take my 'fourth row center' place and well... heh heh heh camp out. Soon publicists for the film begin throwing WICKED stocking hats into the audience. The first one thrown soars at this beautiful lady sitting two seats away from me. Being the trained Line Person that I am, I change the arc of the stocking hat to my hand. You generally accomplish this by being 325 lbs and mean. Amazing what you can get if you follow those specs.
Then the movie starts. It's pretty damn good. I liked it, it was made by that WATERDANCE and BODIES REST AND MOTION guy... Michael Steinberg. Ok, now the movie is a Suspense Mystery Weirdo flick so I ain't about gonna spill the beans on who does what to whom when. But I will tell you this. The audience enjoyed the bejeesus out of the flick, and I... Well I made my discovery of the fest. I loved Julia Stiles as the 15 year old ummmmmm not entirely there character. She is the star of the film. I mean everyone is good in this flick. Michael Parks, Bill Moses, Patrick "I had my brain sucked out by a bug" Muldoon, Linda Hart, etc etc etc...
This girl had an immense amount of screen presence, and well she is a shoo in for girl to watch grow older in film. She is very attractive, and is very very good in the film. Then the other stand out was Bernd Heinl's cinematography. The mood of the film is captured by the camera angles and movement. Very well done. Production design made for some of the creepiest suburbian normalcy since Poltergeist (this isn't that movie though)
After the film, the entire cast took the stage, and wow, the girl who plays the love interest for Dad, who needs to get herself a green card is soooooooooo cute and adorable. She has these big furry white Wampa styled booties that are five times as thick as her legs (which were oh sooooo... ummm... I should stop here)
Anyway I had Julia Stiles autograph the poster she stars on, and she told me she will be doing Broadway next.
Well I hadn't eaten this day yet, and I was tired so I went back to the hotel. I was going to take a shower, put on some more comfortable clothes and maybe hit a party or two. However, as I pass the Hotel Restaurant I felt a disturbance in the force. You know when you just... HAVE to go in. Many of us feel this, and often times get that action figure the evil toy scum guys always get. But this time... this time I hit JACKPOT!!! I round the corner into the restaurant, ask for a table... and I see... RAY BRADBURY!!!!!!
Now the last time I met Ray Bradbury I was 4 years old and he and Forry Ackerman got me in to see the world premiere of GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD at the San Diego Comic Con. I sat between the two of them, and it has been my goal in life to take my picture with each of the gods. Forrest J Ackerman, Ray Bradbury and Ray Harryhausen. Ahhh.... OH NO!!!! DAMMIT!!!! I can't believe it, my camera, where the hell is it?!?!?!!? It's in my room. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! I sit down at the table next to his and bask in the glory that is Bradbury.
Then in walks Michael Medved's brother Harry. He immediately wants to talk to me. He created the Golden Turkeys and the WORST FILMS EVER books and so on and so on. Pretty cool guy, we begin talking funky 50's horror sci fi like it was going out of style. Then before Bradbury left, I got to talk with him a bit. If there was a god, I'd of had my camera. DAMMIT!!!!!!!
After dinner I came back to my room, called my Dad, told him how life was going, he told me to beware of orgies. What sort of advice was that?!?!?!!? So I instantly decide to put on my bathing suit and head for the hot tubs.
There was a girl there. Not only that, but one who loved my page and was SORE. I was sore too. We decide to give each other mutual back rubs after we get out of the hot tub, which by the way was OUTSIDE in the freezing world in the mountains. Ya wanna know what cold is? Try that.
I go with the girl back to her room. NOW AT THIS POINT HARRY WILL CUT THE STORY. Suffice to say, you didn't get a Sundance update from me that next morning did you? :) I love film festivals.
