@@@AICN COMICS BEYOND!@@@
A True Megacon Story
By KletusCasady
Hey folks, Ambush Bug here. Our pal KletusCasady was at MegaCon this past weekend and was kind enough to write up an experiential report. Enjoy the con through the eyes of one @$$Hole!@@@@ Day 1 @@@@
I like to start off by saying that this IS a true story…sure I’ll embellish here and there to spice it up a bit but for the most part all of this is 100% true... I wouldn’t lie to you guys. Also this story is bit lengthy, so if you dislike my reviews and wished I’d fade away into oblivion…this article may not be for you…just sayin’.
So about a month ago Lady Kletus started getting in my ear about her friend’s wedding that that they really wanted me to go to. So of course I gave my default response which is, “Maybe…just let me know closer to when it’s happening,” Which she hates but I don’t like to commit to shit until I know for sure that I can do it, plus I hate planning months ahead. So weeks go by she’s still mentioning it, until finally its about two weeks away and at this point I’m committed, the RSVP has been sent in and I’ve already picked steak for my dinner. Turns out the wedding was on Saturday and because I was barely listening to Lady Kletus about where the wedding was, I was surprised to learn that it was also in Orlando AND our hotel was approximately 1 mile (according to MapQuest) from Megacon…score two for Kletus. So now that I’m going to Mega Con, I decided to purchase the $50 guaranteed autograph from Stan Lee because why the hell not, $50 is more than worth it to ‘ol Kletus and I was excited by the prospect of meeting Stan The Man.
Also on preorder sale was the ‘William Shatner Experience’ where you pay $495 to hang out with Billy behind the scenes. This $495 includes a signed photo of him and you, an autograph from Tiberius Kirk and I’m sure he’ll regale you with stories about banging Star Trek extras with their alien makeup still on, I love Shatner…BUT I’ll be damned if I’m paying half a grand to hang out with him unless it includes a back massage, a foot massage, tons of alcohol/food, and a chance to lay in bed and cuddle with Captain Kirk in costume on a replica of the Captain’s private quarters and even then I’d probably ask for a hand job or some shit…needless to say I skipped that part of my preorder.
By the time we got to the hotel room I’m fucking tired as hell and all I want to do is sleep…so that’s what I did while Lady Kletus had a drink with her work buddies who were also staying at the same hotel. Then I get a call from her saying that we’re just going to eat at a restaurant AT the hotel which I scoffed at because of the ridiculous prices of food stuffs at hotels and I even tried to argue that we need to go off premises to find food at a cheaper price (thank god she didn’t listen to me). So after I get my drink and meet up with her and her friends, I started to walk around searching….for what I wasn’t sure but my spidey sense was tingling crazy…but why?!?!?
So I go back over to the spot where everyone’s hanging out and all of a sudden….STAN LEE WALKS BEHIND ME!!!!!! So I say in disbelief, “Stan Lee?!?!?!?” At this point I’m flipping my shit and one of Lady Kletus’s friends says, “Oh how do you know that guy,” I try to explain the significance of Stan Lee only to realize…they had no idea I was a comic book nerd. Long story short I was star struck and couldn’t muster the words to say anything to him so I just stood near him creepily while he talked to the manager of the restaurant…but a friend of mine saved the day and asked him if he would take a picture with me…he did and he was super nice about it and smiled the entire time…it was perfect.
After we get seated, I order a Shatner Burger over the Stan Lee Salmon which was just a regular bacon cheeseburger that they renamed in concordance with Megacon but it was good nonetheless. I look to the other side of the room and I’ll be damned….Geoff Johns & Dan Didio (who reminds me of Robert DeNiro) are on the other side of the room. So I walk over with my drink looking to mingle and not only is Geoff Johns playing that weird table shuffle board game BUT HE’S PLAYING AGAINST JONATHAN FRANKS, COMMANDER RIKER FROM STAR TREK THE FUCKING NEXT GENERATION…again I’m in disbelief. I also saw a buddy of mine from one of the best comic shops I’ve ever been in called A Comic Shop based in Orlando (seriously if you are in the area check it out) and he says to me, “Hey man, you know Mike Perkins…” and this very large British man gazes down at me, shakes my hand and for the next half hour him and I are talking about the Death of Captain America, the process by which artists and writers are paired, Iron Maiden…yes Iron fucking Maiden, how he doesn’t like sports not even cricket (his words not mine) and how I thought he’d be good on Daredevil to which he tells me that Daredevil and Greg Rucka were on his ‘wish list’ but he couldn’t be on the new team because of the seven issues he has left of THE STAND. Great conversation and a really nice engaging person…again my mind is about to explode “Scanners” style and I still got more.
I walk back to the table and try to explain the awesomeness that just happened, but it didn’t seem to have the impact I wanted. When I mentioned Geoff Johns was the writer for GREEN LANTERN one of her friends said “is he in the movie?!?” I just sighed…I can’t expect everyone to be on the same page as me and get as excited to see all these folks or can i?!?! As I named off who was in the crowd explaining their significance. I got no reaction, Mike Perkins…nope, Geoff Johns…nope, Dan Didio…nope…but as I’m finishing up my list of people of interest in the room, I say, “oh shit and there’s Lou Ferrigno!” Lady Kletus and her friend Talia flip the fuck out and are immediately they are embarrassed and excited...and run off to go get a better look at him and possibly a picture (he said no), leaving me and the last couple at the table.
This couple was more familiar with comic stuff and Stan Lee of course, So I say, “I saw Commander Riker over there too… he’s at the bar now…see,” and I point to his back. They immediately get serious as hell and say, “Noooo.” “Yup,” I said, “ he’s right there,” They say, “ Nooo waaaaay,” Basically I was almost arguing with them that it was him…then another strange thing started to happen as they started to believe me….they were giddy. Since now I had the confidence of Hercules after talking to and shaking hands with all these people I look up to…not to mention my three whiskey drinks, I offered to introduce her. I literally had to pull her by her arm because she was too embarrassed and giggly to meet him (it was awesome). I introduced her, he said no photos, and they had a glass of wine together. I had been in town all of 4 hours and shit was already cooler than anything I had done in the past 3 yea…well probably my entire life (although I did see a bunch of the DC dudes at my hotel during Baltimore Comiccon a couple years back, Jim Lee included).
The rest of night involved a lot of drinking and not leaving that bar…I didn’t really shoot the shit except for a couple really cool dudes I met from comicsbyegg.com, I’m not sure what kind of comics they do because we mostly talked about race relations weirdly enough but if you get the chance check their shit out cause they were some of the funniest, coolest people I met all weekend.@@@@ Day 2 @@@@
Well day two wasn’t as eventful as Friday night and I’ll sum it up pretty quickly.Woke up around 10:30am, went to the awesome pool complete with yiki bar, drank for 5 hours, stuffed our faces, drunkenly got dressed for the wedding, went to said wedding, drank more, watch the Gators lose, drank more, danced, caught the garter belt, scared the hell out of the girl I had to put it on, who made sure to have her hands blocking any access to her upper thigh, drank more, met up with my buddy HH who I thought was extremely fucked up but just had some leftover makeup from Megacon (I was whikey’d up at the time), searched for food, didn’t find any…passed out.
@@@@ Day 3 @@@@
After peeling myself out of bed to make check out time going to an over priced Bahamas themed restaurant about two blocks from Megacon, I was ready to enter the madness. Lady Kletus had never been to a con so my excitement was double as we approached the convention center. I’m not sure why but the parking for Megacon is fucking light years away from the building that its actually happening in which didn’t bother me but I could tell the lady wasn’t feeling it. Didn’t matter though, I was too excited and I knew she’d have a good time. Upon entering I had no idea where to go and my brain was about half capacity, so I ended up in the wrong area…at the junior cheerleading competitions…now if this was the college cheerleading championships…I probably still would have left immediately.
As I walking up to the booth to receive my tickets a wave of paranoia rushes over me: “Holy shit there’s a fucking SWAT team in here, what the hell for?” I thought, but it was really some dudes dressed up for something called MINDSCAPE or something like that, not that I had a reason to be paranoid but I partake now and then and at that point…I had. I also ran into my buddy Egg (see day 1) from comicsbyegg.com and he offered me his badge because they were heading out but I had my tickets so I passed (did I mention you should check out their site, I say that because these guys were super nice…so don’t blame me if you see a drawing of Egg naked). Ok I got the tickets and now I have to wait for my buddy Jamie, who now likes to hug every one of those weirdoes with ‘hug me’ signs and asks them if they’d like to watch a yowi anime which I have to admit is funny to see these guys immediately reconsider making those signs.
So we meet up, I turn around and see the coolest thing I saw all day….i knew about it because my pal HH told me but seeing it in person was awesome. It was a partial replica of a SHIELD office, complete with about 4 or 5 dudes dressed like the secret service and completely in character. I got excited and stepped up to the desk before being prompted and he responded with “Sir, please STEP back!!” and just as I was about to call this guy an asshole to Lady Kletus, I realized he was playing his part and as soon as I stepped back he asked, “So….are you ready to join SHIELD?” I said yes with the most childish grin I’ve had in a while, put my sunglasses on (they had SHIELD hats and sunglasses as props that you could wear but I wanted to look unique which is why I wore my own glasses and opted out of wearing my Spidey mask). Lady Kletus was rolling her eyes at first but by the time she took her picture she was totally into it. Also directly next to the SHIELD booth was a black, SHIELD issue, 4 door Acura 3.5cl (I think) equipped with police lights and some kind of cannon on the roof. This car looked slick as hell, it was kind of like an undercover cop car but waaaay more stylish being that it was a new model Acura and I’m pretty sure on the doors (or hood…I had a hangover remember) there was a giant SHIELD logo.
It got me wondering though…what the hell was this for? THOR? Maybe? CAPTAIN AMERICA? The AVENGERS?!?! Was this a prop from the AVENGERS movie?!?! Either way, shit was cool as fuck! They gave you a SHIELD ID badge with your name and picture on it and an ID laminate with a clip; this is the kind of shit that gets you excited to be at conventions. Yeah Marvel had to drop a few grand to make hundreds of ID badges but man was it worth it. It also came with a card that was a link to a website where I’m guessing you can possibly increase you’re clearance level…also it said you mission starts April 12th…hmmmm.
Next order of business was getting my guaranteed Stan Lee autograph, now at this point it’s about 2 pm and I’m realizing that I bullshitted for too long beforehand and my time is limited. I immediately ask an attendant where the Stan Lee signing is and she implies that it might have happened all ready….my heart sank and I immediately thought about the time I spent with him Friday night to keep me from being completely bummed out but upon asking a nice fellow with a push broom mustache and a wicked southern accent I was directed to room 522. Luckily nothing had started yet; I got my Stan Lee wrist band (which I still have on and will not remove until it disintegrates) and proceeded to wait in line.
The question at this point is what to get signed?!? and I will pose this question to you fair reader, SPIDER-MAN #1 already signed by Todd McFarlane, SECRET WARS #8 (black costume Spidey), AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #130 (first appearance of the Spider-buggy and the last 20 cent Marvel comic, WOLVERINE #4 Claremont/ Miller miniseries, or a couple random Hulk and Iron Man comics that Stan Lee actually wrote…I’ll tell you what I did later but it was a last minute decisios. The line wasn’t bad but one of the line attendants was a real dick. There’s always one of these at every event where there’s a line but no barriers to keep the line straight, a guy who thinks he’s saving the world by getting everyone in a single file line. I realize it’s a thankless job and I also realize it’s important to be loud so people hear you but being a condescending A-hole isn’t necessary.
20 minutes pass and the line is moving and I still haven’t decided….FUCK?!?!...they made it very clear that if you don’t have your shit together they WILL kick you out of line…it was very soup nazi-ish once you got in the room. There was a guy who looked like John Quiones (I was going to choke him out if he told me he was with ABC and this wasn’t really Stan Lee, but he didn’t) there was also a guy dressed like PATRIOT with the full mask and everything…I suspected it was Joe Q. trying to get a piece of the action but probably not. So I got my shit signed and had about an hour and a half to browse, I ran into Mike Perkins again who actually remembered me, we spoke for a second I introduced him to the lady, it was really cool and again he is one of the nicest guys ever…also one of the tallest, seriously this guy could have been a stunt double for a Frost Giant.I didn’t see one shred of GREEN LANTERN hype, maybe it was on Saturday but HH said he doesn’t remember any GL presence….WHY?!?! There should have had a similar thing that SHIELD had where there were inducting people into the GREEN LANTERN CORPS but nope…curious…could the negative hype be true?!?! Other than my roommate finally getting that MST 3000 bootleg for a reasonable price and finding out about a horror convention in Jacksonville with the beautiful Pam Grier (which I will be attending), that’s about it.Thanks for reading. Sorry I didn’t take more photos…next year I’ll be better prepared.
Proofs, co-edits & common sense provided by Sleazy G
