Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
I'm officially embarrassed for Robert De Niro. After turning in one of the best performances he's done in the past 20 years in Stone, he felt the need to retreat back to... this. There may have been a time at some point in history where De Niro pairing up with Ben Stiller was a necessary idea. In the original MEET THE PARENTS, there was a kind of humor to their reverse chemistry that might have pushed a few chuckles out of me in 2000. But with LITTLE FOCKERS, De Niro does nothing but humiliate himself. Not that the rest of the cast shouldn't hide their heads in shame either, but they didn't have as far to fall. And I truly wish Stiller would stop trying to please kids of all ages. TROPIC THUNDER is a masterpiece in my eyes and I truly admired what he did in GREENBERG earlier this year, so to see him play the same exact guy in both his films with De Niro and his Night at the Museum movies forces me to avert my eyes.
What's worse is that the makers of LITTLE FOCKERS (including writers John Hamburg and Larry Stuckey, and director Paul Weitz) don't even bother with a substantive story. At least with the first two films, some people might be able to identify with the anxiety-ridden moments of meeting the future in-laws for the first time or the changing relationship you might have with grandparents when kids come into the picture. But in this film, there's none of that. There are boner jokes (and what isn't funnier than Robert De Niro playing with erectile dysfunction meds?) and other moments that have the comedic complexity of an episode of "Three's Company." Every joke begins with a misunderstanding that is then cleared up to make room for the next misunderstanding.
And since the runners of this franchise keep adding new characters with each new film, LITTLE FOCKERS feels more like roll call than an actual movie, with characters from the previous two works getting crammed into the story with as much subtlety as a crowbar to the face. Meaning we have to endure colossally unfunny sequences with Barbra Streisand, Dustin Hoffman, Blythe Danner, Teri Polo, and Owen Wilson, while also making room on this crowded ship for newcomers Jessica Alba, Laura Dern, and Harvey Keitel. Yes, LITTLE FOCKERS finally marks a reunion for Keitel and De Niro. Those poor guys. The scene in question is one of the film's few highlights, but that's not saying much.
What little story there is revolves around Jack Byrnes (De Niro) deciding that Greg Focker (Stiller) qualifies to run the family when Jack no longer can. He never really explains what that means or why Greg should give a crap, but it seems to mean something to both of them. But when Pam's (Polo) ex-boyfriend Kevin (Wilson, whose oblivious good nature is still infectious) comes back into the picture, Jack decides that his daughter should change her life's course and leave Greg. Seriously, if a father-in-law puts that much pressure on your wife to leave, you toss him out on his ass; you don't hem and haw and try to make peace with the guy. Fuck!
And far be it from me to ever complain about a sequence that includes Jessica Alba in her underwear, but there is a totally nonsensical bit of physical comedy involving a drunken Alba (her name in the film is Andi Garcia, get it?) hitting on Greg, stripping off her clothes, and falling into an open pit in the back yard where a pool will be built. Sigh. Alba sure did pull herself together after that baby. Too bad getting knocked up didn't make her any funnier.
But, Jesus, De Niro kills me by continuing to make these movies. He's not even trying, and doesn't it physically hurt him to play a character with so little depth? I guess there is a price for dignity, and that price is whatever his paycheck was for LITTLE FOCKERS. You may have seen it in the trailer, but it's a bit more graphic in the actual film--when Greg has to stick a needle in Jack's fully erect penis, and Greg's son walks in. Yeah, that's funny. Especially the shot of De Niro fully aroused in his pajamas. Oh the kids and grandparents will adore that one. You know what? I'm done talking about this movie. I hope the folks that made LITTLE FOCKERS sleep well at night, while kids of all ages and I have nightmares thinking about De Niro boners and Hoffman and Streisand having sex and Owen Wilson's messed-up nose. My therapist is going to be able to buy that second home thanks to you guys. I hope you all get punched in the dick for the holidays.
-- Capone capone@aintitcool.com
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